


Captive Honor

by Morgana_avalon



Series: Captive Honor [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-06
Updated: 2019-04-06
Packaged: 2020-01-05 15:02:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 157,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18368441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morgana_avalon/pseuds/Morgana_avalon
Summary: Severus Snape walks a tight rope while acting as Dumbledore’s spy and pretending to be the Dark Lord’s confidante.





	1. Captive Honor

**Author's Note:**

> Severus/Neville pairing doesn't appear until halfway through the story. It's mostly a mentoring fic.

Captive Honor

Madness comes and madness goes   
An insane place, with insane moves   
Battles without, for battles within   
Where evil lives and evil rules   
Breaking them up, just breaking them in   
Quickest way out, quickest relief wins   
Never disclose, never betray   
Cease to speak or cease to breathe   
And when you kill a man, you're a murderer   
Kill many, and you're a conqueror   
Kill them all...Ooh...Oh you're a god!  
(Megadeth)

“Albus, I urge you to reconsider. You should teach Potter Occlumency yourself. I am a bad choice. That boy doesn’t trust me and you know from personal experience what it does to you when your mind is invaded like that.” Severus studied the older wizard closely and hoped that Albus would relent, but a part of him wondered if Albus was also doing this in order to punish him for past choices – wrong choices which he had made and that had resulted in two deaths. Severus wanted to stop the boy – at all cost – from finding out the truth. Should Potter be successful in this undertaking there was a fair chance that the youngster would also manage to glance at his memories. Severus knew that.

“Severus, I can’t. You must be the one to do it. I regret that I can’t offer you a more detailed explanation, but it must be you.” Albus wished there was another way, but it was imperative that Severus taught Harry. “I have the utmost faith in you.”

Severus growled in response. “I know what I am capable of, and would it be anyone but Potter, I would have expected little difficulty teaching them, but you know that we don’t get along. For this to work he has to trust me and that will never happen!”

Albus moved toward the desk, selected a lemon drop that looked especially promising, and popped it into his mouth. “Maybe then you should reconsider the request you made that night. Maybe Harry should know to what extent you went to in order to protect his family. He doesn’t know that you still risk your life each day, just in order to keep him alive.” Albus had brought up the matter before and had felt irritated because Severus continued to deny him. “That boy should know the truth.”

“Never!” Severus hissed the word. “We made a pact back then and you will abide to the rules! No one can know and most certainly not the boy!” He was already angry with Albus for making him teach Potter Occlumency and now the old wizard was bringing up their old argument as well. “No one can know- that was my sole condition and you accepted it!”

Albus sighed and suddenly lost all appetite regarding sweets. He pushed the bowl containing the lemon drops out of reach and then sat down behind his ancient desk, all the while studying the younger wizard. Severus’ need to do penance for his part in the Potter murder had always served him well, but lately he wondered if remaining silent was the best for Severus, and Harry, for that matter. Should they remain ignorant of each other’s needs and feelings? Maybe it was that particular dilemma which had prompted him to command Severus to teach the boy Occlumency – hoping the experience would bring them closer together. 

“I must insist that you carry out my order, Severus.” Severus’ curt nod told him that he would be obeyed, but Severus would continue to fight him over this and many other issues. “See to it that you start tonight. The Dark Lord is learning too much about us through the boy. Harry must learn to lock him out.”

“You *do* realize how powerful a Legilimens the Dark Lord is? You can’t expect Potter to build shields in just a matter of hours! It took me months to accomplish that, and even you can’t believe the boy is that talented.” He hadn’t wanted to sound jealous, for he truly didn’t feel that way, but Albus was getting under his skin. 

“His shields must hold the next time Voldemort looks into his mind.” It was important on many accounts. 

“I will do my best, though I can’t vouch for anything.” Severus had the uncanny feeling that trying to teach Potter Occlumency would end in disaster, but he also knew Albus well enough to know the older wizard wouldn’t change his mind. “Trust my words, this will end in chaos,” he whispered, but still making sure Albus heard. As expected, the older wizard barely reacted. Albus merely nodded and then raised his hand in order to indicate that their conversation had ended. Severus gathered his robes closer around him and slammed the door behind him on his way out. He was therefore still in a foul mood when he grabbed Harry and pulled him along. 

/// 

“Concentrate, Potter!” How many times had he already reminded the boy? Instead, Potter stared at him in shock. He had already penetrated the boy’s mind several times and had met with no resistance. “Do you think the Dark Lord will retreat like I did just now? He will pounce on you, tear your mind apart as he sees fit! He will be the master, and you merely his puppet. Control your emotions, Potter! Discipline your mind!” He had known it would never work; Potter didn’t trust him and the boy never would!

Harry stared at Snape in utter hatred. Snape had been relentless and Harry had lost all sense of time during the attacks on his mind. How long had they lasted? How long had he already sat here, shaking himself to pieces out of rage and fear? How dare Snape invade his mind like that? How dare he have the audacity to claim that he knew how to block those attacks? Until that very day he had never heard of Occlumency before and yet Snape demanded he mastered it! “Leave me alone!” he screamed, though he knew it was useless. Snape wouldn’t stop, and the worst thing was, they were doing this on professor Dumbledore’s orders! What had possessed the old wizard to appoint Snape as his teacher? Couldn’t professor McGonagall had taught him instead? Why Snape? Why the bully from Hell?

“Potter, begging won’t get you anywhere, now concentrate or we will be here all night! Calm your mind! Control your emotions and lock me out!” He hadn’t thought it possible, but he pitied the boy. Although Harry was the spitting image of James, the boy didn’t deserve any of this. It was necessary of course, he agreed with Albus in that aspect, but he would have handled the situation differently had it been up to him. It didn’t matter much to Severus that Potter most certainly hated him even more by now – he had made his peace with being hated, but what did get to him was that he had to hurt the youngster unnecessarily. If only Albus would listen! 

“You’re worse than Voldemort! I hate you!” Harry’s rage and his fear for having his mind invaded again made him lash out. And part of it was true; but he didn’t per se hate Snape – he hated the whole way his life had turned out!

Snape called on his discipline in order to keep from lashing out in turn. He was telling the boy to control his emotions, but in the meantime, he had allowed his to wreck havoc. After smoothing the anger from his mind, he directed his wand at Potter and said, “Legilimens!” doing his best not to invade Harry’s mind too violently. But he had known this would happen! Had known they would both end up losing their temper! 

Snape was back in his mind, seeing things that should have been kept hidden from everyone. Harry gasped and tried to push Snape’s presence from his thoughts, but the older wizard was too strong. The assault continued and he grew desperate; how was he supposed to keep Voldemort out if he couldn’t even lock out Snape? After what seemed like an eternity, Snape finally withdrew from his mind, leaving him shaken to the core. “I hate you,” Harry whispered, needing to say the words. He hated Dumbledore for demanding this of him; Snape for entering his mind so brutally and Voldemort for marking him as his enemy when he had only been a baby. What had he done to deserve this?

Severus drew in a deep breath and succeeded in calming his emotions. Harry was letting him see everything. There wasn’t a single memory or thought which Potter had managed to hide from him. He had always known that Petunia was a vengeful woman, but he had hoped that she hadn’t taken out her jealousy on the boy. But he suspected that Petunia had never forgiven her sister for being special. When he had told Lily so all those years ago, she had accused him of being mean, but he had always known he had spoken the truth. There was a reason why Harry Potter was an outcast in his own home. 

“Enough, please,” Harry begged. He didn’t think he would survive another invasion. Snape doubtlessly enjoyed seeing him in this much pain, and pleading with his teacher would probably get him nowhere, but he had to try. Maybe Snape would have mercy on him – highly doubtful, but still…

“Yes, enough for tonight. You have a lot of work to do. You need to figure out how to lock me out, Potter, or the Dark Lord will truly use you as he sees fit. Trust me; he won’t give you a chance to recover. He will tear your very soul apart and trample on the pieces.”

Something in Snape’s voice made Harry focus and study the older wizard intently. All this time, Snape had looked angry and frustrated because he couldn’t work out how to defend himself against the attacks, but now he thought he heard another emotion as well; pity. He always avoided looking Snape in the eyes, but this time, he sought out the other man’s gaze and Harry gasped at seeing the pain in them. Snape had let his guard down, something Harry hadn’t thought possible, and for the first time in all those years, Harry wondered. What had happened to Snape to put that anguish in his eyes? And suddenly, Harry wanted to find out. “Legilimens,” he called out after having slipped his wand into his hand and pointing it at Snape.

Severus growled in shock, not expecting the attack. He tightened his shields to their maximum and threw Harry out of his mind before the boy saw even a single memory. Damn, that had been close! He should have expected something like that and it served as a warning to never underestimate an opponent again. “Try that again, Potter, and you will regret it until the day you die.”

Harry believed Snape; the older wizard could make his life even more miserable than it already was. Quickly, he decided on a different course of action. “You want me fight back, don’t you? And when I do, you don’t like it?” Maybe attack was the best defense in this case.

“Potter,” Severus growled through gritted teeth, still reeling from the impact. Harry’s power had taken him aback; he hadn’t thought Potter could attain such focus! “I am here to teach you how to defend you – not how to attack the Dark Lord!”

“Why not? I mean, what good does being able to defend myself do if I can’t attack?” Harry felt frustrated that Snape had been able to deflect his attack so easily. He had hoped to glance at some of the older wizard’s memories, but Snape’s mind was tightly sealed off. 

Severus prayed for patience and once more cursed Albus for making him do this. “Because if you focus on attack, your mind is wide open and the Dark Lord will read your every thought!”

Harry had the odd feeling that Snape was speaking out of personal experience. The conversation, although carried on in a chilled tone, had settled his nerves somewhat and he managed to calm down. He felt more in control and was determined not to let Snape get under his skin again. “And how do you know that?” The question hung in the room for some time and Snape didn’t seem inclined to answer it. Harry realized he had overstepped some sort of boundary.

“Go to your room. Clear your mind before you go to sleep and if you can manage, Potter, meditate!” Severus wondered how much he had let slip; he was quite certain that he had thrown Potter out before he’d had a chance to look at his thoughts, but something in those eyes warned him that the youngster might be on to something. He wanted Potter out of the room so he could compose himself and clear his mind in turn. Being this angry wasn’t good. 

“But,” Harry wasn’t sure why he was objecting. He had wanted out all this time, and now that he had been given permission, his curiosity got the better of him.

“I said, get out!” Severus carefully dosed the amount of anger in his voice; it had to be enough to make Potter comply, but not scare him to death. After all, there would be more lessons and the more the boy hated him, the harder it would be to teach him.

Harry shakily got to his feet. He was stunned to realize just how weak the session had left him and he couldn’t help but wonder if Snape felt equally weakened. “Sir,” he started, but then stopped talking when Snape suddenly started rubbing his lower arm in obvious discomfort.

“Get out!” Severus howled, as he needed to rid himself of Potter’s presence. Out of all the possible moments, why did the Dark Lord have to summon him now? His mind was still a mess, his shields weakened, and he highly doubted he would be in control of his thoughts in time to confront Voldemort. He couldn’t answer the summons – not yet. 

Harry considered offering his support upon seeing Snape stagger on his feet, but then thought better of it. Snape would never allow it, and if he was honest, he didn’t feel particularly inclined to help the man who had just tormented him. “Yes, sir,” he said instead and stumbled over to the doorway, all the while watching Snape, who was now scratching his arm through the fabric of his sleeve. Serves him right, Harry thought, for making me suffer. Knowing Snape was in pain made him feel better. Harry quickly moved out of the room, rested his back against the cold wall, and fought for composure. I hope Voldemort hurts you like you hurt me!

/// 

Severus knew that the Dark Lord would make him pay for being late, but had he left right after being summoned, he wouldn’t have been able to lock Voldemort out of his mind. The Dark Lord was known for his tendency to search his servants’ minds. Severus knew that there was a price to pay when he finally approached his dark master. He went down on his knees, knowing it would be best to throw himself at Voldemort’s mercy.

“Severus,” Voldemort said, speaking softly, but with a dangerous edge to it. “You are late – inexcusably late. All Death Eaters are required to join me when summoned. It took you over an hour to join me.”

At hearing Voldemort’s tone, Severus knew he was going to pay dearly for being late. “I am sorry, my Lord, but I couldn’t leave Hogwarts right away. Dumbledore would have grown suspicious.” He doubted the explanation would help lighten his punishment. Voldemort was incapable of any feelings except for the ecstasy the Dark Lord felt when his victim’s agony reached him. Severus often thought that it didn’t matter much what a particular victim had done to merit his punishment – he suspected Voldemort would find a reason, no matter what, just to relish the victim’s pain. And in this particular case, he was going to be the one in pain.

“Then make it so that you can leave! I am fed up with your excuses,” Voldemort hissed. “You serve *me* and you would do well to remember that, Severus.”

The silence that suddenly cut through the room alarmed Severus. He didn’t fear Voldemort while the Dark Lord was talking; it was when the dark wizard grew quiet that things got uncomfortable. “I will do so the next time, my Lord.” He knew better than to ask for forgiveness. Voldemort would only retaliate with more chastisement if he did. “I accept my punishment.” Severus had learned a long time ago, that Voldemort liked that reply best. It didn’t mean the punishment would be less severe though.

“Yes, you must be punished, Severus. You must remember who your true master is…”

The way Voldemort ended that sentence made Severus tighten his shields to the best of his ability. The Dark Lord had a habit of lowering his voice before attacking. Qualities like that made him valuable as a spy – he was able to read people’s moods just by listening or watching them. The full force of Voldemort’s anger crashed into him and made him sway on his knees. The Dark Lord threw everything he had at him, trying to get past his shields in order to see for himself if his servant was still loyal. It took Severus every ounce of his strength, but he opened his shields slightly in order to allow Voldemort to look at certain, pre-selected images; images that would hopefully assure the Dark Lord of his loyalty. He had spent half an hour constructing them and now he fed Voldemort images of him teaching a class and then being summoned right in the middle of it. He hoped Voldemort would believe that concern for his students had been the reason why he had been unable to comply right away.

Warm droplets of blood dripped from his nose and fell onto his hand. His heart thundered loud enough for his ears to catch its echo. He had to endure the pain! Voldemort had to believe he was still loyal! It took all of his strength not to pass out, and when Voldemort stopped his probing, he collapsed onto the floor, blood flowing from his ears and eyes as well, leaving him half deaf and momentarily blinded. 

“Maybe you had a valid reason to be late,” Voldemort drawled, “maybe not.”

Severus knew he wouldn’t get off that easily. Voldemort had merely started to remind him where his loyalty should lie. The Dark Lord didn’t care about students harming themselves in potions class, didn’t mind if the children blew up part of the castle, but Severus had to use those things as a means of explaining his actions. Dumbledore would care and so he had to pretend to care as well. He could only hope Voldemort believed him. Severus knew better than to lift his gaze in order to find out Voldemort’s plans for him. The Dark Lord wanted to see him cower and so he acted his part.

“Flagrate,” Voldemort whispered in his most deadly voice.

As droplets of drying blood still clung to his eyelashes, Severus was unable to see the Dark Lord’s exact movements, but when Voldemort’s wand touched his throat, he nearly passed out due to the scorching sensation that burned his skin. 

/// 

“Harry, what happened to you? You look a mess!” Ron quickly hurried over to his friend and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “Did Snape do that? The bastard!”

Harry wasn’t inclined to correct Ron as he felt pretty much the same way about Snape. “I hate him, Ron. I hate him!” Aided by Ron, he sat down and rested his head back against the comfort of the chair. “You’re right; he is a total bastard!”

“What did he do?” Hermione joined them and offered Harry the cup of tea, which she had been pouring for herself when her friend had entered the common room, which was, thankfully, empty save for the three of them.

“Snape claims he wants to teach me Occlumency! But he tore himself a way into my mind! At least that is how it felt! I couldn’t think straight anymore, Hermione. Everywhere I looked, I saw his face and I *felt* him move through my mind. “Harry shivered; it had been the worst violation in his life. “I promise I will make him pay for what he did!” In his fantasy, he was making Snape cower in fear on the floor, and when the older wizard begged for mercy, Harry felt great pleasure at hurting Snape even more. “He had no reason to do that! Snape went on about Voldemort being even more ruthless, but honestly, I can’t imagine that!”

Hermione remained quiet for a moment and carefully considered her reply before saying, “There is no set method to learn Occlumency, Harry. I researched it once and I remember the books pointing out that each wizard needs to find his own means of defense. What Snape did was unforgiving, but I am not sure there is a good way to teach someone Occlumency.”

“Don’t you defend him!” Ron said in an angry voice. “We know that Snape hates Harry and that he enjoys hurting him.”

Ron’s words hit a cord with Harry. Now that he thought about it, Snape hadn’t looked like he had been enjoying himself, had he? Now that Snape was gone and Harry felt safe with his friends, he was able to examine what had happened more rationally. “He didn’t seem to want to teach me. He was reluctant.” 

“Did you get back at him? Even in the smallest way?” Ron asked hopefully.

“I copied him and tried to direct the spell at him, but he instantly threw me out of his mind. I am no match for him,” Harry said, his anger finally lessening.

“Only a person who has mastered Occlumency can teach one,” Hermione said thoughtfully. “You don’t know for how long Snape has been perfecting those skills.” Hermione paused, and then added, “He would need them to be perfect—most certainly as a spy, and you know what Dumbledore keeps telling us; that we should trust professor Snape.”

“But Dumbledore never gives us a reason why!” Ron shook his head. “Hermione, Snape is a double-agent. He claims he’s working for Dumbledore when in truth he’s spying for you know who!”

“His name is Voldemort,” Harry remarked in an absentminded way. “You need to get used to calling him that.” By not calling Voldemort by his name, Ron was merely increasing the dark wizard’s power, at least, that was the way Harry saw it. Harry was about to sip from the tea when a terrible headache made him sway on the chair. It felt like someone had just buried an axe in his skull. 

“Harry!” Hermione caught the tea cup and quickly disposed of it. She wrapped her arms around Harry and steadied him, making sure he couldn’t fall. “What’s wrong?”

“Headache!” Harry folded his arms around his head, but it didn’t lessen the sudden pain. He was growing nauseous and could have sworn he tasted blood on his lips, but when he checked, he didn’t detect any. “This is Snape’s fault!” The constant and brutal probing of his mind must be why he was currently in such pain. “I need to lie down!” His two friends helped him stretch out on the floor and Harry wished the agony would end. The pain eventually forced him into action and he tried to follow Snape’s instructions. He managed to clear his mind, push back his anger, and once he had done that, the pain first lessened and then disappeared. Cautiously, he sat up and blinked in surprise. He hadn’t thought he could do that!

“We’ll get back at Snape for that!” Ron said angrily. “We’ll tell Dumbledore and then—“ He stopped short when Harry’s gaze suddenly cleared. “What?”

“I feel like I am on fire…” Harry realized all of a sudden. It felt like his skin was burning, but the sensation was merely unpleasant and thankfully not painful. “I don’t understand any of this.”

“Snape has a lot of explaining to do!” Ron jumped to his feet. “I’ll go to Dumbledore and he will make Snape put everything right again!”

“Shut up, Ron! Can’t you see you’re not helping?” Hermione shook her head at Ron’s antics. “Harry, can you describe what’s happening?”

Harry was still trying to find out himself. It felt like he had managed to get the shields, which Snape had mentioned, in place. He knew – somehow- that the pain was still there, but somewhere at the outskirts of his mind and unable to reach him. The fire continued to rage there as well and he could almost see the flames trying to burn him. “This is…weird,” he said eventually. He continued to concentrate until – finally – the sensations stopped. Harry didn’t dare lower his shields yet, uncertain if the attack was completely over. But at least the attack had made him raise his shields and lock out the pain. Snape would have been proud of him, he realized, and instantly abhorred the thought. Maybe this was Snape’s doing all along and the older wizard had attacked him from a distance, hoping that it would work better than being face to face. “It’s over,” Harry said, once he felt certain that he was safe once more. 

“I still think we should tell Dumbledore!” Ron insisted. “I like him, but he’s blind where Snape’s concerned!”

“I already know what transpired, mister Weasley,” Albus said as he entered the common room. “Harry, my boy, that was unexpected.” He offered Harry his hand and pulled the youngster to his feet. “I never thought that it would affect you to such an extent, otherwise I would have intervened myself.” He searched Harry’s expression and felt reassured knowing the boy believed him. There was no need for Harry to know the truth just yet. “But you did well! You managed to block the attack, and even more, you stayed in control until the end. Severus taught you well!” Ron was about to speak up, but Albus wouldn’t have it and raised a hand to silence the boy before Ron could say anything. “Mister Weasley, I realize you dislike professor Snape, but I can assure you that everything he does, he does for Harry’s well-being. You can trust professor Snape – unconditionally.”

Ron however merely glowered at the old wizard. It was obvious that he didn’t believe Dumbledore. He was smart enough though to keep quiet.

Harry sat down on the chair and tried to make sense of what had happened. He remained confused though. “Professor, what *did* happen just now?”

Albus carefully considered what to tell Harry and what to hold back. “Your mind mingled with someone else’s. You experienced his pain.” That should do the trick.

Harry nodded thoughtfully. “I wish that amount of pain on no one.”

“You do not?” Albus thought he remembered differently. “You should get some rest, Harry. Working with professor Snape tired you and deflecting this attack exhausted you further. Remember what professor Snape said, Harry, clear your mind before you go to sleep.”

Still lost in thought, Harry nodded again. “I will do my best.” Dumbledore turned around and left the common room. Harry finally looked at the retreating wizard. Something Dumbledore had just said, worried him, but he didn’t know what exactly what.

///

“I do wonder why they put a challenging class like Potions on a Friday afternoon in our schedule.” Hermione sighed, but collected her books nonetheless. “Everyone has run out of concentration and it’s no wonder certain students end up unwillingly blowing up the classroom!” 

Harry agreed. Potions was definitely a lesson they should have early in the morning and not as their last subject of the day –especially on Fridays! “I don’t worry that much about surviving class though. You guys get the evening off. I have to meet Snape again tonight for another lesson.” Although what happened last night can hardly be called a lesson, Harry thought. 

“How is the headache, mate? Gone?” Ron scanned the corridor, already on the lookout for trouble, which might come in the form of Draco and his minions or Snape himself.

“It’s gone, thankfully.” Harry rubbed his brow and accidentally brushed his scar. “Meditating did help, Snape was right about that. I still hate it though.” He had always found it hard to clear his mind or focus to begin with. They had reached the door to the dungeon and Harry drew in a deep breath, definitely not looking forward to facing Snape again. He was still angry with the man.

They silently made their way inside and headed for their seats. Harry looked the other way, unwilling to make eye contact with his nemesis yet, but then Hermione elbowed him in his side. “What was that for?” he asked, giving her a surprised look.

“Look at professor Snape,” Hermione whispered. “He looks even worse than you.” 

His curiosity roused, Harry peeked at Snape and had to admit that Hermione was right. Snape, who already looked pale most of the time, looked extremely tired. There were dark circles beneath his eyes and he had even donned a heavy woolen scarf as if he was fighting a cold. The Potions Master didn’t look up when the rest of the class entered, but continued to grade the papers in front of him. “You’re right, Hermione, he looks bad.” 

“Serves him right!” Ron said smugly.

Harry wasn’t so sure about that. Last night had been draining on him, so maybe it had taken its toll on Snape as well. When their teacher did look up, Harry closely studied him; something was different about Snape, but what was it?

“Turn to page 14. I will go easy on you today, not that any of you deserve it, but it is Friday afternoon and I don’t want you to set fire to the castle. Do you hear me, Longbottom?” Neville shivered and quickly turned the pages in his book. “Today, I will only require you to create a very simple, very basic headache relieving potion. Make sure you don’t waste any ingredients, Weasley. The instructions say to add two leaves of basil, not the whole bush!” 

“He says he’s going easy on us, but he’s still in a foul mood,” Ron commented, while glaring at his teacher.

Normally Harry would agree, but he wasn’t so sure this time around. Snape didn’t look angry – he looked exhausted. Hermione opened his book for him, looked up page 14 and told him to get started, which he did, but he kept one eye on Snape as well.

Severus felt their eyes on him; Potter, Granger, and even Weasley were closely studying him. Well, he should have expected it, but he couldn’t be bothered by their scrutiny. His head still throbbed from the Dark Lord’s probing and the burn on his throat was still visible, much to his dismay. He had treated it the moment he had returned to his rooms, but an injury like that needed time to heal. So he had donned a scarf, as not even his high-necked shirt managed to hide the injury. 

Severus forced himself to stand; he did have to keep an eye on his students, Longbottom especially. Maybe he was a bit too hard on the boy, but he had to make sure that Neville came to no harm. 

“He’s heading over here,” Hermione warned her friends. She cast a quick glance at Harry’s potion and was relieved to see it looked alright. Ron’s however had turned a ghastly shade of brown, something that shouldn’t have happened. She was quite sure Snape would comment on it. 

Severus headed for Neville first. Only once he was sure that the boy’s potion was coming along fine, he moved on to check on the others. Suddenly, everything happened very quickly – too quickly maybe. Ron’s cauldron started to shake, took off into the air, and sucked in the surrounding air –it was about to implode.

“Take cover!” Severus called out, already pointing his wand at the cauldron, but he was tired, and therefore he reacted a second too late. Although he managed to direct the brown, bubbling mass away from his students, part of it headed towards him instead. Biting down a curse, Severus jumped out the way the best he could, but one end of his scarf got hit by the sizzling liquid. The fabric instantly caught fire and Severus froze in memory – only for a moment, but still…

Harry however was already moving forward. He reckoned he would regret his actions later, when Snape started yelling at him for interfering, but that didn’t stop him. “Aguamenti!” Water sprayed from his wand and onto the scarf, putting out most of the fire. He heard Snape vaguely cast a spell in order to take care of the remaining threat, but Harry was too busy pulling the scarf away from Snape. He quickly cast it aside and gave Neville a grateful smile when his friend put out the remaining flames. That had been a close call! 

Silence descended onto the classroom, as all students held their breath awaiting Snape’s lecture. 

Severus drew in a deep breath and composed himself. So far today had been a bad day for many reasons. “Class dismissed, except for you, Potter. No one asked you to get involved, now you shall suffer the consequences.” 

Harry gasped at Snape. He had bloody well saved his teacher from getting burned! His eyes widened upon seeing the angry burn that ran across Snape’s throat. But the flames hadn’t touched Snape! He had put them out before they’d had a chance to burn their teacher! So where did that burn come from?

While the rest of the class silently left the dungeon, still thanking their good fortune, Hermione and Ron remained standing next to Harry. Severus noticed it and raised an eyebrow at them. “Didn’t you hear me? I said, class dismissed.”

“But sir!” Hermione took a step closer to Snape. “Harry helped! He didn’t do anything wrong!” Then her voice caught, as she also noticed the burn. “Professor, you’re hurt.” 

Severus had to muster every ounce of his discipline to stay in character. In order to give himself a moment to think, he picked up the remnants of his scarf. “Miss Granger, I told you to leave. If you don’t want to face detention for the rest of the week, I suggest you collect Mister Weasley and do so!” He was far too tired for this!

Hermione glared at Snape, but then grabbed Ron’s hand and pulled him along with her. As far as she was concerned this wasn’t the end of it! Instead of closing the door behind her, she merely pushed it partly shut and then gestured for Ron to stand next to her. She put her finger against her lips and hoped Ron would understand. Thankfully he did and remained quiet, being just as curious as she was.

“Mister Potter,” Severus said, forcing himself to act his part once more. He sat down on his chair and watched the boy closely. “Your interference was downright scandalous. You could have complicated the matter.” 

Harry eyed Snape with as much intensity as his teacher was eying him in turn. This time, Harry was determined not to let Snape bully him. “With all due respect, sir, but I made sure you didn’t got burned *again*.” For once he had carefully picked his words, and he knew they would hit home.

And they did. Severus barely managed to stop himself from touching his throat. He was very much aware of the fact that the burn showed above the collar. “A minor accident which took place yesterday when I was creating a new potion. Nothing to concern you with, Potter.” 

Harry’s thoughts raced. Last night, he had been in pain and Dumbledore had told him it had been someone else’s pain he had been experiencing. Could that someone have been Snape? Had their mental exchange earlier that day left some sort of connection in place, something Snape hadn’t told him about? But no, he couldn’t imagine Snape wanting to be part of such a thing. “That looks like a painful burn, sir.” He wasn’t giving up yet.

“Since when do you care about my well-being, Potter?” Severus knew he had to end this discussion quickly or else he might lose control over the situation. He was tired, his head ached, his throat burned, and he had to get some rest before trying to teach the boy Occlumency again. That was, if the Dark Lord didn’t summon him in-between!

Harry wasn’t sure how to answer that question. Maybe honesty would work best. “Last night I was ill. Not because of your lesson, sir,” he said quickly, seeing Snape was about to intervene. “But because of what happened after that.” 

In spite of his fatigue, Snape asked, “Pray tell me, what did happen later that evening?” 

“I had this terrible headache, sir. I had to lie down because the world kept spinning and I tasted blood on my lips, which was definitely odd as I wasn’t bleeding! And then, I felt on fire, but my shields went up and—“ 

“Potter, stop babbling and pace yourself! I’m not in the mood for this!” How the hell had Potter come up with that? Severus shivered; the boy had described the pain he had been in when Voldemort had cursed him. “And no lies…”

“He isn’t lying!” Ron lost his temper and stormed back into the dungeon. Hermione tried to stop him, but he was already out of her reach. “I don’t know what you did to him, but he was in a bad way! His head ached and he couldn’t even sit upright!” 

“Mister Weasley,” Severus said in a clipped voice. “And Miss Granger. Didn’t I tell you to leave?”

“You did, but we won’t let you call Harry a liar,” Hermione said in a calm voice. “He isn’t pretending.” 

Severus was growing tired of the situation. Even if, for some absurd reason, Potter had somehow shared his pain, he wasn’t going to discuss it. “The three of you will return to your dormitories, or must I fetch Filch so he can escort you?” The way Ron glared at him would have amused him, hadn’t he been so damn exhausted.

“Am I still going to meet with you tonight? For my lesson?” Harry wasn’t prepared to let Snape off the hook so easily. Whatever had happened last night, it had happened to Snape, and somehow, he had felt the man’s pain. He wanted to know why he had experienced Snape’s agony.

“Regrettably,” Snape snapped. “Be punctual, Potter.” He was letting his frustration get in the way, but he was simply too tired to care. 

“I will be there, sir.” Harry continued to eye Snape for another minute. It was hard *not* to notice the man’s exhaustion, even though Snape tried to hide it. Judging it unwise to provoke Snape further, Harry grabbed Ron and dragged his friend out of the classroom. As expected, Hermione followed suit.

Harry waited until he was certain that he was out of Snape’s hearing range and then said, “Did you see it? That burn? He was using the scarf to hide it. If Ron’s cauldron hadn’t gone mad we would never have noticed!”

“I saw it,” Hermione remarked calmly. “And I agree with you; he wanted to hide it from us. I always did wonder why he only wears high-necked shirts. And have you noticed those sleeves of his? They cover most of his hands. I always assumed it was just another one of his peculiarities, but now I am starting to wonder.” 

Harry nodded; both clothing items could hide a number of injuries. They simply had never considered that possibility before.

“What are you talking about? Harry, he tried to blame you when all you did was save him!” 

Hermione sighed. “Ron, you are missing the point.”

“Which is?” Ron wondered what the hell was going on and why they looked at him like that.

“Harry said it felt like he was on fire last night, after the headache had subsided,” Hermione summarized for her friend. “And today, Snape’s sporting a burn on his throat. A rather severe burn, I might add.” 

“Snape must have been in pain last night, and somehow, maybe because of that Occlumency lesson, I was still connected to him in one way or the other. Maybe that’s why I had that experience.” Harry shivered. “I do hope it won’t happen again. Even if it was Snape who was in pain, I don’t want him to suffer through that again.” Harry grew quiet then, recalling the spiteful things he had thought right after Snape had let him go. He had actually hoped Voldemort would hurt Snape! Whatever had caused Snape to be in such pain, Harry was determined to find out. He might dislike the man, but no one should have to live through that amount of pain.

/// 

“You did well with the boy last night,” Albus commented as he seated himself on a bench near a window. He sipped from his tea –licorice flavored- and smiled privately. Everything was going according to plan- his plan!

“Don’t, Albus. We both know I messed up last night. I let my anger and frustration get the better of me.” Severus stood next to the window and looked out over the Forbidden Forest. Albus had told him that Potter had managed to raise some defenses last night, but Severus wasn’t convinced they would hold against the Dark Lord. “I don’t know what happened, Albus. Potter shouldn’t have been able to read my thoughts. We were too far apart for that; there was no eye contact and I didn’t instigate the contact. As Potter doesn’t know how to set up such a connection either, we can safely assume that something else has happened.”

“The boy has a name, Severus. His name is Harry.” Albus knew why Severus emotionally distanced himself from the youngster, but he still didn’t agree with it. Maybe he was a bit late in trying to remedy it, but that had never stopped him before. Severus dismissed the comment with a flick of hand, but Albus couldn’t help but wonder if he was starting to get through to the younger wizard.

“I don’t care about the boy,” Severus said from between gritted teeth. “He’s the spitting image of his father and you know how much I hated James.”

“Maybe, but you didn’t hate Harry’s mother.” Albus finished his tea, rose from the bench, and joined Severus in looking out over the grounds. “Try to be a bit more compassionate when you start his next lesson. As you said yourself, there is nothing to be gained by feeding Harry’s hatred of you. For this to work you have to allow for it to happen.”

“You don’t know what you’re asking for,” Severus whispered; the mere notion of revealing even the tiniest amount of his true emotions terrified him. “It’s for the best that he hates me.” Albus sighed and Severus hated hearing him do that. “Stop manipulating me, Albus.” He was aware of the constant scheming on Albus’ part, and most of the time, he allowed it, as Albus’ goal was the same as his- the destruction of Voldemort and securing the survival of Harry Potter.

“Harry’s here,” Albus said the moment the castle let him know the boy had arrived. “You know what you must do, Severus. I have faith in you.” Albus briefly patted Severus’ shoulder, but carefully avoided any bruises or burns Voldemort had left behind. “Harry, my boy! You’re right on time!”

Normally, Harry only had eyes for Dumbledore, but this time his attention immediately shifted to Snape. Therefore, he noticed the way Snape straightened his back, raised his head, and he could literally see the man adopt another expression – a whole different mindset so to speak. “Good evening, sir.” Harry smiled at Dumbledore, but kept an eye on Snape as well. “Are you sure this is not too soon? I am not sure professor Snape is sufficiently rested.” On his way over here he had carefully considered what to say and he had decided to opt for an aggressive opening, especially since Snape would not expect it. 

Albus heard Severus’ surprised intake of breath and knew Harry’s remark had hit home. Well done, he commented in thought, but he was careful not to voice it. “Professor Snape might be a bit tired, you are right about that, but don’t worry. Today’s lesson will go much better than the first.” Harry nodded and Albus smiled right back at the boy. Yes, he should leave this to Harry. “Try not to set fire to the office, Severus, will you?” He couldn’t help making that last remark as he knew about the exploding cauldron. The glare Severus gave him told him not to push his luck and Albus quickly left for safer grounds.

“That wasn’t a very nice thing of him to say,” Harry started, trying to find out which approach would work best with Snape. “That was Ron’s fault, not yours.”

Harry’s words took Severus aback and he reacted without thinking it over first, something that would have never happened had he been rested. “No, Dumbledore is right – I should have stopped that cauldron from exploding.”

Harry cocked his head. “And why didn’t you? Because you were tired?” And hurt, he added in thought, but he was careful not to add it, because something told him then he would be crossing a line if he did.

Severus hated admitting it, but it was rather obvious. “Yes, I am tired, is that what you want to hear, Potter?

Recognizing the first signs of growing anger in Snape, Harry quickly changed tactics. “Maybe then we should cut today’s lesson short? As I said, I made progress last night. I managed to raise those shields you mentioned. I succeeded in locking out the pain, although I could still tell that this other person was in agony.”

“Ah, yes, we should address that,” Severus admitted. He still didn’t know how it was possible for Potter to have shared his pain, but he had to make sure it didn’t happen again. He sank onto Dumbledore’s chair and motioned for Potter to join him. “Sit down,” he instructed, pointing at another chair.

Harry pulled the other chair close and did as instructed. It was odd; last night Snape had terrified him and now the older wizard didn’t scare him one bit. “And now what, sir?” Now that he sat rather close to Snape, he was able to get a good look at the burn, which still was an angry red. It really looked painful. 

“I am going to invade your mind again, like last night. I want you to do what you did when you managed to lock out those foreign emotions.” He had to find out how such a connection could have come about. He had never heard of it before.

“I will do my best,” Harry said and prepared himself for Snape’s attack. When the probing started, it didn’t hurt like it had during that first lesson. Snape almost seemed gentle, but that made no sense, or did it? Just as gently, Harry raised his shields and expelled Snape from his mind. “Like that?” he asked, hoping he had pleased Snape. The older wizard did look rather stunned.

Albus had been right; Potter had made progress since their lesson. The shields were still rather weak, certainly compared to his or Voldemort’s, but it was definitely a promising start. It also provided him with a problem; he didn’t want to violate the boy’s mind the way he had yesterday, but he had to know what had happened last night and so he found himself in an odd situation. If he truly wanted to find out what had happened yesterday, he had to ask Potter permission to search his mind and he was rather certain the boy would never allow it. 

“Sir? Professor Snape? Is anything wrong?” Snape’s expression worried him. He expected his teacher to grow enraged, to snarl and sneer at him, but instead all Snape did was stare at him in wonder. “Should I fetch professor Dumbledore?”

“That won’t be necessary.” It had taken him much too long to compose himself and Potter knew something was wrong. “I am merely surprised that you figured out how to protect yourself. You still have a long way to go, but…” Was he really praising Potter?

Harry realized the same thing. “Thank you, sir! I still don’t know how I do it, but I am glad I’m doing it!” 

Harry’s genuine enthusiasm momentarily took Severus aback, but he forced himself to concentrate. “Potter, I am going to give you a choice here.” He noticed the way the boy’s shoulders tensed, and could very well imagine the alarm he felt. 

“What kind of choice, sir?” He wondered what Snape was up to. Being offered a choice made him expect the worst and by judging the expression on Snape’s face something unpleasant was about to happen.

“I need to find out what happened after our lesson. You shouldn’t have been able to experience someone’s pain and I need to find out why it did happen.” He had to very careful as he didn’t want to scare Potter –not this time, for he needed the boy to trust him just this one time.

“And what kind of choice are you talking about?” So far, Snape wasn’t making any sense.

“I can either force myself a way into your mind or you allow me in and I can be…gentle about finding out.” He hoped he had phrased that well. Come on, Potter, trust me, just this once! he thought. 

Harry looked at Snape for a long time, trying to figure out what the older wizard was really up to. He would have loved to read Snape’s thoughts that very moment, but that meant invading his mind without permission. “You won’t look at other memories while you are inside my mind? I do want to keep some things private.” The fact that Snape actually sighed in what was obvious relief made him frown. He had thought Snape would prefer to simply take the information from his mind, not even bothering with his consent!

“I will stay clear of other memories,” Severus promised, and he berated himself for sounding too eager as he didn’t want to worry Potter just yet.

“I reckon I will allow you to search my memories then – those regarding last night.” Harry wasn’t eager to go through the same experience he’d had yesterday. Snape ripping his mind apart once had been one time too many. 

Severus nodded and leaned in closer. He had to be careful now; he had to focus on yesterday and find that certain memory.

Harry almost jumped out of the chair when Snape reached for him and placed the tips of his fingers against either side of his head. He expected Snape to stare him down, but oddly enough the man closed his eyes. Confused Harry waited for whatever was about to happen, but instead of the pain making a return he merely felt Snape brush against his mind. He felt relieved and relaxed, hoping doing so would make it easier for his teacher to find what he was looking for.

Severus carefully sorted through Harry’s memories. He had promised not to look at other thoughts and he would keep his word – this time. When he finally happened upon the right memory, he watched the scene unfold. His worries increased when he realized that Harry had indeed felt Voldemort punish him and that puzzled him. He knew about Harry’s connection with the Dark Lord and had assumed that, if Harry had indeed watched last night’s scene, he would have taken Voldemort’s perspective. Why then had he shared Severus’ experience? Because the Dark Lord simply had nothing to gain from sharing his ecstasy with Harry- that was why! Voldemort had no reason to show Harry that particular incident. And it confirmed what Albus and he had thought all along; Harry only saw those incidents which the Dark Lord wanted him to see – nothing more. 

“Professor Snape?” Harry grew worried at seeing the dark eyes growing glazed. What was Snape doing?

“I am sorry that you had to go through that,” Severus whispered eventually, mostly angry with himself for somehow having connected with Potter when he had been tortured. The only excuse he could find was that he hadn’t done it on purpose. “I will make sure it won’t happen again.” He pulled away and established an emotional and physical distance between them after doing so.

How could Snape promise such a thing? Except… Had he been right then? Had he somehow sensed Snape’s pain? What had caused his teacher to be in such pain in the first place? “I talked it over with Hermione and Ron, and after seeing that burn, we wondered…” At the last moment, his courage left him.

Severus however had a good idea what Potter had been about to say. “You’re wrong,” he said at once. He had to stop the youngster from reaching the right conclusion. “I don’t know what happened, or whose pain you experienced, but I will make sure it won’t happen again.” 

“But that burn on your throat, sir, it wasn’t there last night when we talked. It looks…new, and painful.” Harry knew he was walking a fine line but he couldn’t stop now. Snape was remarkably mellow and approachable and this might be the only shot he would get. “I owe you an apology,” he said, hoping he was making the right decision.

“What for, Potter? For making my life a living hell?” But his heart wasn’t in it and it showed in his voice. He hadn’t wanted to hurt Potter, and although the words had been spiteful, his voice had portrayed remorse and worry instead.

Harry picked up at it at once. “When I left last night, I wanted you to suffer. I wanted you to hurt…” Now that he had said it, he prepared himself for Snape’s undoubtedly angry reply, but nothing like that happened. Snape merely looked at him with tired eyes. “I want to apologize for that. It was uncalled for.”

Severus knew he shouldn’t reveal that much of himself, but at that moment he didn’t care. “I was mean to you… It’s only normal for you to hate me. Don’t worry about it, Potter.” 

The bitter laugh that left Snape’s lips made Harry shiver. All of a sudden he was seeing a side to Snape he had never known existed. It almost seemed like Snape cared. Harry was still searching for the right words which might make Snape open up further to him, when the older wizard jumped up from his chair and growled in pain. “Professor?” Harry swallowed hard, seeing Snape repeat last night’s action; the older wizard was rubbing his arm where the Dark Mark burned his skin. Harry knew it was there, but had never mentioned it to his teacher. That was definitely one subject he was avoiding. “Professor Snape?” He tried to catch the older man’s attention once more, but Snape seemed lost in his own world. 

“I have to go – now.” The Dark Lord wouldn’t forgive him a second time if he was late. The punishment which he had received last night wouldn’t compare to what Voldemort would do to him if he didn’t answer the summons right away this time.

Harry grew worried; much to his surprise. “Is *he* calling you?” He thought it best not to mention Voldemort’s name at that point.

“Yes,” Severus admitted, lost in thought. “Potter, today’s lesson is over.” He headed toward the doorway, but before he left, he turned around and looked Harry in the eye. “Keep those shields up till I am back, do you hear me? I will send word the moment you can lower them.”

Snape’s words confirmed most of Harry’s suspicions and strangely enough he worried for Snape. “You don’t have to go, sir.” Snape then laughed at him in such a bitter and poisonous way that it made his skin crawl.

“You have no idea what you’re talking about, boy… Now raise those shields and keep them up!” He had already wasted precious time by instructing Harry and he quickly made his way into the corridor. He headed for the nearest window, opened it, and summoned his magic in order to take him to the Dark Lord’s hiding place.

///

Harry felt strangely lost at being left behind in Dumbledore’s office. Was he supposed to stay or return to the dormitories? He could really use Dumbledore’s advice, but unfortunately the old wizard was nowhere in sight. Harry made his decision and got to his feet. He would rather be in the dormitory having Ron’s support than sitting here by himself. It would probably take Snape some time to reach Voldemort so he didn’t bother with putting up his shields just yet. He could still do that if needed.

He quickly made his way out of the office and returned to the common room, which proved much too crowded. After spotting Ron in the corner, he gestured for his friend to follow him. Once they were in their bedroom, Harry closed the door behind him. It would probably be smart to raise those shields now, but as he hadn’t experienced anything out of the ordinary yet, he didn’t think it necessary.

“What happened?” Ron sat at the foot end of the bed and watched Harry lean back against the headboard. “I didn’t expect you to be back that quickly!” 

“Voldemort summoned Snape – he had to leave.” Harry blinked and stopped himself when he realized he was rubbing his lower arm at the exact same spot where Snape carried the Dark Mark. “I am fairly certain it was Snape who was in pain last night. He didn’t admit it, but it is obvious if you read between the lines.” Ron grinned and was about to say something, when Harry quickly stopped him. “No, Ron, you don’t know how it felt. He was in agony. No one deserves that.”

“In that case, I don’t get it,” Ron said as he pulled a pillow toward him and hugged it. “Why would he go back then? Maybe he’s into pain?” 

Harry glared at his best friend. “Don’t be stupid! You saw him! You saw the state he was in!” But Ron had raised a good question; why did Snape go back, knowing what fate probably awaited him? He needed Hermione’s wits, but she wasn’t allowed into the boys’ dormitory and he didn’t feel comfortable sneaking out – not when anything bad could happen! “I don’t know,” he said eventually. “But Dumbledore always tells us to trust Snape – Snape is his spy… Maybe Dumbledore knows the answer.” Finding out Snape’s reasons for putting himself in danger was one thing, but Harry didn’t need to know those answers right now. He only wanted to know Snape was alright.

///

Severus felt relieved at realizing that Voldemort had summoned most of the Death Eaters and not just him. Apparently the Dark Lord wanted to reassure himself of their loyalty. Loyalty; Snape almost gagged at the word. Half of the Death Eaters only obeyed Voldemort because they feared him. Lucius was certainly one of them. Only a few, like Bellatrix, were in it for the sheer pleasure of it – the pleasure of causing pain and draining life from a poor victim’s soul. 

The meeting ended and Severus was already heading for the exit when Voldemort’s deceivingly silken voice called him back. 

“Severus, a moment before you go.”

Severus had served Voldemort long enough to know that the dark wizard had a reason for stopping him. “My Lord,” he said with as much respect as he could manage as he headed back to Voldemort. Each word he spoke reminded him of the punishment he had taken last night as his throat still tightened painfully whenever he spoke. After carefully considering his master’s mood, he judged it best to raise his head and look at him. “How can I be of assistance?” The piercing expression in Voldemort’s eyes made him hope that Potter had raised his shields as instructed, although he still didn’t understand how such a connection could have formed.

“I have been thinking about you, Severus, about your eagerness to serve me, which leaves much to be desired.” 

Severus tried to hide the alarm he felt at hearing those words. “My Lord, I can assure you that I am most eager.” Voldemort’s mood shifted ever so slightly and he knew it was imperative that he continued the eye-contact. Should he look away at that point, the Dark Lord would interpret it as betrayal. 

“The information you have been supplying me with is insufficient.” 

“That is because not much has been happening at Hogwarts, but I assure you that I will tell you the moment Dumbledore reveals anything!” He had to appear eager, maybe even a tad insulted at hearing the dark wizard’s accusation. Voldemort walked up to him and came to a halt in front of him, their faces only inches apart, and Severus had to force himself to stay in place. “You only need to say the words and I will carry out any command you give.” It was a dangerous game he played, but then again, the stakes were incredibly high too.

“Lower you shields.”

Severus hoped Potter had raised his defenses as instructed, but there was no way of making sure. “Of course, my Lord.” Severus maintained eye-contact; knowing Voldemort would punish him if he looked away and prepared himself for being tested once more.

///

“Ron, I…” Harry tensed as pain suddenly slammed into him. He reacted on instinct and raised his shields, berating himself for not having done so right away.

“Harry? You okay?” Ron moved closer to his friend, who looked frozen all of a sudden. Worried, he placed a hand on Harry’s shoulder and started to shake him, hoping to snap him out of it. “Harry!” 

Ron’s meddling had terrible consequences. Harry lost his concentration and his shields went down. The connection, which Snape had refused to acknowledge, came alive. But to his relief, the pain didn’t return. Snape was in agony though, he knew that much, but instead of sharing the older wizard’s pain, he shared his eyesight. Voldemort was truly an abhorring sight to behold. There was nothing even remotely human about him anymore. Tom Riddle had descended into darkness and his appearance had changed accordingly. 

Snape had to be on the floor, for Voldemort was towering over him. The Dark Lord raised his wand, aimed it at him - no Snape - and opened his mouth. Harry wanted to know what Voldemort had said, but his experience was limited to sight only. His view became distorted because Snape was withering on the floor. Snape’s hands, which sometimes moved in front of his face, made it hard for him to see. “He’s in pain, Ron… Voldemort’s doing it again.”

“Should I get someone? McGonagall? Dumbledore? Madam Pomfrey?” Ron was about to panic at seeing the expression on his best friend’s face. He wanted to help, but had no idea what to do. “I can get Hermione!” But at the same time, he realized he couldn’t leave Harry alone –not like this. ”Harry, tell me what to do!” 

Harry however barely heard Ron as he tried to focus on Snape. He could literally see the silver thread that connected him to Snape. Should he rip it apart? He wasn’t even sure he possessed the power to do so. Just as sudden as it had started, it stopped again. Harry felt the connection tremble and then die. It was over. Whatever had happened, it had caused that link to disappear. Harry drew in a deep breath and then grew aware of Ron who was shaking him once more. “Stop doing that!” Ron shaking him had been the thing to break his concentration in the first place!

“You’re back! Mate, you scared me! The way you looked at me, it felt like you weren’t here with me!” 

“Mister Weasley, would you be as kind as to leave Harry and me alone for a moment?” Albus had watched during the last few seconds and had found it hard not to interfere, but what had happened, had been necessary. Now he had to take the next step in guiding Harry onto the path he had set out for the boy.

“Professor Dumbledore! I’m really glad you’re here! Harry—“

But Albus cut him short. “I need a moment alone with Harry.”

“Of course, I’ll leave!” Ron patted Harry’s back, looked at his best friend to make sure he was okay, and only after Harry had nodded at him, did he step out of the bedroom.

“Sir, what happened just now?” Harry watched as Dumbledore sat down next to him. 

Albus gathered the boy’s hands in his and rubbed them, for they had turned awfully cold. “Why didn’t you raise your shields as Severus had told you?”

Harry bit onto his bottom lip. “I was being stubborn. I didn’t think it was necessary.” That had been a mistake.

“Harry, I know that you dislike Severus and I know that he has given you ample reason to do so, but you can trust him.” Albus carefully weighed his next words. “You might not believe me, but there is only one person in this world you can completely rely on. Trust me when I say that Severus has only your best interest in mind. He will never betray you, even if you can’t believe that right now.”

Harry blinked in surprise. “But I always thought that you—“

Albus however cut him short. “Trust in Severus, Harry.” And that was all he was going to say on that particular issue. “Now tell me, what did you see?” 

Dumbledore’s curiosity struck Harry as odd, maybe even as inappropriate, but he obeyed anyway. “I didn’t hear them, sir. I just saw what Snape saw; Voldemort standing over him, muttering words, which I didn’t understand.”

“Good… Good,” Albus felt pleased, maybe he could use Harry’s ability to be in touch with Severus *and* Voldemort. 

“But sir, professor Snape’s hurt!” How could Dumbledore look so pleased?

“Severus will recover – that’s only a detail,” Albus muttered, being harsh for a reason. As he had hoped, Harry appeared shocked. Maybe it wasn’t yet too late for the two of them to connect.

“You won’t look after him then? When he returns, he might need help.” How could any man, or wizard for that matter, endure that much pain and even worse so, repeatedly?

“I have matters to attend to, Harry, but if you feel inclined to make sure Severus is fine, I won’t stop you.” The look that Harry gave him was priceless. The boy might not realize it, but he had already started to care for Severus.

“Can I take Ron and Hermione along?” Harry still felt hesitant to face Snape on his own, especially when the older wizard might be in pain. Who knew what Snape would do upon seeing them?

“Yes, you may do so. Do you know the whereabouts of Severus’ rooms?”

“They’re close to his classroom, aren’t they?” Harry didn’t look forward to visiting the dungeons again, but as Potions Master, Snape lived in the adjourning quarters. He placed his feet on the floor and took stock of how he felt. Physically he was fine, but emotionally – he had never thought he would ever worry about Snape’s well being. “Do you mind if I leave right now? I want to be there when he gets back.” And he had to fetch Ron and Hermione as well.

“Yes, you had better be off,” Albus commented, sensing Severus’ return to Hogwarts. “You want to hurry, boy.” 

Harry thought he heard a growing urgency in Dumbledore’s voice and wasted no more time, racing out of the bedroom. In the corridor, he practically ran into Ron. “Find Hermione, Ron, and meet me at Snape’s quarters.”

“What?” Ron looked at his friend in shock. “We’re not going into the bat’s lair, are we? You can’t be serious!” 

Harry didn’t have time to explain and ran down the corridor, luckily for him, Ron followed at once. “Ron, do as you’re told, please!” Although Ron didn’t seem convinced he nodded, and that was good enough for Harry, who now ran downstairs toward the dungeons.

/// 

Severus collapsed in the corridor leading to his rooms. He always left one window open, just in case he had to sneak back in. He couldn’t apparate like Albus and Voldemort would expect him to travel the way all Death Eaters did. The cold, unyielding stone floor actually felt cool and comfortable against his burning skin. His burn stung and he was still nauseous. The Dark Lord had searched his mind two nights in a row, which normally never happened and Severus wondered what was causing Voldemort’s distrust. He knew one thing for certain though- he might not make it a third time. 

For now, he needed to get into his rooms, but he lacked the strength to do so. He needed to rest for a moment and then he might be able to drag himself inside. He needed several potions if he wanted his strength back –and he needed to be back on his feet as quickly as possible. He could only hope Voldemort would give him a chance to recover and wouldn’t summon him again. 

Severus managed to place his hands on the floor and attempted to push himself up, but found he still lacked the necessary strength to do that. He didn’t have a choice then – he had to wait until he felt stronger.

“Professor!” Harry knelt at Snape’s side and wondered what to do. His first impulse had been to help the older wizard back to his feet, but Snape looked awfully weak and what if they stumbled? It might be best to wait for Ron and Hermione to join them. “Sir, can you hear me?” 

For one moment, Severus was under the impression he had become delusional as he heard Potter’s voice all of a sudden, but then, hands carefully patted his back. What was that boy doing here? Hadn’t he told Potter that he would send word when he could take those shields down? 

“You had better not move about yet. When Ron and Hermione get here, we will move you inside. Should I tell them to fetch Madam Pomfrey as well?” Harry desperately wanted to help –to do something! But all he could do right now, was to make sure Snape stayed in place. Since the Potions Master was on his stomach, he couldn’t see Snape’s face, but the fact that there was blood on the floor made him expect the worst. “What did he do this time? I saw Voldemort tower over you and say something, but I didn’t hear what it was.” 

Damn, he had told the boy to keep those shields in place! Why had Potter lowered them? And even worse, why had he himself somehow reached out to the youngster? For Severus had realized that he was the very source of the link and not Harry. He tried raising himself from the floor again. Harry immediately wrapped his arms around him in order to steady him, and normally Severus wouldn’t have allowed it, but had he pushed Potter away that moment, he would have crashed into the stone floor face-first.

Harry worried about the blood. Snape’s hands carried traces of it and even the prolonged sleeves had stains on them. Why did it take Ron and Hermione so damn long to get here?

“Harry, what happened?” Hermione was the first to reach them. “What’s wrong with the professor?”

“I don’t know, but we need to find out. Help me get him to his feet, Ron! Open that door, Hermione; we need to get him inside!”

A part of Severus that was still operating rationally wanted to warn them- he had set certain spells before leaving his quarters, but once the door opened, he realized Albus must have had a hand in this. Harry half pulled, half dragged him to his feet, and then Ron moved over to his other side, grabbing hold of him as well. Under normal circumstances, he would never have allowed it, but he didn’t have a choice right now. He grabbed hold of them in turn and tried to put one foot in front of the other. The problem was that he couldn’t exactly see where he was going. 

Harry looked at Snape in order to find out how the older man was doing, but swallowed hard upon seeing the blood which clung to the eyes, almost gluing them shut. There was more blood though, dripping from Snape’s ears and nose. He had never seen anything like it before and wondered if they shouldn’t fetch Dumbledore after all.

“Harry…” Ron’s features contorted upon seeing the blood as well.

“The bedroom’s over there!” Hermione called out and directed them toward it. “I will fetch Madam Pomfrey and –“

“No!” Severus barely managed to raise his head. “Don’t…trouble her…” He had all the potions he needed in his private stock.

“But, you…” Hermione clearly didn’t agree. “You’re bleeding, professor!”

“It will stop…soon.” Severus closed his eyes in relief upon feeling the soft mattress beneath him. He had made it to the bed then, granted with help, but he couldn’t care less about that. 

Harry flinched when Snape started to name the potions Hermione should fetch from his private stock. Snape spoke in an oddly monotone tone and his voice gave way every so often.

“I will fetch them!” Hermione quickly left, heading for the stock room.

That left Harry and Ron alone with Snape. Harry however was determined not to let his old fear get in the way. This might be Snape, but the man obviously needed help. If only Snape had let them fetch Poppy! 

“Harry, what do we do now?” Ron felt helpless and he hated feeling like that.

Severus raised his right hand and tore at the buttons of his cloak. He needed to breathe and the restricting fabric made that hard. 

Overcoming his hesitance to actually touch Snape, Harry sat down on the bed and took care of undoing the buttons when Snape’s blood-crusted fingers failed to get the job done. Harry pushed the heavy, black fabric out of the way and opened the top buttons of the white shirt as well. The burn, still healing, was much bigger than he had originally thought. He was relieved when Hermione returned carrying four vials.

Hermione sat down on the other side of the bed and awaited further instructions, trusting her professor to take the lead once more.

“Give them…to me.” But his hand trembled and he barely managed to raise it. Suddenly, he was being moved into a more upright position. He cursed privately, realizing Potter was moving him about. 

“Do you need to take them in a particular order?” Hermione, practical as always, looked at the potions in her hands.

“Doesn’t matter…” Severus hated the fact that he depended on them and knew exactly whom to ‘thank’ for meddling. Why could Albus not stop interfering once in a while?

“Use me for support… You can’t sit up by yourself yet.” Harry had long realized Snape disliked having them there, but he wasn’t leaving merely because the older wizard felt uncomfortable. Snape was bleeding and he was going to get help, whether the man wanted it or not! 

Severus considered putting a spell on them that wouldn’t kill them, but transport them out of his rooms all simultaneously, oh and yes, wipe their memories as well. But even if he had known such a spell, he would never use it. For Albus would make him pay for doing something like that. So in the end, he resigned – for now—and accepted the support Harry offered. 

“Let’s start with this one,” Hermione said and uncapped the first vial. “Strength-Replenishing potion.”

Was the damn girl going to do that with all four potions before actually giving them to him? “Hurry up,” he told her, but she took her time, and waited for him to catch his breath again, each time he had hurriedly swallowed a potion. Unfortunately it would take time for the potions to unfold their effects. After finishing the last one, he closed his eyes again. Sleep would aid his recovery and he hoped they would let him rest instead of bombard him with questions.

“Professor, how do we stop the bleeding?” Harry was under the impression that the bleeding had lessened, but wasn’t sure.

“Will stop… by itself.” Severus struggled to stay awake, but knew he wouldn’t last much longer. The sleeping potion would see to that. He turned onto his side, pulled his knees to his chest, and curled up. All he needed to do was sleep – then he would recover and hopefully the three of them would be gone by the time he woke up again.

Harry suddenly grew aware of the fact that his right hand was patting Snape’s back, while the fingers of his left hand wiped at the blood that stained the man’s face. “We can’t leave him alone – not when he’s like this.” He sought out Ron’s gaze, knowing his friend felt awkward about being here.

“I am staying too,” Ron announced, even though he wasn’t happy about it, but he agreed with Harry; they couldn’t leave simply leave Snape. Someone had to look after him. 

“He forbade us to get Madam Pomfrey, but maybe professor Dumbledore can tell us what to do?” Hermione suggested. She tried not to show it, but seeing her professor in such a state deeply worried her. 

“Find Dumbledore then,” Harry said after considering the question. “Snape’s asleep now and seems to be doing better, but Dumbledore knows what to do for sure.” 

“Can I come along?” Ron gave Harry an apologetic look. “This is weird, mate, and I promise to return!”

Harry *did* understand. “Sure, you can tag along, but remember, one of you needs to come back.” He doubted he could stay awake throughout the night and either Ron or Hermione needed to look after Snape.

“We will be as quick as possible,” Hermione promised. She too wanted to help anyway she could.

Harry nodded, knowing he could rely on her. “Get going then!” Ron and Hermione left the room, and once they were gone, Harry made sure Snape was as comfortable as possible. He didn’t know what had happened exactly, or even when it had happened, but he wasn’t afraid of Severus Snape anymore. 

///

“Please, sir, you need to come with us. Professor Snape is in a bad way!” Hermione wondered why Dumbledore seemed reluctant to accompany them. She was wasting time, trying to convince the old wizard to help. If Dumbledore refused she was going to see Madam Pomfrey herself, even if that meant defying her teacher’s instructions!

“I doubt that it is necessary for me to check on him, but I will do so. In the meantime please settle down.” In spite of his cool demeanor, Albus did worry about Severus. Voldemort seldom tested Severus to such an extent and the Dark Lord had to have a good reason for doing so. Now that he came to think about it, that Malfoy boy had been hanging around recently. He hadn’t seen Draco himself, but the castle always informed him of the boy’s whereabouts. He would look into that later. “Lead the way then!”

Hermione felt relieved now that Dumbledore had agreed to accompany them and she pulled Ron toward the doorway. Ron gave her a pleading look, but she wasn’t going to let him go. They were in this together!

///

“He has been asleep since you left,” Harry updated them when they joined him. Like Hermione he was relieved to see Dumbledore there. 

Albus sat down and checked the contents of the vials one by one. “Severus knows best which potions to use. You can rest assured that he will be back on his feet by tomorrow evening.” Looking at Harry, Dumbledore smiled at seeing the obvious concern. Yes, maybe his plan was working after all. “In the meantime, I suggest you let him sleep.” 

Harry wondered about Dumbledore’s lack of concern. The old wizard simply smiled, while he still worried about Snape!

Dumbledore made his next move in the game he was playing. “You don’t need to give me that look, young man. This isn’t the first time Severus returned from meeting Voldemort in such a state. And that’s why I know he will recover – eventually.” 

Harry shifted his gaze away from Dumbledore and back to Snape. He had been wondering for how long this had been going on and judging from Dumbledore’s words, these hadn’t been isolated incidents. “Why is he bleeding, sir? I couldn’t find any wounds when I checked.” It had taken Harry some time to overcome his initial hesitance, but in the end, his concern had won and he had checked Snape for further injuries. 

Albus had hoped Harry would ask him that. “When Severus gave you that first lesson in Occlumency you were in discomfort, true?”

Harry nodded. “It hurt, yes, but even more than the pain I hated feeling him move through my mind like that.” Hermione gasped and she placed her hand on his shoulder. Harry looked at her from over his shoulder and whispered a thank you because she was trying to comfort him.

“Severus could have done much worse, but he didn’t. What you don’t understand –yet- is that he held back. The Dark Lord doesn’t, Harry. When he searches Severus’ mind for signs of betrayal, he is ruthless. You said it felt like Severus tore your mind apart – imagine that happening again, but then with such a force that it threatens to render you unconscious. The mind can only take so much abuse. The synapses in your brain get literally fried. Blood vessels snap and since the blood needs a way out, it starts to drip from the eyes at first. Then, when the pressure continues to build, the blood forces itself a way out through nose and ears.” 

Harry felt horrified; Voldemort had done that to Snape? “But…” He wasn’t sure what exactly he had wanted to say He simply felt shocked and needed a moment to deal with what he had heard.

“Why does he go back?” Albus asked in Harry’s stead and studied Severus, who looked peaceful now that he was asleep. “Because he knows I heavily rely on his information. Without his intelligence, several members of the Phoenix would have been killed by now. Thanks to Severus, I remain one step ahead of Voldemort. Without him… I do not dare think of what might happen.” Albus reckoned he had given all three of them ample to think about. He rose from his chair and briefly placed his hand on Severus’ brow, absorbing any new information his spy had for him, which wasn’t much. But it did tell him that Severus also wondered about Voldemort’s sudden suspicions. “Take care of him, Harry,” he said as he headed for the door. “Just let him sleep and you will see that he will be back to his charming self by tomorrow.”

Ron stared at the retreating wizard and waited for Dumbledore to close the door behind him before saying, “What charming self?” 

Harry smiled a little at that. “Maybe Snape has a very good reason to act like that when he’s around us.” 

Hermione nodded as she agreed. “We should take shifts sitting with him, if you don’t want to leave him alone, that is.”

“I will sit with him first. Maybe the two of you can take over when I get tired? Wake me, should he start talking.” For the moment, Snape’s sleep seemed peaceful, but Harry suspected that might be an exception. He was no stranger no nightmares himself and might be able to talk Snape out of his, should they appear.

“That’s fine, mate.” Ron felt relieved that Hermione would keep him company and that he didn’t have to sit with Snape on his own.

“We will be back in three hours then.” Hermione didn’t know why, but she thought it best not to crowd Snape’s rooms. “Look after yourself too,” she said and squeezed his shoulder.

Harry nodded, but didn’t take his eyes off of Snape. He wondered how his teacher would react when he regained consciousness and found him sitting there.

/// 

It had been a long night, and although Hermione and Ron had taken his place during the night, Harry returned to his teacher’s room half an hour ago because he wanted to be there when the older man woke up. Not only because he had that many questions for Snape, but mostly because he needed to know that Snape was doing better. Dumbledore had assured him that Snape would recover, but Harry needed to see that for himself. 

“I brought you breakfast and the professor’s too, in case he wakes up.” Hermione placed the tray on Harry’s knees and then studied her teacher in detail. “He looks a bit better, don’t you think?” 

Harry sipped from his tea and bit into a piece of buttered toast. “He might look better, but that doesn’t mean he feels better too.”

“Are you still connected to him?” Hermione had wondered about that.

“Not at the moment, at least, not that I am aware of.” Harry realized he was hungry and added marmalade to another piece of toast which he then devoured. “Where’s Ron? Afraid to return to the dungeon?”

“Professor McGonagall caught him… Ron didn’t like it, but he went with her. I do think he will be back the moment he can. He might not like professor Snape, but he won’t back out that easily. Do you want me to stay, Harry?” Or did her friend want to talk to Snape in private?

“I’ll be fine, Hermione. It’s a Hogsmeade weekend and I know you have plans. I don’t mind if you take Ron with you, but I’ll stay with Snape.” 

“We will check on you later.” Hermione didn’t want to leave, but Harry’s tone told her that he would be fine. She also suspected he wanted to be alone with Snape the moment their teacher woke up. 

“Thanks, Hermione, for everything.” Had he ever thanked her before for being such a good friend?

“It’s okay, Harry. Bye!” She raised her arm in goodbye and then left the two of them alone.

///

Severus’ return to consciousness happened slowly. His head felt heavy and opening his eyes presented him with an almost impossible task. He fought hard and managed to clear his thoughts, only just a little, but it would do. Next, he focused on opening his eyes. He was surprised when he managed to do so with minimal effort; usually the dried blood made that hard. After blinking several times, he focused on his surroundings and was relieved to see he had made it to his bed after all. Careful of any sudden movements, he slowly turned his head to the side and his breath caught upon realizing Potter was watching him. Something – a memory – flickered at the edge of his mind. “What are you doing here?” he sounded just as weak as he felt, damn it!

“I found you in the corridor last night and my friends helped me to get you into your bed. Hermione fetched the potions you needed and you fell asleep after that. Professor Dumbledore visited, but only for a moment. Hermione, Ron and I have been sitting with you since, taking turns.” Harry felt immensely relieved at seeing Snape’s gaze grow more lucid. 

“I didn’t ask you what happened, Potter! I asked you why you are here.” He should pace himself; this way he would exhaust himself further.

“I’m here because I worry about you,” Harry said after thinking it over. He doubted Snape expected an honest answer. “I acted foolishly last night. When you told me to raise my shields, I didn’t: only when it was already too late did I raise them – when I felt your… discomfort.” Harry decided against saying ‘pain’ as it might upset Snape. Upset Snape, he wondered? In the past, he had never worried about upsetting the Potions Master. 

Severus needed a moment to fully understand what Harry had just said. Had that boy really said he worried about him? He sensed Albus’ hand in this, but had no idea what the old wizard planned to achieve by rousing Harry’s interest in him. “You need not worry about me, Potter.” It was a lame reprimand and he knew it.

“But I do, sir. I can’t help it.” Harry wondered when Snape would understand that he had witnessed last night’s events, for he wasn’t sure his teacher fully realized that yet. “Professor Dumbledore explained why you were bleeding; Voldemort invaded your mind.” Snape raised a shaky hand to touch his face and Harry knew why the older man suddenly looked surprised. “Hermione cleaned up your face. You had blood everywhere.”

That was why he had been able to open his eyes so easily! So Harry, Hermione, and Ron had taken care of him during the night? Why the hell had they done that?

Harry didn’t need to be connected to Snape’s mind in order to interpret the expression on the other man’s face. “We worry, sir, all three of us.” 

He had to stop this – right now—before this took on a life of its own! “Potter, I want you out of my rooms at once! And don’t you think about coming back here!” He disliked lying down for it made him feel vulnerable and tried to elbow himself into an upright sitting position, but his body ached and refused to cooperate.

Snape’s words would have made him run in the past, but Harry had learned a thing or two about his teacher since then and so he stayed put. “With all due respect, professor, but you still need help. I’m not going anywhere yet.” Harry watched Snape’s expression and realized it bordered on anger – but the reason for that anger eluded him. Was it just because the three of them had seen him in a weakened state? Somehow, he found that hard to believe. “Would you like some tea, sir? It’s hot and might do you some good.”

“I don’t want your bloody tea, Potter,” Severus sneered at the youngster. He wasn’t angry with Harry; he was angry with himself for messing this up. Harry and his friends should never have found out about him! What had Albus been thinking?

“Let me help, sir.” 

Severus glared at Potter when the youngster tried to help him sit up. “I can do that on my own!”

“I don’t think so.” He probably shouldn’t have said that, but Snape’s attitude was getting on his nerves. Once the older wizard rested against the pillows, Harry picked up another cup and poured the still warm drink into the china. Faced with the next problem, namely that Snape’s hands still shook even while resting on the mattress, he sat down and placed the cup carefully at Snape’s lips. “It should be okay. It has cooled down since Hermione brought it in.”

Severus was severely tempted to grab hold of the cup and smash it against the wall, but considering the way his body still trembled, he would probably end up spreading the tea all over himself. With growing unease, he swallowed slowly. Although he relished drinking the tea, he was careful not to show any of his feelings. 

“Do you think your stomach can handle toast?” Harry did his best to sound unaffected, but Snape’s condition still worried him, especially now that the tremors were worsening again.

Potter’s expression suddenly changed and Severus knew why the boy looked at him like that. “It will go away…It’s a belated reaction to one of the potions.” 

Harry blinked as he hadn’t expected Snape to bother explaining that to him. “Is it always this bad?” He wasn’t sure what had made him say that, except that he really wanted to know.

Severus carefully shrugged. “Normally no, but the Dark Lord was very thorough last night.” Voldemort had been looking for something specific, but he had no idea what that could have been. “And it happened two times in a row, which isn’t normal either.” Just what had made him add that? Why had he volunteered that information?

Harry busied himself putting butter and marmalade on some toast in the hope that not being watched might make Snape relax. Maybe it worked, as Snape kept talking, something Harry hadn’t expected. 

Severus managed to raise his arm and grabbed the toast, even though his coordination was still off. He wasn’t going to let Potter feed him! He could eat himself, damn it! “You should have raised those shields when I left.” He bit off a chunk of the toast and munched on it. He was hungry, but hadn’t realized that until now.

“I won’t make that mistake a second time, sir. Is there anything else I can do in order to help?” Harry had watched Snape closely and was under the impression that the older wizard was growing sleepy again. 

“Not really,” Severus admitted; he simply couldn’t understand why Harry worried about him to such a degree that the boy stayed close. “I will probably fall asleep again shortly… I should do better when I wake up again.” Getting a few more hours of undisturbed sleep would do wonders for his health.

“I will make sure that no one disturbs you.” Harry placed the tray onto the floor. “I would like to stay – if I may.” 

Severus wasn’t sure that allowing Potter to stay was the smart thing to do, but in the end, he nodded. It was better to have the youngster close, should the connection come alive unexpectedly. After he had rested some more, he would take care of that problem. He had to find a way to undo whatever link had formed between them. Something like that had never happened before –neither with Albus when the older wizard had taught him Occlumency, nor with the Dark Lord when Voldemort had penetrated his mind. It had only happened with Harry, but Severus had no idea why. In the end, his fatigue won and he closed his eyes, going back to sleep again.

///

Hermione and Ron visited before heading for Hogsmeade, but as Snape was still asleep, Harry told them to enjoy the day the best they could. The two of them keeping him company only to watch Snape sleep made little sense to Harry. He remained on his post though.

But even Harry grew bored eventually and started to look at the room he was in, in more detail. He didn’t know of any student who had ever been inside Snape’s quarters before, and although Ron always referred to the dungeons, as the bat’s lair, he didn’t think Snape’s home gloomy. 

Harry started his quest in the living room, which was stocked to the ceiling with numerous books. That didn’t surprise him at all, but what did make him halt was the large variety of plants that also occupied the living room. There were several lamps beautifully laid in with colored glass. He would have loved to look through the drawers, but Snape wouldn’t have liked that and so refrained from doing so. 

The small kitchen was nothing special. His professor seemed to prefer tea to coffee though, as there was a great variety of several blends stocked on the shelves. He moved back into the corridor and opened another door, which gave way to a small, but comfortable bathroom. Harry turned about and realized there was one door he hadn’t tried yet. Opening that it, he stepped into Snape’s private study. A quick look about told him that the Potions Master had a couple of experiments set up in the corner. As he wasn’t particularly interested in them, he ignored them and moved toward the desk instead. It was large and looked old. He had no idea what kind of wood it had been made of, but he guessed it might be oak. Some drawers were locked, others stood half open. There was no parchment or anything in writing on the desk, which kind of surprised him. He was about to turn around and check on his ‘patient’ when he noticed a small framed photograph standing in the shadow beneath a shelf.

Was it really his mother in that picture? Harry picked up the frame and his confusion grew upon realizing that Snape had wrapped his arms around her and was holding her tightly. Both of them smiled at him. Seeing Snape smile like that stunned him. He had never seen Snape like that – with a genuine smile on his face and eyes that sparkled with joy. He carried the frame over to a lamp to get a better look at it. He reckoned they had been about fourteen, maybe fifteen when the picture had been taken. His mother wore her Gryffindor outfit and Snape sported green for Slytherin. 

He just couldn’t get over the fact how happy they looked. He had seen other pictures of his mother and she had always smiled in them, so it was Snape’s smile that really took him aback. That smile transformed him into someone else—someone Harry felt he didn’t know. That picture raised a lot of questions and he wondered if he would ever find the courage to ask Snape about it. He put the picture back where he had found it and looked at it one more time. Had Snape and his mother been friends? Or had they been more than that? But then again, Hermione and he were best friends and he had pictures in which Hermione tried to hug him to death as well, he realized with a grin.

Harry was still pondering the implications of Snape having such a picture in his study when he entered the bedroom and therefore failed to notice that the older man was awake and looking at him.

Severus had felt disorientated when he had woken up. He hadn’t expected Potter to still be close, and had actually felt relieved at seeing the empty chair. He really needed to talk some sense into Albus so the Headmaster would stop meddling in his personal life. He felt startled upon seeing Potter enter his bedroom after all. The youngster looked lost in thought and Severus wondered what he was thinking about. 

Harry grew aware of Snape’s gaze upon him and snapped out of his musings. “You are awake!” He walked over to the bed and sat down on his chair. “It’s almost time for dinner. Do you want me to fetch you something?” Those hours of sleep had done the older man lots of good. He looked less pale, and a familiar, alert expression had returned to the dark eyes. However, Harry didn’t make the mistake to think that Snape was back to his normal strength and that was why he kept back any questions he had regarding that photograph. 

“You should head for the Great Hall, Potter, and eat dinner there.” Severus cautiously raised his legs and placed his feet on the floor. Better, he felt better, thankfully. He probably had Harry to thank for that, but he would be damned if he told him that!

Harry eyed Snape closely and was ready to steady him should the older wizard stumble. “I can ask one of the house elves to bring dinner.” He wanted to make sure Snape was really doing better and not merely pretending.

Severus however wasn’t listening; he was too busy examining his injuries. Thankfully, Voldemort had kept the Cruciatus only short on him. “I will be in the bathroom for the next hour, Potter. No need to stay close.” He managed to get to his feet, but quickly reached for the wall in order to steady himself. He ignored the worried looks Harry gave him and gritted his teeth, determined to make it into the bathroom by himself. He would feel better after taking a hot bath.

Harry rose from the chair, but kept his distance as he followed his teacher into the corridor. He stayed near until Snape closed the bathroom door behind him. Harry had noticed the way Snape moved – slowly and careful so he didn’t stumble, but at least he was moving again. 

Harry contacted the house elves, which were very eager to supply him with everything he needed for dinner. He sat down, once more pondering the meaning of that photograph. 

///

Severus felt slightly more himself when he slipped into a clean white shirt and donned his black coat over it. He had rubbed more soothing balm onto his throat and was relieved to see it was starting to work. He had created the balm years ago and had been perfecting it ever since. After pulling the long sleeves of his shirt in place, he raised his gaze and faced himself in the mirror. That hot bath had worked wonders, but had not cured him of his aches completely. He ran a hand through his still moist hair and drew in a deep breath. He hoped Potter had left, because he found it increasingly difficult to keep up his aloof and arrogant manner around the boy, who had surprised him by looking after him.

As he stepped into the corridor, the delicate fragrances of dinner told him that the youngster was still around. Potter hadn’t headed for the Great Hall then. Having him roam his home unnerved Severus. He braced himself for another confrontation and stepped into his living room. He found Potter seated at the table, with dinner in front of him, reading a book. What book had he selected from the collection? And should he reprimand him for grabbing it without his permission?

Harry looked up from his reading and smiled happily; Snape looked much improved. Dumbledore had been right then, but that still didn’t excuse the Headmaster’s lack of concern for his teacher’s well being. “I fetched our dinner. I hope you are hungry, professor. I certainly am!” 

Severus decided he would rather eat than start another argument and so he sat down, albeit ill at ease. “Why are you still here, Potter?” He ate some of the soup, knowing the food would strengthen him.

“As I said before, sir, you struck me as in need of a helping hand and I happened to be around.” Talking to Snape, without being constantly worried what the teacher might do in order to pester him, was a novel, but very welcome experience. Harry was beginning to realize that a lot of Snape’s bullying was an act and that he was now actually seeing the man as he really was.

Severus wasn’t going to thank Potter though—he wasn’t ready for that. “As you can see I have recovered, so there is no reason for you to continue to invade my home.” Oh, but going back to snarling at Potter was hard. His heart was no longer in it.

Again, Harry didn’t react the way he would have in the past. Instead, he said, “Ron always said that your home would be cold and clammy, like your classroom, but it isn’t.” 

Severus had finished his soup and now tried the meatloaf. “You should never believe anything one of the Weasley boys says, ever.” He couldn’t believe he was reacting in such a mellow way. 

“I must agree with you on that, sir.” Harry waited for the older man to start eating and then followed suit. He wasn’t sure bringing up Voldemort was the right thing to do, but he couldn’t ignore the matter. “Do you think he will summon you again tonight?” Black eyes looked into his and Harry swore he saw traces of pain in them.

“I hope not,” Severus replied eventually. 

“But should he summon you…”

“Then I must go. You know that, Potter!” Severus prayed though that he would be given a respite. The silence which then grew between them made him nervous. ”What?” he snapped as his nerves got the better of him.

Harry was determined not to be bullied again; he knew better now. Snape was all bark, but no bite. “That first evening, Voldemort burned your throat, but last night, he did something else to you. I remember him pointing his wand at you, but I never heard what he said.”

“You don’t need to know – its better you don’t,” Severus mumbled, taken aback by the observation. He forced himself to continue eating, though their conversation had made him lose his appetite. 

Harry took the hint; apparently discussing the matter was off limits. He might try something else then. “Why do you think the connection appeared again? Why was I able to see through your eyes?” 

Severus put down his fork and leaned back in his chair. “I have no idea, Potter. I don’t know of any documented cases, and as far as I can tell, it has never happened before.” That reminded him though that he still had some work ahead of him. “You need to raise those shields a lot faster in the future.”

Harry knew that wasn’t the real problem though. He had merely disregarded Snape’s instructions, and when he had raised them, it had been too late. 

“Let me see what I can do in order to help you with that.” Severus knew time was of the essence and that he shouldn’t postpone this just because he felt tired. He moved his chair closer and studied his student. “I want you to look at me, Potter, and no matter what happens, keep looking at me, understood?”

Harry nodded, though growing apprehensive. ”What are you going to do?”

“I’m going to enter your mind again, that is, if you will let me.” He felt reasonably certain Harry would allow it, and when the boy nodded, Severus continued, “I need to find out just how strong your defenses are and maybe I can help you raise them faster.”

“How are you going to do that?” Harry wondered about the fact that the prospect of letting Snape into his mind didn’t particularly worry him. 

“I will condition your mind to react to a particular word. Whenever you say it, your mind will react and shield itself.”

“And when I can’t say anything in a particular situation?” Harry liked the idea, but wondered if it wasn’t flawed.

“Merely thinking it will do the trick as well.”

“And what if I think of it accidentally?”

“Potter,” Severus groaned, rather exasperated. “You know when you are in danger and when not. Just because you say the word or think it, it won’t trigger your shields.”

“Is that the way you learned how to control it yourself?”

“At the very beginning, yes, but that was decades ago.” Severus wished Potter would just let him get started. Why did he have so many questions?

“What word did you use, sir? Maybe it will work for me too.”

“I greatly doubt it, Potter.” There was no reason for Potter to know that he had used ‘Lily’ back then. “Now be quiet…” He wanted to do this while he still felt rested. “Try to relax and clear your mind… Whatever you do, don’t fight me. Contrary to what you think I don’t enjoy hurting you.”

“I believe you,” Harry muttered sincerely. He no longer believed that Snape loved to bully him. “Like this?”

“Yes, like that.” Severus examined the structure of Harry’s mind. The shields had grown in strength since the last time he had checked them. Each time Potter raised them, they became stronger. “Did you decide on a word yet?” Keying the shields to that word should be easy as Harry was fully cooperating.

Harry was still giving the matter some thought. In the end, deciding on a word was easier than he had thought. “I did, sir.”

“What is it?” Severus hoped it wasn’t Lily. He wasn’t sure he would manage to hide his reaction to hearing it.

“Your first name is Severus, isn’t it, sir?” Harry nodded; yes, that would work. 

Severus stared at him in surprise. “It is, but why…?”

“I already associate you with these lessons and what word would make more sense than your name?” Harry had expected Snape to be surprised, but to actually see the disbelief in the dark eyes made him frown. “Is anything wrong? Is it because a name won’t work? Or don’t you want me to use your name like that? Is that it?”

Too many questions… Severus brushed some strands of his hair behind his ear and told himself to focus again. “A name will work.” He was still stunned though that Harry wanted to use his for this exercise. “Are you sure about wanting to use that? You might not be able to change it once I link it with your mind.” Why had Harry chosen it in the first place? Just because of an association?

“I’m sure, professor.” The more he thought about it, the better his choice seemed to fit. 

“As you wish, Potter.” Severus carefully manipulated the boy’s mind in such a way that it would instantly raise the shields in case of danger. “Done,” he announced and drew in a series of drew breaths while retreating from the youngster’s mind.

“Already? I didn’t feel a thing!” Harry felt relieved about that as he clearly remembered the pain he had been in during that first lesson.

“Listen,” Severus said slowly, making sure he had Harry’s complete attention. “Wizards as powerful as the Dark Lord do not voice the spell. They probably won’t point their wand and you and call out Legilimens at you like I do. You might not get that warning. So, when you feel even the slightest invasion of your mind, you need to react. Even if you are not certain what’s happening, raise those shields.”

Again, Harry had the impression that Snape spoke from personal experience. “Does Voldemort do that to you? Search your mind without warning?”

Severus tensed; his hands became fists and he had to briefly close his eyes. “Stop worrying about me, Potter!” he sneered, hoping to get his point across. “It should not matter to you what happens to me! Can’t you get that into your tiny brain?”

Snape’s outburst took Harry momentarily aback, but then he glared back at his teacher. “I do care – you are the one who is having trouble accepting that things between us have changed. You can’t bully me any longer, it no longer works, sir.” They continued to stare at each other until the tension became too much for Harry, and so he added, “And my brain isn’t tiny at all!” 

Severus couldn’t help it; he relaxed. “You could have fooled me, boy. I would say it is extremely miniscule.”

Harry wasn’t sure how to interpret that reply at first, but then he saw Snape relax. “Ron’s might be.”

Severus cocked his head and barely managed to stop himself from grinning. “At least we can agree on that.” How very odd, that he enjoyed verbally sparring with Harry in that way. 

Harry had no reason to hide his mirth and chuckled loudly. Snape wasn’t that bad at all. Now that he was getting to know him, he had to admit he was starting to like him.

///

“That’s weird,” Ron said after checking the bedroom. Harry hadn’t been in there either. “Do you reckon he might still be in the dungeon?” he asked Hermione when he joined them again in the common room. “I am sorry, sir, but I really thought I would find him here.”

Remus Lupin shrugged once. “My visit is rather unexpected.” He had run into Ron and Hermione at the Three Sisters in Hogsmeade and they had spontaneously invited him to join them for the remainder of the evening. “And why would Harry be in the dungeon?”

“It’s a long story,” Ron said, “And Hermione is better at telling them.”

Hermione rolled back her eyes, but then smiled at Remus. “It started when professor Dumbledore asked professor Snape to teach Harry Occlumency,” she said and gestured for them to follow her.

“I never knew Severus had mastered that ability,” said Remus rather thoughtfully. It would however explain how Severus had been able to spy on Voldemort without the Dark Lord catching on. Severus had just risen higher in his admiration. “Do continue.” He was slowly realizing where they were headed.

“The first lesson didn’t go well… Harry developed a terrible headache and somehow saw what happened to professor Snape during a Death Eaters’ meeting which he had to attend.” Hermione wasn’t sure she should tell Remus any details. It should be Harry’s or Snape’s decision to do that. “They have been working on strengthening Harry’s Occlumency skills since.”

“You left out an awful lot,” Ron remarked, giving her an odd look.

“That should be up to Harry or the professor to tell, if they want to,” Hermione said, hoping to get her point across.

“And why is Harry with Severus?” Now that they were heading for the potions classroom, Remus was rather certain they were heading for Severus’ quarters.

“Professor Snape was injured during his meeting with Voldemort. Harry witnessed it – he saw it in his mind.”

Remus blinked in surprise at hearing that. Dumbledore always told them to trust Severus, and he had been trying to do just that, but even he found it hard to put his trust in Snape at times. “So knowing Harry, he had to check on him.”

“Of course,” Hermione said while nodding. “You know what Harry’s like.”

Oh, yes he did. “And what did he find?”

“The three of us checked on the professor and he was in a bad way.” 

Hermione shivered, which wasn’t lost on Remus. “That bad?” he asked in surprise.

“Apparently you-know- who doesn’t care about who he’s hurting as long he can hurt someone!” Ron stated.

Hermione gave Ron a surprised look. “I thought you didn’t care about professor Snape.”

“Oh, I still don’t like him, but it’s like Harry said, no one should have to live through that. You should have seen Snape, sir. His eyes dripped blood and so did his ears and—“

“Ron, that’s enough. It’s up to them whether to tell professor Lupin or not!” Hermione doubted professor Snape would approve of them revealing that much to Remus.

They arrived at the door to the Potions Master’s quarters and Remus halted at once, picking up on the magic. “It’s warded.” He literally smelled the magic in the air which carried Severus’ signature.

“Harry? We need to talk to you!” Ron suddenly called out –rather loudly.

Hermione sighed and gave her friend another reprimanding look. “You could have been a bit more subtle!” 

Remus however chuckled. “Subtle seldom works with Severus.” That observation caused him to remember what their youth had been like – what Snape’s adolescence had been like to be more exact. He had never approved of Sirius and James bullying Severus, but he hadn’t tried to stop them either. Truth be told, the pestering had been mild at first, but had worsened after Lily had changed sides and had rallied against her former friend. 

Suddenly the door opened, and instead of Harry standing there, it was Severus. Remus managed a weak smile upon seeing the disgruntled look on the other man’s face. “Surprise?” he tried, going for some light-hearted banter. However, he could tell that Severus didn’t think it was a pleasant surprise at all.

“What are you doing here?” Severus glared at Lupin and wondered what the werewolf was doing at his school.

“Visiting Harry, if I may.” Remus couldn’t blame Severus for still feeling angry about the past, but this was about Harry and not about their former confrontations. Severus wasn’t answering him and that made Remus look closer. His eyes widened at seeing the still extensive burn mark that marred Severus’ throat. Ron and Hermione had told him that Severus had been injured – was that the wound they had been talking about? Come to think of it, Severus looked ghastly pale and was he really leaning against the wall in search of support? Maybe this was more serious than he had thought!

“Hermione! Ron… Remus!” Harry had stayed behind at Snape’s order, since the older wizard had wanted to make sure who was calling on him. Now that Harry saw his friends, he ran toward them and flung himself at Remus in particular. “It’s good to see you! I never expected you to visit!” Realizing they were standing partly in the corridor and partly in the hallway, he looked at Snape and asked, “Can he come inside?” 

“If he must,” Severus drawled, not looking forward to having his home once more invaded. 

“Thanks, sir!” Harry grabbed Remus’ arm and tried to drag the werewolf along. “We were just having tea and you can help me! I challenged professor Snape to a game of Wizard chess, but I’m losing!” 

Remus however shook his head and sought out Severus’ gaze instead. “Are you sure I’m welcome? I don’t want to intrude.” Severus allowing him inside would surprise the hell out of him. 

“Since Potter refuses to leave these rooms, the only way for the two of you to talk is when you join us.” Severus refused to say the actual words though –not to one of his arch enemies. He would try to behave – for Potter’s sake, because the boy had looked after him – but Lupin had better not get used to it.

“Thank you,” Remus whispered stunned. When he stepped into the hallway, he was surprised to find Hermione and Ron staying behind. “Aren’t you coming?” 

“We don’t want to crowd him,” Hermione said once the Potions Master had moved back into the living room. “And Ron doesn’t feel comfortable here to begin with.”

Remus nodded. “I understand. Thanks for taking me here.” It might be for the best if the two of them went back to their dormitories. Severus didn’t do well with crowds, and for his former classmate, four was definitely a crowd! He followed Harry into the living room and was surprised at the cozy feel to it. This wasn’t the way he had expected Severus to live. 

“Please sit down! Do you want tea?” Harry felt excited; it had been weeks since he had last seen Remus. 

Remus looked to Severus first before nodding. “I would love some.”

Severus averted his gaze and let Harry take care of ‘their’ guest. Bah, had it been up to him, he would never have invited the werewolf in. He picked up the book Potter had been reading earlier that evening and pretended being interested in it, although he had already read it several times.

Lupin wished Severus wouldn’t do that – demonstratively shut them out by picking up that book. But then again, wasn’t Severus’ reaction understandable? Severus had never trusted him and had always thought he had eagerly participated in Sirius’ and James’ antics. He turned toward Harry instead and said, “I never expected to find you here. Ron and Hermione had to show me your whereabouts.”

“Trust me, I’m equally surprised.” 

Harry was all smiles, something that surprised Remus. He had always been under the impression that Harry hated Severus. He would never understand why Severus bullied the boy – not to that extent. He understood that dealing with Harry might be hard on Severus because Harry resembled James very much, but still…

“Professor Snape wasn’t feeling well and I offered to help.”

Remus noticed the glare Severus shot Harry, who didn’t seem impressed though. Interesting.

“That is none of Lupin’s business, Potter,” Severus said in an icy tone.

Remus felt amused when Harry didn’t shrink back from that comment. Instead Harry poured another cup of tea and moved it toward Severus. Remus couldn’t help but wonder what had happened between the two of them to bring about the change. The mere fact that Severus allowed Harry into his private space was amazing.

“The two of you were former classmates, weren’t you?” Harry realized he finally had a chance to find out more about his parents. Both Snape and Remus had known them.

Severus eyed Lupin wearily. “Unfortunately.” Why had Harry brought that up?

“Because there is something I want to ask you about the time you spent at school.” Harry hoped the time was right to bring up his mother. He still wanted to know what that picture was doing on Snape’s desk. But before he could address that matter, Snape grabbed his arm and hissed angrily. 

Harry’s heart missed a beat at seeing it, as he knew what it meant. “You can’t go – not again!” Snape had barely made it through last night’s meeting and if Voldemort wanted to test his spy again, Snape might suffer severe injures – even worse than he had suffered last night.

Remus had no idea what had happened just now and frowned at Harry. “Is anything wrong?”

“You know that I must go, Potter. We discussed the matter.” Severus hoped he’d had enough rest and that he would last through the meeting. Hopefully Voldemort had summoned all Death Eaters and not just him –because then he would be in serious trouble. “You know what you have to do. Don’t stall, but do it!” 

“Remus, you have to stop him. You can’t let him leave!” Harry had jumped to his feet and tried to block Snape’s path when he headed for the window.

Remus wished he knew what this was about, but no one was telling him. “Harry, calm down. I am sure Severus has perfectly sound reasons for having to go.”

“Don’t you understand?” Harry yelled at the werewolf. “Voldemort summoned him just now and he barely survived the last two meetings!” Concern washed over him. “I don’t want him to go!” 

“Get out of my way, Potter.” Severus understood Harry’s worries, but couldn’t allow for them to affect him. “You know what happens when I am late.” He hated pointing that out, but he had to get through to Harry. It seemed to work, as Harry moved aside. 

Remus’ thoughts raced to make sense of what he had just heard. He knew Severus had been a Death Eater – still pretended to be one, as it allowed him close to Voldemort, but he had never seen a summoning before. And what had Harry said? Severus had barely survived the last two meetings? “Severus, maybe you can skip—“ He didn’t get a chance to finish though.

“Skip? Are you insane? Do you have any idea what happens should I refuse to answer his summons? Idiots, both of you!” He was running out of time; he couldn’t afford Voldemort to grow irritated with him. He marched over to the window, opened it, and glared at Harry. “Get those shields up, Potter, and make sure you have left these rooms by the time I get back. And don’t forget to take Lupin with you.” He had never meant to be harsh, but it had worked in the past and so he hoped that it would work this time as well. “And whatever you do, Potter, don’t open your mind –not to me, not to anyone!” And with that, he allowed his magic to change his form. Cloaked in black swirls, he left Hogwarts and headed for the snake’s lair.

Remus watched Severus’ form change to dark smoke and barely contained the urge to shudder. He had never seen Severus do that before and it sharply reminded him of the fact that the other man was a Death Eater. Harry stared at the window in shock and Remus knew he had to intervene. “Harry, I might have misunderstood; care to enlighten me?” 

“It’s a long story,” Harry said and sat down next to Remus. “Basically I messed up and Snape got injured because of it – twice.”

“Why don’t you tell me what happened and then I will try to help you clean up that mess you supposedly made.” He couldn’t help until he knew what had happened and thankfully Harry trusted him enough to tell him.

Five minutes later, Harry had managed to update him and Remus had to admit it was a lot to take in. “No one in the order ever thinks about the risks Severus takes,” he said eventually. “Most members despise him and think he’s Voldemort’s agent and not Dumbledore’s.” 

“I used to believe that too, but it doesn’t make sense, Remus. The two meetings, which I witnessed weren’t isolated incidents. And Dumbledore said that Snape has been injured in the past. He didn’t even worry when I told him that Snape was in a bad way.”

“Albus can be rather short-sighted. He’s interested in the information Severus can provide and not in his personal well-being.” He had noticed that tendency in Albus before. “Harry, shouldn’t you raise those shields? Severus said you should, didn’t he?”

“Yes, he did, and yesterday, I waited too long. I didn’t think it was necessary.” He was damned if he was going to make that mistake a second time.

“Then raise them. You want to keep Voldemort out, don’t you?” Something still puzzled Remus though. He understood why Albus felt Harry had to learn Occlumency, and Severus teaching Harry was also logical, but this link that had formed was something he couldn’t explain. He hadn’t heard of anything like it before.

Harry nodded and whispered, “Severus,” concentrating and thinking the name as loudly as he could. In the back of his mind, he heard Remus’ gasp in surprise at him saying that name. Harry forget to breathe when his defenses slipped into place; it felt like his mind had built a solid wall consisting of brick and mortar – a wall, that shielded him – would keep him from accessing that connection, but it didn’t happen that way. Instead his thoughts seemed to take flight, and the next moment, he felt himself manifesting in a dark, cold building. It had happened again! He was inside Snape’s mind! “Remus, I don’t think this is supposed to happen!”

“What is it?” Remus shifted forward on his chair and looked at Harry in concern.

“My shields are in place, just like Snape said, but… the connection… it’s back and I see what Snape’s seeing!” 

///

Severus manifested outside of the house that Voldemort was currently using for a hide-out. The location had changed, meaning the dark wizard had moved into a new shelter. He would only do so because he believed someone was about to betray him. Severus hoped Voldemort didn’t think that someone was him.

As he entered the house and headed for the stairs something unexpected happened. In the back of his mind, someone whispered his name and then the link buzzed with energy. He involuntarily halted, realizing what must have happened. Damn it, why hadn’t he thought of it before? Why had he allowed Potter to use his name to key the shields? Instead of weakening the connection his name was feeding it! He should have gone for Lily’s name after all. 

Professor?

Severus resumed walking. It was imperative his dark master didn’t notice any out of character behavior on him. Potter, listen carefully. I am about to meet with the Dark Lord and the last thing I need is you poking around my thoughts, do you hear me? Keep quiet and don’t start babbling! If necessary, talk it over with Lupin, but don’t contact me again, do you understand?

I do, sir, but I am not sure I can control it to such a degree!

Just do it, Potter! Severus stepped into the hall and found that the rest of the Death Eaters were already present. That was not good for it meant he was the last one to join them. Voldemort might consider him late again. He forced himself to seek out Voldemort’s gaze and tried to look composed, although, on the inside he felt Potter’s fear tear at him. “My Lord,” he said and bowed.

“Severus…” Voldemort rose from his chair and turned toward him.

Severus realized he was in trouble that very moment. The chilled quality to Voldemort’s voice informed him of his master’s displeasure with him. He had to find out what this was really about. Whatever displeased Voldemort had started three days ago and had now reached its peak. Voldemort pointed his wand at him and Severus steeled himself for whatever attack the dark wizard had in mind. Voldemort didn’t speak, but Severus felt the dark power nonetheless as it wrapped itself around him, taking control of his body and rendering him helpless. 

“On your knees,” Voldemort said, his smooth voice sliding through the room. 

Severus didn’t have a choice in the matter; Voldemort’s spell made sure he obeyed and he knelt on the stone floor. As he couldn’t speak either, he waited for what was to come. At least Potter remained quiet, which was something to be thankful for.

“Lucius informed me of most unwelcome news,” Voldemort said and beckoned Nagini forward.

So Lucius was the reason Voldemort was displeased with him? What could Lucius have possibly told their dark master? Lucius and he hadn’t talked for weeks and there was no one else… But of course, Draco! But what could Draco have possibly discovered about him? Nagini disrupted his thoughts as the monster began to wrap itself around him. Severus had seen the snake do it before and prepared for the worst. 

“Lucius tells me that you are teaching the boy Occlumency,” Voldemort continued, and after hissing at his snake, Nagini started to squeeze.

At first, the pressure was bearable, but when Nagini tightened her hold, Severus found it hard to keep breathing. His chest hurt and his fingers grew numb. She was literally squeezing the life out of him!

“Answer me!” 

Voldemort had yelled those words at him, and Severus knew the Dark Lord could easily kill him when he was in such a foul mood. “My Lord,” he started, grateful Voldemort had lifted that particular curse. He didn’t need to keep him paralyzed, not with Nagini suffocating him slowly. “It is true! Dumbledore asked me to teach the boy…” He had to stop talking, simply because he was running out of breath. Nagini’s hold tightened further and he could swear he heard his ribs crack. “And so I complied! But as I only live to serve you…” Again he ran out of breath, and this time he wasn’t sure he would be able to inhale again –not with that monster making it impossible!

Then, at the flick of Voldemort’s hand, the snake eased up a little, allowing him to draw in breath. He reacted at once. “I am weakening him instead! I would never teach him any defenses against you! I am puncturing his mind, so it will be easier for you to subdue him at the moment of your glory!” And there it was; Potter’s gasp at hearing those words. Shielding his thoughts very carefully from Voldemort, he thought, Stop doing that! He needed his wits about him if he wanted to survive! 

“Interesting,” Voldemort commented and approached Severus. “I wonder though; is this the truth? Or are you telling lies?”

Severus felt him push against his mind and so he opened up slightly, feeding Voldemort moments he could afford to show him. “It’s true, my Lord. I would never do anything to work against you! I am your faithful servant, my Lord, and I will do anything I can to further your glory!” Damn, his ribs hurt and the fact that Voldemort was inside his mind made hiding Potter’s thoughts even more difficult. There was one moment, when Voldemort pushed him even harder, that he didn’t think he could continue to fool him. That he would die at last. 

“Nagini…stop.”

The two words barely reached Severus who was about to lose consciousness due to the constant pressure. But then the snake released him and slithered back toward her master. Severus swayed and was unable to maintain his upright position. He slid onto the floor and actually relished the sensation of cold stone against his face for it meant he was still alive. Had he managed to convince the Dark Lord?

“Lucius, it seems your son made a mistake in judgment.”

Severus tried to listen, but his mind was scattered and he had to get back into control first. Thankfully Potter stayed quiet and so he managed to rebuild most of his defences.

“My Lord, I am quite sure that Draco didn’t lie to me!”

“Can it be that you are jealous, Lucius? You never approved of the fact that I favour Severus.”

So he was back in favour? Then maybe the pain had been worthwhile! Pushing himself to the limit, he managed to get back onto his feet. He somehow made it to his chair and collapsed on it, all the while clutching his chest, which continued to hurt and his lungs – they burned like hell.

“Next time I summon you, bring your son, Malfoy.”

Severus glanced at Lucius and watched all life draw from the man’s face. That was the drawback of having a family, Severus mused. It could, and in Lucius’ case, would, be used against him. 

“Now, the reason why I summoned you is…”

Severus listened, but only partly. He had heard Voldemort explain their plans to him countless times before. There wasn’t anything new to it. Shielding himself as heavily as he could, he cautiously reached out. Still there, Potter?

Yes, sir, but keeping quiet as instructed.

Good. Severus eyed Voldemort closely; he would stop talking to Harry the moment the Dark Lord seemed on to him. This meeting won’t last much longer. Go home and take Lupin with you, if he’s still there.

He is, but sir, wouldn’t it be better if we stayed? You are hurt and…

I can manage, Potter, and now, be quiet! Voldemort had stopped talking and was giving them expectant looks. Severus did as he always did; he started to applaud in a subdued way, which he knew, people felt was typical for him. Voldemort looked at him and seemed to swell with pride. Yes, he was in favour once more, but he still had to deal with Draco. That damn boy had almost gotten him killed!

///

Harry leaned back on the couch, feeling shaky and confused. Thankfully Remus was there to help out, and the werewolf sat down next to him, wrapping an arm around him. Harry felt something that resembled safety, but he knew he wouldn’t truly feel secure until Snape had returned. 

“Severus is very good at manipulation, don’t you agree?”

Harry nodded; he knew exactly why Remus had said that. “He twists everything around until it fits his situation. When he said that he was weakening and puncturing my mind instead of strengthening it, I almost believed him.”

“Almost?” Remus chuckled softly. “Had I attended that meeting as one of the Death Eaters I would most certainly have believed him.”

“It’s a dangerous game he plays, isn’t it, Remus?” Harry had only started to fully realize that during these last few days. “Each time he heads to one of those meetings he might get killed.”

Remus sighed softly. “I can’t pretend to know why he does it… I have my suspicions, but I am not sure. I need to talk to him first.” Remus observed Harry closely. “Is that link still active? Are you still connected to his mind?”

“Not at the moment.” Harry had lowered his shields the moment Severus had left Voldemort’s hiding place. “Remus, he’s hurt. When Nagini tried to suffocate him, his ribs got injured.”

“I can stay, if you think that is wise.” Remus had heard the true question in there. “That is, if Severus doesn’t throw me out first.”

“I don’t think he will have the strength for that. He barely recovered from their last meeting.” Harry had calmed down and watched as dark swirls of smoke moved into the room. Harry jumped up from the couch and started for the window. He came to a stop though when Snape stumbled into the room. Snape went down on his knees, wrapped his arms around his chest, and tried to breathe shallowly. “Professor?” Harry sat on his heels next to the injured wizard and tried to catch his gaze. 

Severus vaguely identified the voice and wondered why it was coming from so close. In the end, he managed to raise his gaze in order to find out. “Potter, what are you still doing here?” He gasped, as he had forgotten not to breathe too deeply. “I told you to get out!”

“Severus, we are here to help.” Remus wasn’t sure about the best approach, so he stayed in the back for now, but felt Severus should know about his presence.

“And the werewolf too,” Severus whispered. “Not even my home is safe from you.” 

Harry watched as Snape tried to get back to his feet and moved forward when the other man swayed. “What can I do to help?” Snape was heading for the couch and so Harry helped him get there. After helping him sit down, he looked to Remus for guidance.

Remus uncovered his wand and sat down to Severus’ other side. “Let me help.” He wouldn’t do anything without Severus’ consent though.

Severus wished the two of them would just go away and leave him be. There was little hope of that though. Glaring at Lupin, he whispered from between clenched teeth, “Do you worst then.”

Remus refused to be baited though. Pointing at Severus’ chest, he said, "Episkey.” 

Severus gasped as another wave of pain moved through his ribcage, but tried to hide his discomfort – especially with Lupin being that close. The werewolf probably loved seeing him in pain and he wasn’t going to give him that satisfaction! 

“Your hands are freezing,” Harry remarked rather stunned. He had taken hold of Snape’s right hand, trying to offer his support that way, and had startled at the icy feel of it. 

Severus quickly pulled his hand away. What was that damn boy thinking, grabbing hold like that? “I want the two of you to leave right now.” Because then he could crawl over to his bed, close his eyes, and rest. He refused to show the real extent of his exhaustion in front of Lupin.

“Can’t do that, Severus, not with you being in this state.” Remus had thought it over before making his statement. He refused to let Harry do this on his own, and while he didn’t intend to get that much involved, he did want to offer them both his support. He bore the glare Severus gave him, but also wondered how much was real emotion and how much an act. “Off to bed with you.” 

Harry had a hard time stopping himself from chuckling. Snape looked angry as hell, but didn’t appear like he was going to fight them. “Remus is right, sir. You need to rest – and to be warm.”

Severus wondered if he would get away with cursing them, but then decided he didn’t need to add Albus’ wrath to his current situation. He reluctantly resigned himself to their care and tried to cooperate the best way he could when they headed for his bedroom. Harry watched every step he made, ready to act if necessary. Severus thought the boy’s apparent concern was rather overdone, but didn’t say so as he did want to lie down and rest.

Upon entering his bedroom, Harry made sure Remus had a steady hold on Severus and then headed for the bed, turning down the covers. Severus growled at what he still thought was just an act, but when Lupin lowered him onto the mattress, he felt thankful nonetheless. 

“Why don’t you make sure Severus gets comfortable while I have a look at his private potions stock? Surely there is something in there to aid his recovery?”

Severus glowered at the werewolf; he was here, damn it! There was no reason to cut him out of the conversation!

“I will look after him,” Harry said in an earnest voice. “See if there’s a sleeping potion in there too.”

“No sleeping potion,” Severus grounded out from between gritted teeth. He had to stay in control, had to be able to wake if necessary. “Strengthening potion, yes, but no sleeping potion!”

Harry rolled back his eyes and smiled when Remus winked at him. He wouldn’t put it past his friend to switch the contents of the vials, just to make sure Snape really rested. Harry bent down to help Snape out of his coat when he noticed the yellow slime attached to it. “Nagini...” he whispered, realizing the snake must have left it behind. He never expected Snape to react so fiercely though.

“Where?” At once, his wand was in his hand and he searched his bedroom, wondering how the hell the snake had gotten into Hogwarts.

Harry swallowed nervously, as he had never expected Snape to react like that. “She’s not here! I just realized that -- the slime on your coat, sir.”

“Ah, that.” Severus relaxed, but only minutely. He used his wand to remove the snake’s traces and then placed it on the nightstand, making sure it stayed within reach. When Harry wanted to undo the buttons, he swept his hands away. “What do you think you are doing?” At the moment, his anger and his frustration at having been forced into this situation kept him alert and awake. In reality he wanted nothing more than to finally lie down and sleep. 

“You can’t possibly sleep comfortably wearing that.” Harry reminded himself that Snape’s bark was worse than his bite. 

“I can do that myself!” Severus reached for the buttons, but his fingers refused to cooperate. The blood had been drained from them earlier and he wasn’t sure he actually still felt them. He was certain the effect would fade in time, but right now it left him rather incapacitated.

“Why can’t you use your hands?” Harry had looked on in growing concern.

“It will fade, Potter, don’t feel smug about my handicap. Nagini briefly cut off the blood supply to my hands, that’s all. No need to gloat!” 

Harry stared at Snape in surprise. “Why do you think I am gloating? Do you really think I like seeing you in pain?” Although he, rationally, knew that Snape was probably just acting it still affected him. “I am here because I care about you, not to—“

“Harry, not now.” Remus was back and had overheard part of the conversation. Contrary to Harry, he had a good idea why Severus was acting the way he was. He had seen that particular behaviour before, when they had still been students and Sirius and James had gotten away with bullying Severus. “Severus, drink this and then get some sleep.”

“I am not taking orders from you, werewolf,” Severus snarled, but he still looked at the potions Lupin had put on the nightstand next to him. All correct, all would help him recover; even stimulate the blood flow to his hands. But he would be damned if he took them just because Lupin was saying so!

“Harry, I need to talk to Severus in private. Can you leave us for a moment?” Remus had made his decision; he was going to confront Severus, but not with Harry present. Severus wouldn’t want the boy around when discussing his past. Harry didn’t look convinced though and Remus nodded encouragingly, hoping Harry would continue to trust him.

“I will check on you later,” Harry said, addressing his professor. He kept his gaze trained on Remus though and mouthed, “Go easy on him,” before leaving the bedroom.

Severus moved further onto the bed, rested his back against the headboard, and cursed his weakened state. He didn’t feel up to facing Lupin just yet. “Get out,” he said; trying for the direct approach, though he doubted it would work. He had seldom seen such a determined look on Lupin’s face. “Get out, Lupin, before I make you.”

Remus studied Severus for a moment before deciding what to do. Then he sat down at the foot end of the bed. “My name is Remus, Severus. And as you can see, I am not going anywhere.” 

Severus had no idea what Lupin was up to, but he wished the werewolf had picked another time for whatever he had in mind.”Spit it out and get it over with. I have more important things to do than sit here and waste my time by talking to you!” 

Remus recognized the defence mechanism for what it was, but he wasn’t going to allow Severus to chase him away –not this time. “And what important things might that be?” Only belatedly did he realize that he was arguing with a master manipulator who could turn their conversation around any way he wanted. 

“I need to report to Albus for one,” Severus sneered, although he doubted he could tell Albus anything new. He was sure that if Albus had required information, the wizard would have checked with him already. “Get out,” he repeated his former order. “Now.”

“No.” Remus drew in a deep breath. “Severus, I am sorry for the way we treated you back then. I should have stood up to Sirius and James, but I took the coward’s way out.” He saw Severus’ surprise at hearing that and knew the wizard hadn’t expected him to say anything like it. “I apologize for letting them bully you and not stop them. I can only tell you that I was afraid they would start to pick on me if I did. I am a werewolf, Severus. It’s not easy making friends with that condition, but no,” he said and raised a hand when Severus wanted to interrupt, “It’s no excuse and I know it. Hear me out, Severus. This needs to be said.” Although Severus had remained quiet during his speech, Remus could tell he was up to something. “There’s no excuse for the way we treated you back then and I must admit I never gave it much thought until recently.” He paused, trying to find the right words so he could continue.

“What changed?” In spite of his great dislike for the werewolf Severus found himself listening closely.

“Tonks is pregnant,” Remus said and grinned in a silly way. 

Severus frowned in concern. “This is not a good time to have children. Not a good time either to be raising one.” 

Remus nodded. “Don’t you think I know that? But it happened, Severus, and the child is most welcome… It’s a boy.”

Again, Severus considered the news. “You will have to use the outmost caution in order to keep them safe.”

Remus moved a little closer to Severus. The fact that Severus worried about the baby’s well-being told him a lot. He had truly misjudged his former classmate. “I will deal with that when the moment comes, but what I want to say is this… Each man wants a son, or daughter, that doesn’t matter, but then I thought about him growing up, maybe even attending Hogwarts, should the school still exist by that time.” Severus remained quiet and Remus was sure he was listening very closely. “And what it would be like, if he were bullied like you were. He might tell me about it, if he felt I could help, but what if he kept it all to himself? What I am trying to say is, and I know I am not very good at it, is that I tried to put myself in your shoes, and I didn’t like it at all.”

His speech left Severus feeling unbalanced; he didn’t know what to make of it and Remus noticed. “Severus, I know why you keep everyone at a distance. I know why you sneer at Harry or at me for that matter. I deserve your anger, but Harry doesn’t, neither do any of the other students. I never realized how much damage our bullying did. We were kids; we never thought about how much it hurt you.” 

“Stop this,” Severus said slowly. “Stop it right now.”

“No, I am going to finish what I started.” Remus prepared for whatever fight Severus would put up. “Like Harry said earlier, he’s here with you because he cares, and although you will never believe me when I say so, so do I. I know that we will never be friends, but maybe we can be civil to each other?” Remus waited for Severus to speak his mind, but the wizard had grown quiet – eerily quiet. “I fetched those potions because I thought they might help you recover, not to bully you into taking them just because I could. I even left out the sleeping potion as you doubtlessly have noticed; you didn’t seem inclined to drink it. I believe you should have some though – you look like death warmed over.” Remus held his breath, wondering what was going on in Severus’ head. “Aren’t you going to say anything?” he challenged, after several minutes had passed by.

“You surprised me,” Severus admitted eventually. The child in him, which had been bullied for almost seven years, had always craved to hear those words, but the adult didn’t know how to react to them. “Give me those potions then.”

Remus breathed a sigh of relief. That had gone better than he could have hoped for. “Which one first?”

“The pain-reliever,” Severus said after a moment’s thought. Remus already knew that he was in discomfort; hiding that wouldn’t serve a purpose. He drank it, slowly, pacing himself. After a minute, it started to unfold its effect and Severus carefully shrugged out of his coat. Remus moved to help and Severus’ first reaction was to tell the werewolf off, but then, he accepted the help. 

Remus offered him another potion, and after checking its content, he swallowed that one as well. It would strengthen him, but the effect would only be temporary. What his body really needed was rest. Severus shifted on the bed, finally lying down and attaining a more comfortable position as he relaxed. 

“I can get you the sleeping potion, Severus. I still think you need it.” Remus wasn’t sure Severus would accept, but he had to try.

“Fetch it then.” Severus had reached a point where he no longer cared. He needed to sleep, to give his body a chance to recover, and if Albus wanted to talk to him in the meantime, he would have to wait. 

When Remus returned a moment later, he found Severus already half asleep. He sat down and studied him closely; Severus had always been pale – had always had an unhealthy look over him, but these days, he looked like a mere shadow of himself. “Drink this.” Remus guided Severus’ fingers around the vial when the wizard reached for it. Harry was right, he noticed, those hands felt dreadfully cold.

Severus managed to drown the potion before finally giving into exhaustion and falling into a deep sleep.

///

“How’s he doing?” Harry cornered Remus the moment he returned.

“Asleep. He drank the sleeping potion after all.” Remus sat down on the sofa and replayed their conversation in his mind. “He is a far braver man than I thought.”

Harry felt oddly proud at hearing that, but then his joy abated. “I made the same mistake and that didn’t change until I saw what happened at those meetings. He’s doing all this in order to keep me safe from Voldemort.”

“That and much more.”

Harry looked up in surprise and found Dumbledore standing near the fireplace. “Professor?”

Albus raised a hand and smiled at Harry. “It’s good that you know the truth now, Harry. Though I didn’t quite expect to see you here, Remus.”

Remus rested his head against the comfort of the couch and studied the older wizard carefully. Severus’ manipulations were straightforward. Once you knew where his loyalty lay his actions made sense. Dumbledore was different though, Remus mused. He had never been able to tell what Albus’ hidden agenda really was. “I am merely visiting.”

Dumbledore nodded and then moved toward the doorway. Harry quickly walked up to him and asked, “Where are you going, sir?”

Albus managed to keep the grin from his face. “To question Severus, of course. He may have new information for me.” Harry’s expression darkened and a protective stance came over the boy, just as he had hoped.

“You can’t, sir. Professor Snape is asleep. Remus gave him a sleeping potion.”

“I must still wake him, Harry.” Albus pushed just a little harder.

“No, sir, you can’t! You know the effects of that potion. You will harm him.” Harry felt alarmed. Rousing Snape from the state he was in would further deteriorate his health. “I know what took place at that meeting; I can tell you. You don’t need to wake him up.” 

Albus cocked his head as if considering it. In reality he complimented Harry for defending Severus. “Was it Draco then?”

Harry nodded. “Voldemort said that Draco had told his father that professor Snape was teaching me Occlumency. Voldemort didn’t like that.”

“I suppose he didn’t…” Albus let his voice trail off at the end.

“Professor Snape then told Voldemort that he was weakening my mind instead; that he was puncturing it during those lessons so Voldemort would have an advantage over me when the time came.”

“Very resourceful, if I may say so. There is a reason why Severus is that good a spy.” Albus watched both of them now, curious to see who would react first and what he would say.

“He has to be that good,” Remus remarked. “If he slips just once, Voldemort will kill him. He risks his life each time he meets up with him.”

“Severus made that decision a long time ago. He knows what price he will pay in the end, and he agreed to that.” Albus dropped another piece of the puzzle.

Harry frowned. “Why does he do it?” Why would any man for that matter be willing to risk his life repeatedly?

“I need to leave you now,” Albus announced. A quick spell told him that Severus was indeed asleep and that it was a peaceful one at that. Good, maybe the nightmares would leave him alone for a change.

“But you didn’t tell me anything,” Harry objected. He wanted to know the whole picture and hated being fed scraps.

“Remus has those answers… Maybe if he ponders the matter, he will realize why Severus is so eager to pay that price. But, as I said, I need to leave you now.” He walked toward the doorway and used their bewilderment to slip into the corridor.

“What did he mean by that?” Remus asked confused. 

But then Harry had an idea. “Maybe I can help! I will be right back!” Harry headed for the bedroom, as he wanted to check on Snape first. He had to know for certain that the wizard was resting peacefully. He opened the bedroom door, took a step inside, and then paused to study the sleeping man. Snape had moved onto his right side. He had wrapped his arms around his chest and had pulled his knees close to his abdomen. Harry caught the shivers that coursed through Snape’s body and he quickly covered him with a couple of blankets. At first, he resisted the urge to tuck him in, but then he grinned and proceeded anyway. Once he was certain that Snape was comfortable and sound asleep, he moved out of the room, but kept the door ajar. He wanted to be able to hear any sounds coming from the bedroom. Next he moved to the study. He collected the frame from the desk and returned to the living room.

“Maybe you can start by explaining this to me?” He sat down next to Remus and handed the werewolf the picture. “I found it on his desk the other day. It was hard to spot at first.”

Remus took hold of the frame and sighed deeply. “I had forgotten about that.” Seeing the picture brought back memories and he understood why that picture puzzled Harry. “He looks different, don’t you think? Severus? I can’t recall him ever smiling like that.”

Harry nodded. ”It’s like I am looking at a different person. During all the years in which I have known him, I never saw him smile and most certainly not like that. He looks happy—they both do… I don’t understand it though. That’s my mother, isn’t it?”

Remus recalled Albus’ words and realized he might have some answers after all, but certainly not all of them. “Your mother and Severus already were best friends when they arrived at Hogwarts – joined at the hip. As far as I can tell, the feeling was mutual – they both cared deeply about each other.” 

That was not what Harry had expected to hear, but it made sense, considering the picture. “I never knew that! Why didn’t anyone tell me?”

“I reckon no one thought it still mattered.” Maybe they had been wrong, Remus mused. “They remained best friends even when the sorting hat put her in Gryffindor and Severus in Slytherin. You know that students mostly keep to their own house, but they defied that. When you saw Lily, you could be sure Severus was close too.” Remus smiled at the memory. He looked at things in a different way these days. Life had taught him to put things into a different perspective.

“Go on!” Harry shifted nervously next to Remus. He knew so little about his mother and he was desperate to learn more.

“As I said, they were best friends. Your mother always defended Severus when James and Sirius played a prank on him. Your father and godfather were bullies, Harry. I know you don’t want to hear it, but it’s the truth; they always picked on Severus. Lily would scold them for targeting Severus and she hexed them on more than on one occasion.”

“What happened?” Harry grew thoughtful after hearing that. His father had always been his hero, and now he was finding out that James Potter had had his flaws. How had his mother ended up with him then?

“I don’t know exactly how it happened.” Remus tried to remember – for Harry’s sake. “I think Sirius and James were picking on Severus again – it must have happened during the sixth year at Hogwarts… At that time, Severus had befriended Lucius and was known to be sympathetic to the Death Eaters as well. He swallowed their propaganda and started to call everyone who wasn’t a half-blood or pure-blood Mudblood. I have no idea why he did it, but he also called your mother that when she tried to stop the bullying. She ended their friendship after that and started to hang out with us instead. Only a few months later, James and Lily fell in love.” Now that he thought about it, everything that had happened back then seemed rather childish. “Lily surprised us by dumping Severus like that. I believe she once told me that Severus had tried to apologize to her, but that she had refused to accept it.” Remus drew in a deep breath. “That picture must have been taken shortly before their falling out.”

Harry remained quiet; he needed a moment to make sense of what he had heard. “So that’s why he gets vindictive whenever someone uses that word.”

“What do you mean, Harry?”

“Normally he is very protective of his Slytherins, but the one thing he won’t tolerate, even from them, is using that word.” Harry recalled several occasions during which Snape had lashed out at his own students. 

“That makes sense,” Remus conceded. “Still, now that I am thinking about it… The way Lily reacted was out of character. They never had any arguments –Severus and your mother. And for something like that to drive them apart...”

“Do you think something else happened then?”

“I have no idea, Harry. There’s only one person who can answer that question, but I doubt he ever will. You should put that picture back where you found it. Severus won’t like finding out we saw it – or even worse, discussed it.”

Harry stroked the protective glass set over the picture with his fingertips. “I always thought I knew Snape… I hated him. He always pestered me, humiliated me, but at the same time, he saved my life when Quirrell tried to kill me during that match. He even tried to protect me from you, when you changed into a werewolf that day. I should have questioned my beliefs back then. He pulled all three of us behind him, forming a barrier should you attack.”

“We see what we want to see, Harry. Severus made that very easy by picking on you, but you are right; we tend to disregard the moments he tried to protect you.”

Harry cocked his head and looked at Remus. “Will you stay? Or must you go?”

“I have no urgent appointments,” Remus said and chuckled. “But I can’t stay indefinitely. Tonks wouldn’t like that.” And when he did get back with her, he had to talk to her about Severus. Someone else inside the order should know the truth about him.

“Thanks, I would like for you to stay – at least until Snape is back on his feet.”

“Severus will bounce back, fear not,” Remus said, trying to lift Harry’s mood. He placed his hand against Harry’s cheek and turned the boy’s face toward him. “I told Severus that I have a first name, since he keeps calling me Lupin. Now I am telling you that ‘Snape’ has a first name too, it’s Severus. You might not feel comfortable calling him that to his face, but I doubt he will lash out at you if you do. I didn’t realize it until today, but he’s a very lonely man, Harry.”

“I know that—well, at least, since a few days. I will to remember that, Remus.”

Remus smiled and ruffled Harry’s hair. “Good, now put that picture back where you found it.” He watched Harry leave the room and then pondered everything he knew. Albus had been sure that he held all pieces to the puzzle, but why then, did he feel like he was missing several huge chunks of them?

///

Severus woke the next morning because his instincts warned him that he wasn’t alone in the room and that he was being watched. He opened his eyes, located his wand, which was once more tucked inside his sleeve, and feeling a bit more reassured, focused on the intruder. “Albus…” He should have known the old wizard would appear sooner or later. “It was Draco. He found out about the Occlumency lessons.”

Albus kept his back to Severus. It was easier that way. “Harry already told me.” As expected, Severus reacted at once by sitting up and cussing softly. “Don’t be angry with him. He didn’t want me to wake you and so he supplied me with the information instead.”

“You shouldn’t use him in that way.” The fact that he allowed Albus to use him as he saw fit, didn’t mean the old wizard could do the same thing to Harry. “He’s troubled enough. You don’t want to mess more with his mind than you are already doing.”

Keeping his features carefully schooled, Albus finally faced Severus. “Be careful, Severus, you sound like you care for the boy.” Severus immediately averted his gaze, but Albus didn’t need the eye contact to know that he was right. Severus *did* care about Harry. It came as no surprise that Severus quickly changed their subject.

“Apparently I am back in the Dark Lord’s favour. At least he said so. That’s worth something.” Although the price for that had been high, it had not been *too* high as far as Severus was concerned. 

Albus approached the bed and eyed Severus critically. These last few nights had taken a huge toll on the younger wizard. “Are you sure you don’t want Harry to know?”

“Know what?” Severus narrowed his eyes and wondered what Albus was up to.

“I once promised never to reveal the best of you, Severus. Are you still sure about that? I wouldn’t mind if the boy knew the truth.”

“He can’t know! He can never know!” Severus sat up, and as he felt strong enough, pushed himself to his feet. He stalked over to Albus and looked him in the eye. “No one can know – and that includes the boy. Harry can never know… You promised.”

He promised a lot of things, rather often actually. That didn’t mean he kept his word though. “We need to keep an eye on Draco,” Albus said, changing their subject again. “We can’t allow him to keep spying on you.” 

“I will take care of it,” Severus said. He didn’t know yet how, but he would find a way.

“No, leave the Malfoy boy to me.”

Severus blinked in surprise. “Are you sure?” 

“I am sure,” Albus chuckled. “Now, speaking about boys… You do realize Harry’s asleep on the sofa in your living room?”

“I told him to go home. Why doesn’t he ever do as he is told?” Severus ran a hand through his hair. Although he had rested, he still felt tired, but it was his mind, and not his body, which suffered from exhaustion. 

“Because he takes after his mother?” Albus suggested, carefully monitoring Severus’ reaction. Mentioning Lily had set off tantrums in the past. Severus did have an awful temper at times.

“Don’t!” 

Severus’ clipped tone told Albus that this was not the right time to address the matter. He did hope however, that such a time would eventually come. “What are you going to do about Harry? And Remus?”

“The werewolf is still here as well?” His tone lacked the venom it had possessed a moment ago, as he recalled what they had talked about last night and the way Remus had apologized for past behaviour. Had he actually accepted that apology? He couldn’t quite remember everything he had said --last night was a bit blurry 

“Harry likes him and so do I. I have the feeling you might like him too, if you gave Remus a chance to befriend you.” 

“How many times do I need to tell you that I have no use for friends in my life? Friends and family – those I can do without.” He didn’t dare let anyone close to him for the Dark Lord would use it against him should Voldemort need some leverage. He led a lonely life by choice.

Albus sighed. For almost twenty years he had tried to get through to Severus, but he had never quite managed it. “Don’t terrorize Harry, Severus. You need him to trust you, remember?”

“He can do without lessons. I keyed his defences…” Oh, he still had to fix that. He had to do so as quickly as possible!

“To what word? Yours was Lily if I remember correctly.”

“You just had to bring her up again, didn’t you?” He knew Albus too well to think it had been a coincidence. Lately Albus seemed to use every opportunity he got to mention her. “But yes, you are right. It was Lily.”

“And what word did Harry choose?” 

Severus glared at the older wizard. “Like you don’t know. Don’t pretend ignorance. It doesn’t become you.”

“He chose your name, didn’t he? And not even Snape, but Severus – odd, don’t you think? I wonder why he did that.”

“Leave me alone, Albus. It’s bad enough having two masters pulling my strings. I might be your willing puppet most of the time, but not right now.” 

Albus knew when to back off. “Take care of the boy’s shields, and Severus, he needs more lessons.” A crack in the air announced he had left.

Severus felt grateful that Albus had finally left. He needed a break – desperately.

///

Severus wasn’t in the habit of locking his bathroom, but this time he cast a spell to make certain that no one walked in on him. First, he removed his clothes and then indulged in a long hot bath. He checked on the burn and decided it was best to treat it one more time. It should fade completely in the course of the day. Good, for he didn’t like keeping reminders of Voldemort’s interrogating methods. After dressing in clean pants, white shirt, and his favourite black coat, he undid the locking spell and headed for the living room, hoping that Potter and Lupin had disappeared after all. But he didn’t get what he had wished for. Both of them were still there, and even worse, they were awake. 

“Severus.” Remus looked up from the book he had been studying, since there was nothing else to do. He had briefly flirted with the idea of checking on Severus’ potions experiments, but then he would have needed to enter the study and since Severus kept that picture there, he had decided against it. 

Harry, who had been studying the titles of the books sitting on a shelf, turned around. “Professor, it’s good to see you back on your feet.” 

“You can eat breakfast in here, but then I want you out. You probably have loads of homework to do, Potter.” He summoned breakfast and the food appeared on the table. “Eat you fill and then be gone.” 

“And what about you, Severus? Aren’t you hungry?” Remus poured himself coffee, and after catching Harry’s look, poured him a cup too. 

“Not that it concerns you, but I am not hungry.” He had other things on his mind. He had to find a way to tell Harry that he had to change the word he had chosen to raise his shields and why he had to change it. He didn’t look forward to having to explain it to the boy.

“Don’t you want some tea, sir?” Harry remembered the variety of tea blends he had seen in the kitchen earlier. The house elves had included a pot of tea for breakfast as well.

“If I want something, I will get it myself,” Severus remarked in a chilly voice. He had to get back to normal, or whatever he called normal in his life. While Harry and Remus ate breakfast, Severus stalked over to the window and looked at the sky. It was a truly sunny Sunday, and his last chance to get some peace and quiet before teaching started again tomorrow. He hadn’t had a chance yet to get the first potions lesson organized for tomorrow.

“Go on,” Remus whispered conspiringly. “Take it to him.” He had filled a cup with hot tea, had added some sugar, and then handed it to Harry. If he remembered correctly Severus took sugar with this tea. 

Severus heard him, but didn’t comment. It was one of those rare moments when he would indulge himself by looking at the sun and remember he was actually on the sight of the light and not darkness. Sometimes he forgot. 

“Professor?” Harry hoped he was right and that Snape was in a mellow mood. The older wizard certainly looked relaxed, which was a rare sight. He offered him the tea, but wasn’t sure Snape would take it.

Repressing a heartfelt sigh, Severus turned to face Harry. The sneer that had already been on his lips, died upon seeing Harry’s hopeful expression. Seeing that look made him swallow any ghastly comments he had wanted to make. Instead, he wrapped his fingers around the cup and nodded. He hadn’t asked for it, so he wasn’t going to say thank you.

Harry however didn’t mind; he was relieved Snape had accepted the offered tea. He might be pushing his luck, but he tried anyway, “Maybe you would like some toast too?”

What had happened to putting more emotional distance between them? Severus wondered. This was not the way to do that. But he still followed Harry to the table and sat down, pulling the chair as far away from the table as he could without crashing into the wall. He reached for a slice of toast and nibbled on it. He was actually having breakfast with Potter and Lupin –he was definitely losing his touch!

“Harry asked me to stay a little longer and I said yes.” Remus sought out Severus’ gaze. “Don’t worry, I won’t stay… I am sure I can find someone who will put up with me.”

He could live with Remus being at Hogwarts – but he couldn’t live with this constant invasion of his home. “You can always try the room of requirement,” he said coolly. 

“Thanks for the advice,” Remus replied, refusing to be baited.

“Or you could use my bed.”

Severus blinked repeatedly and promptly admonished himself for letting Potter surprise him like that. “What did you say?” He slowly turned his head to glare at Harry.

“I rather hoped that I could stay with you for the next few days.” Harry had given the matter ample thought while they had been waiting for Snape to join them. He hadn’t told Remus about his plans, as he still wasn’t sure how to approach the matter. He caught Remus’ amused expression and hoped Snape wasn’t looking at Lupin at the same time. 

“And why, pray tell me, would you think of such an absurd thing?” What had the boy gotten into his head? Severus couldn’t believe Harry had actually suggested staying at his quarters!

“Well,” Harry started, trying to think it through before saying anything, “I reckon you will be teaching me Occlumency in the evenings and you might be summoned again… and when that happens, you might need help afterwards.” 

Severus prayed for patience because the boy was really putting him to the test. “Potter, I don’t need your help and when teaching you Occlumency we don’t need to do it here!” Although, there was still the matter of changing the key word. 

Harry wasn’t sure what tactic would work best with Snape. In the end, he simply decided to be honest as he didn’t want to play games. “I worry about you, professor. I would feel much better if you allowed me to stay.”

Maybe he should throw a tantrum at the boy. Maybe then Potter would want to get out of his sight. But tantrums demanded energy and that was the one thing he still lacked. 

Harry was afraid to believe that he had actually managed to sway his teacher, but when Snape remained quiet and then nodded, he realized he had won – to his utter amazement.

“You can stay one more night, but that’s it. And it’s not because I need your help, Potter,” Severus sneered with all the energy he could muster, “but because we do need to look at your shields one more time.” 

“Of course, sir,”

Potter sounded much too eager for Severus’ taste, but he didn’t comment on it, especially since Lupin was giving him a funny look. “What?”

“Nothing, Severus, absolutely nothing…” 

Severus wished he knew what that had been about; especially when he caught Lupin winking at Potter.

“Sit down and don’t get in the way,” Severus told Lupin. For some reason the werewolf continued to occupy his living room, even in spite of repeated demands to leave it!

Remus sat near the window and pretended to resume reading when in reality he continued to monitor Severus.

Severus briefly considered removing Lupin from his rooms by force, but then settled for hoping the werewolf would leave once he was done correcting Potter’s trigger word.

“Sir?” Harry wondered why Snape kept watching Remus. He knew the two of them didn’t get along, but this seemed different.

“Ah, yes.” Severus took the seat opposite Potter and began clearing his mind. Once he felt balanced, he said, “You need to change the word that triggers your shields. We will start with that.”

“And why is that, sir? I thought it worked!” Harry caught the reluctance in Snape’s eyes when he watched him. “Or didn’t it?”

“It worked too well.” Severus cursed the fact that Lupin heard every word he said. “You can’t use it any longer. By using it, you strengthen the link. That’s why I felt you in my mind last night. That can’t happen again. The Dark Lord might pick up on your presence or you might distract me to such an extent that I betray myself.” 

“Just out of curiosity,” Remus interrupted, as he had fun making Severus nervous. “What again was the word you chose, Harry?”

Severus wanted to stop Harry from answering that question, but the boy was quicker.

“I decided on Severus,” Harry said, realizing Remus had remembered and was merely baiting Snape. “Picking that one made sense.”

Remus chuckled. “I understand why you picked it.”

Severus fought to remain calm, but it was getting harder with every passing second. “Potter, look at me. You need to use something else. Using my name in that way will cause the link to deepen and we don’t want that.”

Harry didn’t want the link to weaken. He wanted to know what was happening to Snape so he could help when the older wizard needed him. Yes, he would go along and change the word, but maybe the old word would continue to work as well? He didn’t really mean to trick Snape, but it was hard to convince himself to see things that way. “I don’t want to change it.”

Alright, it was time to play dirty then. “Potter, do you really want the Dark Lord to curse me because he senses your thoughts upon me? Or even worse, kill me because he suspects something is wrong?”

Remus shook his head in disapproval. That was low, even for Severus. 

“Of course not!” Harry fidgeted with the sleeves of his sweater. “But I like being in touch with you like that.” Well, that had come out the wrong way. “What I am trying to say is that I want to know if you are safe or if Voldemort is hurting you.”

Severus had been afraid that Harry would react like that. Albus was responsible for the mess they found themselves in. Albus had hinted that he wanted the two of them to realize that they didn’t hate each other, but instead, cared, and this was typical meddling on Albus’ part. “Harry,” he said, surprising himself by actually saying the name. Harry was surprised too; the boy’s expression told him that. “You mustn’t care about my well-being. I am not important. I don’t want you to worry about me. There is a reason why I always bully you, can’t you guess? I need you to hate me…”

Remus rolled back his eyes. That made no sense whatsoever.

“Don’t do that, Lupin,” Severus hissed. “You don’t know everything.”

“Then explain it to us,” Remus challenged, putting aside the book and facing Severus. “Why must everyone hate you?”

“Because, you idiot, the Dark Lord would use my friends against me. Think of Lucius and his family. Do you really think Malfoy supports the Dark Lord because he idolizes Voldemort? Of course not! He’s scared as hell that the Dark Lord will hurt Narcissa or kill Draco! Having a family, or even friends, will be used against you. Suppose I let you befriend me, Remus, or you, Harry, how long do you think I will last in the Dark Lord’s service?”

Harry and Remus exchanged glances. They understood Snape’s worries, understood why he was hesitant to allow them close, but still…

“We face that risk each day,” Remus said eventually. “I can lose Tonks… I know she can be taken hostage. Voldemort might even torture or kill her, but I can’t stop loving her because of it.”

“Then you are a fool for endangering her life,” Severus hissed.

Remus was about to get to his feet and let Severus *exactly* know what he thought of that sneer when he realized he was being manipulated again. And he had almost taken the bait. “No, I am no idiot… But I do understand why you don’t want to run that risk. You are much closer to Voldemort. Should he ever find out that you are Albus’ spy, and not his, he will retaliate in a terrible way.”

At least Remus understood then. Turning again towards Harry, he said, “Give me a new word, Potter.”

Harry felt conflicted; he understood Severus’ urge for making the change, but still didn’t like it. His first impulse was to use his mother’s name, but no, he didn’t want to abuse her name that way. “Snitch,” he said eventually. “Is that a good word?”

“It will do.” Severus felt relieved that the youngster was finally cooperating. “Will you let me into your mind?” He wanted this over and done with.

“Yes, go ahead.” Harry realized he trusted Snape – something he had never thought possible. He hardly felt his teacher move through his thoughts in order to make the necessary adjustments.

“Done,” Severus whispered, hoping the connection would remain dead the next time Harry raised his shields, but he couldn’t be certain of that until they faced a real emergency. The mind worked in mysterious ways and the shields might not react to mere pretence, at least not in Harry’s case, who was still new to Occlumency.

“Sir, when I asked you the other day you wouldn’t tell me which word you used when you started to learn Occlumency.”

“And what makes you think I will tell you now?” He was never going to share that piece of information with Potter!

“Because I don’t think I need you to tell me…I believe I know what it was.” Snape tensed and Harry drew in a deep breath, as he had no idea how the other wizard would react. “Was it Lily?”

Severus slowly turned to look at Remus, knowing exactly who had provided Harry with that insight. He felt alarmingly calm when he reached for his wand and pointed it at Lupin. “You will pay for that.”

Remus had expected Severus to jump to his feet, to pace, yell at him, maybe even physically assault him, but he hadn’t thought Severus would react in such a deadly way. Severus’ face seemed bereft of emotion, but when Remus looked more closely, he thought tears shimmered in those black eyes. “Severus, don’t do that. Lower your wand.” He didn’t move – he stayed where he was. He didn’t go for his wand, knowing that if he did, one of them wouldn’t survive the confrontation. 

“Professor, don’t!” Harry regretted asking that question. Like Remus he had thought that Snape would yell at them, but he had never expected anything like that. The tip of Snape’s ebony wand glowed with energy and should it release that force, it would most certainly cause serious injury. Harry moved quickly and went to stand in-between the two men. “Stop it, professor!” The way Snape shook his head, slowly and utterly predatory, made him dread the worst. “Don’t do it!” 

“Severus…” 

Harry looked at Dumbledore, who had, all of a sudden, appeared in the corner of the living room. “Professor, I didn’t mean to upset him! He won’t lower his wand!” He felt relieved at seeing Dumbledore nod and then advance on Snape.

“Severus, lower that wand or I will do it for you. I won’t tolerate murder inside these walls.”

Severus suddenly spun around like bitten and hissed at Albus. “Don’t you dare bring that up! I paid for my crimes – in full.”

“Lower your wand, Severus,” Albus repeated. He had seen Severus in that state before and knew how to proceed. Normally, Severus was a calm and analytical man, but sometimes something would trigger his emotions to such an extent that he lost control. It was understandable, Albus reasoned, as Severus had to tightly control his feelings most of the time. When they were offered a way out, everything wanted out.

Remus hoped Albus know how to handle Severus, because the look in those black eyes scared him. He watched closely when Albus wrapped his fingers around Severus’ wrist and somehow forced him to release it. Albus caught the wand before it hit the floor and tucked it away between the folds of his robes. “Severus, you need to control your emotions, calm your mind… You need to take control again.”

Fascinated, Harry took it all in. It was like watching an Occlumency lesson in reverse. Dumbledore was telling Snape the same things his teacher had told him. Did that mean Dumbledore had taught Snape in the first place? Just to be on the safe side, he moved toward Remus and came to a halt standing next to him. The look Remus gave him told him that the werewolf was equally perplexed.

“Calm your mind, Severus… Sort out your emotions and then let go of them. You know what to do. Rein it all in.” Albus saw the first signs of calm when he looked at Severus again. At first he had been tempted to enter Severus’ mind, but he had quickly reconsidered. Severus could easily lash out at him and by doing that, the younger wizard would do considerable damage to both of them. 

It took Severus a long time to do as instructed. Calming his mind was hard. Letting go of his hatred was even harder, but in the end, he managed, and breathed in deeply, trying to centre himself again. 

“That was close,” Albus said, addressing Remus and Harry. “Maybe too close. I strongly suggest you don’t confront him in that manner again.”

“I didn’t know! I didn’t think it would provoke such a reaction,” Harry replied in all honesty. “I was just…curious.” Had he known Snape would react like that he wouldn’t have mentioned his mother in such a casual way! 

“It’s not your fault, Harry, not exactly,” Albus sighed deeply and then focused on Severus again. “Better?”

“Better,” Severus admitted, ashamed of the way he had reacted. He had truly wanted to curse Remus. Harry might have asked about Lily, but Remus was the only one who could have told him.

“I suggest the two of you leave now. I will stay with Severus.” Albus needed to protect all three of them. When he had set out on this path, he had known that somewhere along the line Severus might snap. 

“Are you sure that is for the best?” Harry wondered if it wouldn’t be better if he stayed. Snape’s reaction would have scared him in the past, would have intimidated him and made him run, but things between them had changed. Instead of running in fear, he concentrated on his teacher instead.

“Potter…” Severus felt Harry touch his mind and his anger flared all over again. He spun around, ready to throw him out when he saw -–and felt—the boy’s concern for him. He had to remind himself that this wasn’t Voldemort violating his mind, or Albus testing his defences. This was Harry, and his touch was surprisingly gentle. “Get out of my mind,” he said, emphasizing every word. 

“Sorry, sir.” Harry hadn’t realized what he was doing. “I didn’t do it on purpose.” He tried to retreat from Snape’s mind, but somehow he was unable to do so. Snape’s mind felt like glue and he couldn’t get away from it. “I’m trying!” he said, afraid Snape might overreact again.

Being connected with Harry had the strangest effect on Severus. His remaining anger seemed to evaporate and a remarkable peace settled onto him. “It’s alright, Harry. Take the time you need in order to let go.” Severus was fully aware of the three pairs of eyes that now fastened on him. He was at a loss to explain himself, but he felt at peace. “I am not angry with you. Take your time.” Apparently that was all Harry had needed to hear, as a moment later, the connection faded. 

“Severus?” Albus rested a hand on his shoulder and searched his eyes – they looked remarkably calm. 

“I am sorry,” Severus said, addressing Harry. Apologizing was something he seldom did, but right now, he felt he should. “I was out of line, but I never expected to hear you say that. I had no idea that you…knew.” His gaze sought out Remus’ next. “You told him,” he stated calmly. “It’s the only explanation.”

Now that Severus seemed back in control, Remus nodded. “Maybe I shouldn’t have, but I thought he had the right to know. I had no idea he intended to bring it up in that manner.” His gaze shifted to Harry. “You shouldn’t have done that. I told you that Severus might not react well if he found out.”

“You did tell me that,” Harry admitted and bowed his head, feeling a bit ashamed of his actions. “But I can’t take it back.”

“No, you can’t,” Severus said sighing. “And maybe we will discuss her in the future, but don’t ask that of me right now.” He didn’t know what exactly Remus had told Harry, and at the moment, he had no desire to find out. It was bad enough Harry knew he had known Lily. “I need to clear my mind,” he announced as he headed for the doorway. Hearing Harry’s footsteps behind him, he turned and added, “Don’t follow me.”

Harry found it hard to let Snape walk off like that, but in the end, he allowed it. At the moment, getting the answers he craved didn’t seem as important as Snape finding his equilibrium again.

“Albus, what happened just now?” Remus walked toward the older wizard, needing some answers himself. “I know that Severus is perfectly capable of throwing tantrums, but this…” Severus had been ready to kill him, he was sure of it.

Albus drew in a deep breath and then looked at both of them. “You surprised him, which is never a good thing and he didn’t know how to react upon finding out you knew about Lily.” His gaze now fastened on Harry. “He loved your mother very much, Harry, and when she died it nearly destroyed him.” He sat down and wasn’t surprised when Harry sat down next to him on the sofa. “Being a spy, Severus needs to be in control of every detail of his behaviour. He can’t let his emotions get the better of him. That’s why I told him to clear his mind and to let go of his feelings. If he slips, if Voldemort were ever to realize how much Severus cares about you, about Lily, and even about you, Remus, then Voldemort would start to question him. That’s why Severus has to rein it all, but he’s only able to so a terrible price. Sometimes, like just now, his emotions overwhelm him. It’s the first time someone was close when that happened – someone other than I, I must add.”

“Has he ever hurt anyone while in that state?” Remus asked tentatively.

“Only himself,” Albus revealed in a sad tone. “But that is too private for me to tell. If you need to know you must ask him yourself.” Albus patted Harry’s shoulder reassuringly and then got to his feet again. “I had better keep an eye on him –from a distance, but still.”

“Will he come back here?” Harry was desperate to make things right again. After all, he had brought on that violent reaction.

“Eventually,” Albus said. “But I can’t tell you when. Remus, you are free to stay in the guest quarters for the time being.”

“Thanks, Albus, but I think I shall stay with Harry, at least until Severus returns.” It might be best if the two of them talked without his presence frustrating Severus.

“Don’t worry too much, Harry. Severus knows he was out of line, and when he returns he will be himself again.” 

“And that’s a good thing?” Remus said, opting for humour. It seemed to work as Albus laughed and Harry smiled.

“Yes, Remus, it is, trust me on that.” Albus walked over to the doorway and left the two of them to their own thoughts.

///

Severus roamed the castle for almost an hour before heading outside. The sun had long set and a new moon had risen instead. It was the end of January and it had started to snow, which suited his mood just fine. He wished he had donned his robes over his coat, but he couldn’t be bothered transfiguring them. In the end, he simply wrapped his arms around his chest and continued to march on, uncaring of the growing cold. 

He headed north and caught sight of Neville Longbottom, sitting on a bench and exposed to the cold, but at least the boy had remembered to put on some warmer clothes. Neville was reading and seemed absorbed by it. His curiosity got the better of him and Severus headed toward him. 

The reading material had to be absolutely fascinating, as Neville still hadn’t noticed him. Severus was therefore able to look over the boy’s shoulder and read along. He felt surprised upon realizing that it was a book about potions. Now why would Longbottom be reading that and did it mean he had to put up extra safety measures in his classroom?

Ah, the boy was reading up on potions designed to cure the effects of the Cruciatus curse. That would end in disappointment for sure. Still in an odd mood, Severus quietly sat down next to Neville and looked at the way the snow gradually started to cover the grounds. 

Neville wondered who had joined him, but reckoned it was probably Hermione or Harry as those two were the most likely to seek him out. But as he looked up and found his most hated professor seated next to him his heart started to thunder in a wild rhythm “Sir?” he said awkwardly, wondering what horrible things Snape was up to. There was a reason why his Boggart still had Snape’s form. He might have learned how to use a Riddikulus on it, but that didn’t mean Snape no longer terrified him.

“There is no cure for what you are looking for, Longbottom.” Severus hated taking those precious illusions away from the youngster, but it was better to be honest instead of feeding a non-existing hope.

“And what do you think I am looking for…sir?” He added the last word quickly as he didn’t want to anger Snape. He wasn’t looking forward to detention with Snape, or more bullying. It briefly crossed his mind to simply get up and walk away, but his grandmother had taught him better manners than that –unfortunately.

Severus turned his head toward Neville and wondered what the hell he was doing here, talking to Longbottom and trying to comfort the boy – in his own, awkward way. “Alice and Frank – your parents, of course.”

Neville did jump to his feet that time and stared at Snape in a mixture of disbelief and anger. “You know about them?”

“Of course I do! Sit down boy, and stop giving me that look!”

Neville reacted automatically to Snape’s tone and sat down. He hated the way Snape could make him do things against his will. “I never knew that.”

“I was part of the first Order of the Phoenix, towards the end of that war mostly. I met your parents on several occasions. They struck me as kind and good people.” He hadn’t wanted to reveal that much, but he still felt odd. Maybe it would be good to finally get this off his chest. Allowing his emotions to roam free only minutes ago had reminded him that letting go made him feel better. 

Neville was confused; he had never seen Snape that mellow and the fact that his professor wasn’t yelling at him because of something he had done wrong, unbalanced him even more.

“There is no cure for the Cruciatus curse,” Severus said when Neville remained quiet. “To lessen the effects directly after one was subjected to it, yes, but not to treat long-lasting illness because of it.”

“And how would you know that?” Neville started to feel angry. How dare Snape tell him that there was no cure? There had to be one, and he, Neville Longbottom, would discover it!

“Because I researched it for almost fifteen years, Longbottom!” Severus still studied the way the snowflakes headed toward the ground. Some went straight down, others spiralled. 

“You did what?” Neville looked up and stared at his teacher in wonder. Had he heard correctly?

“The healers at St.Mungo’s often contact me. They require potions or insights I can offer. I also studied your parents’ condition and I am sorry to say that is little I can do for them. I developed a potion that enables them to relax their muscles when a fit takes them so they aren’t be in pain, but that is it. The Cruciatus is…” He shivered, remembering only too well what it felt like to be under that particular curse. “It destroys your nerve system. We pride ourselves on being wizards, but beneath it, we’re still Muggle. Our bodies were never meant to endure such pain.”

Neville blinked, only now realizing what Severus had actually told him, namely that, firstly, his professor cared enough about his parents to invent a new pain relieving potion for them and secondly, that he had suffered the Cruciatus curse much like his parents had.

Severus wondered about the boy’s silence and carefully glanced at him. He had revealed too much then. “Don’t look at me like that. I never suffered that much nerve damage because I was relatively shortly subjected to it, while your parents suffered for hours, maybe even days.” 

Neville felt speechless, something which he hated. He wanted to ask Snape a lot of questions, but was still too shocked to actually formulate a question.

“I am still working on it,” Severus said, grateful that Neville wasn’t asking him questions. “I set up the experiment in my study. For a while it looked promising, but then… I am a Potions Master, and let me assure you, they don’t hand out titles like that easily, but even I am stuck.”

“You are still working on a potion to help my parents?” Neville had a hard time wrapping his mind about the fact that the teacher he hated the most was actually the one trying to help him in a way he had never expected.

“Yes, but as I said, I can’t seem to make it work. Either I end up destroying the rest of their nerve system or sending them off deeper into their catatonic state.” He had always hoped to find a cure for Alice and Frank, but even he had to admit there were limits to potion making.

Neville’s hand shook out of nervousness and he couldn’t believe he was actually going to make the suggestion, but he wanted to help so badly that he said, “Maybe you need a second opinion? Someone new to look at it?”

Severus had actually been thinking about those lines for quite some time. “You are probably right, Longbottom.”

Neville stared at his teacher with big eyes. Snape actually agreed with him?

“I will transfer my set up to the classroom and leave my notes next to it. You have Potions first thing tomorrow. You are excused from your normal lesson and you may, if that is what you want, study what I did so far.”

Neville found it hard to believe that the bully who normally lectured him about every move he made, was now being so helpful. It almost seemed like he was dealing with two different people. “You are professor Snape, are you not?” Oh, he had never meant for that to slip and he steeled himself for the other wizard’s reaction, but when it came it wasn’t what he had expected.

“Longbottom, I…” Severus wasn’t sure what to say. He didn’t want to give Neville hope when he was sure their experiment was doomed to fail. “I do care about your parents and if I seem harder on you than on the rest it is because I don’t want you to blow yourself up accidentally. I am just trying to keep an eye on you – in my own, imperfect way. Yes, I am aware of that.” This conversation was spinning out of control and so he got to his feet again. “Don’t blow up my experiment tomorrow, Longbottom, or you will be doing detention until you graduate!”

Neville watched Snape resume his walk and realized he had never known the man at all.

///

Severus didn’t feel like heading back to his rooms just yet, having the feeling Harry and Remus would be there, waiting for him. So instead he continued to walk and ended up near the Whomping Willow. He made sure he stayed out of its reach though, as neither of them was particularly fond of the other. He settled down on a large stone in order to watch it. There had been a time when he had hated that tree to such an extent that he had considered setting fire to it. Time however had changed the nature of his feelings and now he was satisfied to merely watch it.

“I had a feeling I might find you here.”

Severus wasn’t surprised, not really. He had half expected Albus, Harry, or Remus to come looking for him eventually. The fact that it was the werewolf who now sat down next to him was the least frustrating option out of those possibilities. “Ever imagined how it would howl if you set fire to it?” 

Remus raised an eyebrow. That had not been the opening he had hoped for. “Not really. It hides the entrance to the Shack and I always needed to be able to go there.” He also remembered James and Sirius setting Severus –Snivellus – up. Had it not for James suffering from a guilty conscience, Severus might have died that night. Some of their pranks hadn’t been childish at all, but dangerous. “Did I ever thank you for brewing that potion each month? It stopped me from changing into a werewolf.”

“I can’t recall if you did – it doesn’t matter anyway.” Severus wondered what it would be like – being forced to change into a werewolf with each full moon. “If you’d like, I can provide you with it once more.” 

“Thank you,” Remus said, truly touched. “I would appreciate that.” 

Severus merely nodded; he would see to it. He grew increasingly aware of the fact that Remus continued to study him. So in the end, he returned the stare and hissed, “What are you looking at?”

“Someone I thought I knew, but I don’t know you at all, do I?” Remus hadn’t fully realized that until now. “And I should apologize for telling Harry without your consent – or, at least, your knowledge.” He knew he had to be careful, but he also needed to have this conversation for both their sakes.

Severus briefly considered getting up and leaving Remus there, but then realized it wouldn’t gain him anything. “The damage has been done,” he said eventually. “How much does Potter know?”

“Almost everything,” Remus admitted and felt Severus flinch next to him. It was better to get it all out then. “He found the picture on your desk.”

He only had to blame himself then. “That was careless.” He had never expected Harry roaming his rooms though. Had he known, he would have removed that picture on forehand. “What did you tell him?”

“That Lily and you were best friends. I also told him about the bullying. I am afraid I rather shattered the image Harry had of his father when I told him about that. I didn’t go into any details,” he added quickly at seeing all colour drain from Severus’ face. “Harry knows they bullied you, but no specifics.”

“That’s something, I guess.” How was he ever going to face Potter again? Maybe he could partly wipe the boy’s memory? However, he doubted Albus would let him get away with that. 

“I also told him why Lily and you grew apart – that you had called her…that name,” he said, carefully staying clear of actually repeating what Severus had said that day. “And that she wouldn’t accept your apology.”

“Anything else you told Potter?”

“Not really – I don’t think so.” Remus wondered what to say next. “Severus, I would like us to be friends,” he said eventually. “Do you think that is possible?” 

Severus shrugged. Being bullied for years had left scars and some of them had never fully healed. Each person had a breakpoint and he had reached his when Lily had fallen in love with James. That had been the thing to turn him into a Death Eater. “I don’t know – we’ll see, I guess.

“That’s a remarkable mellow reaction,” Remus observed and then plunged ahead, “Especially since you wanted to kill me a short time ago.”

“I overreacted. I have been under a lot of pressure lately.” Offering an explanation was one thing, an apology another as far as he was concerned. “The last thing I needed was Harry finding out that much about me.”

Again Remus carefully considered his next words. Although he would like to address the reasons why Severus continued to risk his life, he knew the other man would shut down the moment he brought it up. Instead, he said, “Harry likes you,” Remus chuckled. “You do realize that he went from hating you to worrying about you within days?”

“More is the pity. I liked it better when he still hated me.”

Remus stared at Severus in shock. “You can’t be serious!” He didn’t believe Severus – not at all.

“It would make things less complicated,” Severus admitted. “And this link: I can’t explain it, but I must find a way to destroy it. Having him in my mind like that is unsettling.” Though the last time Harry had touched his mind it had calmed him down. 

Remus however managed to read between the lines. Severus was a lonely man and yes, such a link would unsettle him, but it also meant he wasn’t alone anymore. “Are you going to talk to Harry? Without ripping his head off?”

Severus chuckled softly. “You have no idea how many times I have come close to doing just that. Instead, I could only give him detention. That boy has the tendency to roam the castle at night and to get himself in trouble.”

“He kept you busy,” Remus realized. “You watched his every step so you could keep him safe, didn’t you?”

“Him and those friends of his, Granger and Weasley.” The three of them had often given him nightmares as he had imagined the trouble they could get themselves into. He cocked his head and watched the Whomping Willow lash out at a bird that had dared to land on a branch. “That is a truly vicious tree.”

“Actually it reminds me of you,” Remus said, hoping he wasn’t going to endanger the brittle friendship between them. 

“It does? Pray, explain that to me,” Severus said, slowly, dangerously.

But Remus ignored the change in tone. “All that tree does is keep everyone at a distance. When someone, or something like that bird, comes to close, it lashes out and pushes it away. Does that remind you of someone?”

Severus had to admit Remus had made a valid observation. It even amused him to a degree. He hated that accursed tree, so did that mean that he hated himself? Probably.

“Harry’s waiting for you. He wants to talk. I told him to be careful and to let you decide what to address and what to avoid.” Remus got to his feet and stretched. “Don’t stay out here for too long. It’s getting colder and the snowfall heavier.”

Severus ignored that piece of advice. He would damn well sit there for as long as he liked!

///

Harry had been about to accept that Snape wasn’t going to return to his rooms that night, when he heard noise in the hallway. Sitting up straight, he eyed the door closely. When Snape finally appeared and headed for the chair next to the fireplace, he felt relieved. “I wasn’t sure you still wanted to talk to me,” he admitted.

Severus sat down and watched the flames for some time. “I don’t mind talking to you, Potter, but much depends on the subject.”

Harry heard the warning in there and heeded it. “What *are* you comfortable with to discuss?”

“Remus told me you practically know everything now, so what is there left to discuss?”

“You talked to Remus then? And he’s still alive?” 

Severus couldn’t help but chuckle lightly at that. “Yes, he is, pity, isn’t it?”

Harry however paid more attention to Snape’s expression than to what he had actually said, having learned those two didn’t necessary meant the same thing. “I am sorry for springing that on you –about my mother, I mean.” He had made the first move and now it was up to Snape to tell him where to take it.

“I must admit I had thought you would find out early on—ever since you started to get closer to Lupin and Black.”

“We never discussed you – or my mother,” Harry admitted. “And with Sirius… it’s hard to get him to talk about anything he wants to avoid.”

“I don’t want to talk about him,” Severus said and gritted his teeth. Sirius had been the biggest bully of them all.

“How did you and my mother meet?” Harry hoped that they moved to safer grounds by him asking that.

“Your aunt Petunia was being her spiteful self,” Severus started, deeming himself able to tell Harry that much. “She was picking on your mother and Lily ran. I happened to be close and…” He closed his eyes, trying to fight off the emotional effect remembering that memory had on him. “I didn’t have any friends when I was young and Lily seemed to genuinely like me.”

“Why didn’t you have any friends?” Harry was genuinely interested in finding out, knowing only too well what it was like to grow up alone.

“A lot of it had to do with my parents. My father was a volatile drunk and most of the town people avoided him. My mother… She had given up on life, it seemed. Probably because he beat the will to live out of her every other day.” What was he doing telling Potter all that? He had never told anyone, not even Albus, even though the wizard had often tried to make him confide in him. 

“I am sorry to hear that.” He had never liked living with his family, but neither uncle Vernon nor aunt Petunia had ever laid a finger on him. Dudley was a different matter and didn’t count. Harry knew that a lot of boys their ago ended up fighting one way or the other. “What happened to your parents? Are they still alive?”

Severus raised a hand and effectively ended that line of questioning. “We are done discussing my family.”

Harry wondered about that. He really wanted to know if Snape’s parents were still alive. Since discussing Lily and Snape’s family were off limits, there wasn’t a lot left to discuss, was there? Harry didn’t think it safe to mention the bullying either, suspecting that was another touchy subject. Was there a safe topic to discuss then? Maybe not at the moment, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t do something about the silence between them. “Would you like to play some Wizard chess? I will probably lose, but…” It would allow him to spend more time with Snape. To his surprise, the tension that had make Snape sit in that rigid way left the older wizard and he relaxed. “I can make tea, if you’d like some.” Harry didn’t like tea that much, but he would drink it if it helped Snape unwind.

“Tea would be nice,” Severus admitted. He still felt chilly from the time he spent outside. He shouldn’t be doing this; shouldn’t allow Harry to get to know him, but a part of him longed for some company.

///

“Why do you keep watching me like that?” Severus told another piece to move forward on the chess board and then sipped his tea – Lady Grey, he noticed. 

Harry knew it had been only a matter of time before Snape would ask him that. “Do you think Voldemort will summon you tonight?” He hoped not. He actually enjoyed playing chess with Snape, still surprised at the lack of condescending remarks the wizard had made so far, especially considering how bad he was currently playing. 

Severus put down the tea and tentatively made eye contact. “I hope not. I was under the impression I was back in favour the last time we talked. If that is the case, he will be less likely to summon me, as he has no reason to doubt my loyalty.”

“How do you do it?” Harry hoped Snape would be inclined to explain. “You also teach during the week.”

Severus shrugged and carefully monitored Harry’s next move on the board – the boy was practically handing him the victory and he wondered if he was doing it on purpose – letting him win. But no, Harry was really bad at Wizard chess, that much *was* true. “I don’t have a choice, do I? I just take it one day at a time.” The more extensive planning he had always left to Albus. He merely carried out the older wizard’s instructions.

“Tomorrow’s first lesson is Potions; am I trouble? I didn’t study and didn’t get any of the homework done.” He was really curious to find out Snape’s answer. 

“Maybe I will go easy on you this time,” Severus remarked, lured into an unfamiliar sense of calm because of Harry’s presence. He couldn’t remember the last time he had spent an evening like that; enjoying tea, playing Wizard chess, and *not* having to be on guard. He had better not get used to it, because something like that never lasted.

///

“Harry, mate, we missed you!” Ron shook his head in surprise at seeing Harry’s grin. “Don’t tell me you are still hanging out with Snape!” 

“He’s not that bad once you get to know him,” Harry said, defending his teacher. Looking at Hermione, he added, “He slaughtered me at Wizard chess though. I don’t think anyone is as good as he is.” They had played three games and each time, Snape had won. “Ron, maybe you should challenge him. I would like to know how long you’d last – or the two of you together!” 

Harry felt merry when they made their way back to the dungeons. He had only gone to the dormitory to change his clothes and pick up his things for today’s lessons. He had spent the night on the sofa in Snape’s living room, which had been amazingly comfortable. 

“Harry, you sound like you like him!” Hermione wasn’t sure what to make of that. First Harry had disappeared on them and now he was praising Snape.

“I know – it sounds weird, but it’s the truth.” When they entered the classroom, he realized that Snape was already there, seated at his desk, carefully writing something down. A number of students were already uncovering their books and getting started. Neville however wasn’t one of them. “What’s up with him?” Harry asked and pointed out Neville to his friends.

“I have no idea,” Hermione admitted. After checking on her professor, who still seemed absorbed in his notes, she pulled Harry and Ron along. “Neville, what are you doing?” That wasn’t Neville’s workspace and the set up he was looking at seemed terribly complex.

“Snape gave me a special project,” Neville explained after a moment’s thought. “I’m to work on this for the time being.”

“And this is?” Ron stared at the various vials, the bubbling stuff, and failed to make any sense of it.

“Just something he wants me to work on,” Neville said, being vague on purpose. He was still stunned that Snape had kept his word. When he had entered the dungeon that morning, Snape had pointed him toward the corner. When he had seen the experiment already set up there, he had felt flabbergasted. He had never expected Snape to do that for him.

“Do you need our help? He isn’t going to give you detention when you fail at figuring it out, is he, mate?” Because Ron didn’t think that fair. Neville wasn’t good at Potions at all. 

“No, nothing like that,” Neville said while trying to decipher Snape’s notes. Snape really had an awful handwriting. “Hermione, do you know what this says?”

“Add five minims of Lemongrass oil.” Hermione frowned in surprise when she caught sight of the rest of the notes. “What *are* you brewing, Neville? This is very advanced potion making, something…” She looked at her professor and found him staring back at them. “That is professor’s Snape’s handwriting.” She would have recognized the cramped writing anywhere! 

“It’s something I want to work on,” Neville said, remaining vague. “Thanks, Hermione.”

Hermione recognized the dismissal and returned to her own workspace, followed suit by Ron and Harry.

“What was that about?” Harry whispered curiously.

“If I am not mistaken he is working on a very complicated potion – one that is partly a muscle relaxant, but also triggers the nerve system. And that handwriting is professor Snape’s.”

“Why would the bat entrust something like to Neville? Does he really want him to blow up the dungeon?” 

Harry however differed in opinion. He knew about Neville’s parents and guessed that Snape was working with the healers at St. Mungo’s to find a cure. The thing he didn’t understand though was why Neville was also working on it.

///

Towards the end of the lesson most students had cleaned their workspace and were leaving the dungeon. Neville however was still trying to grasp what Snape had done so far. It was immensely complex and he wasn’t sure he would be able to help at all.

Harry had watched his friend closely and wondered what Snape hoped to achieve by confusing Neville to such a degree. He waited until all other students had left and only the four of them remained. After gesturing to Ron and Hermione to stay where they were, he walked up to Snape’s desk. “Sir?” Snape’s black hair obscured his face so he couldn’t tell what mood their teacher was in. He simply hoped for the best.

Severus put down his quill, placed his hands on top of each other, and raised his head in order to look at Harry. “Mister Potter.”

Harry tensed at first, but then watched Snape’s eyes, which told him it was just an act. “I was wondering why you assigned Neville that project. He looks out of his league. Is that why you are doing it? Do you want to…?” He didn’t finish his sentence, knowing Snape would understand what he was getting at. 

“Embarrass him? Belittle him? Show him how little he knows about potion making?” Severus finished instead, having caught on. “No, mister Longbottom asked to be involved in that project. I am not forcing him into it.”

“I didn’t think you were.” He had just wanted Snape to confirm it. “Can you tell us what he is doing?” He had noticed Hermione and Ron had joined him, even though he had asked them not to as it might make Snape less inclined to answer his questions.

“Mister Longbottom, do you want to explain to your friends what your project is about?” Severus called out and was amused to see the three of them looking stunned.

Neville didn’t particularly appreciate having his attention disturbed that way. “Later, sir?”

“You have heard what Mister Longbottom has to say about that. Now, if there is nothing else you need to know I suggest you head for your next lesson.” Severus fought hard to keep a smile from his face. It did amuse him to see them stunned like that. His amusement however didn’t last for long, as a scorching pain emanated from the Dark Mark, telling him he was being summoned. Thankfully this was his only class today and he had been summoned at the end of it and thankfully not at the beginning.

“Professor?” 

Severus was amazed to hear that tremors shook Harry’s voice. “I need to go.” Best to keep this rational and to stay away from reacting emotionally. 

“You…” Harry’s first impulse was to ask Snape to stay, but he knew that would be folly. Snape had to answer the summons. “Do I need to…?”

“Yes, Potter, you know what to do and don’t reach out to me – no matter what happens. Do you understand?” Hopefully he was getting through to the boy.

“I will carry out your instructions, “ Harry said quickly. “Be careful though.”

Severus nodded absentmindedly as he headed for the doorway. 

Once Snape was out of sight, Harry started to worry. He knew Snape was going to face Voldemort again and there was no way of knowing how that meeting would end.

“What’s up with him all of a sudden?” Snape’s sudden departure left even Neville wondering as he joined his friends. “I thought…”

“What?” Harry tried to focus on Neville in the hope it would help him stop worrying about Snape.

“He said he would go over his notes with me in case I had questions about the potion.” 

Hermione realized her chance and asked, “What potion, Neville?”

Neville wasn’t paying attention to what he was saying, since he still wondered about Snape’s behaviour. “Snape has been working on a potion that might help my parents. He allowed me to help. It happened yesterday,” Neville continued, now that he had let it slip, there was no real reason to avoid talking about it. “We talked. He sat down next to me and told me he knew my parents and that he respected them. Then he said he was working on a remedy; I never realized he knew about my parents, but then again, it makes sense, doesn’t it? I know he makes potions which the healers at St Mungo’s use.” Neville frowned. “But what really surprised me was that he seemed to care about my parents’ fate.”

‘Trust me, Neville, I know how you feel. I know exactly how you feel,” Harry commented. He had to raise those shields soon, but he would rather not do so here. “I’ll be back, I promise,” he said, leaving them stunned when he raced toward the doorway. “I just need to ask Remus something. Don’t worry!” He would feel a lot safer with Remus watching over him until Snape returned.

///

“Harry, what are you doing here?” Remus walked toward the boy, put an arm around him, and guided him toward the couch in the corner of the guest room he currently occupied. 

“Voldemort summoned him again.” Harry knew he should raise those shields and that he had already stalled too long. “Can I stay with you until he returns?”

“But of course! Harry, have you raised those shields yet? Severus told you to do so, didn’t he?”

“I will do that now.” Harry closed his eyes and whispered, “Severus,” too late remembering that the word had been changed. But it still triggered the shields and they instantly moved into place. “I messed up,” he realized upon sensing the return of the link which he shared with his teacher. “I shouldn’t have said that.” But it was too late now.

/// 

Severus heard the echo of his name whispered into his mind and knew Harry had said his name instead of using the new word he had chosen. But how was it possible that his name still triggered those shields? He had woven the new word into Harry’s thoughts and the shields shouldn’t have reacted to the old one. This was not the time to worry about it though. He was about to enter the main hall and he sensed the tendrils of the Dark Lord’s mind already reaching for him. He answered by allowing Voldemort glimpses of teaching class that morning, even feeding him an image of Harry. Voldemort seemed pleased and retreated, which was a relief.

Severus headed for the large table in the middle of the room and grew alarmed upon realizing that only Lucius had been summoned besides him. It was just the three of them; not even Nagini was in sight – that only happened when the snake was feeding elsewhere.

“My Lord,” Severus bowed deeply, then straightened and awaited his orders. Voldemort had something in mind, he was sure of that, and it wouldn’t be pleasant. Either Lucius or he would be at the receiving end of whatever punishment Voldemort had thought of.

“My most faithful servant,” Voldemort hissed, looking at Severus.

Severus nodded once, realizing he had just been paid a compliment. “Master.” Voldemort seemed pleased, but Severus only grew even more worried. What was this about?

“As you already know,” Voldemort started in that familiar tone of his, “Lucius’ offspring, Draco, has tried to discredit you, Severus. Draco spread rumours, which resulted in me disciplining you under false assumptions.”

Severus didn’t believe for one moment that Voldemort felt remorse about having punished him – not one second. “I know that, my Lord.”

“Therefore Draco needs to be punished. I do not like it when someone schemes against you, Severus.” 

Severus had to tightly control the urge to shiver when the Dark Lord stroked his cheek. He hated being touched in that way, but told himself to accept the caress. “Yes, my Lord.” In the back of his mind, he felt Harry’s presence, but thankfully the boy kept quiet.

“Lucius here has begged me,” Voldemort said, clearly enjoying himself, “to be allowed to be punished in Draco’s stead. I accepted.”

So that was why he was here. Severus had to stop himself from feeling nauseous, knowing exactly what would happen next. “As you wish, my Lord.” In the depths of his mind, he felt Harry’s presence stir, but he prayed the boy wouldn’t get involved.

“You will punish him in order to make up for mistakenly being punished in his stead. Do whatever you like to him, Severus, but make sure it hurts!”

Severus hated himself for having to act the part Voldemort expected him to play. He rather absorbed any punishment himself than having to torment Lucius. He was grateful that it wouldn’t be Draco he would be cursing. That boy’s eyes grew more haunted with every passing day. “What would please you most, my Lord?”

“Put the Cruciatus on him, Severus…” 

Severus felt sickened to the stomach, but made sure his real emotions didn’t show – neither on his face, nor in his thoughts. He could feel Harry trying to contact him, but he pushed the boy away. He couldn’t allow himself to be distracted. “I shall do as pleases you, my Lord.” He uncovered his wand and pointed it at Lucius, who looked utterly defeated. Severus had noticed, throughout the years, how much Lucius’ health had deteriorated and he knew exactly who was to blame for that. And now Voldemort was forcing his hand once more. “Crucio,” he said, trying to sound resolved, though when he actually cursed Lucius he tried to hold back as much as he could without drawing Voldemort’s suspicion. 

Severus watched Lucius collapse and convulse on the floor and wished their roles were reversed. Cursing someone, actually causing them pain, felt far worse than being in agony himself. Glancing at Voldemort, he saw the ecstasy on the wizard’s face, and had it been up to the Dark Lord, Lucius had been cursed to the full extent of the Dark Lord’s power, but as it was Severus cursing him, he stopped after what he deemed was acceptable to Voldemort. Lowering his wand, he forced himself to appear smug, when in reality his own actions disgusted him. “Did that please you, my Lord?” He hoped Voldemort would say yes, because he wasn’t sure he could continue cursing Lucius.

“It will do, for now.” Voldemort made his way over to Lucius and glared in disdain and the still convulsing wizard. “Remember to teach your spawn respect, Lucius. Draco can’t spread lies in that way.”

Severus fought for composure. If only he could destroy Voldemort right now – for once and for all. But he was forced to play along and wondered what price he would pay for playing his part in the end. Voldemort stalked off, calling Nagini’s name and the two of them remained behind. Severus walked over to Lucius and quickly cast a spell to determine the amount of damage he had done. He was relieved to find it relatively minor. Either Lucius’ pain threshold was appallingly low, or he had caught on and played along. 

When the convulsions finally stopped, Lucius managed to sit upright and to look at Severus. “Thank you,” he whispered, barely audible. “I know what you did…”

Lucius had played along then. “I don’t know what you are talking about.” His secret was safe: Lucius wouldn’t betray him to Voldemort again. 

///

Harry didn’t know which emotion prevailed. They ranged from pity to disgust, changed from understanding to anger the next. If he already felt like that from merely watching that scene, what would Snape be going through? He also knew he wasn’t the right person to confront Snape with what had just happened. But Remus might be. “Talk to him, please!”

Remus wasn’t sure he should. He understood why Severus had cursed Lucius, but he still felt affected because of it. Maybe it had been due to the way Harry had told him what was happening. The boy had bordered on full-blown panic when it became apparent that Severus had really put the Cruciatus on Lucius. Thankfully Harry had calmed once Severus had left the Dark Lord’s lair, but Remus thought he still saw horror in the boy’s eyes.

“Remus, he didn’t want to curse Malfoy! I saw his thoughts – I felt his self-hatred. You need to talk to him – now.” The truth was he worried that Snape might do something stupid. 

Remus sighed; he couldn’t really turn Harry down as he too felt it was necessary to talk to Severus. “Do you know his whereabouts?” Harry chuckled, and Remus felt relieved that he was still able to do so upon uncovering the Marauders’ map. Just seeing it brought back a lot of memories –not all of them any longer pleasant after his talk with Severus earlier that day. 

Harry opened the map and searched for Snape’s name in it. “There he is – near the Whomping Willow!” 

“I will talk to him,” Remus promised, wondering why Severus had chosen to go there of all possible places. “Do me a favour and seek out Ron and Hermione? You shouldn’t be alone – not after witnessing what you just did.”

Harry nodded and got to his feet. They left the guest quarters and while Harry headed for the Gryffindor common room, Remus headed outside once more.

///

Remus found Severus in the same spot as earlier that day, but this time, the dark expression in those black eyes made him approach with extreme caution. He considered letting his wand slide into his hand, but then reconsidered. Severus would probably know he had done so and might act on it. He didn’t want to give him a reason to attack him needlessly. 

“May I sit down?” He wasn’t sure Severus would allow it, or even talk to him. But when the nod came, he quickly sat down, although keeping some distance between them.

“Harry told you what happened.”

It was a statement, not a question, and so Remus nodded. Severus had spoken in an inert way, as if his mind was a million miles away—and maybe it was. “He did. He used your name to raise his shields – by mistake. When he realized what he had done, it was too late.”

“He shouldn’t have seen that!” Severus drew his robes closer and wrapped his arms around his chest. “I never wanted him to see any of it.”

Remus understood only too well. “Harry saw you curse Lucius.”

“I would have preferred for the Dark Lord to curse me instead,” Severus hissed as his self-hatred got the better of him. “You don’t know how it feels when you have to inflict that amount of pain on someone when you don’t want to do it. You don’t know what it does to the soul… Although I wonder if I still have one!” Severus laughed in a bitter way. “If I do, it must be pitch black!” 

Remus wasn’t sure what to say next. What would offer Severus comfort? What would help him cope? Did he even want that kind of advice? “You are a brave man, Severus,” he started and glared at Severus when the man tried to stop him. “No, listen to me. I couldn’t do what you do and that’s not because I am a better person than you, Severus! I couldn’t do it because I lack the courage. I couldn’t walk up to Voldemort like that. I couldn’t pretend to such a degree. I couldn’t go to such lengths just to protect Harry and to ensure Voldemort’s demise. But you do just that, and yes, the price is high, but you are willing to pay it. Tell me, Severus, how many lives have you saved because you spy on Voldemort? Except for Harry’s, that is.”

“I wouldn’t know,” Severus looked at the Whomping Willow. “I merely tell Albus whatever I find out.” 

“Then let me tell you this; you saved a lot of lives. The Order already had to change their hideaway three times because Voldemort found out about it. The warnings we received came from you, did they not?”

Severus shrugged. “Probably.”

The emotionless way in which Severus acted worried Remus more than when he had seen that murderous expression in the other man’s eyes earlier. He actually preferred too much emotion to the detached way Severus looked right now. “Without your warnings, many of the Order would be dead right now. You need to remember that you do a lot of good, Severus. Yes, there is darkness and you venture into it whenever you are summoned, but don’t forget there is light too.”

Remus felt frustrated because he was still not reaching Severus. Maybe a different approach was required. “Albus said that when your emotions get the better of you, you tend to lash out – like you did when Harry brought up Lily.” Severus tensed, but it was real emotion he saw in the black eyes this time. Encouraged, he continued, “Albus also mentioned that the only person you had ever hurt while in that state was yourself. What did he mean by that?” He prayed that Severus would allow him in for only then could he try to truly help him fight the darkness that so obviously clawed at him.

“That is none of your business.” But his anger was growing. How dare Remus ask him something personal like that?

“Severus, I am trying to help!” Remus then remained quiet, allowing Severus to make up his mind in peace and give him as much time as he needed in order to do so.

“You are not telling Potter!” Severus needed to talk about it; a part of him realized that, and Albus had never figured out how to help him deal with it. Maybe Remus could? 

“I promise I will remain quiet – you can trust me on this.” He didn’t make promises lightly and he would keep this one.

Severus drew in a deep breath. “Have you ever tried cursing yourself?”

Remus’ eyes widened. What had Severus said? “Cursing yourself? No, of course not, why would…” And suddenly he fully understood what Severus was trying to tell him. “You didn’t…” He stared at Severus with something akin to horror in his eyes.

“You wanted to know,” Severus said as he kept his gaze carefully averted. 

“In Merlin’s name, what did you do?” Remus had a hard time accepting this.

“What do you think?” Severus jumped to his feet and started to pace. “I pointed my wand at myself and tried to put the Cruciatus on myself!” 

“What made you do that?” Remus remained where he was and didn’t move closer to Severus.

“I wanted to punish myself for… The Dark Lord had forced me to…” He looked away; he couldn’t tell Remus.

“What did he do?” Remus knew he had to see this through. He couldn’t let Severus back out.

“The Snatchers had caught a young witch – Muggleborn – and the Dark Lord… You know what he is like… Goes on about Mudbloods,” he hissed the word, “And tries to eradicate them, which makes no sense at all, since he isn’t pure blood himself.”

“Severus, don’t try to distract me. It won’t work. What happened?” Remus had to get to the bottom of it – he owed Severus that much.

“He ‘let’ everyone take turns cursing her… You should have seen Bellatrix; she went mad when it was her turn. I still feel sick to the stomach when I think about it.” His hands turned into fists and his fingernails dug into his flesh. ”Then it was my turn. I tried to minimize the impact of my curse, like I did with Lucius, but she was too weak and she died.”

Remus suspected this might be one of the lesser issues that plagued Severus, but he allowed it. A part of him was grateful that he hadn’t been told something much worse. “But cursing yourself isn’t the answer! What happened when you tried that?”

“My wand refused to function properly and exploded… I only carried away a few burns – unfortunately.” Severus stared into the distance. “Maybe I should just walk up to that Whomping Willow and let it end it. Maybe it would have been best if James hadn’t saved me back then.”

Remus had had enough. He got to his feet and marched over to Severus. He placed his hands on Severus’ shoulders and squeezed – maybe a bit harder than necessary, but it served its purpose, namely to make Severus look at him. “If you do that, where leaves that Harry? Who will protect him then?”

“He has you and Albus, Granger, Weasley, McGonagall… I can continue if you like.” 

“Nonsense! Severus, if you desert the boy now…” He hesitated as he didn’t want to manipulate Severus too, but maybe it was the only way. “Voldemort will be able to do as he pleases. There will be no one to stop him. Albus always gets the credit, yes, and all of us praise him for fighting Voldemort, but the truth is that Albus is nothing without your help. Severus, Harry needs you – hell, *we* need you! Even Tonks, though she doesn’t realize it. Severus, you know that she is pregnant. When you warned us that the hideout was no longer safe, I told her to move, which she did. The next day, Death Eaters tore the place down. Without you, Tonks would have died! You can’t stop now!”

“Have you taken lessons with Albus?” Severus shrugged off Remus’ grip. “Don’t worry, I won’t commit suicide, although I have tried – and failed.” 

Remus stared at Severus; he couldn’t believe the things he was hearing! Where had Albus been when that had happened? The old wizard should have made sure Severus had never tried!

“I will finish this,” Severus continued and a deadly hate coloured his voice, “because I want Voldemort gone from this world. I want him dead—and for that, I will sell my soul – I already did.”

Remus stalked after Severus, grabbed him by the shoulders, and looked him in the eye. He didn’t say anything; he just looked at him and breathed deeply—slowly—in what hopefully was a calming way. 

At first, Severus didn’t know what to make of that particular action, but then his breathing mimicked that of Remus and he began to calm down. He maintained eye contact, even though he found it hard. Once he felt calmer, he wondered what to do next.

“Severus, you are not alone – remember that. You have friends.” Remus was relieved the tactic worked. It was something an elder werewolf had once done to him, and back then, it had worked too. 

In an uncharacteristic show of emotions, Severus placed his hand briefly on Remus’, but then quickly pulled away and broke all physical contact. He didn’t know what Remus had done just now, but it had helped. He felt a lot calmer, less angry, and back in control. “Thank you.”

“You are welcome. Now shall we head home? Harry’s probably climbing the walls wondering what’s taking us. He worries about you, Severus.”

“I reckon I need to talk to him, and don’t worry, I am done throwing tantrums -- for now.” Albus always called them that. “I reined it back in.”

Remus nodded, but knew that the dam wouldn’t hold forever.

///

Severus followed Remus to the Gryffindor common room, but once there, Hermione and Ron told him that Harry had headed for his rooms instead. Severus wasn’t sure how he felt about that, but headed towards the dungeon anyway. On his way to his rooms, he realized that light shone from the classroom. Who was still in there and why? On tiptoes, he sneaked towards the door, opened it, and chided himself for not having seen the obvious. “Mister Longbottom, my classroom is off limits during the evenings.”

Neville looked at Snape from over his shoulder. “I am sorry, sir, but I was just beginning to understand what you had done.” 

“Took you that long?” Severus however made sure he didn’t sound vicious. “What gave you such a hard time? He walked over to his student and checked on the experiment. So far, everything looked like it always did.

“Your handwriting, sir,” Neville said and cringed. “I can barely read it.” 

Severus fought the urge to laugh at that, but he stopped himself as he didn’t want to worry Neville. “If I recall correctly, yours leaves a lot to be desired too.” He was surprised to see Neville smile weakly at him. “I will give you thirty minutes, Longbottom, and then I want you out of here.” Not because he didn’t want the young man working on the potion, but because Neville also needed to eat and rest.

He closed the door behind him and then headed for his rooms once more. Running into Neville had brightened his mood a little bit. It was good to see the young man trying so hard to understand how such a potion would work. He placed his hand on the door, and it opened at his touch. Yes, Harry was already inside; in the living room, if he wasn’t mistaken, and waiting for him. 

He felt a tad hesitant when he opened the door, but relaxed at seeing Harry sitting at the table with tea, scones, and his chess board, already set for a new game. Maybe, just maybe he could do this.

“Professor Snape, I trust you don’t mind beating me at chess again?” 

Severus relaxed some more and headed for his chair. He sat down and studied Harry. He would let the boy set the pace then. “What tea blend did you use?” His nose already told him the answer though.

“Lady Grey – that is your favourite, isn’t it?”

Harry really was a quick study. “That is correct.” He felt grateful that Harry was giving him a chance to get comfortable first. He poured himself some tea and was relieved when his hands didn’t shake. After sipping carefully, he told the first chess piece to move. “I suspect you have questions.”

“Several,” Harry admitted as he considered his next move and his first question. “Is Remus alright?” He knew the two of them didn’t get along and he had been worried Snape might have taken out his anger on the werewolf.

“I can assure you that mister Lupin is in a perfectly fine condition.” Looking at the scones, he realized that he was hungry, but he didn’t want to eat anything yet. First, he wanted to give Harry his full attention. “Any other questions?”

“How is Lucius Malfoy doing?” 

Severus hadn’t expected that question. “I trust he is recovering. Both of us have suffered worse.” He sipped again and waited, trying to be patient.

“You didn’t want to curse him, did you?”

“No, but sometimes I need to act in character. The Dark Lord would distrust me if I didn’t act as expected. It’s your turn to make a move,” he reminded Harry.

Harry ordered a piece forward, but didn’t really think about what he was doing. The chess game wasn’t important – their conversation however was. “Voldemort scares him, doesn’t he?”

“Lucius? Yes, when Lucius realized the truth about the Dark Lord, it was already too late. Both of us were in too deep. Had we been able to get out, we would have, but Voldemort would have killed us –and Lucius’ family too. He does love his wife and son.”

Harry considered everything very carefully. “The both of you wanted out?”

Severus nodded. “I was blind at first. I believed everything the Death Eaters said, and it wasn’t until after I took the Mark that I realized the truth. The same goes for Lucius. We were reckless and eager to belong. It drove us straight into the Dark Lord’s arms.” This conversation wasn’t going as he had thought it would – thankfully. This way, he could open up just a little – since there was no pressure. 

Harry considered asking about Severus’ fall out with Lily, but then decided against it. He could tell the peaceful atmosphere was finally allowing Severus to unwind… Severus, no longer Snape? 

Severus’ stomach growled, reminding him that the last thing he had eaten had been a slice of toast at breakfast. Harry must have heard, because he pushed the plate containing the scones towards him. “Thank you,” he found himself saying, realizing he was thanking Harry for other things as well besides the food.

“You are welcome, sir.” While Severus busied himself eating scones, Harry stared at the chess board and realized he was going to lose again.

///

“Professor, where are you going?” Harry looked up from the chess board. They were playing their third game and so far, he had lost every time.

“Just checking on something; I will be right back.” 

Harry however sneaked after Severus, wondering what was going on. Severus looked over his shoulder and saw him follow suit, but didn’t comment, so, feeling encouraged, Harry walked faster. Severus was moving toward the classroom, which wasn’t dark, as it should be. “Professor?”

“I knew it!” Severus slammed open the door and the crash woke Neville who had fallen asleep at his workspace. “Longbottom, dinner, bed, sleep! Now!”

Neville nearly fell onto the floor, but managed to grab hold of the table at the last moment. “Professor Snape… Sir!”

Harry chuckled, which –unfortunately – ruined the effect Severus had wanted to achieve. “Get out now.” Watching Neville practically flee the room made him chuckle too. Looking at Harry, who was equally amused, he added, “You do realize that I am merely trying to help?”

“I do, sir. I do.” Harry however couldn’t help chuckling. He shouldn’t, recalling the stricken look on Neville’s face, but his friend’s reaction had been funny.

Severus cleaned up the workspace Neville had so quickly abandoned and then turned to Harry. “You should be heading back to the dormitory. It’s a school day tomorrow, and no, you can’t stay with me.” He didn’t need to read Harry’s thoughts in order to see that question in his eyes. “Granger and Weasley will want to know you are well and don’t forget about Remus either.”

Severus was right, but Harry didn’t like it. “Can I come back tomorrow evening?”

“Maybe, we will see. Now get going.” Severus wondered what James and Lily would say if they knew he was growing attached to their son.

///

Remus was talking to Hermione and Ron when Harry joined them. He watched the youngster closely and was relieved to see a smile on Harry’s face. “Everything went well?”

“I don’t know what you did, but everything went fine.” Harry grinned at seeing Ron’s stunned expression. “Really, he isn’t that bad once you get to know him.”

“I have a hard time believing that, mate.”

Remus rested a hand on Ron’s shoulder and waited for him to look at him. “I know you don’t like Severus, but Harry’s right. Severus isn’t a bad person.”

“And he’s lonely.” Harry wished he hadn’t said that one moment after speaking the words, but by then it was too late. He ignored Ron’s stunned look and asked Remus instead, “Do you know anything about his family? His parents? I wonder if anyone’s still alive.”

“I have no idea,” Remus had to admit. “It never came up, but I do remember that Severus always stayed at Hogwarts during holidays. I am not sure he even went home each summer.”

“Sounds familiar,” Hermione remarked while looking at Harry. “Sounds like he might not have a nice home.”

“You are right.” Harry tried to remember what Severus had told him. “Apparently his father was an aggressive drunk and his mother had resigned herself to that situation.” 

“His mother’s family is pure blood, I know that much,” Remus offered. “I can’t recall when it came up, but I seem to remember she belonged to an important family. It was actually Lucius who mentioned it. Severus didn’t like it at all.”

“I don’t know that much about pure blood families held in high prestige,” Hermione admitted, disliking that fact and instantly deciding to read up on them.

“Neville is pure blood. Do you think he knows?” Ron suggested. “Actually, Neville headed straight for bed earlier, come to think of it. He had an odd look on his face.”

“Last night, Neville was working late on that project and professor Snape had to kick him out – that might have had something to do with Neville being tired,” Harry explained. 

“I must admit that I am surprised to find you here, Harry,” Remus said with a smile on his face. “I thought you would have preferred the sofa in Severus’ living room.” 

The look Ron gave him made Harry cringe and chuckle at the same time. “Ron, you need to challenge professor Snape to Wizard chess! I have the feeling you might appreciate him more after that. He will beat you though – he will utterly crush you!” The plan worked; Ron glared at him and Harry had the sneaky suspicion Ron might challenge Severus just to prove him wrong.

///

Later that night, when Ron was already asleep, Harry tried to clear his mind, like he had been instructed, but for some reason he failed to do so. Instead, something that Remus had said continued to nag at him. Remus had said he had been surprised to see him in the common room and that he thought he would have preferred to stay with the Potions Master instead. Now why would Remus think that?

You think too loudly, Potter. Do you think you can turn down the volume so I can get some sleep?

Harry forgot to breathe at first, and then realized drawing in air was necessary. Alert, he sat up in bed. Professor? It had sounded like Severus when he had heard that voice in his mind.

It is bad enough that you insist on maintaining this link. It is even worse that you invade my sleep.

But how could that be? I don’t understand!

I will try to remove this link once and for all tomorrow. Meet me after dinner in my rooms.

Harry wasn’t sure he wanted the link removed though. Can’t we keep it?

Keep it? Potter, I am trying to get some sleep here!

He heard the man’s exhaustion in his thoughts, almost felt it. It was true; Severus did need rest. What do I do then?

Go to sleep, Potter. Count sheep, clouds, broomsticks, whatever makes you sleep.

I have never been good at counting sheep, sir.

Then count snitches for all I care!

Harry grinned, lay down again, and pressed deeper into the mattress. He did feel sleepy all of a sudden. Counting snitches might work.

Why aren’t you asleep yet?

Goodnight, professor.

Night, Potter and do stop thinking!

Harry moved onto his side, pulled a spare pillow close to his chest, and wrapped his arms around it. He didn’t know why, but he was quite certain that he wasn’t going to have any nightmares that night.

///

“I can’t, Harry. You can’t expect me to…” Ron gulped and shook his head. “You can’t be serious about me challenging him to Wizard chess!” Harry had brought up the matter during breakfast. Ron however didn’t particularly like challenging Snape to anything at all!

“Ron, maybe he will even welcome the challenge. You know how bad I am at Wizard chess and you did win that game when we went after the Philosopher’s Stone.” Harry eyed his professor closely and found he wasn’t scared at all when those dark eyes met his. Especially after hearing Snape’s voice in his mind late last night. Snape hadn’t sounded angry at all – a bit tired perhaps, but that was understandable. “I can ask him instead if you are too chicken to do it.” He knew how to play Ron, and Hermione knew that in turn. So when he caught her grin, he knew she was on to him.

“I am not chicken!” Ron announced firmly. “But I am not doing it right here.” They were in the Great Hall and the whole staff was still present, as were most students. 

“We don’t have Potions today, so you had better do it soon. We might not see him during the rest of the day.” He had to wait until Friday for his next class. Harry had never thought it possible, but he actually regretted that. Instead they had Charms and Transfiguration today. He had finished breakfast and was still eying Snape, when he realized Dumbledore was staring at him in turn. A mischievous gleam glittered in the ancient eyes and it caught his attention; he wondered why Dumbledore was so pleased! 

Snape suddenly got to his feet and Harry elbowed Ron in the stomach. “That’s your chance. He’s leaving!”

Ron wondered if there was a way to stop Harry from pestering him. Knowing Harry though, it wouldn’t stop until he asked Snape about the game. “Are you serious, mate? It’s Snape we’re talking about.”

Harry was about to reply, when Hermione beat him to it. “Ron, haven’t you realized yet that most of his behaviour is an act? Look at his eyes – they tell the truth.” 

Ron wasn’t sure Hermione was right, but then again, she was the smart one. He sought out Snape’s eyes and forced himself to search them. Hermione might be right; he didn’t see any hatred in them. “I can’t believe I’m doing this!” But he was going to challenge Snape to Wizard chess just to prove to Harry that he wasn’t scared. He wasn’t chicken! Ron waited until Snape stepped out of the Great Hall and then hurried after his teacher. “Sir? Professor Snape?” 

Behind his back, Harry grinned at Hermione, who smiled right back at him. He had to see this! They moved close enough to overhear what was being said and Harry caught Snape’s raised eyebrow, which showed surprise at being addressed so unexpectedly.

“Mister Weasley,” Severus said in his familiar drawl. “It’s merely morning. Do you really have to ruin the rest of my day?” Ron looked shocked, which was exactly the reaction he had hoped for. Harry however, Severus saw, continued to grin at him. Damn, that boy was on to him!

“No, sir, I…” Ron stammered and was about to turn around and flee Snape’s presence, when someone blocked his path. “Harry!” Why was his friend doing this to him?

“Ask him,” Harry said and stood his ground. “You’re not going to give him detention for just asking, are you, sir?” 

The look Harry gave him, made Severus realize that he was no longer able to intimidate the boy. Harry saw right through it. “Much depends on the question Mister Weasley has for me.” 

Ron swallowed hard and glared at Harry and Hermione when they pushed him toward Snape. Why were they doing this to him?

“Mister Weasley, I do not have all day.” Severus wondered what was going on. Ron had never addressed him in that matter before – the boy always did his best to avoid him. Maybe it was because the three of them had found him in that corridor that night—maybe it had changed their perception of him. 

“I was wondering… I wanted to ask…” Ron was about to chicken out when he caught Harry mouth the word at him. He wouldn’t have that! “I want to challenge you to Wizard chess!” 

That was it? Severus felt relieved as he had prepared for the worst, whichever that might have been. “And why would I want to waste my time in that way?” This time, Harry did give him a disapproving look, but Severus focused on Ron and never noticed.

“Because Harry is a lousy player and I can do much better. I will beat you!” Ron gulped again; what had made him say that? He quickly covered his mouth with his hand, but it was too late. He had already said the words.

Severus arched an eyebrow. “And what makes you think so, Mister Weasley?” He had to admit that the boy’s courage impressed him. He had always wondered if there wasn’t more to Ron Weasley. 

“I won the game when we went after that stone! I’m a decent player and Harry’s been pestering me. I doubt he will stop until you say yes.” Ron knew that there was only one way to walk away from this with his head held high—and that was to make Snape accept the challenge. 

Severus considered his options; he knew he shouldn’t accept. It would only encourage the three of them to frequent his rooms more often. The sensible thing to do would be to deny them, but… He longed for company and found it increasingly difficult to deny himself the contact. “Nine – my quarters, and do be punctual, Mister Weasley.” He knew better though that to expect Ron to visit him alone. 

///

Harry found it hard to get through the day without thinking about the way his life was changing. During his afternoon break, he went in search of Remus and found him – of all possible places! – in the library, sitting next to Hermione. “What are you doing in here?” he asked Remus. Hermione spent most of her time here, but he had never seen Remus in the library before.

“We are researching pure blood families,” Remus replied. “You seemed eager to find out more about Severus’ family and I must admit to being curious myself.”

“I offered to help.” Hermione smiled; she had been the one to find the book they had needed. “Look here,” she said and pointed at a paragraph.

“Eileen Prince,” Harry read out loud. Apparently the Princes were a pure blood family, held in high esteem, but were almost extinguished. Eileen was possibly the only relative still alive in that family tree. “Shouldn’t it have Snape’s name as well?”

“I wondered about that too,” Remus said. “But it says here that her family disowned her because she married a Muggle. Maybe they never recognized Severus as part of the family.” 

“They are very rich.” Hermione had been researching for only one hour, and realized she might still find some answers. “Harry, what are you doing here, by the way? You don’t visit the library often either.” 

“I was looking for Remus. Can I talk to you?” Harry needed to get some things off his chest and maybe Remus could help him solve a problem.

“Of course! Where do you want to go?” Remus followed Harry into the corridor and they walked until they happened upon an empty room. 

Harry sat down on the windowsill and wondered how to best address the matter. Remus sat down next to him and Harry felt his friend’s wondering gaze upon him. “Last night something happened…”

“What happened? Did you have another vision?” Remus hoped Severus hadn’t been called to yet another meeting, but Harry seemed too calm for that. It had to be something else.

“I couldn’t sleep so I was tossing and turning… And then, all of a sudden, I heard his voice in my head, telling me to finally go to sleep because I was thinking too loudly!” Harry chuckled at the memory. “It didn’t even startle me, the link still being there, I mean.”

Remus wondered why Harry looked so pleased because of that. “I never experienced a link like that, but it sounds odd to me. I am not sure I would want someone in my mind.” Hopefully that would encourage Harry to elaborate.

“I never thought I would like it either, but I do,” Harry hesitated, but then added, “I have always felt alone. First, when I was living with my family and later, here as well. Hermione and Ron are great friends and I know I can always count on them, but there is still this distance between us. With professor Snape…” How was he going to explain this? He wasn’t even sure what he wanted to say. “It feels good to be connected to someone.” 

Remus thought he understood. “Even when that someone is Severus?”

“He’s not that bad! I am actually beginning to like him.” Harry bit onto his bottom lip. “The way he acts in public is much different from the way I remember him! During Potions lessons I was always scared of what he might do – in what way would he humiliate me? But I no longer feel like that, and Remus, his sneers?” He waited for Remus to nod and then continued, “They lost their sting.” 

Remus wondered what Sirius would have thought had his friend still been alive. Sirius had always hated Severus and wouldn’t have react well upon finding out that Harry had taken a liking to Snape. But he wasn’t going to bring Sirius up, as Harry gave him another pleading look. The boy definitely wanted something from him. “You can tell me, Harry. Whatever it is.”

“I don’t want Snape to remove the link. I want to keep it!” 

Harry’s sudden outburst surprised Remus. “But why?”

“Because I need to know what’s happening with him, Remus. He attends those Death Eaters’ meetings and he spies on Voldemort… Someone should know what’s happening in case he gets hurt again; you know that he will never come to us should he need help.”

That much was true, Remus had to admit Harry was right in that regard. “What do you want me to do then?”

“Talk to him. Convince him to leave the link in place. I don’t want him to remove it and he said he was going to destroy it today.” Harry wasn’t sure he had the courage to fight Snape over it, but maybe he wouldn’t have to do so, should Remus help him. “Can you talk to him for me?”

Remus sighed deeply and frowned. “Harry, I doubt Severus will listen to me. We manage to be civil to each other. We reached some sort of truce yesterday, but I am not sure how long that will last.” Harry continued to look at him though and in the end he relented. “I will try, Harry, but I can’t make any promises.”

“That’s fine! I know you can’t make me promises, but it means a lot to me that you will try.”

Harry might look happy, but Remus definitely felt miserable. Severus was going to throw another temper tantrum; he was certain of that.

///

Severus looked up from grading when the door to his classroom opened unexpectedly. He half expected it to be Potter, but tensed upon seeing Lupin. Now what did that werewolf want this time? And why would he bother coming down here? He put down his quill, straightened his back, and gave him the haughtiest look he was capable of, hoping he was still able to intimidate Lupin. He wasn’t sure it was working though; Lupin looked uncomfortable, but he had the uncanny feeling that it wasn’t due to being glared at. “What do you want?” he asked, emphasizing each word.

Remus couldn’t quite remember when he had been in here for the last time – as a student, that was. He had never been good at potion making and being back here brought back memories of failure. Severus however had excelled at potion making, even as a first year. Sirius had been jealous too, now that he thought about it. Severus had always gotten the highest grades and Sirius had seldom succeeded at brewing anything successively. “Brings back memories,” he remarked, judging it best to find out first what kind of mood Severus was in. “This was always your favourite playground… Never mine.”

Remus had managed to surprise him. “I doubt you came all the way down here to reminiscence on the past.” He certainly didn’t hope so!

“Not really, Harry asked me to talk to you.” Severus was seated behind his desk, making it appear like he was looking down on him, and Remus cringed. 

“Mister Potter?” Severus leaned back against his chair and eyed Lupin closely. He already suspected what Lupin wanted to discuss – the link, but he wasn’t going to help his old nemesis.

“It’s about that connection the two of you seem to have – that link,” Remus said, hoping Severus would at least hear him out.

“What about it?” Severus picked up his quill again and dipped it in his favourite ink. He liked writing the old-fashioned way. 

“Harry doesn’t want you to destroy it. He asked me to convince you to keep it.” Remus noticed the way Severus’ hand remained poised above the ink pot. “It’s the first time he doesn’t feel all alone. Hermione and Ron are his friends, yes, but apparently this is different. He doesn’t want to give it up.” Then Severus dipped the quill in the ink and pressed the tip onto the parchment. “Severus, are you even listening?” He had expected Severus to interrupt him, lecture him, maybe even yell at him, but instead, the other man continued to write like nothing had happened. It was an act, Remus suddenly realized; Severus was gathering his thoughts and trying to come up with a reply. 

Severus needed a moment to process that. He hadn’t really expected that. Why would Harry want the link to remain in place? It was impossible though. Putting down the quill again, he finally made eye contact with Lupin. Apparently he did still posses the power to intimidate him. “Lupin –“ he started.

“It’s Remus, Severus!”

Severus fought for patience. “Lupin,” he said demonstratively. “Letting the link remain in place would be madness. Having his mind connected to mine in such a way is dangerous for both of us. The Dark Lord might realize his presence when reading my mind and Harry… I don’t want him to know what happens at those Death Eaters’ meetings. He is still a child, Lupin, and no child should bear witness to such horror. I will not have it. I will not permit it. The link must be destroyed.” It was the only way.

It made sense – Remus knew Severus was right, but Snape’s reasoning was about logic and rationality while Harry’s plea had been about emotions. “Are you sure about that? I know Harry hopes for a different answer.”

“Lupin, use your mind! I know there must be some working cells in that eroded brain of yours!” Severus was growing frustrated and so he lashed out, hoping to end the conversation that way.

Remus was about to lash out in Severus at turn, but then reconsidered. Severus was too damn good at playing him! “I am not going to explain it to Harry – since you are set on doing this, you tell him!”

Did Lupin really think that would pose a problem? “I shall, do not worry about that! And then I shall destroy this damned link. It should never have formed in the first place!” 

Remus blinked; he hadn’t thought about that earlier, but now that he did, he wondered; why had that link appeared to begin with?

///

When Harry made his way to Snape’s quarters around eight, he felt nervous. Remus had told him that he had been unable to change Severus’ opinion and that his teacher was still determined to remove the link. Harry knew he wouldn’t oppose Snape directly – he did realize that the older wizard had both their well-being in mind, and the truth was he didn’t want to endanger Snape’s life. 

When Remus had reminded him of the fact that Voldemort might find traces of his thoughts in Snape’s mind, Harry had realized he had to give in. “Professor?” The door opened and Harry cautiously entered. As there was light coming from the living room, he headed towards it. He stepped inside and found Snape seated at the table, hands wrapped around a cup of tea and frowning. “Is anything wrong?” He hoped Snape hadn’t been summoned.

“Sit down,” Severus said softly. He had spent most of his evening trying to understand why Harry would want to keep the link. He understood that it might offer the youngster some comfort, but he found it hard to believe that Harry felt comfortable being connected to him in that way. “Remus has been to see me earlier today. Apparently you don’t want me to do away with the link.”

Harry nodded and felt encouraged now that Snape had brought up the matter himself. “I don’t want you to remove it. I want to keep it.”

Severus put down his tea cup, leaned back against his chair, and continued to study Harry. He felt Harry’s thoughts in the back of his mind, but refrained from reading them – he didn’t want to infringe on the boy’s privacy, especially since he was convinced that Harry had no idea his thoughts were that visible. “It can’t allow it…” Seeing Harry’s crestfallen look, he added, “I am sorry.” He really was –for he was growing used to the link as well, and like Harry, it offered him comfort when he needed it. He couldn’t tell the boy that though. Then Harry would never agree to destroy it. 

Harry knew he had to accept that decision. “Will you remove it right now?”

“I had better.” Severus tried to calm himself. He tried to concentrate on reaching out, though quickly realizing there was no reason to do so – the link was already alive. He had to destroy it and quickly at that. It was still gaining in strength! “Do not fight me. You might experience some discomfort, but there should be no pain.” He couldn’t be sure though, as he had never attempted anything like it before. He worked on dismantling the connection, and when he retreated from Harry’s mind minutes later, he wasn’t completely sure he had been successful. They would find out for sure the next time Harry had to raise his defences.

“Is it… gone?” Harry dreaded hearing the answer.

“I believe so. I can’t be sure though. Since nothing like this ever happened before, I am not sure how to dismantle such a link.” Even in the unlikely case the link was still there, he hoped he would be able to shut it down before it intensified. He didn’t want anyone to be forced into witnessing what happened during those meetings. 

“Uh, professor?”

“That’s Ron!” A quick look at the clock above the fire place told Harry that it was nine already. “He’s nervous, you know,” he entrusted to Snape.

Severus could very well imagine that. During the last few years he had tried hard to make them fear, and even hate, him. Apparently his efforts hadn’t been in vain. He got to his feet, walked over to the door, and opened it. He had expected Hermione to come along, knowing Ron wouldn’t have dared coming here on his own. “So you *are* intend on wasting my time,” he sneered and stepped aside to let them enter.

Ron wanted to turn around and run back to their common room, but Hermione gave him a shove and so he ended up in the hallway after all. He felt relieved at seeing Harry walk toward him. It was good to see his friend! “Are you sure we should do this?” he whispered, hoping Harry would tell him to leave right away, but Harry gestured toward the living room instead. He still knew the way around from that first time he had been in here when Snape had been injured. Ron cringed at the memory and then relaxed; remembering Snape wasn’t the devil in person. He had been bleeding and hurt – Snape was human and not a monster. 

Severus couldn’t help it. Ron was actually screaming his thoughts at him, but he tried his hardest to ignore them. At his command, the chess board appeared on the table and the pieces moved to their places. “Sit down,” he told them, and then summoned tea to his rooms. He sat down, poured four cups, and gestured for them to have some, if they wanted that. “So you believe you can beat me at Wizard chess, Mister Weasley?” Oh, he did enjoy making Ron squirm. Hermione however seemed unaffected – such a pity. 

“I… I wouldn’t dare to…” Ron was getting cold feet and actually wondered if he could play lousy on purpose, so he would be guaranteed to lose. He wasn’t sure he wanted to be around Snape should the older wizard lose the game.

“I do hope you will do your best to win, Mister Weasley. I dislike being allowed to win.” Severus arched an eyebrow when he addressed Ron. “I do expect you to try to defeat me.”

Ron exchanged a quick look with Harry. His palms felt sweaty, and although he knew that Snape wasn’t the monster he had always thought him to be, he still felt queasy.

/// 

“I don’t get it…I thought I… You… How did you do that?” Ron stared at the board in shock. He had been so sure he would win! He’d had Snape cornered, and then, suddenly the older wizard had turned it all around. Ron had lost – spectacularly. He continued to stare at Snape, studied the board, and then said, “I admit it – you beat me fair and square.” He had never played a game like that before and he had loved every minute of it. Snape’s moves had confused him during the game, but he had thought he had stayed on top of it, but then his hopes had come crashing down.

Severus smiled; Ron had surprised him. The boy had played well. “Do not fret, Mister Weasley. It was a good strategy, though not the best. And I must point out to you that I am much more experienced at playing Wizard chess. After all, you have merely just started out.”

Ron nodded; everything Snape said was true, but still, he could only hope to achieve such a degree of mastering the game in the future. “Maybe,” He couldn’t believe he was actually going to say it, but then plunged ahead, “maybe you would like to play another game – some time?” He would study Snape’s strategy and was determined to learn from him!

“Another night, Mister Weasley. It has grown late and you should return to your dormitories – all three of you.” He wouldn’t have minded had they stayed, since he had enjoyed the evening, but it was a school day tomorrow. 

“Come on, Ron. The professor is right – it’s almost midnight.” Hermione had been surprised to find that time had passed so quickly. She had enjoyed the evening and her teacher’s mellow mood had set her mind at ease. Harry had been right along; professor Snape was quite likable, once you looked past the usual sneers. She pulled Ron with her, and wondered why Harry wasn’t joining them, but then she realized he might want a moment alone with Snape. 

“Professor?” Harry got to his feet and watched Severus closely. His face looked relaxed and the expression in the normally so viciously glaring eyes welcoming. His teacher might never admit it, but Severus had had enjoyed their company. “Do you think it’s safe for me to go to sleep? Or should I raise my shields?”

Severus heard the question behind the question. “I don’t believe the Dark Lord will summon me tonight, but remember what I told you. If you sense anything wrong – even when you can’t identify the source – raise them.”

Harry nodded. “I will remember that. Goodnight, sir.”

“Goodnight, Harry.” Harry however remained in place, showing no signs of leaving yet. The boy was stalling and Severus knew it.

“I will try not to think so loudly tonight.” Harry smiled at recalling Severus pointing that out to him.

“Go to bed and count snitches,” Severus said, surprising himself as he recognized the caring tone to his voice. Realizing he cared actually scared him – scared him to hell. He shouldn’t allow himself to care for Harry to such a degree. It would get them both killed. He needed to talk to Albus about that –maybe the old wizard knew a way out.

///

Albus wasn’t surprised to see Severus march into his office after midnight. He had been expecting Severus to visit for some time now. It surprised him that it had taken the younger wizard that long to seek him out. That was actually a good thing – that it had taken Severus so long, for the link had deepened during that time. “Severus, it’s rather late,” he pointed out. “Can’t this wait?” But he knew it couldn’t.

“Albus!” Severus collapsed onto the chair in front of Albus’ desk. “This can’t continue!”

Albus knew what was to come, but pretended ignorance. “What?”

“I can’t do this anymore. The Potter boy—“

“Harry,” Albus said, interrupting him. “His name is Harry.” Severus glared at him, but he ignored that too. “I take it you mean the link that binds the two of you?”

Severus sighed and rested his head against the comfort of his chair, only to stare at the grinning face of Phineas Nigellus Black, probably the last painting he wanted to lay eyes on. He promptly looked at Albus instead and therefore caught the smug expression on the wizard’s face before Albus managed to hide it from him. He had seen it though; why was Albus so pleased? Had he missed something? 

“It’s quite a unique situation you find yourself in, Severus. I asked the other Headmasters and Headmistresses, but not one of them ever heard of a link formed during Occlumency lessons.” 

“That is correct.”

Severus looked at the paintings in order to find out who had spoken. Armando Dippet nodded repeatedly – it had been Dumbledore’s predecessor then. 

“I never heard of anything like it before and I taught dozens of students!” Dippet added firmly. “Newton, did anything like that ever happen during your time as Headmaster?”

Severus groaned; did the portraits really have to get involved and why wasn’t Albus telling them to shut up? 

Newton Scamander arched an eyebrow. “I never was an Occlumens myself. I never mastered that craft, but I can’t say I ever heard of it… Ambrose, you excelled at Occlumency, can you tell us more?”

“Albus, please stop them!” He had heard many of these discussions before and knew that if the portraits weren’t stopped, they would continue like this through the night.

Albus considered allowing the discussion to linger on, but then took pity on Severus. “My friends,” he addressed the portraits. “Silence please. We shall discuss the matter another time, I promise,” he added, although he had no intention of doing so. Thankfully the portraits seemed to believe him and grew silent. “Severus, why are you here?” It was time to get to the heart of the matter.

“I tried to destroy the link earlier tonight.” Was it just his imagination or had Albus hissed? No, he must have imagined it, because when he looked at Albus again, the Headmaster looked composed. “But I am not sure I succeeded. I fear more drastic steps are necessary.”

Albus didn’t like where this was going and knew he had to intervene. “What kind of drastic steps, Severus?”

“I want your permission to erase certain memories from Harry’s mind.” He had thought about it after the boy had left; this would be in Harry’s best interest.

“What memories?” No, he didn’t like this one bit and Albus sensed that the other Headmasters and Headmistresses didn’t approve as well. After all, they had plotted for quite some time and to have Severus act against it was unwelcome.

“I want to erase his memories of me. To be more exact, I want him to forget that we like each other. I need to go back to that evening when it all started and then I will have to erase part of Weasley’s and Granger’s memories too. It was the three of them who found me that night.” 

Albus pondered the matter, wondering what to do. He might be able to detour from his original plan, allowing Severus to do this, and still attain his goal in the end. Yes, he might be able to do that. “And erase Remus’ memories too?”

“It would eventually come down to that, yes.” He had already shared more with Lupin than he felt comfortable with. Erasing Lupin’s memories was a bonus. It surprised him that Albus hadn’t refused him right away. Albus actually seemed to be considering his proposal, which made Severus suspicious.

“How do you plan to do that? Remus won’t let you obliviate his mind like that. You can’t walk up to him, point your wand at him, and erase his memories.”

“I know that!” Severus jumped up from his chair and paced the office. Fawkes gave him a curious look, but then went to sleep again. One of the portraits however, Vindictus Veridian, scowled at him. He did his best to ignore the former Headmaster and colleague Potioneer, who had disliked him right from the start. At his first visit to the office, Vindictus had sneered at him in a way that had reminded Severus too much of the way he acted himself – kindred spirits perhaps, but with a great dislike for each other.

Albus nodded; yes, this would work. “Do you want me to do it?”

Severus swirled around and stared at Albus in surprise. “What?”

“Do you want me to erase their memories? I doubt Remus will let you obliviate him and Harry…I can imagine you might find it hard to manipulate his mind in that way. I also offer to take care of Miss Granger and Mister Weasley. Would that appease you?”

Severus narrowed his eyes and tried to make sense of what he had just heard. Why was Albus so eager to comply? What hidden agenda did the other wizard have? For Severus knew there had to be one! “Why?” But he stopped himself from finishing that thought as he didn’t want to raise Albus’ suspicions. Albus was right though –he would prefer not to meddle with Harry’s mind himself—especially should the link have somehow survived. 

“I assure you that I only have Harry’s best interest in mind, Severus. I wouldn’t do this if I didn’t think he would benefit from it.”

That was the typical way Albus avoided really answering questions and Severus was very much aware of it. “You will remove all memories in question?”

“Yes, I will,” Albus said, having no problems to do so. Severus continued to study him and Albus tried to look most cooperative. He would remove those memories, but since Severus hadn’t asked him to destroy them, he would store them instead.

///

Remus was restless. The full moon was only a few nights away and the magic already stirred in his blood. And so he found himself on his way to Severus’ quarters. He was walking down the corridor leading to the dungeon when Severus suddenly appeared to his right. “Severus!” 

Hearing his name made Severus look up and when he caught sight of Remus, he instantly understood why the werewolf was there. “Come with me.” He led Remus into his rooms and then into his study. “Sit,” he said and headed for the cabinet that held some of his private stock. He removed a flask, poured the content into a cup, and then handed it to Remus. “Drink slowly.” 

Remus nodded; he knew that, but still Severus reminded him of it time and time again. He took his time sipping the potion, and once he was done, he handed Severs the empty cup. “Thank you.”

“What do you prefer? Coming here each night or do you wish for me to come to your rooms?” Severus eyed Remus closely. He might be able to surprise the werewolf and erase his memories himself, but then again, Albus had said he would do it. 

“I will be leaving tomorrow evening. Tonks sent an owl and wants to see me.” 

Severus hoped Albus would move quickly then, but then again, the Headmaster knew everything that happened within Hogwarts’ walls. Albus had once explained it to him – briefly, but to the point. Hogwarts’ magic was all enveloping and the Headmaster was a part of it. “I will ready the potions for travel then. And you may call on me for more when you used them up.” 

“Severus…” Remus waited for the other man to look at him before he continued. “Did you do it? Destroy the link?”

“I certainly hope so.” It irked him that he couldn’t be sure. 

Remus hoped Harry had found a way to deal with the disappointment the boy must feel. “I am sorry to hear it.” He pushed himself to his feet again – he always felt weak after drinking that potion.

“Sit down, Lupin. I have no desire to pick you up from the floor.” Severus shook his head, wondering why Lupin always made the same mistake.

“Since you’re asking so nicely.” Remus said down again and agreed with Harry’s observation earlier that day; Severus might sneer all he wanted, but the snarls had lost their sting. Severus was busying himself filling up flasks, and Remus was growing desperate for the lingering silence to end. “Tonks is three months pregnant. It’s starting to show.” 

Severus sighed as he wondered why Remus had felt it necessary to reveal that to him. “You should move her to a safe location and make sure she stays hidden until this is over.” Severus blinked; had he really said that?

“You know what she’s like. She won’t do it,” Remus said and felt stunned that Severus would show his concern so openly. Since Severus had his back towards him, he couldn’t see the man’s face and suspected Severus might be doing it on purpose. “We’re going to call him Ted – Teddy.”

“What an eloquent name.” Severus tried his best to sound vicious but knew he failed miserably. 

“Well, I don’t think Severus Lupin would sound much better.” Remus chuckled, just knowing he would shock Severus by saying that.

“Please do not call your child that!” Severus shivered. Severus and Lupin were two names that should never be joined in the same person. He turned around and eyed Remus closely. “You should be able to make it back to your room now. Do you require… assistance?” Bah, why had he offered? 

“I think I can make it, but thanks anyways.” Remus tried getting to his feet and realized he felt better. Severus was good at potion making – thankfully. “Severus, I want to thank you for this,” he said, raising the case slightly. 

Severus settled for a nod and then turned around, pretending to be busy sorting out more vials. 

Remus, recognizing the gesture for what it was, felt a pang of guilt, realizing Severus had seldom been shown any gratitude. He made a promise then – should he ever come across any bullies, he would help the victim. He should have helped Severus, but since he couldn’t change the past, he would keep an eye on the present and future.

///

“Severus, join me.” Albus gestured for the younger wizard to fall into pace with him. “I gathered all four of them in my office. I thought you might want to be present when I erase those memories.”

Severus nodded. “I would appreciate that very much.” That way, he could be sure everything was done properly.

“Are you sure you want to go through with this? They won’t visit you anymore. No more evenings playing Wizard chess with Harry or young Weasley, who is a good player, don’t you think?”

“He is,” Severus had to admit, but was hesitant to add more. Yes, his evenings would be lonely once more, but that was a price he was willing to pay – had to pay for he couldn’t allow his emotions to distract him – to make him weak with worry for them. The only way he could continue being Albus’ spy was without attachments. He couldn’t allow himself to care for any of them. That would get easier when they went back to hating him. “Maybe you should erase some of my memories as well. Should the Dark Lord happen to see—“ But he didn’t get a chance to finish.

“No, I refuse!” Albus quickly composed himself again though. He had to be careful—Severus was smart and might realize something was wrong otherwise. “No, don’t deny yourself that. Those memories will console you in dangerous times.”

Since obliviating himself wasn’t an option – his wand would probably act up again – Severus had to relent.

///

In the end, Severus remained in shadows, while Albus entered his office and snuck up on his guests. Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Remus never realized what happened when Albus pointed the Elder wand at them. Severus watched, feeling saddened and fighting a growing sense of guilt, when Albus searched their minds and then released them from his spell.

For one long moment, the four of them merely stared at each other, but then they started talking again like nothing had happened – nothing at all. Severus felt sick to the stomach for doing this, but this was for the best. It was just another sacrifice he had to make.

///

Severus’ conscience kept him awake that night, but he consoled himself with the fact that he had done the right thing. In the end, he left his bed, went into his study, and picked up the framed photograph. He stared at it for a long time, remembering happier times. If only he had made different choices back then. If only he hadn’t pushed Lily away – if only she had accepted his apology! But what good did wishing do him? None.

He was the reason why Lily was dead and why James had died defending his wife. He had found James on the staircase and had known the man had tried to stop Voldemort from making his way upstairs. James had failed though, and for a long he had been angry with him for that. But then he had admitted the truth to himself; no one would have been able to stop Voldemort. Had he been in James’ place, he would have failed to stop the Dark Lord as well.

That Harry had survived was a miracle in its own right. Severus would never forget forcing himself to finally let go of Lily because Harry wouldn’t stop crying. He had picked up the baby and had tried to soothe him, and Harry had calmed down – had actually fallen asleep in his arms. That had been the moment when he had promised himself to keep the child safe – even if doing so would cost him his life.

During these last few days, he had been privileged – he’d had the chance to get to know Harry. He had learned much about the boy and his friends as well. He would cherish those memories forever. Albus was right; he needed them in order to sustain him in the future.

Severus put the picture back in its place and tried to make peace with his past, but failed, like so many times before. He had felt dead on the inside for years. Voldemort would eventually find out he was Albus’ spy and then Dark Lord would kill him. It was inevitable. That was one thing he found easy to accept – going to his death willingly as he had nothing left to live for. 

///

The next morning, Severus donned his teaching robes, and cast a last, disapproving look in the mirror. His reflection assured him that he was still able to act the part. He locked away his feelings and threw away the key, knowing he could never open that door again. He had to survive – he always did. Quality of life didn’t matter, as he didn’t deserve any.

Severus lowered his head briefly, sorted out his remaining thoughts until he had gained a calm state of mind. Control your emotions and discipline the mind had become his dogma once more.

///

As he walked into the Great Hall for breakfast, he looked at Albus first, and found the old wizard at the teachers’ table, already enjoying breakfast. He put off looking at Harry as long as he could, but once he had sat down and reached for his cup of Lady Grey, his gaze wandered off to the Gryffindor table, and there he was – Harry Potter. The boy must have felt his gaze and looked up.

Only yesterday Harry had smiled at him, had looked at him with a caring and cheerful expression. Today was different – everything had changed. The smouldering look in Harry’s eyes, which resembled Lily’s so much, possessed the same quality it had had for years. Harry Potter loathed the very sight of him. It hurt having that glare directed at him. Severus was surprised at how much it actually hurt.

“Are you satisfied now, Severus? Now that everything is back to the way it was?”

Albus’ voice sounded chilling and Severus knew the old wizard blamed him for the things that had happened. “Satisfied? It was necessary, Albus, and you know it. Don’t play games with me – not today. I am not in the mood for it.”

“As you wish. You can come to my office this evening, that is, if you aren’t summoned.” Albus reckoned it might be best to distract Severus for the time being. He was quite content with the way everything had turned out. Severus allowing him to tamper with Harry’s memories had been the break he had needed. Severus didn’t know it, but Albus’ plan was proceeding nicely. 

Severus looked at Harry when the boy got up and started for the doorway, immediately followed by Ron and Hermione. Hermione didn’t look at him at all and Severus had no problems reading the loathing in Ron’s eyes. “The spell worked.”

“Oh, yes. Harry is back to believing you were only born to bully him and make his life miserable. Mister Weasley is back to calling you the bat, or even less flattering, the greasy git.”

Severus shook his head. “They never come up with anything original, do they?” But he only said it in order to hide the fact that being called that did have an impact on him. He had never wanted his students to fear or hate him, but he had to maintain the persona. 

///

The icy hatred that had once lingered between him and Harry was back with a vengeance. He acted the part, bullying Harry whenever he could, making sure the boy away. It still hurt though, especially since he knew he would be returning to empty rooms that night. There would be no one having tea or playing Wizard chess with him, but that was the choice he had made.

///

Attention please – skipping ahead, as I need to bridge the former part with the next one which is set during the Deathly Hallows. And I will be following the movies here-not the books.

///

Harry supported Dumbledore when they returned to the Astronomy Tower. Drinking the poison in order to get to the Horcrux had left Dumbledore weak and Harry quickly lowered the wizard onto the steps. “We need to get you to the hospital wing, to Madam Pomfrey!” He couldn’t help Dumbledore himself – he needed professional help. 

While Albus sat down, the Headmaster of Hogwarts used the castle’s magic to find out who was close. Yes, everything was going according to plan. Good. “No,” he said, stopping Harry. “Severus, Severus is who I need. Wake him, tell him what happened. Speak to no one else. Severus, Harry.” But the castle was already reaching out in order to locate the Potions Master and was quick to report back to the Headmaster. Severus Snape was awake and already on his way. Good, he would arrive in time then. So much depended on Severus arriving at the right moment!

Albus heard footsteps and knew Draco was approaching before he actually saw the boy. “Harry, hide yourself below.” He had to get the boy out of the way and into safety. He would have preferred it if Harry hadn’t had to watch the scene unfold, but the boy would never be able to leave the Astronomy Tower in time. “Stay there and don’t be seen by anyone without my permission.” He had to make sure Harry didn’t get involved, for that would ruin his plan. “Whatever happens it is imperative you stay below.” He could only hope that Harry would obey him; he saw doubt in the boy’s eyes. “Harry, do as I say.” He hoped the boy trusted him to obey—still trusted him enough to do that. “Trust me,” he added, and felt relieved when Harry slightly nodded at him. “Trust me.”

Harry still trusted Dumbledore, but leaving the old wizard behind seemed wrong. And yet, he obeyed, reminding himself that Dumbledore had never let him down before. After moving downstairs, he watched Draco ascend the stairs. In a way he felt relieved that it was only Draco. Dumbledore could handle Draco Malfoy; Dumbledore was in no immediate danger. 

“Good evening, Draco.” Albus knew he had to be careful. The boy could snap any given moment and he couldn’t afford to die before Severus had arrived. He had to buy Severus time. “What brings you here on this fine spring evening?” He was good at confusing people, so maybe he could confuse Draco too.

“Who else is here? I heard you talking.” Draco felt nervous – incredibly nervous. He was pointing his wand at Dumbledore, and even though he didn’t want to admit it, he still thought of the wizard as his Headmaster and he didn’t want to hurt him – not really.

“I have been talking loud to myself and I’ve been extraordinarily useful,” Albus said quickly, trying to distract the clearly troubled youngster. As long as Harry stayed hidden he could continue with his plan. “Draco, you are no assassin.” He had to stall, had to make sure he was still alive when Severus got there. 

“How do you know what I am? I have done things that would shock you!” Why was Dumbledore moving about? And why were they still talking, and most of all, why couldn’t he do it? Why couldn’t he kill his Headmaster?

“Like cursing Katie Bell and hoping she would bring that cursed necklace to me? And replacing one bottle of mead with poison?” Maybe the time had come to confront Draco with his pitiful attempts to kill him. “Forgive me, Draco, but I can’t help feeling these actions have been so weak that your heart can’t really have been in it.”

“Trust me, I was chosen!” He pulled at his sleeve and revealed the Dark Mark which the Dark Lord had burned into his flesh, forgetting that he was no longer pointing his wand at Dumbledore.

“I shall make it easy for you,” Albus mumbled, realizing he might not be able to save Draco after all. He judged the moment right to move onto the next step of his plan – being disarmed – especially since Hogwarts was letting him know that more visitors were on the way.

“Expelliarmus,” Draco called out, realizing the mistake he had made and pointed his wand at the Headmaster once more. Disarming Dumbledore was much easier than he had thought. He had been convinced that Dumbledore would put up a fight. Instead, the Headmaster was giving in, making it easy for him – too easy?

“Very good, very good,” Albus mumbled. Draco’s action to disarm him had just been what he had hoped for. “You’re not alone…”

At hearing that, Harry woke from the shock he had been in and looked about. Dumbledore was right – Draco wasn’t alone – more Death Eaters were on their way and he couldn’t do a thing! He couldn’t help because he had promised Dumbledore to stay down there! Why had he done that? And why did he have to feel honour bound to keep his word?

“There are others…” They would make a good audience. Hopefully Voldemort would never doubt Severus again, especially with the rapidly approaching Death Eaters as witnesses. It was a perfect plane indeed. His death was a minor drawback, but he would still be able to influence others once his portrait had appeared in the study. “How?” he asked, pretending to play along, although the answer was already known to him. Nothing ever happened at Hogwarts without him knowing about it.

“The Vanishing Cabinet in the Room of Requirement,” Draco said, wishing Dumbledore would stop moving closer. He had disarmed the Headmaster and he wasn’t sure he could attack Dumbledore when he was defenceless. “I have been mending it.”

“Let me guess,” Albus said, recalling upon old information Hogwarts had once provided him with. “It has a sister – a twin.” Did Draco really think he didn’t know about it?

“Borgin and Burkes… They form a passage.” Dumbledore no longer posed a threat, so he could tell him the truth. 

“Ingenious…” Albus said, still playing along, even adding the right amount of surprise to his voice. “Draco, years ago I knew a boy who made all the wrong choices. Please let me help you.” Maybe he could still convince Draco to come over to the side of the light. He had failed Tom Riddle back then, and even Severus Snape, but maybe he could still help Draco.

“I don’t want your help!” But he did – he really did, he was just too damn afraid to accept it. “Don’t you understand?” His emotions were getting the better of him and he wasn’t sure how much more he could take. “I have to do this! I have to kill you!” He didn’t want to do it – didn’t want to kill his Headmaster, but… “Or he is going to kill me!” And he wanted to live… He was too young to die! 

Albus knew Draco’s chance had passed by the moment the others joined them. He had to proceed with extreme caution from that point on. He had known Draco would never kill him, but Bellatrix was a different matter. 

“Well, look what we have here,” Bellatrix said, obviously pleased.

Albus monitored her closely and tried to judge the state she was in. Bellatrix’ behaviour was hard to predict, but he reckoned she wanted Draco to kill him, as she knew it would plunge the boy’s soul into darkness. Voldemort would praise her for accomplishing that.

“Well done, Draco,” she whispered, savouring his pained expression. 

Albus ignored Bellatrix’ companions and decided to focus on her. She was in control – she would set the pace of their conversation. “Good evening, Bellatrix. I think introductions are in order, don’t you think?

“I would love to Albus, but I am afraid we don’t have time for that.” Turning to Draco, she hissed, “Do it!” Killing Dumbledore would make sure Draco’s soul belonged to the Dark forever. 

“He doesn’t have the stomach for it, just like his father,” Fenrir Greyback sneered. “Let me finish him in my own way.”

Harry was growing desperate. He had waited too long and now he couldn’t interfere anymore, not with that lot up there. What could he do in order to help Dumbledore? Nothing, he realized in dread. He had promised the old wizard to stay put. 

“No,” Bellatrix called out. “The Dark Lord is clear the boy’s to do it.” Fenrir’s soul was already pitch-black, but there was still some light to Draco’s and they had to extinguish it. 

Harry suddenly felt a presence. He suppressed a shiver and then slowly turned around in order to find who was watching him. It was Snape of course. It couldn’t have been Minerva McGonagall, or even professor Flitwick to find him! Instead it had to be his nemesis – the one person he didn’t trust, even though Dumbledore seemed to trust Snape. Snape pointed his wand at him and Harry realized he was trapped – there was no way out. He pointed his wand at Snape as well, although knowing it was pointless. 

“Do it! Go on, Draco! Now!” 

Her voice, laced with madness, barely registered with Harry, as he felt entranced watching Snape signalling him to remain quiet. Could he trust the Potions Master? Dumbledore seemed to trust him, but… Something – he didn’t know what it was, twitched in the back of his mind, and suddenly, he found himself lowering his wand. He didn’t trust Snape, so why would he… Or did he trust him? Somehow, something was telling him to put his trust in the teacher whom he had hated for years.

Severus could only hope that Harry would trust him. Throughout the last few months, they had returned to their game of throwing icy glares at each other and his continued pestering of the boy had made sure Harry kept his distance. Albus had kept his word –something Severus was grateful for, but it had also manoeuvred him back into being the hated one. He had made that choice himself though, he reminded himself. He had no one to blame for except himself. He had asked Albus to erase Harry’s memories.

When Harry finally lowered his wand, Severus released the breath he had been holding. He hadn’t been sure Harry would trust him – he hadn’t expected it. Severus moved toward the stairs, climbed them, and tried to clear his mind. He couldn’t deal with any emotions right now, for what he was about to do would damn his soul forever. He still didn’t think Albus had the right to ask him, but in the end, he had relented. His soul was lost anyway, so what did one more death matter?

“No,” he said with as much calm as he could master, as he showed himself. Instantly their gazes moved towards him. He saw the horror in Draco’s eyes. No matter how much Draco thought himself to be a Death Eater, the boy had no idea whom he was dealing with. There was still innocence to Draco, which Severus hoped to save. In Bellatrix’ eyes though he only encountered madness. Out of all Death Eaters, he hated her the most. 

He noticed Draco’s relief at seeing him, though the boy might not realize he actually felt reassured at all. Albus gave him a look that spoke of relief as well as understanding and hope – hope that he would carry out his part of Albus’ ingenious, but insane plan. And he still felt Harry’s eyes upon him. Damn Albus for engineering this in such a way that the boy had to watch. He had never wanted Harry to witness this. 

Harry stared at Snape and Dumbledore in shock. What was going to happen? Was Snape Voldemort’s or did his loyalty still belong to Albus? He hoped Dumbledore had been right to put his trust in Snape; he really hoped that, but he was afraid – he was so very afraid that Snape had betrayed the Headmaster!

“Severus,” Albus said softly. And finally his plan was coming together. He knew what was going to happen – knew that Severus wasn’t going to deny him. This had to be done and Severus had to be the one to do it. Briefly, he felt a stinging sense of guilt at realizing that Harry was watching all this. That had definitely not been part of the plan. He had never wanted for Harry to find out who would kill him, but so be it. Some parts of the plan had always been out of his control. “Please,” he said upon finding Severus still hesitant. He could only hope that Severus would find the strength to kill him. Hopefully knowing that he was already a dead man would help Severus make up his mind. The curse would kill him in a very painful way eventually.

Severus knew that by killing Albus, he would also kill a part of his soul, but then he remembered Albus’ pleas. The old wizard had told him it would be a benign act, and not murder at all, that he preferred an instant, painless death to slowly dying because of the curse. Severus looked into Albus’ eyes, saw the mute plea in them, and pointed his wand at his old friend and mentor. “Avada Kedrava!” At the same time, he sent Albus one last thought. Please forgive me.

Albus however was no more capable of absolving Severus. The Killing curse hit him, as Severus hadn’t held back – had put every ounce of his will into the curse. 

Harry stared at the scene in shock and watched Dumbledore stagger and then fall. No, this couldn’t be happening! Dumbledore couldn’t be dead! Dumbledore couldn’t leave him behind like that! He couldn’t believe it. Couldn’t believe Dumbledore was gone! And Snape had killed him! So Snape had been a traitor all along, just as he had thought! He was going to kill him in turn! He was going to kill Snape just like that traitor had killed Dumbledore!

Severus shivered when Harry’s thoughts reached him. He had known the boy would loathe the sight of him and would try to kill him, should Harry ever get that chance. You should shield your mind – I taught you better than that. But he kept those thoughts private – couldn’t allow Harry to pick up on them. He grabbed hold of Draco, who looked terrified at having watched Dumbledore’s murder; Severus did feel sorry for him. Too many innocents were being dragged into this filthy war. They had tried to protect Harry, as well as Draco, but so far they had failed at protecting both of them. 

Harry quickly moved back into the shadows when the Death Eaters ran down the stairs, Bellatrix leading the way, and Snape being the last, pushed Draco forward. For one insane moment Harry considered killing Snape right there and then, but the moment came and went away. Why couldn’t he point his wand at Snape and kill him? Why had he wanted to trust Snape in the first place? Why had this tiny voice in the back of his mind said he could trust Snape? Why had he let Snape kill Dumbledore? 

Harry shook himself from the paralyses he found himself in and ran after them, intent on making Snape pay for killing Dumbledore. He followed them as they moved deeper into the Forbidden Forest, and with a sinking sensation to his stomach, he realized where Bellatrix was leading them – to Hagrid’s hut!

“Juhu,” Bellatrix called out in sheer madness.

“Snape, he trusted you!” He had finally caught up with them and the mad desire to avenge Dumbledore pushed him forward. He didn’t care about Bellatrix at that moment – didn’t care she had killed Sirius. All he could think of was killing Snape—getting even with the traitor. 

Severus quickly turned about, shocked to find that Harry had followed him. But then again, what did he expect the boy to do? Harry had just witnessed him killing Dumbledore – and Harry didn’t know Albus had organized his death that way – neither could he tell Harry that. Damn, he had to find a way to deal with Harry which didn’t involve getting the boy killed. Suddenly an explosion rocked the air behind him and Severus looked over his shoulder. Bellatrix, the lunatic, had set fire to Hagrid’s hut, curse her. But he couldn’t let it distract him. He had to keep his attention focused on Harry. 

Draco stared at him in fright and that jolted Severus back into action. “Go on,” he called out, making sure at least Malfoy wouldn’t get caught up in his argument with Harry. 

“Incarcerous,” Harry called out, wanting to immobilize Snape. The anger he felt at seeing the traitor from so close made him mad with rage.

Severus easily deflected the spell, but then wondered what to do. He had never expected Harry to come after him and felt at a loss, something he didn’t like at all. He didn’t want to hurt the youngster, but Harry might force his hand. He had to act his part, had to make sure Bellatrix continued to believe he was loyal to her precious Dark Lord. 

“Fight back, you coward, fight back!” Why wasn’t Snape cursing him? Why wasn’t he fighting him? Why was Snape staring at him like that? For one second, Harry hesitated, and promptly Bellatrix blasted him off his feet. He stumbled to the ground as pain shot through his body. Now Snape could finish the job – easily.

Severus tensed upon seeing Harry thrown to the ground and he quickly spun around, knowing there was only one thing that would stop Bellatrix from releasing her insane rage. “No! He belongs to the Dark Lord!” Not even Bellatrix would dare anger Voldemort by harming the boy! He wasn’t sure what he would do though if Bellatrix, in all her insanity, would ignore him and launched another attack. Severus wasn’t sure he would be able to stand by and let her curse Harry. But intervening meant giving himself away and Albus had been very insistent about the rest of his plan. Thankfully she backed down and Severus looked away from her and toward Harry. Was the boy alright? Or had Bellatrix managed to wound him? 

He felt relieved at seeing Harry fight his way back to his feet. The boy was alright. This was it then – walking away now, turning his back on Harry and Hogwarts, everything Albus and he had ever believed in, would condemn him to the dark side. There would be no turning back – no redemption –not for him.

Harry managed to get back to his feet and stared at Snape in disbelief. The traitor was actually walking away! How dare Snape deny him like that? Mad with rage, loss, and emotional pain, he raised his wand and called out, “Sectumsempra!” It was the worst curse he could think of – he wanted Snape to suffer before the traitor died. He didn’t want Snape to have a swift and painful death!

Severus spun around at hearing the curse – a curse he had invented when he had been young, and he retaliated. Measuring the flare with precision, he blasted Harry off his feet. He made sure though that his spell wouldn’t cause any serious harm. He had to incapacitate Harry though for the time being as he couldn’t allow the youngster to continue fighting him. He had to do something – now. Stalking toward the boy, and doing his best to look as intimidating as possible, he towered over him. 

“You dare use my own spells against me, Potter?”Albus had told him some time ago that Harry had found his old potions book, but even without the old wizard telling him so, he had realized Harry had found it when the boy had used that curse on Draco. He wished he had never invented it, for it was an awful curse which eventually killed, much like the Killing curse; the only difference being the fact that the victim bled to death and experienced terrible pain before finally passing away. 

“Yes, I am the Half Blood Prince,” he said, uncaring Harry knew how spiteful he had been during his youth. He’d had good reasons to be like that back then, mostly thanks to Sirius and James. The hatred in Harry’s eyes told him that they had reached the point of no return and so he kicked Harry’s wand out of the way. Harry wouldn’t follow him –not this time.

Walking away was one of the hardest things Severus had ever done. Severus wanted nothing more than to make everything right again. He wanted to comfort the boy – wanted to explain what was happening and why Albus had had to die, but that door had closed for all eternity. From now on he would walk alone – all alone.

Harry stared after Snape with an amount of hatred he hadn’t known he was capable of. Severus Snape, Potions Master, Teacher, and Dumbledore’s supposed spy had betrayed them – all of them. I hate you, Snape, and one day, I will kill you.

Severus was shaken to the core when he received that thought loud and clear. That shouldn’t be possible. This couldn’t be happening! His shields were up—they were up constantly these days and there was no way Harry could have penetrated his defences. But then…how? And then it hit him – the link. Somehow it had survived. For some reason it was still there – it lingered beneath the surface, but still connecting them. He marched on though, as he couldn’t turn back –not now, not ever again. 

But why was the link still there? He had been certain he had destroyed it that evening and he hadn’t received any explicit thoughts from Harry –not that loud and clear - until now. Realizing that pondering the matter would put him in danger, he tightened his shields further. He didn’t want Voldemort to accidentally glance at his thoughts. Stalking after Bellatrix, his heart grew heavier with each step he took. He had been happy at Hogwarts – as happy as he could be, and now that life had come to an end. From that moment on, he would be moving towards his death.

///

Harry knelt next to Dumbledore’s remains and felt dead inside. He had always thought of Dumbledore as his mentor, had seen him as the grandfather he had never had, and now, Albus Dumbledore was dead. Snape had killed him, and one day, Harry promised himself, Snape would pay for that.

///

The Last Will and Testament of Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore

“To Ronald Bilius Weasley, I leave my Deluminator, in the hope that he will remember me when he uses it… That is a valuable object. It may even be unique. Certainly it is of Dumbledore's own design. Why would he have left you an item so rare? Dumbledore must have taught thousands of students, yet the only ones he remembered in his will are you three. Why is that? To what use did he think you would put to the Deluminator, Mr. Weasley?" Rufus Scrimgeour had spent days examining the item and yet he had found nothing out of the ordinary about it. Yet, he had known Albus Dumbledore and knew the old wizard must have had a reason to leave it to that boy. 

Ron looked at the artefact, unsure himself why Dumbledore had left it to him. "Put out lights, I suppose. What else could I do with it?" Using it, the lights illuminating the kitchen and living room disappeared into the Deluminator. Clicking it again sent the lights right back and Ron had to admit his gift was pretty cool.

Realizing questioning Ron further wouldn’t get him anyway, Scrimgeour continued and picked up the next item the Headmaster had left one of his students. He had examined that one too, and had found nothing wrong with it, and yet it irked him that Dumbledore had left certain items to his students, when all other possessions had gone to Hogwarts. “To Miss Hermione Jean Granger, I leave my copy of The Tales of Beedle the Bard, in the hope that she will find it entertaining and instructive… Why do you think Dumbledore left you that book, Miss Granger?" 

"He… He knew I liked books," Hermione said. It was the most obvious explanation she could come up with. She looked at the book in surprise. She had never read it herself, but judging from Ron’s reaction, her friend knew it well. What was she to do with it?

Then Scrimgeour addressed the item that made the least sense to him. “To Harry James Potter, I leave the Snitch he caught in his first Quidditch match at Hogwarts, as a reminder of the rewards of perseverance and skill… I noticed that your birthday cake is in the shape of a Snitch. Why is that?" 

Harry was about to reply, but Hermione beat him to it. 

"Oh, it can't be a reference to the fact Harry's a great Seeker, that's way too obvious. There must be a secret message from Dumbledore hidden in the icing!" 

Scrimgeour’s first reaction was to roll back his eyes, but he suppressed that urge. “To Harry James Potter, I also leave the Sword of Gryffindor, though technically speaking it’s not Dumbledore’s to give away.” 

Harry blinked in surprise. The Sword of Gryffindor? “Do you know where it is then?”

“It vanished some time ago… And as I said, According to reliable historical sources, the sword may present itself to any worthy Gryffindor. That does not make it the exclusive property of Mr. Potter, whatever Dumbledore may have decided. Why do you think--?"

How was he supposed to know? He had never quite managed to understand any of Dumbledore’s plans and so he said, “Dumbledore wanted to give me the sword? Maybe he thought it would look nice on my wall." Hopefully that would shut up the Minster of Magic. He didn’t like Rufus Scrimgeour one bit. “Is that it?” All three of them stared at their gifts and wondered what Dumbledore was trying to tell them. All three of them were certain there were hidden messages in them.

“Actually, there is more.” Scrimgeour had been sorely tempted to examine the next items at well, but some semblance of decency had stopped him. Some things shouldn’t be tempered with. 

“There’s more?” Ron’s eyes widened upon seeing the five flasks which Scrimgeour placed on the table in-between them.

Harry thought the content of those vials looked a lot like memories – they resembled the vials he had seen at Dumbledore’s office. One of them though looked different – it resembled liquid gold. “What’s that?” He didn’t know why, but all of a sudden shivers ran down his spine.

“It might be best if I allow Dumbledore to tell you.” He released the Will, which floated toward the three students. A moment later, Dumbledore’s voice echoed through the room. Harry felt upset at hearing a voice he had thought he would never hear again, but it was Dumbledore speaking—there was no mistaken it. Hermione reached for his hand first and then she curled her fingers around Ron’s limb as well, solidifying the friendship between the three of them. Hearing Dumbledore’s voice upset her too.

“My dearest boy… My dearest Harry. It saddens me that you are hearing this for it means I died before returning these to you. Harry, Miss Granger, Mister Weasley, these are yours. They belong to you. These flasks hold memories which I removed in the past. At times, I wished I hadn’t done so, but at that time I had pressing reasons to remove them. I feel they should return to their rightful owners though. One of the flasks belongs to Remus Lupin and please see to it that his memories are returned to him as well. You won’t be able to restore your memory right away. The moment the memories change colour and turn red is when you should restore your memory. The flasks won’t open until that moment.”

Harry accepted the flask containing his memories from Scrimgeour and eyed it suspiciously. He had never known Dumbledore had done anything like that. Scrimgeour handed him a second flask as well; it had Remus’ name etched onto the glass. 

“Please forgive an old man for meddling, but I was, and still am, convinced that doing so what in the best interest of all parties involved,” Albus’ will said. 

Harry had long realized Dumbledore’s schemes and his plans within plans, but he had never expected anything like this to happen. He put the flasks away and waited for the Minster of Magic to get up and leave, but Scrimgeour stayed in place. Was there still more to come?

Hermione studied the vial containing her memories and exchanged a look with Ron. How could they be sure they were genuine memories and hadn’t been tampered with by Scrimgeour or another party?

“I can assure you that they do belong to you. We made sure by casting a spell on them, but we didn’t look at the memories themselves.” Scrimgeour had only one more thing to do and then he could finally leave. “This last flask,” Scrimgeour said and picked up the last one, “will go into Miss Granger’s care, but it is for the three of you to decide when to use it.” He handed her the flask.

“What is it?” Hermione frowned; she didn’t like being clueless.

“I will let Albus explain that one too.” Scrimgeour nodded at the will, which still floated above the table and Dumbledore started to speak once more. 

“The content of this last flask is quite unique. As far as I know this potion is almost one of its kind. It was brewed only once before, many years ago – and all other attempts at creating it failed –until recently. Treat it carefully, for it is precious. This flask holds Life itself. This potion will bring back a person from death. Administered within five minutes of the person’s death, it will restore life without any disruptive side effects. Use it later than that and it won’t work at all.”

Harry studied the swirling gold inside the vial. He had never heard of a potion like that before!

“It is for the three of you to decide when to use it, as it can only be used once. The dying person must drink all of it, so you can’t save more than one person from death. Be wise when deciding whom to give it to. Remember that certain deaths are necessary, but that others are rather pointless or come too early. I trust the three of you to know when to use it and whose life to save.”

Harry cringed; why couldn’t Dumbledore simply give them the name of the person the old wizard wanted saved? It was rather obvious that Dumbledore had someone specific in mind. 

The Will floated back to the Minster of Magic, who carefully tucked it away. “That was it then. I will be on my way.” He had hoped to find out what all that had been about, but it was obvious that the three students were clueless as well. He wouldn’t gather new information here. 

Harry watched Scrimgeour leave the living room and then looked at his friends. “Do you have any idea what this is about?”

Hermione shook her head and held the flash slightly to one side. She watched the swirls move up and down. “I have no idea, Harry.” 

“If that potion is really unique,” Ron said and frowned, “Who do you think made it?”

“It would take a really gifted Potions Master to…” Hermione’s voice trailed off and she looked at Ron in surprise. 

“Snape?” Ron questioned, sneering the name in obvious disgust.

Hermione nodded. “He’s the only one I believe capable of brewing it.”

“Dumbledore should have taken it after the Killing Curse hit him!” Harry jumped to his feet and paced the living area. “He had this potion in his possession and didn’t use it? Why?” Why hadn’t Dumbledore saved himself? Why would the wizard want them to save someone else instead?

“Can we be sure that potion is what Scrimgeour says it is? What if Snape messed with it?” Ron shook his head. “We can’t trust professor Dumbledore on his word that this is the legendary “Breath of Life”.” It had taken him a moment to remember what that potion had been called in his potions book.

“Yes, that’s it… Breath of Life.” Why hadn’t she thought of it? “I remember what our potions book said; namely that it was impossible to brew and it had only been done once by one of Hogwarts’ former Headmasters. His name was Vindictus Veridian if I am not mistaken. It was used to save a student’s life a long time ago.”

“Never heard of the guy.” Ron was watching his memories as well. “I am not sure we should ever commit them to our memory. Who knows who tampered with them.”

“I don’t like Scrimgeour,” Harry said, “But I don’t think he would tamper with something like memories. Examine them, yes. Watch them, no.”

“So you think they are ours?” Hermione wasn’t sure she agreed with Harry.

“I *know* these are mine. I can sense it.” Harry nodded. “Don’t ask me why, or how, but something tells me they are mine.” 

“I wonder what memories professor Dumbledore removed from our minds and why did he had to remove them from all three of us?” Ron felt frustrated that he had to wait in order to find out what those memories were about!

“Four of us actually… The fourth flask belongs to Remus, remember?” Harry pointed out to them. “Guys, when was the last time we saw Remus?”

Hermione tried to remember, but then realized she found it hard – almost impossible. “During an order meeting?”

“The last time he was at Hogwarts was when he was our Defence against the Dark Arts teacher…” Ron said, thinking aloud. “After that, we only saw him during order’s meetings, yes.”

Something nagged at Harry, but he couldn’t say what it was. “It’s like there’s something I should be able to remember, but I can’t… It’s not about memories, but more about feelings.” 

“I reckon we will find out when the time is right.” Hermione put her two flasks into her bag, knowing they were safe in there. “Do you want me to keep yours too?” she asked them.

Harry handed his and Remus’ flask to her and nodded. He would probably end up losing them and he chuckled when Ron handed her his too. An unsettling feeling continued to nag at him, but he couldn’t put his finger on what it was.

///

Please notice- Set during the beginning of The Deathly Hallows part 2

///

Severus sat in the Headmaster’s office at Albus’ desk and stared into the distance, not wanting to see anything, not wanting to hear anything and most desperately of all, not wanting to feel anything. 

It was beyond him why Hogwarts accepted him as Headmaster. When the Dark Lord had told him to impose a reign of terror on the school, Severus had obeyed as he always did, and had returned to what he considered home, with Alecto and Amycus Carrow in tow. Actually, he considered himself lucky, since the Dark Lord had seen it fit to send only two Death Eaters to oversee the school. Things could have been a lot worse, Severus reminded himself.

“Severus, you can’t give up now,” Albus said firmly, addressing Severus from his portrait. “You must endure!”

Endure… Severus sighed. How much more could he endure? How much longer? “They are cursing the students, Albus, even the first years.” And even worse, the Dark Lord expected him to curse them too. “I can’t continue like this… I can’t!” During the nights on which he managed to fall asleep nightmares haunted him. He had carefully picked the students he had been forced to curse. He had selected the strongest, those who could bear the curse without carrying away lasting injuries. The Carrows weren’t like that though – they revelled in hurting even the youngest children. “I don’t understand what good this does!”

“Severus, you knew what would happen once you accepted being a part of this plan. You need to persevere!” Albus worried about Severus. Although Voldemort’s evil hadn’t touched Severus, a different kind of darkness was reaching for the younger wizard. Self-hatred, guilt, and an overwhelming sense of despair threatened to drown Severus. Albus knew that being forced to curse the students was damaging Severus’ soul and he could only hope that the younger wizard’s focus would return. Severus always acted the part in public, but here at the office, where he felt safe, he lacked the energy to maintain the pretence. 

“Hogwarts accepted you as its Headmaster,” Phineas reminded Severus in a firm tone, but without its usual vindictiveness. “You must remember your real agenda. You are here to make sure the students are safe – relatively safe – I grant you that, but with you gone, the Carrows would rule supreme and trust me, they would love to kill the Mudbloods!”

“Don’t you say that word ever again!” Severus hissed with some of his old vigour. “Don’t you dare!”

“Ah, there is still some fight left to him after all,” Dilys Derwent commented from inside her painting. “As much as I hate agreeing with Black, he is right. Your presence prevents the Carrows from murdering the students. You can’t give up now!”

Severus wished they would just shut up. He tried to cover his ears with his hands, which was an utterly useless gesture as the former Headmasters and Headmistresses could speak directly to his mind, if they desired so. 

“And remember, Severus, not even Voldemort knows you are Headmaster in every sense of the word.” Albus knew it was an advantage, one he planned to use to its full advantage in the near future. 

“What good does it do me?” Severus rested his arms on the desk in front of him. He wished Fawkes was still around to keep him company, but the phoenix had left when Albus had died. “I feel their pain each time one of those damned Carrows curses them, I…” Hogwarts would relay the student’s pain to him, letting him know what has happening. It had helped him stop the torture a few times, but lately the Carrows did as they pleased and seldom obeyed his orders where students were concerned. Only yesterday, he had stopped them from cursing Neville. The Carrows had almost attacked him instead, but they had stopped short at the last moment.

Neville, who had lost consciousness at that point, had never seen him chase the Carrows away. Neither did the young man know that it was Severus who had taken him to the Hospital Wing so Madam Pomfrey could take care of the after effects of the Cruciatus curse. Neville Longbottom’s parents were still at St.Mungo’s and would never recover from having been subjected to that curse for days. If there was anything he could do in order to make sure Neville didn’t suffer the same fate, he would. Severus had made himself that promise. 

“Any news of Harry’s whereabouts?” Severus asked Albus in order to distract himself from the suffering he was forced to watch day and night. It was inevitable that Harry and his friends would come to Hogwarts and he actually longed for that day, because it meant more Horcruxes would be destroyed and Voldemort’s demise would finally approach. 

“He is on his way, Severus.” Albus had set other paintings, positioned outside of Hogwarts, to spy on Harry and his friends. “It won’t be long now. That is why you need to remain strong.”

Severus’ hands opened and closed spasmodically. He was fighting his emotions, the pain, and the pleas that inhabited Hogwarts’ walls these days. He truly wished that Hogwarts hadn’t accepted him as its Headmaster, but only resigning or dying would release him from his duties and he couldn’t do either – yet. 

“You must remember why you are doing this, Snape,” Phineas said, speaking once more. “Voldemort is evil and must be destroyed.”

“That’s not why he is doing this,” Armando Dippet pointed out. “He’s doing it for the boy.”

He had the power to shut them up, but truth be told, he preferred them pestering him to the silent despair that would occupy the office otherwise. 

“Remember those evenings when Harry came down to your rooms, Severus. Remember playing Wizard chess with him and Ron Weasley. Remember Remus talking you out of that tantrum.” Albus hoped there was enough light left inside Severus’ soul for him to remember those things. The growing darkness might make it hard for Severus to recall those things though. “Remember how Harry took care of you when you were injured.”

Severus closed his eyes. “Albus, stop it. You are making it worse.” He didn’t want to remember those things. Didn’t want to experience those feelings. He opened his eyes, alarmed all of a sudden. “They are doing it again! They put someone under the Cruciatus curse!” He rose from his chair, located the Carrows, and apparated. 

“Do you think he will snap, Dumbledore?” Phineas sounded worried.

“He won’t! He is stronger than you think. The situation frustrates him though. He is helpless – he can’t do anything right now. Yes, he can stop Alecto from cursing that student, but Severus wants to stop Voldemort instead. Having to wait for what he knows is to come drains him.”

“We will do our best to support him, Albus, you know that,” Dilys said. She hadn’t been surprised when Hogwarts had accepted Snape as its new Headmaster. “He’s brave, that one.”

“And utterly stupid!” Phineas sneered. “Though I must grudgingly admit I respect him for what he’s doing.”

“True words indeed,” Albus remarked thoughtfully. He understood Severus’ frustrations though. Severus could destroy the Carrows within a heartbeat, but the fact that he had to play his part made that impossible. Instead, he had to curse the students himself and could do nothing but wait.

///

Knowing he had to act his part, Severus marched into the room. In the corner Alecto Carrow stood, wand raised and cursing a student. A dark anger erupted from Severus’ stomach upon realizing she was cursing Neville again. Damn that witch! “Make sure he survives. I want to curse him too.” He felt sick to the stomach for merely saying the words, but knew from previous encounters that it was the only thing which would make Alecto leave. “Leave us… Give him to me instead.” Alecto lowered her wand, lifted the curse, and gave him an expectant look. Severus knew she reported to Voldemort on a daily bases and he had to give her something good to report. “Crucio,” he said, pointing his wand at Neville, but keeping himself back as much as he dared. He couldn’t allow for Alecto to grow suspicious.

His actions apparently satisfied her and Alecto turned around, leaving the room. Severus immediately lifted the curse, waited for her footfalls to disappear, and then cast a spell onto the door, locking it as he didn’t want any intruders to walk in on him. He moved forward, knelt next to Neville, and turned the young man towards him. Severus reached into the folds of his robes, uncovered a flask, and poured its content into Neville’s mouth. 

“Swallow!” he commanded, though he doubted Neville could hear him. Much to his relief, the young man swallowed most of the potion. Severus wished he could do more, but at least that potion would make sure Neville recovered more quickly and would not carry away grave injuries. 

He sat down on the floor, watched Neville closely, and noticed the way the tremors weakened. Good, the potion was working then. Severus placed his hand on Neville’s brow and entered the young man’s mind. He pointedly ignored any thoughts Neville had involving him as he didn’t want to be reminded of Neville’s hatred of him. Instead, he created a false memory so Neville would only remember Snape cursing him long after Alecto had left. That way, both of them were safe from Voldemort’s suspicions. He remained in place until he was sure that Neville would wake up within the next five minutes and then got to his feet. He wished he could do more for Neville, but he would rouse the Carrows’ suspicion if he did. 

He roamed the castle for a while, even visited his old classroom. He no longer taught Potions as Voldemort had ordered against it. He decided not to return to his old rooms, knowing only haunted memories inhabited them today. Instead, he headed for the Astronomy Tower. He stood there for a long time, wondering when Harry Potter would finally return to Hogwarts. He knew it would be the end of him – he would be forced into flight first and death later, but he didn’t fear that. He actually looked forward to it. To him, Death was an old friend and he would welcome him gladly. 

“Professor Snape?”

Severus spun around, wand at the ready, but then lowered it upon seeing Luna Lovegood standing near. He hadn’t noticed her before and she could have stayed hidden, but she hadn’t. Why was she showing herself? It was past curfew, and had one of the Carrows found her, she would be withering in pain right now. “You shouldn’t be here, Miss Lovegood.” He never knew what to make of the girl – she confused him.

“I was merely sitting up here –thinking.” Luna said softly while studying Snape. When she looked at him, she didn’t see the monster most of the students and staff saw. When she looked at him, she saw his pain. “The setting sun resembles a ball of fire, doesn’t it?”

Severus drew in a deep breath, slid his hands into his pockets, and nodded. “More like blood…” And he knew blood would be shed shortly. Harry was on his way to Hogwarts, which meant he had to take that next step shortly – the last step – once word reached him that Harry had been seen in Hogsmeade. 

“Yes, blood shall be shed,” she said as she approached him. She wanted to reach out to him, comfort his tormented soul, but knew it wasn’t her place to do so. “Will you walk me back to the dormitories, sir? I shall not be safe without you. Alecto Carrow patrols the corridors.” She didn’t fear Snape like the others did. She wanted to trust him and she made her decision to do so that moment. 

Severus looked at the sunset once more, hoping that he wouldn’t have to watch many more of them. He was tired – so damn tired.

“Sir?” Luna carefully placed her hand on his arm and wasn’t surprised when he allowed it. “Will you protect me?”

Severus looked at her and realized she trusted him to get her back to her dormitory safely. Such an odd girl, but then again, she was very much her father’s daughter. “I will walk you back.” 

Luna smiled warmly at him and then followed him down the stairs. She then fell into pace next to him and continued to smile. She had been right all along.

///

At last, Hogwarts was quiet. Even the Carrows had gone to sleep. Severus however remained awake. Harry’s return to Hogsmeade wouldn’t take much longer. 

“Severus? You can confide in me,” Albus offered, vexed that the painting limited his personal space in such a way.

Severus looked up at the portrait and shifted on his chair. He had never wanted to be Headmaster, had never wanted to occupy this chair, sit behind this desk, or be in touch with Hogwarts’ magic the way he was. He didn’t deserve any of those privileges. “What is there to say, Albus?”

“Do you want to go through the plan one more time?” Albus offered, eager to distract Severus.

“I know the plan by heart, Albus, no more – please.” But there was one thing he did want to ask Albus. “Tell me again, why am I doing this?”

“Because we need to stop Voldemort. We need to destroy him. You play a very important part in this, Severus. Without you, Harry will fail to destroy Voldemort.” Albus wished there were other ways to attain their goal, but this was the only plan which would work. He had explored other futures, but in those Voldemort had won. This was the only way.

“I found Miss Lovegood on the Astronomy Tower earlier tonight. She is a very odd girl,” Severus said in an effort to distract himself.

“Odd? Or likable, Severus?” Eoessa Sakndenberg asked from inside her painting. 

Severus gave her an exasperated look. “Both probably.” There was nothing to gain by denying it. “She asked me to see her safely to her dormitory.”

“Which you then did,” Eoessa said rather smugly. 

“You need to be careful though!” Phineas said and shook his head at the former Headmistress’ words. “The Carrows can’t grow suspicious.”

“The Carrows are asleep,” Armando Dippet pointed out to Phineas. 

“Please be quiet – just for once,” Severus begged them. 

“We only want to help,” Albus said, reminding Severus why they were there. “We are bound to advise and support the current Headmaster.” Albus then froze inside his painting, feeling his sister’s presence. “Ariana…” 

Severus had felt her presence at well. “Her painting has appeared in the Room of Requirement.” Which could only mean one thing; Harry Potter had returned.

“You know what to do, Severus – gather the students. Do it in the Great Hall.”

Severus nodded. It was finally happening then. The long wait was coming to an end.

///

In awe, Harry watched the painting open to reveal a dishevelled looking Neville. “Neville,” he called out and quickly embraced his old friend. He cringed though, seeing the exhausted look on him. In spite of everything, it was good to see him though!

“Follow me,” Neville said as he started the way back into the castle. “We should be safe in here, but you never know. The Carrows might be close.”

Harry had heard about the reign of terror inside Hogwarts’ walls. It made him even more determined to do away with Snape – the traitor and murderer – for once and for all. “How bad is it – really?”

Neville looked at them from over his shoulder. “Hogwarts has changed, Harry. Instead of doing detentions the students are being cursed, and when they refuse to practice any curses on each other, the Carrows curse them instead… Or Snape,” he hissed angrily, recalling only too well what had happened only yesterday. Snape had kept him under the Cruciatus curse for hours!

As they followed Neville into the castle, all three of them felt the chilling sensation that lingered there these days. “I will make Snape pay,” Harry promised fervently. “Neville, I promise you that Snape will pay for everything he did. He will pay for killing Dumbledore and he will pay for hurting my friends.” 

Neville nodded. He hoped Harry would get a chance to get even with Snape. “Here we are,” he announced as he made his way into the Room of Requirement.

“Harry!” 

Harry looked up at hearing Ginny’s voice. Seamus was there as well, Luna too, and all wanted to hug him. He allowed it, needing to know they were alive and well. Exchanging a smile with Ginny, he was happy to find her well. “It’s good to see you, all of you,” he announced.

“What’s the plan, Harry?” Seamus asked in a hopeful voice. “How are we going to do this?”

Ah yes, he hadn’t come up with a plan – not yet, not exactly, but he would try to explain everything to them. It was important they found the remaining Horcruxes. 

///

“Severus, this is it.” Albus watched Severus closely, not liking the other wizard’s pallor, but he knew Severus wouldn’t let him down. “You know what to do. Don’t waste too much time.”

Severus shook his head slightly at being told that. Albus had no idea how hard the next hour would be on him. “I will do my best.” The students had gathered in the Great Hall and Harry was among them. The castle had already relayed that information to him. He turned around, straightened his robes, checked on his wand, and marched toward the doorway without looking back. 

///

It was time for the last act – the grand finale and he was going to make his demise memorable. It was so very easy to read their minds without them even suspecting it. As he made his way up to the front of the Great Hall, his mind recognized Harry’s at once and he fought hard to keep that damned link from re-establishing itself. Not now – not ever!

Turning about, Severus watched his students closely. He made sure not to look into Harry’s direction, as he didn’t trust himself. He would stare at the boy, he knew it. Although, boy? Harry was no longer a child. Harry had had to grow up and he had lived up to that challenge. 

The Carrows stood behind him, gloating already, probably hoping they would get to put a number of students under the Cruciatus curse tonight. Not if he could help it though. 

“Many of you are surely wondering why I have summoned you at this hour.” He spoke in a clipped tone, emphasizing each word and realizing he had to maintain his façade until the end. He couldn’t allow Harry to know— or even suspect -- the truth. For the Dark Lord still used the young man to gather information. Harry had to believe him guilty – had to think he was as evil as the Carrows were for Voldemort had to believe it. And so, the act was necessary. “It’s come to my attention that, earlier this evening, Harry Potter was sighted in Hogsmeade.” 

Severus told himself to focus, told himself not to grow distracted because the remaining members of the Order were now marching toward the Hall. He knew he had to face them one last time. 

“Now,” he said, focusing on the task at hand once more. “Should anyone, student or staff, attempt to aid Mister Potter, they will be punished in a manner consistent with the severity of their transgression.” Severus sensed the Order’s approach, felt Harry tense at his words, and yet, he managed to continue anyway for this had to be done. “Furthermore, any person to have found knowledge of these events who fails to come forward will be treated as equally guilty.” Severus found it increasingly hard to concentrate on his words. The Order had almost reached the doorway and Harry’s anger kept growing. He wasn’t surprised to find that hatred made Harry’s thoughts shake with rage. 

“Now then,” Severus forced himself on, urged on by the invisible support the former Headmasters and Headmistresses of Hogwarts supplied him with. Their presence was welcome though – just this once. “If anyone in here, has any knowledge of Mister Potter’s movements this evening I invite them to step forward – now.” This was it; the point of no return. He forced himself to look at his students instead of at Harry who was close –so very close, and about to act.

Footfalls echoed through the ancient Great Hall when Harry finally made his decision to confront his nemesis. His rage had gotten the better of him and his anger needed out. It needed out now! Harry stared Snape in the eyes and wished he could kill him right there and then, but the Order wanted to take Snape alive because of the information the spy could supply them with. Glaring at Snape, he barely managed to control his rage. “It seems that in spite of your exhaustive defensive strategies, you still have a bit of security problem, Headmaster.” Addressing him in that way was his way of insulting Snape. How dare Snape… How dare he think he could take the place of the grandest wizard who had ever lived?

Severus still felt shocked at being confronted like that. He had known it would happen, but nothing could have prepared him for the impact Harry’s emotions and thoughts had on him. The link tried to stir again, eager to re-establish their connection, but he battered away at it until it grew weak again. Harry had grown – body and soul. Severus barely paid attention to the members of the Order as they marched in. He only had eyes for Harry, and by looking at the young man, he remembered why he was doing this – Voldemort had to die, and maybe, maybe Harry would find a way to survive. 

“I am afraid it is quite extensive,” Harry said, enjoying every second of their triumph over the hated traitor. The look on Snape’s face was priceless; now that the spy realized he had been found out. 

Severus glanced briefly at Remus Lupin and remembered a time when they had been friends—it seemed like that had happened in another lifetime. So be it – if that was the end, he would retreat causing as little damage as possible. 

“How dare you stand where he stood!” Harry’s rage exploded and he aimed it at the man he hated the most – Snape.

Severus allowed it; as far as he was concerned Harry had every right to be angry with him. Harry didn’t know the truth and he prayed the young man never would.

“Tell them how it happened that night!” Harry continued to yell at Snape, wanting to kill the traitor so badly. He wanted Snape to suffer like Dumbledore had suffered!

Tell them? Severus briefly wondered what would happen if he did tell them the truth. Tell students, staff, and the Order how Albus had demanded he killed him so the Dark Lord would trust him completely. But they would never believe him. They would accuse him of lies, for the Albus Dumbledore they knew would never have orchestrated his own death.

“Tell them how you looked him in the eye – a man who trusted you – and killed him!” Had Harry not be that angry, he might have wondered why Snape was just staring at him instead of attacking him, but all he cared about, was offering his pain, his rage, a way out. “Tell them!” he yelled, wanting to hear that murderer admit his crime!

Severus knew he had to act before Harry would actually try to kill him. He couldn’t allow for that to happen. He didn’t want Harry’s soul to carry that burden and the young man’s thoughts told him that Harry was only seconds away from drawing his wand and cursing him. So Severus drew his wand first. Minerva moved in-between them, which only surprised him for a second. After all, she had always greatly cared about Harry. Momentarily, his resolve faltered. He didn’t want to fight Minerva either – didn’t want to hurt her. Making his decision for once and for all, he raised his wand and by doing so, doomed his soul for all eternity.

He could kill her, but chose not to. She would never know the truth, would never know how much it hurt to see her actually attack him. He had to flee, had to leave, so he could carry out the rest of Albus’ plan. He deflected Minerva’s attacks, but never attacked her in turn. Instead, he fled the Great Hall, shattering the window as he did. As he moved away from the Hall, he heard her scream at him.

“Coward!”

That hurt more than anything – it sent a knife through his heart, but he forced himself to focus. Control your emotions – discipline the mind. He forced himself to do just that. 

Coward, coward, coward… Her scream echoed in his mind and he had to tell himself he wasn’t a coward at all. He couldn’t blame Minerva for thinking that though. Returning to the Headmaster’s office only took him seconds and he manifested behind the desk, allowing himself to collapse onto the chair.

“Severus…Minerva doesn’t know the truth – remember that,” Albus offered his distraught friend. He realized how hard that confrontation had been on Severus. Such courage, such valour… Severus however wouldn’t believe him if he told him that.

“Give me one moment, Albus – one moment!” Severus practically hissed the words at the portrait. He needed that moment to compose himself. Albus thankfully remained quiet, but then the silence started to get on his nerves and he looked up at the paintings. All Headmasters and Headmistresses stood at attention and looked at him in such a way that he started to choke up. “Stop it.”

“How can we, Headmaster?” Everard only felt compassion when he looked at the young wizard. “What you did demanded courage and… My boy, you have earned the respect of every Headmaster and Headmistress in here.” 

Severus looked at Everard, one of the most celebrated Heads Hogwarts had ever known and knew the compliment he had been paid. The Dark Lord interrupted his musings then, invading the minds of everyone present at Hogwarts including his. Severus had expected Voldemort to retaliate the moment the Dark Lord thought Hogwarts lost to him. “Staff, nor students will ever deliver Harry into the Dark Lord’s hands,” he said, “They would rather die than handing him to Voldemort.” He remembered the way they had stayed quiet when he had threatened them earlier that evening. Looking at Albus, he saw him nod. “We have work to do,” he said, “we need to prepare Hogwarts for the upcoming attack.” 

“Don’t linger here too long though, Severus. Voldemort will want you at his side during the battle.”

Severus nodded and hated Albus for reminding him. Albus could have waited. He wanted to savour these last few seconds of having their company. Although he had detested their meddling in the past, the portraits now offered him comfort. For the first time ever he felt like he belonged. “I need you to contact all remaining paintings in Hogwarts, tell them to prepare.” A second later, the office began to grow crowded as the ghosts appeared to receive their orders. Severus told them to look after the students mostly, since the ghosts couldn’t do much to begin with.

Then he sat down behind his desk and gripped the armrest hard. There was one more thing to do before he left the office. Reaching out, he tightened his connection with Hogwarts itself. Instead of limiting himself to his form, his mind now raced through the castle, seeing students and staff prepare for the upcoming attack. The protective spells his staff was casting were rather weak and he strengthened them, pouring his own magic as well as the castle’s into the protective shield that now surrounded Hogwarts. He tightened the structure, empowered it with his own spells, and then withdrew. 

Severus opened his eyes and looked at the opposite wall. Most portraits were empty, as Headmasters and Headmistresses alike were doing their best to protect the castle and its inhabitants. Only Albus had remained which came as no surprise.

“You must go, Severus… I am sorry for the way this will end.” Albus truly felt sorry for the pain he had put Severus through, but he hadn’t lost hope that there would be salvation for Severus in the end. That was out of his control though; that was for Harry to decide. “I wish I could have been a better friend – a better mentor. Know that I am grateful you ended my life. As I said before, it was an act of mercy to stop my suffering. You are not a murderer, Severus. I want you to know that.”

Severus rose from behind the desk, nodded once, and also wished things had ended differently – wished Lily and James had never been killed in the first place. “This is farewell, old friend.”

Albus smiled at Severus. Maybe it was –he hoped not though. “I hope you will find peace at last, Severus, my friend.”

Severus nodded once more, drew in a deep breath, and looked around the office. He would miss it – even in spite of the misery that had marked his short reign as Headmaster; he had felt at home here. “Farewell, Albus…” 

“Goodbye, Severus…. Goodbye.”

Severus disapparated one more inside Hogwarts walls, and that act reminded him of the fact that the castle still thought of him as its Headmaster. It shouldn’t – it really shouldn’t.

///

Disguised in black smoke, Severus moved through the castle. Voldemort had arrived and was laying siege to the castle. Hogwarts prepared itself for battle, but Severus knew they were doomed to lose the fight. Only Voldemort’s death itself would free them of the Dark Lord’s reign.

When the attack started, Severus tried to keep on top of everything. Hogwarts informed him that Ron and Hermione had entered the secret chamber and had managed to destroy another Horcrux using the Basilisk’s tooth. Harry had located the lost diadem of Ravenclaw, but Draco was meddling again. Severus was about to head to the Room of Requirement when Ron discovered the brooms and they managed to find their way out of the fire – even saving their attackers’ lives as well. Seeing Draco run, didn’t surprise him. Draco was scared; knowing failure might get his mother or father killed.

Severus however felt himself drawn higher and higher – toward the passage Remus and Tonks were defending. The attack was heaviest on that side and Severus reckoned he might be able to repay another debt by watching their backs. Stepping into the corridor behind the two of them, he hid in shadows and watched Voldemort’s troops advance on the castle. Death Eaters cut through the air, flying in on broomsticks or moving the way he did, hiding in black smoke. He watched as Remus and Tonks reached out to each other, twining their fingers and holding hands. For one brief moment, he felt envious of what they had – love. 

As his senses were focused on the two of them, he also noticed the Death Eater, wand raised high and catapulting himself towards the two of them. Severus reacted at once, never giving it a second thought and called out “Avada Kedrava,” targeting the Death Eater with his wand. The Killing curse hit the Death Eater at once, and he started his long descend toward the earth.

“What?” Remus spun around, realizing only too well that the caster of that spell had not only saved his, but Tonks’ life as well. He couldn’t believe his eyes when he saw Snape standing there, wand raised, but not cursing them. And then it hit him – Snape had cursed the Death Eater instead.

“Watch each other’s backs,” Severus hissed. “I won’t be around much longer!” Making good use of their bewilderment, he chose to cloak himself in dark smoke and vanished.

Remus sought out Tonks’ eyes and saw disbelief in them too. “Did that really happen? Did Snape actually…?”

“Save us?” Tonks finished for her husband. “It looks like it, doesn’t it?”

Remus didn’t know what to make of that. Why would Albus’ murderer, Voldemort’s spy, and the most despised Headmaster Hogwarts had ever known save their lives?

/// 

Severus cursed the link the moment Harry destroyed the diadem. It reached out to him, tried to connect with him, but he managed to push it away. He had always wondered if he had been able to destroy it; now he knew he had failed. One of the castle’s ghosts roamed nearby and Severus used its sight to see what was happening. He felt shocked upon realizing that Harry was actually reaching out to Voldemort in order to find out the wizard’s whereabouts. Harry probably didn’t realize that Voldemort would sense the manipulation. He really should have taught Harry better – he was to blame for this – no one else. 

“I know where he is…” 

Harry’s words sent shivers up his spine. Harry was going after Voldemort, which had been Albus’ plan all along, but the youngster lacked certain information and Severus was the only one who could supply Harry with it. But Severus knew he couldn’t show himself. He couldn’t walk up to Harry and explain Albus’ scheme to him. Harry would curse him on sight. He had to find a different way. 

“Harry!”

Severus abandoned caution and moved closer, closely keeping to the shadows, as he needed to hide since Lupin and Tonks came running towards Harry. 

“We are on our way to the other side of the castle – the defences were breached over there,” Remus explained. He took comfort in the fact that the three students were still alive, even though looking a bit battered.

Harry was about to reply, when Hermione suddenly yelped and he focused on her instead. “What is it?” Harry turned toward her, obviously concerned about her. Severus considered leaving them that very moment, since they were distracted and wouldn’t notice his departure, but then again, he was curious. What had made her react like that?

“It’s my bag…” Hermione frowned, reached inside and retrieved a flask. “I completely forgot about these!”

About what? Severus wondered and he wished he could move closer in order to find out, but he couldn’t risk it. He caught sight of a flask and identified the content as memories at once. But whose memories were inside that flask?

“It has your name on it, Remus.” Hermione handed Remus the flask with memories.

“What is that?” Tonks questioned, looking stunned.

“I would like to know that too,” Remus asked Hermione.

Hermione shrugged, and looked to Harry to find if he wanted to tell them, but then Harry nodded at her and so Hermione said, “Professor Dumbledore asked us to make sure you got this. Apparently the flask contains memories – your memories, which professor Dumbledore removed from your mind at one time.”

Severus froze in horror. As far as he knew Albus had only tampered with Remus’ memories once, and that had been at his request. Did you go behind my back, Albus? Did you retrieve those memories instead of destroying them? Did you really cast the Obliviate curse? Or didn’t you? What if Albus had played him? Severus growled softly, and disapparated – as he couldn’t bear to find out the truth. There was one more debt he wanted to pay before going to his death.

///

Remus continued to stare at the swirling content. “What did you say just now?” They didn’t have time for this, but he sensed that this was important too. Why else would the flask have drawn their attention to it? He sensed Albus’ hand in this. 

“As far as we can tell the emotions are genuine,” Harry said, addressing his friend and former teacher. “Dumbledore wants us to restore our memory when the time is right. His Will said that the flask itself would tell us when to place those memories back into our mind.” Upon seeing Remus’ sceptic look, he explained, “The three of us also received a bottle with our name on it.” 

Remus knew he didn’t have the time to think this through. They were under attack and they had to get moving. “I always trusted Albus…. I don’t have anything to lose at the moment.” Remus removed the lid and used his wand to deposit the memories into his head. The moment they slid into place, he froze in shock. The memories moved through his mind and tried to find the exact place where they belonged; they already felt familiar. Yes, these were his memories. He recognized them now that they had been returned to him. He grabbed hold of Tonks’ arm and she steadied him when everything came rushing back to him. 

Severus – returning from a Death Eaters’ meeting –hurt so badly that he needed help – help which Harry, Hermione and Ron provided him with – the mask, slipping and then falling away to reveal the man behind the vicious Potions’ Master – the caring, almost loving expression whenever Severus looked at Harry – sitting next to Severus near the Whomping Willow and snapping the other man out of his rage – Severus providing him with a fair amount of his potion… It was almost too much to take in and he swayed.

“Remus!” Harry called out in alarm. Had it been a trap after all? But why would Dumbledore leave them something that would hurt them? It made no sense – they were on the same side!

“I am fine, Harry. I am fine…” Remus drew in a deep breath and the vertigo that had assaulted him left now that the memories settled back into his mind. Everything made sense now – Snape watching their back and saving their lives a moment ago. Remus grabbed hold of Harry’s shoulders and stared into the boy’s eyes. “These are my memories, don’t worry. I am not hurt, merely overwhelmed. I can’t believe that I forgot these things!” But then he remembered that the three of them still had to view their memories. “Hermione, what about the flasks holding your memories?”

Hermione retrieved them from her bag, but they hadn’t changed colour and when she tried to remove the lid, it wouldn’t budge. “Apparently it’s only you who is supposed to put them back.” She wondered why that was.

Remus only had seconds to make up his mind. “Harry, listen to me -- very closely.” 

Harry wondered what had gotten into Remus, but then nodded, giving his former teacher his full attention. “I am listening.”

Remus knew he had to be careful phrasing this. “I know that you hate Severus…” He paused for a second, realizing how easily it was to go back to calling the man that. “But I am telling you now that there is more to him that you think. I never thought I would say this, but you can trust him.”

“Trust Snape? You’re insane, mate,” Ron sneered. What had gotten into Remus all of a sudden?

“Ron’s right – Snape’s a traitor and even worse, a murderer. He killed professor Dumbledore!” Harry exclaimed.

Even Tonks was giving him odd looks, but Remus didn’t waver. “Severus cares, Harry. He cares about what happens to you – all of us, for that matter.” If only they knew the same things he did! “Everything will come back once you can access your memories again. Harry, trust me on this… I have a good reason to plead on Severus’ behalf.” Harry however didn’t seem convinced, and Remus wished there was more time to explain everything, but another attack rocked Hogwarts’ foundations. Tonks was already pulling him along, but before he started running, he called out, “Put your trust in Severus, Harry – just do it!”

“Never,” Harry said determinedly and shook his head.

Hermione was still staring at their flasks and then remembered there was another. She uncovered it and gasped, “The Breath of Life… I had forgotten about that one.”

Harry blinked. “Hermione, we need to get going. Voldemort is at the Shack. If we don’t move now, we might be too late.”

Hermione nibbled on her bottom lip, frowned, and then put the flasks away. “Let’s go then!”

///

Severus owned one of the Weasley twins a debt, and although it was only a minor one, he intended to repay it in full. Some time ago he had accidentally cursed George Weasley, who had lost his ear because of it. The curse had never meant to hit George, but since it had happened, there was nothing he could do to change it. 

Sweeping over the battle grounds, still in his disguise as a Death Eater, he tried to do as much damage as he could to Voldemort’s forces. He froze in midflight upon seeing a Death Eater raising his wand at Fred, or was it George? He had never been able to tell the blasted twins apart. 

“Ava—“ The Death Eater never knew what hit him. One moment he was about to curse one of the Weasleys, and the next, he fell to the ground, having been cursed himself. 

Severus allowed himself one second to check on the Weasley who was still crouched against the wall. He manifested long enough to grab the wand, which had fallen and pressed it into the redhead’s hand with the intention of wrapping his fingers around it. At that moment, the young wizard raised his gaze and locked with his, gasping in shock. 

“Fred!”

Severus looked over his shoulder and found the other twin running towards them. He took a step away from Fred, but the redhead grabbed his hand instead. He managed to shake it off, hissed at him, and quickly turned himself into smoke.

“Avada—“

“George, no! Don’t!” Fred’s head still reeled after realizing what had just happened. 

“Are you..?” George knelt next to his twin and checked him over. Finding no life threatening injuries he allowed himself to relax. “What happened? Why did you stop me from killing Snape? He was about to curse you!”

“No, he wasn’t…” Using George for leverage, Fred managed to get back to his feet. “He appeared out of nowhere and cursed that Death Eater over there.”

George looked to the right and found the dead Death Eater—wand still aimed at Fred. He frowned. “Are you trying to tell me that Snape attacked one of his own?”

Fred nodded. “It seems absurd, I know that, but he saved my life just now. That bastard,” and he pointed at the dead Death Eater, “was already uttering the Killing curse when Snape suddenly appeared and cursed him instead.”

George was still trying to wrap his mind around that. Snape had saved his twin, he believed that now, but the question was – why?

///

Severus moved toward the Shack with a heavy heart. He knew he was going toward his doom – his death. He should be running, should be putting up a fight, but instead, he went willingly. His suffering would finally come to an end.

“Severus,” Voldemort drawled and beckoned Severus closer. “We need to talk.”

“Yes, my Lord,” Severus said and when he closed the door behind him, he also closed the final chapter to his life.

///

Harry, Ron, and Hermione made their way to the Shack. They practically ran all the day down there and when they arrived, they found they weren’t alone.

Harry didn’t need to look inside to know Snape was in there too. He heard his voice loud and clear. He wanted to focus on what they were saying when Hermione moved unexpectedly. “Look out!” he whispered, hoping neither Voldemort nor Snape had heard.

“I can’t help it! Look!” Hermione had quickly removed three flasks from her bag as they had been burning her skin through the fabric of the pouch.

Harry cringed; this was bad timing. Voldemort and Snape – his two enemies were only feet away, so they had to remain quiet and hidden. “We can’t do this now!” 

“Looks like we have to,” Hermione whispered thoughtfully. “They won’t let me put them back into my bag again.” No matter what she tried, the flasks remained stuck to her hand. “Here,” she said and shoved them into Ron’s and Harry’s hands. “We had better do this now!” She didn’t like the timing either, but Voldemort and Snape were still talking, which meant the three of them were safe for the moment. 

Harry stared at the flask in dismay, but –somehow- he knew that Hermione was right; they were supposed to do this *now*. Using his wand, he transferred his memories from the flask into his head and watched Ron and Hermione do the same thing. Suddenly his head spun and he remembered Remus looking bewildered as well.

Snape –his throat burned and trembling – finding him collapsed in the corridor and the three of them taking care of him – Snape, gently entering his mind and building shields in order to keep out Voldemort – games of Wizard chess, scones and tea – Lady Grey -- Snape injured again—choosing Severus’ name as the word to trigger his shields with – finding that picture –finding out about Severus and Lily –realizing how much Severus cared for him and then…

Harry looked at his friends and knew they had seen memories similar to his. “I…” He didn’t know what to say. Like Remus, he knew that the memories were genuine, that they had once been a part of his mind. They stared at each other for a long moment and then three of them nodded. They would discuss this later.

Suddenly something heavy crashed against the window and Harry watched Snape slide down onto the floor. Horrified, he stared at the blood that was beginning to leak from beneath the window and onto the earth. What had happened? Why hadn’t he paid attention?

///

Although he had been expecting Voldemort to kill him, the attack itself still came as a surprise. Blood sprung from his throat and he collapsed onto the floor. Pain caused his hands to turn into fists, but he didn’t fight back, reminding himself that this was what he deserved. He found it hard to breathe and knew Voldemort had cut an artery. 

“Nagini… kill!”

The command should have warned Severus of what was to come, but he was still stunned. Blood flowed down his black robes and he was going into shock. There was no way to defend himself, so when Nagini threw herself at him and buried her fangs into his flesh, he simply absolved the punishment, hoping the venom would take away the sting of the pain that moved through him. He lost count of the times she bit him. He was only aware of being pounded at and the warm blood which made its way down his chest. 

Voldemort hissed again and turned around; Nagini followed her master. A sense of gratitude took Severus then, knowing it was over – finally. The pain was excruciating; he had thought that being under the Cruciatus curse was painful, but it didn’t compare to this. Every inch of his skin burned due to the poison, and at the same time, an icy cold seeped into his body. If this was death, it was nothing like he had expected it to be.

Suddenly the door opened and footsteps sounded next to him. Had Voldemort returned to finish what he had started? But when he managed to turn his head slightly, he realized he had been wrong. It was Harry. The moment they made eye contact, the link returned to life, and even though he tried to fight it, he failed, as he lacked the strength to do so. Tears slid down his face and he managed to raise a trembling hand, pointing weakly at his face. “Take them, take them, please…” He had never thought he would see Harry again and to see the youngster at his side overwhelmed him. 

“Give me something; a flask, anything!” Harry tried to stop the blood pouring from a wound on Snape’s throat, but wondered if it would help. There was blood everywhere, even pooling beneath Snape. 

Hermione’s fingers trembled when she reached inside her bag. Instead of removing just one flask, out came two. One was empty, the other filled with the breath of Life. She stared at the latter, and then quickly handed Harry the empty flask.

Harry forced himself to focus, catching the tears, which he now realized contained memories which Snape wanted him to see. Suddenly he grew aware of another presence in his mind, and with the return of Snape’s thoughts, the link opened both ways, allowing both of them to connect again.

“Take them to the pensieve,” Severus whispered. Even while dying, he still had Harry’s well-being at heart. The youngster had to know about Albus’ scheming; had to know what was expected of him so he could make a decision – a well-informed one. “Look at me,” he pleaded, knowing the eye contact would allow him to see even more of Harry’s thoughts and when he looked at them, he was stunned to find all memories restored. Albus had outsmarted him after all, but little good would it do Albus. 

Harry stared at Severus, once more remembering the way he had started to care about the older wizard back then. Why had Albus removed those memories from his mind? Why? 

“You have your mother’s eyes…” Severus felt at peace – at last. He had done everything within his power to protect Lily’s son – now he could let go. Death was beckoning him and Severus went willingly. 

A moment later, Voldemort’s voice swept through them, taunting Harry once more – challenging him to finally show himself and to fight his own battle. The three of them gritted their teeth and felt relieved once the evil presence retreated. Looking at Severus, Harry wished there was a way to right this terrible wrong. 

“Harry!” Hermione knelt next to Harry and pressed the flask holding the breath of Life into his hand. “Use it! Do it!”

Harry stared at the flask like he had never seen it before. Quickly he looked at Ron. Did his friend agree?

“Go ahead, mate… This feels right.” Ron didn’t need to give the matter much thought. The moment he had recalled utterly losing at Wizard chess and with that, losing his fear of the greasy git, convinced him that this was the right thing to do. “Give it to him.”

“We must be quick!” Hermione had moved closer to her professor and checked for any signs of life. “He’s dead!” She parted his mouth and Harry started pouring the potion. Now they had to wait and could only hope it worked.

“He brew this himself,” Harry remarked stunned. “Did Dumbledore know…?” Did he want to finish that sentence? Being honest with himself he had to admit that Dumbledore had probably known this would happen. Hermione helped him to pull Severus away from the window and then settled the older man in-between them.

“Is it working? It must work! He made it himself!” Ron hadn’t believed it possible, but he actually worried about Snape. He knew it had everything to do with his memory being intact again. Somehow they had automatically reverted to caring about Snape, the way they had cared about him back then.

Harry continued to stare at Severus, and for the first time in his life, he actually prayed. Suddenly a golden glow shimmered from beneath Severus’ skin and tremors shook his body. Harry and Hermione held on tight, and a moment later, the tremors subsided. 

“It’s working, isn’t it?” Ron sat on his heels next to Hermione, and like his friends, he watched Snape closely for any sign of life. Another shudder moved through Snape’s body and suddenly the dark eyes opened. A pain filled scream cut through the Shack as the injured wizard tried to draw in breath.

“It worked,” Harry said, feeling utterly relieved. “He’s alive.” Only yesterday, he wouldn’t have believed the person telling him he would want Snape to live. “We need to get him back to the castle.” That was where the last Horcrux – Nagini- was and he was determined to finish this.

“We can’t possibly move him,” Hermione said. “He’s still very weak. That potion didn’t heal him; it merely brought him back from the dead.”

Ron shivered; back from the dead. That sounded horrible. “Maybe if we all help then…” But he grew quiet upon seeing Snape’s gaze grow more focused. “Professor?”

Harry didn’t have to look at Snape in order to know that the man was in excruciating agony. Although the pain itself never reached him, he felt an echo of it through the link. Dark eyes finally met his and Harry told himself that Severus Snape cared for him – he didn’t have to be afraid, not anymore. “Severus?” he whispered in the end, hoping that hearing his name would snap Snape out of the stupor he was in. “We need to get back to the castle. Can you walk? We will help – all three of us.”

Severus was stunned to find himself alive. One moment he had been dead and Albus had welcomed him, asking him to walk with him, and the next, he had been back in the Shack. And with that, the pain returned. His whole body ached, but he had learned a long time ago to endure that kind of discomfort. What he failed to control were his emotions though – especially when Harry called him by his first name. 

“Severus,” Harry said again, the link telling him that it was the name itself which was making his former teacher focus. “We are going to pull you to your feet. Don’t worry, we will be careful.”

What was that youngster talking about? Dragging him back to the castle? Why would Harry need to go back to the castle? The pensieve of course! Damn, he had almost forgotten! “Take…my hand,” he whispered, still feeling awfully weak. But as this wasn’t over yet, he had to continue to help Harry. 

Harry frowned, but then did as he was told. He wrapped his fingers around Severus’ blood covered hand. “And now what?”

“You… too,.” Severus whispered, addressing Hermione and Ron. He expected them to turn away in disgust, but instead their expressions held concern. Had Albus handed them their memories back too? But why would Albus do such a thing? A wave of pain made him briefly close his eyes and he fought it back. He had to focus now – pain didn’t matter. He had to return them to the castle so Harry could use the pensieve. 

The three of them gripped his hand and that what Severus had been waiting for. Calling on Hogwarts’ magic, he disapparated out of the Shack. He should probably pay attention to where he was taking them, but truth be told, the pain made it hard to focus. He tried for the office, but instead, they ended up somewhere else.

Harry blinked upon finding himself in the ruined Great Hall. Students, staff, and the remaining members of the Order instantly looked at them. Kingsley and McGonagall came running towards them, wands drawn and aimed at Severus. “No!” Harry called out, got to his feet, and stopped them. “Don’t curse him!”

Kingsley didn’t know what to make of that reaction. “But Harry, he’s a traitor and murderer, you said that yourself!”

Yes, he had, but things had changed. “He never betrayed us, didn’t you, Severus?” He knelt next to the barely conscious man and noticed that the cut along Severus’ throat was bleeding more profusely. 

Severus wasn’t going to answer that. Why should he? No one was going to believe him anyway. Harry should have left him dead instead of using the breath of Life to bring him back – oh yes, he knew what had happened. He had brewed that potion himself and knew what it tasted like. 

“Severus!”

He flinched at hearing someone call his name through the Great Hall – or what was still left of the once impressive building. Remus Lupin. The werewolf had survived the attack then. He could only hope Tonks had made it out alive as well. Severus found it increasingly hard to breathe; blood obstructed his windpipe and was causing him to suffocate. He thrashed on the floor.

“Quickly, get Madam Pomfrey!” Harry gathered Severus’ hand in his and squeezed it in an attempt to offer comfort. “Do something!” he yelled when all seemed frozen in shock.

It was Remus who made a move eventually. He was by no way a healer, but he did know some spells that might help save Severus’ life.

Harry moved out of the way and Hermione promptly wrapped an arm around him. Something cold and sharp pressed into his palm, and when he opened his hand, he remembered the flask containing Severus’ memories. He recalled the urgency to those dark eyes earlier and knew he couldn’t stall. “Look after him for me, Hermione. Make sure no one hurts him.”

“I promise,” she said and lightly squeezed his shoulder. She also felt protective of her professor now that she remembered certain events.

Harry stepped away from her and headed for the Headmaster’s office.

Remus watched Harry walk away from them, but didn’t have the time to find out what was going on. Severus was rapidly losing blood which the other man couldn’t afford to lose. “Get Poppy – now,” he told Ron, who instantly ran off in search of the healer. 

“Lupin, you will only save him so he can be sent to Azkaban,” Minerva pointed out. Although she hated Snape for what he had done to her students, she felt it might be more merciful to let Snape die. 

Tonks knelt next to Remus, aiding him in his efforts to save Severus’ life. Remus wasn’t ready yet to give up and doubled his efforts to stop Severus from suffocating. “Poppy, damn it, where the hell are you?” 

“I have been busy!” she exclaimed when she joined them. Seeing Snape was her newest patient, she briefly considered withholding her help, but then reminded herself that she had vowed to help all who needed her – even a Headmaster who had cursed his students. Gritting her teeth, she knelt next to Remus and Tonks and did her best to save Snape’s life.

///

Harry felt apprehensive upon entering the Headmaster’s office. He found it odd that Severus had never changed Albus’ password, but then again, most things had turned out odd lately. He retrieved the pensieve and poured the memories into it. After taking a deep breath, he forced himself to watch them.

Lily and Petunia – a boy sitting near a tree – Lily and Severus looking at the sky — his mother being sorted into Gryffindor – James and Sirius bullying Severus – trusting the wrong person – all three of them – Severus’ desperate answer ‘anything’ – his parents dead – Severus vowing to keep him safe at a terrible cost – no one can know – Albus trying on the ring – Severus trying to contain the curse – and their terrible plan – you must be the one to kill me — the despair in Severus’ eyes – killing Albus like the Headmaster had wanted and then falling into darkness – being forced the curse the students, but at the same time trying to save them – tampering with Neville’s memories – and then hearing that he had to die – the boy must die – seeing Severus’ lost expression – Severus regretting not having seen through Albus’ plans – this last attempt to tell him – everything.

When Harry pulled away, he felt shocked to the core. He stumbled and had to sit down. He couldn’t believe half the things he had seen, and yet, he knew they were true. Albus had raised him so he could die at the proper time. Severus had had a terrible lost expression on his face when he had found out that little detail, which Albus had kept from him for so long. And then Severus’ patronus – the doe. The same doe that had led him to Godric’s sword. His head spun; Severus had helped him in so many ways and he had never realized it. 

Although there had been one moment when he had started to see the truth and that realization had prompted Severus to ask Dumbledore to obliviate their minds. But Dumbledore had cheated – again – and instead of erasing those memories Albus had caught them and confined them to those flasks so they could be returned at the proper moment. Plans within plans – Harry told himself that he should have known there might be more to Severus than met the eye, but they had stopped him from finding out and the reason for Severus to act in that way had been concern. 

Harry knew what he had to do – he had to go to the Forbidden Forest to die. Like Severus had accepted his death in that Shack, he had to accept his as well. In the end, it was easier than he had thought.

///

Neville stalked toward Snape, wand at the ready. His hatred, his terrible wrath needed a way out. He didn’t understand why they were tending to the monster instead of killing him and that was a wrong he intended to right. Snape had to die, but before he would show mercy, he wanted Snape to suffer like he had. “Crucio!” Neville yelled and threw the curse at Snape with all his remaining power.

Remus had been busy bandaging the worst bite wounds and was knocked down when the curse hit Severus. Shocked, he looked over his shoulder and felt even more stunned when he saw Neville standing there. “Stop it, you are killing him!” Poppy, Tonks, and he had worked hard to keep Severus alive and he wasn’t going to let Neville kill him now. “Minerva, stop him!” Neville didn’t seem to register his presence though, as the young man was solely focused on Severus. Remus was about to intervene himself – though he would rather not leave Severus’ side – when Minerva finally acted.

“Mister Longbottom, stop cursing him immediately!” Minerva understood why Neville was lashing out. Neville had probably been cursed the most by Snape.

Neville stared at his Head of House in disbelief. “How can you say that? He killed Dumbledore! He cursed us! Repeatedly! He terrorized the students!” 

Remus called over Poppy again; Severus still trashed on the floor and several wounds threatened to open again. Thankfully the cut on his throat seemed unaffected and remained close. “Fight, Severus, fight, damn it!” Slowly, after what seemed long minutes, Severus relaxed. The tremors stopped and Remus sighed in relief. “Poppy, how much damage did Neville do?”

Neville continued to stare at his former teacher in disbelief. “He’s a murderer, Remus! You shouldn’t be helping him!” He started for Snape once more, but suddenly Sir Nicholas appeared, side by side with the Bloody Baron. Neville stared at them in shock as more ghosts gathered in the Hall – standing exactly in - between Snape and him. He knew he could walk through them – they couldn’t stop him, but merely seeing them halted him in his tracks. Even Rowena Ravenclaw joined them and the group of ghosts stood their ground, forming a protective circle around Snape. “What the hell are you doing?” Neville couldn’t control himself any longer. His rage needed out.

“You will not attack your Headmaster, Mister Longbottom,” Sir Nicholas said earnestly. “If you try to curse him again, you will force us into action for we won’t allow it.”

Poppy, Remus, Tonks, Minerva, Kingsley, and even Ron and Hermione who had just entered the Hall froze at hearing those words – or to be more exact, they froze because of the tone which Sir Nicholas had used. They had never heard him speak in such a menacing and serious way before. 

“Headmaster?” Neville spat the word in disgust. “He cursed us! He cursed me for hours!”

“Silence!” 

All present froze at hearing the booming voice. At first, they couldn’t identify its source, but then Remus noticed that one of the largest paintings was occupied again, but this time, two former Headmasters had appeared in it instead of its original inhabitants. “Albus?” 

Neville trembled at hearing that name and followed the direction of Remus’ stare. Ron and Hermione walked up to their friend and she rested a hand on his arm, trying to calm him down. Instead of looking at her though, Neville stared at the painting. 

“Mister Longbottom, control yourself! It was your actions that forced Everard and myself to come here. Don’t you think we have more important things to do than subdue your temper tantrum?” Albus shook his head. With Harry entering the Forbidden Forest to face Voldemort one last time, they had found themselves distracted when Neville had attacked Severus. “Severus Snape is your Headmaster, foolish boy! Ghosts, house elves and all former Heads of Hogwarts are honour bound to protect him, and even if such a vow didn’t bind us, we would stop you anyway!” He paused as his temper was getting the better of him too.

Everard had noticed it and took over. “Your memories have been tampered with, Neville. They are not showing you the truth. Until your memories have been corrected, you should be suspicious of them!” 

Neville swallowed hard; the fact that Everard, one of the most renowned Heads of Hogwarts, felt it necessary to address him made him feel humble and ashamed. 

“Minerva,” Albus said, now that he had calmed down. “I want you to go into my former office. You will find the pensieve out on my desk with memories inside. I want you, Kingsley, Miss Granger and Mister Weasley to watch them – now!” Addressing Remus, he added, “Make sure Severus survives. I worked hard on giving him this chance and I won’t have him die after all!”

Remus nodded; he would do his best. 

“Now we have other things to do!” Everard stated in a clear voice. “The last stage of this fight is about to begin and I won’t allow more of this childish behaviour, Mister Longbottom. Professor McGonagall, proceed to the office…” When he had been Head, discipline had been better! Instead of merely staring at him, his staff would already be carrying out his commands. “Sir Nicholas, keep an eye on our Headmaster, will you?”

The ghost nodded. “I would be honoured to.”

Minerva didn’t want to leave the Hall, not with so many wounded needing care, but she couldn’t deny the order she had been given. She inclined her head at Kingsley and her two students and led them to the Headmaster’s office.

Remus blinked when the two Headmasters left the painting again. Nothing like that had ever happened before – two Heads had left the office in order to address them! Severus suddenly shifted beneath his hands and Remus remembered why he was there in the first place. “Poppy…” Hopefully the healer had good news for him, but when he looked at her, she seemed worried. 

“The curse weakened him further.” She wasn’t sure she could help Snape. She was running low on potions and her Hospital Wing was a mess. She couldn’t treat her patients the way they ought to be treated in order for them to recover! She could do so little for them!

“Severus?” Remus watched as Severus’ eyelids fluttered. Hopefully Severus wasn’t waking up. It would be best if the wizard remained unconscious, especially considering the severity of his injuries!

But Severus was waking up. In the depths of his mind he had registered Albus’ and Everard’s presence and it urged him to find out what had happened. Pain welcomed him to awareness and he gasped at realizing how badly he was hurt. Although he had learned to lock out pain, the agony was almost too much to bear. Looking about, he found himself in what remained of the Great Hall. Immediately Hogwarts reached out to him, informing him of the damage Voldemort had done. He wasn’t up to carrying out his duties, not really, but he had no choice and so he issued all necessary commands so Hogwarts could start rebuilding itself. It would be a long and slow process, but Hogwarts’ magic was still strong. Start on the Hospital Wing, he instructed, knowing there had to be a large amount of wounded students, maybe even fatalities!

Remus looked up at hearing some strange noise. Suddenly bricks started to fly, glass returned to the windows, and bit by bit, the rumble on the floor started to vanish. Hogwarts was apparently mending itself and it had happened right after Severus had regained consciousness. “You are still Headmaster here.” Remus hadn’t fully realized that until now. Hearing Neville gasp and then approach, told him the student had realized the same thing. 

“Hogwarts still accepts you as its Headmaster,” Neville stammered in disbelief. “After everything you did!” 

Severus was tired – so very tired and his body hurt so much. Why had Harry saved him? Why hadn’t he let him die? It had been his destiny to die – he knew that. “Hogwarts… accepts me… because I did… those things… Someone…had to do… it,” he managed, but he doubted anyone would truly understand. Or wanted to understand. Looking Neville in the eye was hard on him. “Without my presence here… The Dark Lord would have… The Carrows would have…” It was to no avail, he simply was too weak to finish any sentences. His head lolled to the side and he was forced to look at Tonks instead. She was a mother now, he recalled, and he was relieved that Remus and she had made it. That little boy deserved to have his parents with him. “Kill me; please… Let me go…please…”

Tonks had never expected Snape to beg her to kill him and she quickly made eye contact with her husband. She didn’t know how to react!

“Severus, Albus and Everard appeared when Neville tried to do just that and they stopped him. So, that might tell you that you are supposed to live and not to die!” Remus smiled at seeing the play of emotions on Severus’ face. He couldn’t remember ever having seen Severus looking that shocked. 

“They did what? The… fools…” They shouldn’t have interfered! They should have let Neville kill him! That would have solved so many problems!

“Madam Pomfrey! The Hospital Wing! It’s… repairing himself!” One of the students came to a halt close to the healer. “We can move the wounded there!”

Poppy found it hard to believe she could be that lucky. Then she recalled that the castle had started repairing itself the moment Snape had woken. “Are you doing this?” she questioned him.

“Doing… what?” Why couldn’t they simply kill him? Why did they have to continue to pester him?

“Repairing the castle,” Poppy clarified. “The Hospital Wing to be exact.”

Severus would have settled for merely nodding, but his throat hurt too much for that. “You need to… be able to… treat the wounded… Will take time… repairing…” He grew quiet again, simply lacking the energy to continue talking. He concentrated on the link as he wanted to know what had happened to Harry, but Harry must have sealed their connection as he couldn’t touch the youngster’s mind. He could tell Harry was still alive though. He’d had enough time to watch Severus’ memories and to make up his mind. I wish you the best of luck, he sent down the link, although he wasn’t sure Harry could hear him. 

“We will move you to the Hospital Wing,” Poppy decided, but she froze when Snape glared at her.

“Others…first…” He refused to take up a bed. The students came first.

“You stubborn man!”

Severus could have done without Minerva screaming at him -- again. He still remembered the last time she had yelled at him. He closed his eyes, intent on shutting her out and focusing on Hogwarts instead.

“Severus Snape, look at me, damn it!”

Startled at hearing her actually cuss, he opened his eyes and stared at her. He couldn’t remember seeing Minerva that angry before – not even during his reign of terror at Hogwarts. “What do you… want?” He found it hard to identify the emotion in her eyes. At first he had thought it was rage, but now he wasn’t so sure anymore.

Minerva drew in a deep breath and knelt next to Severus, absentmindedly wondering why the injured man still rested on the cold stone floor. Remus should have had enough sense to move him or at least put a blanket beneath him. “Albus told me to watch your memories in the pensieve.”

Her words startled him. “Albus had no right to…” But Albus had never listened to him before. Albus had always had his own hidden agenda. “Who else?” he questioned, knowing Albus might have told others to watch them too. 

“Kingsley, Miss Granger, and Mister Weasley.”

It was worse than he had thought then. Albus, you shouldn’t have done that. He knew Hogwarts would carry his message to the former Headmaster. You didn’t have the right to make that decision! But Albus remained quiet, just as Severus had expected. “Someone… needed… to do what was necessary.” 

Minerva knew that now – knew that everything Severus had done had been done for a reason. Severus had spent half of his life keeping Harry safe and ensuring Voldemort’s downfall. He had led a lonely life and Minerva knew she wouldn’t have been able to do the things Severus had done. “We will move you to the Hospital Wing and you will allow Poppy to care for you,” she told him sternly. Severus might still be Headmaster, but he was also wounded and she took charge as acting Headmistress. She had been the one to hold that post before the Carrows had relieved her.

“We shall stay with him,” Remus offered after exchanging a look with Tonks.

“Excellent, mister Lupin. I entrust our Headmaster to you and your wife then!” She slowly got to her feet. “You should move him – that cold floor will only weaken him further.”

Severus closed his eyes when hands started to pull him to his feet. Remus and Tonks were careful and stayed clear of the worst wounds, but Severus still was in agony. He fought to stay awake though.

“Can we help?”

Severus didn’t bother opening his eyes; he knew that voice. So Fred Weasley had found him? That meant George would be close too. But he couldn’t be bothered to find out. In the end, his body shut down and Severus slipped back into unconsciousness. 

Ron was surprised to see his brothers head for Snape. Fred and George had never been fond of their old Potions Master, so what had changed? For him personally, a lot had, after seeing Snape’s memories. He felt deeply sorry for the other man and hoped he would make a complete recovery – Snape deserved that. Arthur and Molly hurried after their twins and came to stand next to them, joining them in watching Snape. Ron moved closer too, as he was eager to find out what had happened. 

“Actually, yes, you can help,” Remus said and beckoned Tonks to make way for Fred – or was it George? “We are moving him to the Hospital Wing.”

Fred moved closer, wrapped an arm around Snape, and made sure he had a tight hold on the other wizard. As they made their way to the Hospital Wing, the rest of the Weasley clan followed.

“Care to tell me what this is about?” Remus didn’t know what to make of their presence. He welcomed the help, but their worry still struck him as odd.

“He saved my life during the battle,” Fred explained. “He hit a Death Eater, who was about to curse me, with the Killing Curse instead. Hadn’t it been for Snape, I would be dead.”

Remus believed the redhead. Severus had saved him and Tonks as well. It explained why Fred wanted to help and he reckoned the rest of the Weasleys felt indebted as well. 

“He saved your life?” Ron stared at Fred, suddenly realizing he could have lost his brother in the attack.

“Yes, he did, mate.” Fred nodded.”Snape surprised the hell out of me when he appeared like that. I thought he was going to curse me, but instead, he helped.”

They had reached the Hospital Wing and Remus was stunned to find that most of the damage had been repaired. Even the beds were back in place. Other injured were also finding their way here, but Remus quickly decided on the bed which was closest to them and together with Fred, he lowered Severus onto it. Looking at the injured man, he found that several wounds had opened again. “Poppy, I need some help in here!” 

Madam Pomfrey appeared and promptly shooed Remus and the Weasleys away. Only Tonks was allowed to stay in order to help. Remus knew better than to fight the healer and was about to return to the Great Hall, when one of the paintings in the Great Stairway shuddered and then came alive. Next to him, Arthur gasped in surprise at finding himself eye to eye with Albus Dumbledore. 

“Ah, Remus, you are hard to find! I need you to fetch Mister Longbottom and head for my former office. I need you and Mister Longbottom to see the memories in there. Then, you need to undo the changes Severus made to the young man’s memory. I need Neville sharp and in control of his emotions as his part in this play hasn’t ended yet. Don’t stare at me, Remus, get going!” 

The next moment, Albus vanished and the painting was empty again. “I hate it when he does that,” Remus remarked to no one in particular. It seemed he had to find Neville and make sure his memory was restored.

“We will help you look for him,” Arthur said at once. “Come on, boys, spread out and find him!”

///

Neville was sitting next to Luna in the Great Hall when George found him. At once, he called out, “Remus, over here!” Neville looked up, feeling irritated. “Leave me alone!”

“Sorry, can’t do that, Neville. I am following Dumbledore’s orders. You are to come with me. Apparently we need to go to the Headmaster’s office.”

“I don’t want to see Snape ever again!” Neville stubbornly stared into the distance. Ruin and wreckage was all he saw.

“Neville,” Remus said as he bent down and placed a hand on the young man’s shoulder. “Severus is at the Hospital Wing. The Headmaster’s office is empty.” That seemed to sway Neville and the young man slowly got to his feet. Remus offered Neville a soft smile. He had known Neville when he had been a child and now that boy had become a man. “Come with me.” Neville fell into step with him, and when they reached the entrance to the office, the statue moved out of its own accord. Remus peeked at Neville. “Have you ever been down here before?”

Neville shook his head and took in his surroundings. Harry had told him what the Headmaster’s office looked like, but he had never seen it before. It looked even more impressive than he thought.

“Come closer… The pensieve is over there… And hurry, will you?”

Neville blinked. “Who?” He looked at the wall and realized one portrait was watching him closely – that of Phineas Nigellus Black. That realization made him nervous. 

“Don’t waste my time, boy. Remus, the pensieve, now!”

Neville exchanged a look with Remus. “I am glad it is only him in here.” Neville shivered. “Consider what it would be like if the other former Heads were around too.”

“Severus calls it mayhem, but then again, he has been under some pressure lately. Now get moving.” Phineas was growing irritated and damned Albus for giving him this task. It was time Severus woke and took charge of the situation! He hated it when Albus bossed him around!

Remus failed to hide a smile. He could very well imagine Severus trying to shut Phineas up. He noticed the pensieve and in it were Severus’ swirling memories. “Neville, have you ever done this before?

Neville shook his head. “I know what a pensieve is, but I have never seen one before—until now. What’s that? In it?”

“Memories, you foolish boy! Now put your face in it and let’s get this over with,” Phineas Black sneered. They were wasting time.

“Whose memories?” Neville turned toward the portrait.

“Well, Severus’, of course! He left them for Harry to view, but it seems Dumbledore wants you to see them too,” Black explained.

Neville hesitated; he had no desire to view Snape’s memories, but then Remus took hold of his hand and squeezed. 

“We will do this together… Yes?” Remus offered. Once he knew what to look for he could restore Neville’s memory.

Neville still hesitated, but realized this was important enough for former Heads to meddle. So he nodded and slowly lowered his face into the memories. Remus followed his example and allowed Severus’ memories to wash over them.

Phineas kept an eye on the two of them, but also reached out to find out how the current Headmaster was doing. Severus was still unconscious and Black hoped Snape would wake up shortly. Hogwarts needed its Headmaster alert. When Neville and Remus withdrew from the pensieve, he saw the changed expression on the student’s face. Neville looked shaken to the core, while Remus seemed calm and controlled. 

Neville stumbled and leaned against the desk for support. He was trying hard to reconcile his own memories with the ones he had seen in the pensieve. Had he misjudged the man?

Remus’ head spun after witnessing everything Severus had been through and realized he finally held all pieces to the puzzle the Potions Master had presented throughout the years. He felt sorry for everything Severus had had to endure.

“Help me understand,” Neville pleaded. “Is it true that he never wanted to curse any of the students? He looked toward Remus for an answer, but when it came, it was Dumbledore who supplied it.

“My dear boy, Severus tried to protect you the best he could, but he had to act his part.”

Neville, and Remus as well, stared at the portrait of their former Headmaster. 

“Trust me when I say he suffered along with you. He never wanted to inflict any pain on you, and each time the Carrows cursed you and your fellow students, Severus tried to stop them. At times, he was forced to curse the students too, but he picked those students carefully. He could have selected first years instead.” Albus stopped talking to let them grasp the full extent of his words.

Neville swallowed nervously. “Is it true that he felt… our pain?” 

Albus nodded. “I am going to let you in on a secret, Neville, and you too, Remus. Hogwarts is an entity in itself— very powerful and always alert. The moment Hogwarts accepts a Headmaster, a connection is formed. They become part of each other. That is why the Headmaster can apparate within these walls… Hogwarts views him as a part of itself. It supplies the Headmaster with all information he needs – it also tells him when a student is lost, in pain, or in danger.”

“That’s why you always knew who was close!” Remus had always wondered about that. 

“That’s only one of many privileges,” Albus admitted. “Hogwarts understood why Severus acted that way – it allied itself with him in order to protect the students – plus, it admires Severus’ courage.”

“You make it sound like Hogwarts is alive,” Remus said puzzled.

“Oh, but it is alive, Remus. Hogwarts is very much alive! It’s a thinking and evolving entity, and right now, it’s doing everything it can to serve its Headmaster in whatever way possible. Severus asked it to repair the Hospital Wing and so it set out to do that.” Albus found he was actually enjoying himself explaining it to them and therefore ignored the displeased growl coming from Phineas. “How do you think it is possible for us to communicate with you? We became a part of Hogwarts the moment it accepted us as Head.” 

Neville still had a hard time accepting everything and Albus noticed that. “Remus, you need to undo the changes Severus made to Neville’s memory.” After having seen Remus nod, he addressed Neville again. “At that time it was important you believed Severus tortured you. You must know that the Carrows scanned your thoughts regularly and had they encountered any proof of Severus caring for you, they would have reported that to the Dark Lord. I don’t need to explain to you what repercussions Severus would have faced in such a case?” Neville had grown pale during his little speech, which told Albus the young man understood. “Voldemort would have killed Severus. Had that happened, Hogwarts would have lost its Headmaster and would have become paralyzed. The Carrows could have done as they had pleased and there would have been no one to spy on Voldemort.”

Remus cocked his head. “Albus…” 

“Of course! Don’t be stupid, Remus! Of course we discussed his actions. Not just me, but all Heads were involved! We planned every move very carefully.” Albus grew saddened then. “We helped him pick the strongest students so that when he had to curse them, Severus would do little damage…” Albus’ voice grew softer then, ”It damaged Severus’ soul though.”

Neville made up his mind and walked up to Remus. He looked his former teacher in the eye and said, “Do it.” He wanted his memories back— his real memories.

Remus cast a quick look at Albus, caught him nod, and then drew in a deep sigh. He was no expert at this. They should have picked Tonks instead. “I will try…”

Ten minutes later, he retreated from Neville’s mind. In the end, it had been relatively easy to find the memories which had been tampered with. It had taken him a few minutes to find out how to restore them, but that too proved easy since he knew what he was looking for. He took a step away from Neville and watched the young man blink in wonder. 

Neville trembled when all memories moved into their rightful place, finally offering him the truth – and the truth was not what he had thought it was. The truth was that Snape had tried to stop the Carrows several times. Severus had acted like he had wanted to curse him in person, but when he did, the pain had always lessened, and the moment the Carrows had left, Snape had hurried to check on him. Snape had given him a strengthening potion on several occasions. One series of memories shook him up rather hard. Once more remembering the talk they’d had when they had been sitting on that bench and Snape had watched it snow. Then, setting up the experiment in the classroom and giving him access to his private notes. 

“He removed that experiment when he returned with the Carrows,” and Neville understood why. Had the Carrows found out what Snape had been working on, and that Neville had helped him, they would have reported it to the Dark Lord. Neville closed his eyes and drew in a deep breath which would hopefully calm him down. Snape had gone to great lengths to hide all signs of betrayal. 

“Neville? You look like you are about to keel over,” Remus said concerned. “Maybe you should sit down.”

“No,” Neville said, finding his resolve again. “I don’t want to sit down!” What he really wanted was to get some revenge – he wanted Voldemort, and Nagini in particular to pay for causing such pain. He shivered, remembering the snake had bitten Snape in order to kill him. That snake was his to kill!

///

Harry knew that with each step which took him deeper into the Forbidden Forest, he took one step closer to his death. Although his mother had reminded him that he carried his loved ones in his heart, and that he wasn’t alone, that thought didn’t offer him as much comfort as he had hoped it would. The truth was that he wasn’t thinking of his parents or Sirius anymore. In the back of his mind another presence begged to be acknowledged. Severus was reaching out to him, but Harry kept the connection sealed off. Until now, he had never fully understood the dangers that came with caring too much, by allowing himself to be distracted. He no longer blamed Severus for asking Albus to erase their memoires. He finally understood that such focus demanded solitude. However, he did find a measure of comfort in knowing that Severus was thinking of him.

Walking up to Voldemort was easier than he had thought. He barely listened to what the Dark Lord had to say. Instead, he remembered how brave Severus had been when he had walked toward his death. Severus had known he would die when entering that Shack and he hadn’t wavered. Severus had stood his ground and had let death take him. Hopefully he would find the courage to go to his death equally dignified. When the Killing curse hit him Harry collapsed onto the moist forest ground.

///

Severus thrashed on the bed and Tonks immediately moved closer. “Poppy!” she called out, but the healer was nowhere in sight—too many wounded students needed her attention. Tonks realized it was up to her to find out what was wrong and how to calm Snape. She edged away from the bed when Snape suddenly sat upright and stared at the wall with a look in his eyes which actually scared her. It was totally empty – blank. Although she had never liked Snape, she knew she had to do something. 

In the end, she caught one of his trembling hands in hers and stroked the skin in what was hopefully a soothing motion. Maybe the physical contact would snap Snape out of it. When it didn’t, Tonks moved closer still and sat down on the bed. Wondering how to address him, she cringed, and then said, “Severus!!” She had heard Remus call him that and Snape back then, he had responded to his name.

Severus shook violently and then bowed his head in defeat. “Everything… for nothing… All is lost.” He fell back onto the mattress and stared at the ceiling. 

“Severus? What happened?” His pained tone worried her and she tried to catch his gaze in an attempt to do away with the distraught expression in those black eyes. 

“He is dead, Tonks… Harry is dead.” He turned his head slightly, ignoring the pain the movement brought with it. “Voldemort killed him.”

Tonks stared at him in shock. “You had a bad dream – a nightmare. You can’t possibly know what happened! Or can you?”

Severus closed his eyes. He was aware of her holding his hand, but he couldn’t be bothered pulling away. All was lost. Nothing mattered anymore. Lily’s son – the only proof that she had ever lived- was dead. “Voldemort killed him.”

“How can you be so damn sure?” When he looked at her again, she flinched at seeing the anguish in his eyes. 

“Harry and I share a link… It was never meant to come into existence… But it happened years ago.” Severus wondered what to do next. Now that Harry was dead, he was at a loss. He had always hoped that Harry would find a way out – that the boy would survive. “The Dark Lord will come back here in order to gloat,” he said, finding it hard to think rationally. “You need to leave, Tonks… You need to run.”

“I am not running!” she stated firmly. She had never known he cared that much about Harry!

“Teddy needs you alive, Tonks… not dead.”

His words cut through her very soul. She would never live to see Teddy grown up then. But at least her son knew she loved him! “I never knew you worried about Teddy.” She hadn’t even fully realized he knew about her son. Remus had never told her that he had mentioned Teddy to Snape.

“You don’t know much about me to begin with,” Severus whispered, growing fatigued once more. The pain that coursed through his body was already pulling him under. “Tonks, leave… Flee this place… Your son needs his mother!” 

Tonks watched Snape slip back into unconsciousness. She was really going to have a talk with her husband, providing they survived.

///

Harry knew Dumbledore was right; he had to return. He wasn’t finished yet. Voldemort was still alive and that damned snake of his –the last Horcrux- had to die as well. Not just because it was a Horcrux, but mostly because of what it had done to Severus. And so he decided to board the train and to return to the land of the living.

///

Harry felt grateful that Narcissa Malfoy hadn’t betrayed him to Voldemort. She desperately wanted to ensure Draco’s safety and was willing to play along in order to get her son back. The fact that she loved Draco definitely worked to Harry’s advantage. Pretending to be dead was difficult for him. Hagrid’s tears tasted salty when they dripped onto his face. Hagrid, I am sorry… I never meant to hurt you. But he couldn’t reveal himself yet.

When he suddenly heard Neville’s voice, Harry realized they had returned to Hogwarts, just as he had hoped. His friends would aid him in this last battle and he wouldn’t have to fight it alone. 

“You are wrong! Harry’s heart did beat for us! For all of us! And it’s not over!”

That was the moment he had been waiting for! Sliding from Hagrid’s arms, Harry landed on the ground and raised his wand in order to attack Voldemort. “Confringo!” he called out and aimed the attack at the snake. He had to get back to his friends, had to make his last stand side by side with them! He blinked though, wondering if he was hallucination. Had Neville really pulled the Sword of Gryffindor out of the Sorting Hat? Yes, he had!

Harry fought his way over to his friends and called out, “We have to kill the snake!”

Neville reacted at once— that snake was his! But when he moved forward a blast hit him and knocked him off his feet.

///

“Severus, no! You can’t leave the bed!” Tonks was growing desperate. A moment ago, Severus had been asleep, and now the wizard was trying to climb out of bed. Severus still lacked the necessary strength though, and she barely managed to stop him from falling onto the floor. Where was Remus when she needed him?

“You don’t understand!” He was panting hard, already breathless after moving about for only a minute. “He’s back!”

“Who’s back?” She wished he would stop confusing her.

“Harry!” 

Tonks’ eyes widened. “I thought you said he had died!”

“Yes, but he’s back… Albus is still meddling, even from beyond the veil!” Severus desperately tried to get to his feet, but his head kept spinning and something warm was starting to flow down his chest.

“Stop moving, damn it! You’re bleeding again!” She pressed a cloth against the wound and called for Poppy. This time the healer did appear, and Tonks had never felt more relieved as when Poppy took charge, actually casting a spell to make Severus go to sleep again.

“What happened? Oh my, he’s bleeding again! Not good – not good,” she muttered.

Tonks let Poppy handle Severus and collapsed onto her chair. She hoped her husband would show up soon, because she simply didn’t know how to handle Severus!

///

When Neville regained consciousness, he still felt disorientated, but at the same time, he knew what he had to do. He had to kill that accursed snake!

///

Ron and Hermione ran down the stairs with Nagini at their heels. They tried casting spells in order to stop the monster, but nothing worked. They knew they couldn’t outrun the monster much longer! Nagini would kill them!

Neville stepped forward and cut off Nagini’s head with one smooth stroke. The Sword in his hands seemed to vibrate with life and he could swear he heard it sing in victory. Dark smoke escaped from the monster’s body and in those dark swirls, he thought he saw the faces of her victims. “Done,” he announced proudly. He had accomplished his personal mission.

///

Severus stirred in his sleep when the snake died. Poppy’s spell had made him go to sleep, but his subconscious stirred and he deepened the connection with Hogwarts, allowing his mind to travel when his body couldn’t. It was Neville Longbottom who had killed the damn snake and Severus sensed the young man’s pride at having severed her head from her body. Thank you, Neville… You did well. Your parents would have been proud of you… I certainly am. He kept his thoughts to himself though, not wanting to upset Neville.

“Severus? Severus!” 

Was that Remus’ voice he heard? Poppy lifted the spell and Severus managed to claw his way back to awareness. Yes, it had been Remus after all. The werewolf, Tonks, and Poppy looked at him in concern, though he had no idea why. 

“We need to stop the bleeding! Make sure he doesn’t move! I don’t want to put him under a spell again,” Poppy announced.

Blood dripped from the bite marks Nagini had left behind and Severus realized it was some sort of after effect of her death – she was trying to pull him with her in death.

///

Harry knew he finally stood a chance now that Nagini was dead. Counting on the Elderwand to protest serving Voldemort, he doubled his efforts. Feeling empowered, he watched the Elderwand fly towards him and he caught it – easily - as he was the wand’s rightful owner. He savoured seeing the shock in Voldemort’s eyes, and when the dark wizard realized that he had been defeated, Harry allowed himself to relax. He watched closely as Tom Riddle started to dissolve – losing bits and pieces of himself until there was nothing left of him. 

He had won. He had defeated Voldemort and there was no way Tom Riddle would ever set foot on this earth again. It was over. The nightmare had come to an end!

///

Harry saw Neville first. His friend was still holding onto the Sword of Gryffindor and he called out in relief upon seeing him. “He’s dead, Neville! It’s over!” He grabbed Neville’s shoulders, as he needed the contact and smiled at his friend. “We did it, Neville! You killed the snake and I took care of Voldemort! We make a good team!”

The next moment he barely managed to stay on his feet as Ron and Hermione wrapped him up in an embrace. “Yes, it is good to be back!” he called out. Only recently, he had thought he would never see them again. “I am fine! I really am,” he repeated when Hermione continued to check him over, patting his back and giving him calculated looks.

“Mister Potter! It is good to have you back!” Minerva walked up to her student and smiled at him. “You did a good job.”

“I had help!” Harry said and looked at his friends. “I couldn’t have done this without you!” It was the truth—they had pulled him through. Arthur and Molly joined them too, and Harry patiently endured the tight hug she gave him. “I am fine,” he repeated, hoping it would calm her down. Then Ginny walked up to him, wrapped him up in her arms, and kissed him. Harry actually blushed, realizing Fred, George, Bill, and even Ron were looking at him. Arthur chuckled and that broke the tension. Relieved, Harry offered a weak smile and Ginny kissed him again. Harry then sobered. “Where’s Severus?” 

Minerva rested her hand on his shoulder before answering him. “Poppy moved him to the Hospital Wing. The last time she contacted me, she said his life was still in danger.”

Harry’s heart beat a faster rhythm at hearing that. “I need to see him.”

“I will take you there,” Minerva offered. She felt grateful that the two of them would have a chance to talk. Even if Severus died due to his injuries, they would have closure.

“I will see you later, Ginny.” Harry pressed a kiss onto her hand. He had to focus when speaking to Severus and she would distract him.

“Can I come along, Harry? I need to talk to him too.” Neville desperately needed to talk to the man now that he knew the truth about Snape.

Harry considered Neville’s request and then nodded. Yes, Neville and Severus had unfinished business too.

///

Harry was grateful to see Remus and Tonks sitting with Severus. He wasn’t sure it was possible, but Severus looked even worse than when they had returned to the castle. “What happened?” Harry moved closer to the bed and cringed at seeing the fresh bloodstains on the bandages.

“When Nagini died,” Remus started, equally relieved at seeing Harry alive and well, “his wounds opened again.”

Neville flinched; he had been the one to kill the snake. “I am sorry for that.”

Remus however, quickly intervened. “You didn’t know that would happen and Neville, killing Nagini had to be done.” Making an educated guess, he added, “I can’t imagine Severus blaming you for that.”

“Has he been conscious at all?” Harry gripped the foot end of the bed and wished Severus would wake up that moment.

“Yes,” Tonks supplied. “Twice actually.” She wasn’t sure she should tell Harry though. “The first time was when you died.”

Harry gasped. “He sensed that? But I kept the link shut!” He had done his best to make sure none of his emotions reached Severus!

“He did,” Tonks assured Harry. “And then he woke again when you came back to us.”

Harry felt relieved at hearing that. He had been afraid Severus was still under the impression that Voldemort had killed him.

“He tried to get out of bed, but he was too weak for that. When the snake died, his wounds started to bleed again and Poppy had to intervene.” Tonks also recalled how Severus had begged her to leave Hogwarts and to join Teddy instead. These last few hours, which she had spent sitting with Severus, had taught her a great deal about the man. Severus shivered, and she tucked the blanket closer around him. The next moment, Severus’ eyes opened, and as he was looking at her, she offered him a smile. “You have visitors,” she announced, hoping he was strong enough for this.

Severus knew who was in the room with him. Hogwarts had whispered the names to him. Carefully, as the skin on his throat was rather tight, he managed to turn his head so he could look at Harry and Neville. He had expected Harry to seek him out, but not Neville – not after all the things he had done to the young man. Therefore, he kept his gaze trained on Harry and stayed clear of Neville. “You won,” he managed in a raspy voice.

“We won,” Harry said, correcting him at once. “I couldn’t have done it on my own.” Harry walked closer to the bed until he stood only a few inches away. He had been glad when Poppy had told him that Severus was out of the woods, but he realized it would take Severus a long time to fully recover from the ordeal he had been through. He understood the older wizard so much better after viewing those memories. I will return them to you, he promised, sending the words down the link they shared. Severus’ eyes widened, and Harry sensed the wizard’s surprise at the connection being open again. 

Thank you, Severus replied, though he wasn’t sure it still mattered. He had a different question though, but his instincts told him he couldn’t ask Harry that – not yet – maybe never. Why had Harry chosen to save him? To give him the breath of Life? He should have saved someone else instead. His life wasn’t worth saving!

Harry couldn’t ignore Severus’ troubled thoughts when the link offered him a peek at them. Harry sat down on the side of the bed and simply looked at Severus for a long moment. For the first time, he saw Severus the way he really was; there was no act, no pretence, and no arrogance. And what he saw surprised him. It made him reach for Severus’ hand and gently gather it in his. His hand was relatively small compared to Severus’ and that observation made him chuckle.

Severus stared at Harry, still trying to understand why the youngster would take his hand in his. Harry’s thoughts didn’t make much sense either, and realizing he had been peeking, he withdrew.

“No,” Harry said upon sensing the retreat. “You don’t have to leave. I told you before that I am fine with this link.”

Severus wanted to object, but Harry’s thoughts told him the same thing. The youngster didn’t mind being connected with him in that way. Why, was still beyond him though.

“When Dumbledore left us the flask containing the breath of Life, he also said that we would know when to use it. It wasn’t just my decision that you should drink it. Hermione, Ron, and I agreed on that. The three of us wanted you to live.” Harry smiled upon seeing Severus’ stunned expression. “Dumbledore said that some deaths were necessary and yours was, as it provided me with your memories, but he also said that some deaths were pointless… Yours was anything but pointless. I know that you wanted to atone for things that happened in the past.” And then, a startling realization hit him. “And you did. You died for your mistakes. Maybe you had to die in order to start anew. You paid for everything in full. Severus, you died. Now you need to let go of that guilt.”

“You have no idea what you are talking about,” Severus managed, although Harry’s words made him uneasy. “I delivered part of that prophecy to Voldemort. I am the reason he killed your parents.”

Harry drew in a deep breath and hoped the others would back him up if necessary. “Voldemort is dead, Severus. Tom Riddle, the Dark Lord, no matter what you call him, is gone… That part of your past is done with!” 

Remus, having noticed Severus’ unease, wondered if he should offer his opinion too. In the end, he did. “Harry’s right, Severus. You died… Voldemort is gone – that past is gone. It is time to start all over again.”

Severus however slowly shook his head and ignored the stinging pain that shot through his throat. “I did more than that… I cursed the students here… I hurt them and—“ 

Neville had been quiet up until that point, but now he spoke up. “And you tampered with my memories so it would seem you had done your worst. Remus explained to me why you did it, and rationally speaking, I understand. But emotionally… You made me hate you.”

“You hated me from the start, Mister Longbottom,” Severus pointed out to him. His eyes slipped shut every so often and it was getting harder to concentrate on their conversation.

“We should let him rest,” Tonks said. “He’s still very weak.”

“In a moment,” Neville said in a firm voice. “But first, I want you to listen to me.” He moved over to Snape’s other side and made sure the wizard was looking at him and not at Harry before he continued. “You made sure I hated you. You made sure Harry hated you right from the start! I am right and you know it!”

“It was easier that way.” Severus hadn’t wanted to admit that, but this fatigue was making it hard to think straight.

“On us, not on you.” Neville weighed his next words carefully. “Remus restored my memories. You also hid the fact from me that we talked that winter day. Remember that one? You told me you were still working on a cure for my parents. The next day you had moved your experiment into the classroom and I was trying hard to decipher your handwriting.” Seeing a smile form on Severus’ face surprised him, but he welcomed it. “Why did you hide that memory too?”

“I couldn’t take the risk…” Severus closed his eyes, losing the fight to stay awake. “Had the Dark Lord seen…” 

Neville didn’t need to hear the rest. He knew what Severus had wanted to say. Now that his memory had been restored a lot about Snape finally made sense. “Can I sit with him for a while? I am sure you are tired and want some rest,” he said, addressing Remus and Tonks.

Tonks gave him a grateful nod. “Thanks, Neville, I would like that very much. I am tired…” Others had fought all day, but she had merely sat with Severus. Still, she felt more exhausted than Remus looked. The two of them walked toward the doorway, and after a moment’s thought, Harry joined them. 

“Keep an eye on him,” Harry said, realizing Neville needed a moment alone with Severus. He had a good idea what his friend was going through. He had experienced that same rollercoaster ride of emotions when the three of them had discovered Severus in that corridor after he had been cursed by Voldemort. Apparently, it was now Neville’s turn to learn that Severus wasn’t the evil persona he had portrayed.

///

Headmaster…

Hogwarts stirred in his mind and Severus forced himself to wake up and pay attention. Hopefully nothing out of the ordinary had happened.

Headmaster, strangers have arrived and are headed here. The new Minister of Magic and several Aurors are on their way to see you.

That was out of the ordinary and rather bad news, he was afraid. Ever since finding himself alive instead of dead, he had wondered when they would show up and take him to Azkaban, for there was no doubt in his mind that they would put him on trial and then punish him for his crimes. The fact that he was still bedridden vexed him, but he rather faced them lying down on the bed then collapsed on the floor. He wouldn’t run – Hogwarts was actually suggesting he hid himself! – but he ignored that. In his current state he wouldn’t last long in Azkaban at any rate!

“You can’t go in there! I don’t care who you are!”

Brave Poppy! The fact that she was trying to stop them earned her even more respect in his eyes. She shouldn’t endanger herself though. Suddenly the door opened and several people entered the room. He kept his eyes shut, trying to gather his courage – or what was left of it – and then opened them. He blinked a second time; surprised to see Kingsley, Arthur Weasley, Tonks, and an auror he didn’t know stand next to his bed. He would have preferred being taken away by strangers instead. 

“Severus Snape,” Kingsley said. “Are you Headmaster of Hogwarts?”

At hearing that question, Severus felt Hogwarts itself grow angry. He tightened his control-- it wouldn’t do if the castle decided to drop some stones or fling bricks at them. “I am.” Next to him, someone stirred. He hadn’t realized that Neville was still there. The young man had apparently fallen asleep on the chair next to him. He hoped Neville wouldn’t wake up. “I reckon you are here to take me to Azkaban and to try me for my crimes?” It was best to make it easy on them. He lacked the strength to fight his arrest and the anger that reached him through his connection with Hogwarts started to worry him. He had never realized that Hogwarts could react that emotionally. “I will come along willingly… I am not sure I can walk though.” 

The quicker he left, the less time Hogwarts had to come up with something like a real plan. He pushed back the covers and flinched when cold air swept over his still sore skin. He hadn’t realized Nagini had bit him that often. She had even burrowed her fangs in the Dark Mark, which had become unrecognizable because of it. Severus noticed Kingsley step up to the bed; was the wizard worried he might try to escape after all? The fool! Just look at the condition he was in!

“No, you are not taking him!”

Severus looked up in surprise. Neville had practically screamed those words at Kingsley. “Calm yourself, Mister Longbottom,” he said in what hopefully resembled his best drawling teacher’s tone. “They have every right to take me and I do not intend to fight them over it.” Worried, Severus noticed the way Neville’s fingers closed over the hilt of Godric’s Sword. It surprised him that the Sword chose to stay. 

“I said no. You are not taking him to Azkaban!” Neville had gotten to his feet and was about to raise his sword in order to defend Snape. It was all instincts on his part. He hadn’t given the matter any thought. His honour demanded he defended the wounded wizard who had sacrificed so much in order to make sure Harry could destroy Voldemort. “Professor Snape stays where he is!”

Severus felt deeply touched at hearing the concern in Neville’s voice. There was anger too, but it was out of concern that Neville was defending him. For the first time in years, he wasn’t sure how to proceed. Neville’s state of mind was fragile and he didn’t want the young man to act rashly. Maybe it would be best to send for Poppy so she could calm him down and then talk Neville into leaving the room. 

“Neville! Calm down!” Arthur was the first to shake off his stupor. “We are not here to take Severus to Azkaban!”

“You are not?” Neville questioned suspiciously. It was rather obvious that he didn’t believe them and he kept his sword raised in warning.

Severus felt equally mystified. Why else would they be here, if not to take him to Azkaban? Or maybe it was just a ploy to ensure Neville settled down? But Arthur Weasley didn’t strike him as a man who would tell lies just in order to calm down Neville.

“We are here to relay a message from the Wizengamot,” Kingsley said, hoping he was getting through to Neville. He knew the things the young man had gone through. He also knew what Neville was capable of, especially after hearing how Neville had killed Nagini, but seeing Neville actually come to Severus’ defence still surprised him. But then he reminded himself that Remus had restored Neville’s memory. That might explain it.

“What kind of message?” Severus rested his back against the pillows upon realizing he might not have to leave the bed after all. Kingsley then shot him a strange look and Severus could have sworn he saw embarrassment in those eyes.

“Albus told me to view your memories, Severus.”

Ah, that explained the awkwardness Kingsley currently displayed. Had he been conscious at the time, Severus would have forbidden it and Albus had known it. That was why the wizard had moved that quickly. “That cannot have been a pleasant experience,” he drawled.

“No, it wasn’t, but for a different reason than you probably think, Severus.”

Severus frowned upon realizing that Kingsley had called him that twice already. What had happened to being called Snape instead? 

“I shared my findings with the Wizengamot, and let me assure you, they did want to arrest you the moment they found out you had survived!” Kingsley had come to Severus’ defence then, telling them what had really happened. The Wizengamot had been sceptic at first, but then Remus had stepped forward and had confirmed Kingsley’s claims. 

“I can’t blame them,” Severus commented in a clipped voice. This conversation tired him. “Why are you here, Kingsley?” He wanted this over with. ”And Mister Longbottom, you are still pointing that sword at the new Minister of Magic. I suggest you lower it.”

“How did you know..?” As far as Kingsley could tell, there was no way Severus could know about his promotion.

“I have my ways,” Severus said, not wanting to disclose the truth about Hogwarts to Kingsley. “Longbottom, lower the bloody sword!” he stated again, this time louder. It amused him when Neville actually gave him a hesitant look. “I said, lower it!”

“Yes, Headmaster,” Neville said through gritted teeth. 

Severus suppressed a flinch at being called that. “Minister, say what you need to say and when it doesn’t involve me going to Azkaban, leave me alone.” He wasn’t in the mood to be played with. 

Kingsley actually cheered up at hearing the familiar sneer. “The Wizengamot has decided against charging you. There will be quite an extensive investigation of your involvement in this war, but you are no longer considered a threat.”

Severus blinked at hearing that. He hadn’t expected it. No matter how much he hated knowing others had viewed his memories, it seemed to spare him from being incarcerated in Azkaban. He did hate the prison and shivered at remembering having been imprisoned there before.

Suddenly the door opened and Minerva marched inside. “Kingsley, what is the meaning of this? I told you that Severus is in no condition to have visitors!”

Severus relaxed when he realized he was safe once more. No Azkaban for him this time. Instead, he could stay at Hogwarts for now and recover. 

“I just thought you wanted to know, Severus,” Kingsley said. He might have made a mistake in judgment. He had been so eager to tell Severus the good news that he had forgotten how weak the other man still was. He had also been foolish to disregard the way his visit might be interpreted. “I am sorry if I made the wrong impression,” he offered. “I didn’t mean to scare or worry anyone.”

Severus recognized the apology for what it was and nodded. He wished they would go away though – all of them, as he needed to rest.

“Out! Out with all of you!” Poppy announced as she sailed into the room, already shoving them outside.

“Poppy, can I have a moment with Severus?” Tonks wanted to ask Severus something. Poppy considered her request and then nodded.

“Mister Longbottom, out with you too!” Minerva said. The pallor on Neville’s face worried her. That young man needed food and rest and he wouldn’t get that while keeping watch in here!

“But…” Neville didn’t want to leave Snape. Not yet.

“Mister Longbottom,” Severus said, addressing the young man. “Listen to your Head of House.” He could tell Neville wanted to object and so he added, “Please, Neville.” He knew best what would work with the distressed student. And so Neville nodded, just as he had expected, and followed Minerva out of the room. That left him alone with Tonks, another undesirable situation, but one he might easier deal with. “What is it, Nymphadora?” He used her name on purpose, hoping it would make her angry, so she would turn around and march out of the room. His plan didn’t work though, as she sat down on a chair next to the bed instead.

Tonks refrained from correcting Severus. Remus and she had discussed Severus in detail and he had warned her not to allow Severus to sidetrack her. It was a good thing that she knew what she wanted to say. “Remus and I want to ask you something.”

Severus startled at the serious note to her voice. Had some disaster struck? He hoped not. Maybe Remus needed more of his potion? “I will supply more, Tonks, It’s not a problem. Tell Remus that the potion will be delivered to him within the next few days.” 

“Thank you,” Tonks said in surprise. “But I wanted to ask you something quite different.” Remus had told her that there was a side to Severus she hadn’t seen yet and she believed him. All it took was some getting used to.

“What else can there be?” Severus frowned and wished he would feel more alert. He was still recovering – unfortunately – and didn’t feel up to more games.

“You know about Teddy, don’t you?” she started, carefully watching him.

“Remus mentioned him.” Actually he had also gathered more information on their son and found that the boy lived with his grandmother, Andromeda, and was well taken care of. “I hope that he is well?” He knew Teddy had inherited Tonks’ gifts and not Remus’. The boy wasn’t a werewolf.

He surprised her again by worrying about her son. “Teddy’s fine. He’s living with my mother as we didn’t want to drag him into the war.” A war which was over and had been won. Severus had greatly contributed to that victory, she reminded herself. Severus’ eyes started to close and she knew she had to be quick if she wanted to ask him. “Remus and I talked last night. Because of the war we didn’t get around to finding Teddy a godfather. We first thought of Harry.” She wanted to continue, but when Severus spoke, she paused.

“Harry is an excellent choice.” Was she keeping him awake for that? She shouldn’t be in need of his reassurance. “He will do well.” And now, he hoped she would leave him alone so he could sleep.

“I said, at first we thought of Harry.” Tonks was actually beginning to enjoy herself. Severus seemed to grow alert again, but she knew it wouldn’t last. “Then we decided on someone else.”

Severus just wished she would finally speak her mind. “I am sure that whoever you pick as Teddy’s godfather will do a good job.” Hopefully that would settle her mind and make her leave.

Tonks chuckled. “It is good to hear you agree! I believe that you will do a great job, Severus. You will make a good godfather.” She watched him closely, eager to see the expression in his eyes when he realized what she had just said.

Severus stared at her in shock. She couldn’t have said what he thought she had said! 

“Yes, we want you to be Teddy’s godfather. I do hope you will accept.” She smiled warmly at him. “Remus is with Teddy right now, but we will visit shortly so you can meet your godson.”

No one had asked him such a thing before and why would they? But now that Tonks was asking him to be her son’s godfather, he felt at a loss. “Tonks, I am flattered, but…” 

Tonks frowned and moved closer in an attempt to read Severus’ expression. “Did I really hear you say ‘but’?” She had expected him to be happy – not to look like he was about to be send to Azkaban after all. 

“You should ask Harry instead. He will make a good godfather… I won’t.”

Tonks nodded, finally understanding what was going on in his head. “I understand that you are nervous, but Severus, we want you – not Harry.”

Severus swallowed nervously. “You shouldn’t do that to your son.”

Tonks prayed for patience. She knew what Severus had been through as Remus had told her about Severus’ memories. In the past, Severus had always avoided growing attached to anyone. It was time to change that though. “Severus, we want you as Teddy’s godfather,” she repeated, “because we know he will be safe with you should anything happen to Remus or me. You will protect him. You shall love him. You care about Harry, and Neville as well, don’t deny it! I saw your concern when he wanted to attack Kingsley!” Tonks smiled at recalling Neville openly confronting them. “Neville might not realize it yet, but he cares about you too. I know it is a big mess, but everything will sort itself out. Promise me that you will give my request some thought and don’t say no until you have met Teddy.” She counted on her son to work some magic where Severus was concerned.

“I will consider it,” Severus whispered in defeat. He knew Tonks would put up a fight over this. He still thought they were making a mistake by asking him, but for the moment, she wouldn’t accept him denying her.

“That’s great! I will tell Remus what you said and we will let you know when we will visit! I expect you to be busy rebuilding Hogwarts! But that doesn’t mean it will take us years to visit!” Tonks thought that giving Severus a few weeks to recover would do. She planned to return here within a month’s time with Remus and Teddy in tow.

///

Night had already fallen when Severus woke up again. The window showed a starlit sky and he couldn’t remember the stars ever shining more brightly. Maybe even the heavens felt relieved now that Voldemort was gone. Severus shifted on the bed and quickly realized he would be in serious pain if he continued to move about. Even though he hated being confined to bed, he would have to stay put if he wanted to recover from his injuries.

It was odd; he had wanted to give up not so long ago, and now he found himself wondering if he shouldn’t concentrate on going on living instead. Although Voldemort was gone, Hogwarts needed rebuilding, Harry might want him about and then there was Tonks, asking him to be Teddy’s godfather. That was something he had never expected to happen. And there was someone else as well he had to look after – someone he owed a debt he might never be able to repay. 

Neville Longbottom. Now there was a young man who truly confused him. Severus had manipulated him on more than occasion, had tampered with his memories, had cursed him, and yet, Neville had defended him against Kingsley earlier that day. Why though? He couldn’t figure it out for the life of him. Neville ought to hate him, but the young man worried about him instead.

“Why are you awake, Severus?” Poppy stood in the doorway and watched her patient with concern. “You should try to sleep instead.” She briefly considering casting a spell, or giving him a sleeping potion, but she didn’t want him to feel coerced. Severus Snape had earned the freedom to make his own decisions. 

“Poppy…” Severus managed to elbow himself into an upright position and shifted the pillows so he could rest against them. 

Poppy made her way into the room and sat down on the chair next to him. He looked marginally better, for which she felt grateful. She hadn’t been sure she would be able to keep him alive at one point. Nagini’s poison would linger in his system for weeks, but eventually lose its sting. The cut that marred his throat was also beginning to heal. She didn’t dare think about the emotional scars Severus had carried away from this war. She waved her wand and summoned some tea. Seeing the look he gave her, she smiled. “Just tea. Lady Grey, which is your favourite, if I remember correctly; it’s not drugged.”

Severus decided to take a risk and to believe her as he did crave something warm. She poured him a cup, and although his hands still shook, his left hand definitely trembled the most, he managed to sip. The tea warmed him from the inside and he relaxed. “How’s Harry?”

“Harry’s doing fine. The Weasleys have taken him under their wings. I saw him holding hands with Ginny earlier.”

Severus nodded; he knew that their friendship had deepened into love and he was happy for them both. He didn’t have to worry about Harry – not anymore. Harry had found his place in life. “And what about Mister Longbottom?” He recognized the old mechanics which moved into place one more; he was emotionally distancing himself from the young man. 

Poppy noticed it as well. “Minerva made him eat dinner and then walked him to the dormitory. Neville was asleep before his head made contact with his pillow. He has been sleeping ever since. That young man surprised me, Severus. He rose to the occasion.”

Severus nodded as he agreed. “Without Mister Longbottom the Dark Lord might have won after all. If it hadn’t been for him drawing Godric’s Sword from the Sorting Hat and killing…her…” Thinking about Nagini brought back most unpleasant memories and speaking her name was still hard on him.

Poppy noticed that too. She couldn’t blame him for growing upset. She understood his reaction, as she was the one still treating those horrible snake bites. Those would definitely leave scares as Nagini’s fangs had deeply penetrated the flesh. “Do you feel up to eating a light meal? It is imperative that you get your strength back.”

“If that means being allowed to leave the Hospital Wing shortly, I will eat.” He wanted out of here, knowing damn well he was taking up time and space while injured students also needed her attention.

Poppy sighed; she doubted he realized it, but his emotions were all over his face. It was like he had forgotten how to hide them. “I will bring you some soup and bread. Try to keep it down, will you?” Poppy got to her feet, but looked at him again before leaving the room. She could tell he was struggling to come to terms with everything that had happened. She could only hope he would find a way to start all over again.

/// 

When Neville woke up, he found he wasn’t alone in the dormitory. Ron and Harry occupied the other beds and the two of them were talking softly, probably afraid they might wake him. Neville raised an arm, wiped the last remnants of sleep from his eyes, and sat up.

“Neville!” Harry made his way over to his friend and sat down at his foot end, followed suit by Ron, who also made himself comfortable. “You can go back to sleep. I hope we didn’t wake you.”

“No, I feel fine.” He was done sleeping. He wanted to be awake and find out what had happened in the meantime. “Anything new?”

“Not really, mate,” Ron supplied. “Everyone is working on getting rid of the mess Voldemort and his minions made. Some students are still at the Hospital Wing.”

Neville didn’t want to find out, not really, but he still asked, “How many casualties?” He knew students had died; he had seen them being carried into the Great Hall only to see them being covered with a blanket.

“Fifty-one,” Harry said, cringing as he did. He still wondered if he would have been able to save some had he faced Voldemort when the dark wizard had first shown up at the gates. He would always blame himself for not doing so in the first place. Voldemort had been right in that aspect; he had allowed his friends to die for him.

“That’s fifty-one too many,” Neville said with pain in his heart. He needed time to work through that, and for now, chose to focus on something else; giving into his sorrow would incapacitate him – he just knew that. “How’s professor Snape?”

Harry smiled at hearing Neville inquire about Severus. “Madam Pomfrey says he has been sleeping a lot. He managed to eat some soup last night, which she thinks is an improvement. She won’t let him leave the Hospital Wing though.”

Neville nodded. He understood why Snape would want out of there. “Did you hear about Kingsley marching in?”

“And you threatening him should they take Severus to Azkaban! Yes, I did.” Harry had been surprised, but not *that* surprised. He suspected that Neville had overreacted due to emotional exhaustion. That, and the fact that Severus had turned out to be one of the good guys after all. Knowing Neville the way he did, Harry figured his friend might feel guilty for misjudging Severus. “I am going to check on him in a bit. Want to tag along?”

“Yes, I do… If you don’t mind? Just let me change into clean clothes, I stink!”

///

Severus would have been bored out of his mind if it hadn’t been for the ever present pain that swept through his body. His left arm ached the most, closely followed by his throat and neck. Nagini had buried her fangs in the crook of his neck and any sudden movements made him gasp in pain. It was best to move as little as possible and give his body a chance to heal. He did want out of there as quickly as possible though. He might have the strength to disapparate, but he also knew that Poppy would come hunting for him in order to drag him back to her domain. He would rather spare himself the humiliation.

Hogwarts kept updating him. His heart had felt heavy ever since finding out how many students had died during the Dark Lord’s attack. He would make sure their names would never be forgotten – that was the least he could do as he had failed to keep them safe. Fifty-one lives had been demanded – fifty-one students would never grow up, would never marry, would never have children. Rationally he knew Voldemort was to blame for that, but he couldn’t help feeling guilty too.

“Severus?” Harry had grown used to calling him that and no longer shied away from speaking the name. 

For Neville that was different though and he didn’t step into the room until the older wizard had nodded at them, letting them know they were welcome.

“What are you doing here?” Severus frowned slightly at seeing them standing in the doorway. “I thought the Weasleys would keep you busy – Ginny especially.” Severus enjoyed the fact that he could still embarrass Harry, who promptly blushed. Looking at Neville was harder as he didn’t know how to act around him.

“I managed to escape,” Harry said smiling. “But I am sure they are already looking for me. I love them, but…” Sometimes he just wanted his freedom. “How are you doing? You look better.” Severus looked more alert and a little bit of colour had returned to his face. 

“It will take time, I am afraid, and Poppy refuses to let me out of here yet. She says I can leave once I am able to make it to the bathroom and back to my bed without help.” 

“That’s a very reasonable condition, don’t you think?” Harry still couldn’t get over the fact how mellow and approachable Severus really was. “You are a good actor, I will give you that. You fooled me completely. I really thought you hated me.”

Severus carefully shrugged. “As I said, it made things easier.” Cautiously he glanced at Neville, who just stood there and stared at him. “Mister Longbottom, I trust you are fed and rested?” He didn’t know what was going on with his student, but something in Neville’s eyes worried him. 

“I am fine,” Neville said when Snape’s voice pulled him from his thoughts. Everything he had been through was finally hitting him.

“Harry, would you mind giving me a moment alone with your friend?” Severus suspected Neville was having a hard time dealing with what had happened and maybe he could talk the young man through it. He also thought Neville would confide in him more easily if it was just the two of them.

Harry nodded as some of Severus’ worries seeped down their link. “I promised to spend time with Ginny anyway, but I will be back.”

Severus nodded, but kept his attention trained on Neville. After Harry had exited the room, Severus raised an arm – rather shakily, damn it, and gestured for Neville to sit down. He had the feeling this would take some time. “Sit down before you keel over, Mister Longbottom.”

Neville wondered why he was shaking himself to pieces and quickly did as he was told. 

He should call Poppy and let her deal with it. After all, this was the healer’s field of expertise and not his. Although, was that true? Neville wasn’t physically injured; it was his soul that needed mending. “The tremors will go away, Mister Longbottom. You need a little time to deal with everything that happened lately.” Muggles would say Neville was experiencing post traumatic stress disorder. Severus merely called it anxiety. 

“How do you know it will go away?” Neville composed himself, but wasn’t sure how long his calm would last.

“Because I have experienced the same thing, Mister Longbottom.” Severus was about to add more when the young man cringed. “What is it?”

“Will you please stop calling me that? My name is Neville.” Each time Snape called him Mister Longbottom he flashed back to being cursed by the man. 

“I apologize, Neville,” Severus said, regretting causing his student even more distress. Maybe emotionally distancing himself wasn’t an option this time around. The last thing Neville needed was a cold and clinical teacher. He knew what Neville needed, but actually taking that step frightened him. He had been out of touch with his feelings for a long time. “You need to be among friends, Neville. Don’t shut them out; that won’t work. Trust me; I learned that the hard way.”

Focusing on Snape, Neville asked, “Did you have anyone to turn to when you needed support?”

“When I had to curse you and your friends?” Neville flinched again, but Severus knew it was important he spoke the words. He had never thought he would ever tell a living soul, but since Neville had asked… “You have been in the Headmaster’s office, haven’t you?”

“Yes, in order to use the pensieve, which holds… your… memories.” Neville cringed at having to remind Snape of that.

Severus raised a hand and dismissed the young man’s worries. “Did you notice the large number of paintings in the Headmaster’s office?”

“I did – vaguely.” He hadn’t paid much attention to them. Most of them had been empty any way.

“Former Heads of Hogwarts are honour bound to advice Hogwarts’ current Headmaster. I was never alone in that office. At times, some of them would drive me mad, Phineas especially, but they presented me with company. I am not sure I could have acted my part without them supporting me and reminding me that everything served a greater purpose. Cursing you and the other students was…” Severus briefly closed his eyes and prayed for strength, “was one of the hardest things I ever did.”

Neville believed him – he saw the truth in Snape’s eyes when the other man opened them again. “You said it was one of the hardest things you ever did,” he whispered, wondering if he was crossing a line when he spoke again. “How about dying?”

Severus drew in a shallow breath, not daring to breathe too deeply yet. “That was one of the easiest things I ever did, Neville.”

Neville nodded in understanding. “Because you wanted to die.”

“I made many mistakes in my life, Neville, and I always knew there was a price to pay. I welcomed death that night. If it hadn’t been for Harry and his friends…” He failed to end that sentence. “Truth be told, I wish they hadn’t brought me back to life.” He shouldn’t burden Neville with this, but he needed to get this off his chest too.

Neville thought he had misheard. Had Snape really confirmed that he had wanted to die? “But wouldn’t you prefer to live? How can anyone choose death over life?”

“You are still young, Neville.” But even in spite of his tender age, Neville had suffered much, he reminded himself. Bah, he needed out of the Hospital Wing. These surroundings started to affect him. He raised his arm and said, “Give me your hand.” He wasn’t sure Neville trusted him enough to comply and so he waited, ready for rejection should Neville choose to retreat.

Neville was curious and that urged him to give in. Snape’s fingers were cold when they wrapped around his hand, but then his surroundings vanished. A moment later, they apparated and Neville wondered where Snape had taken them. Awed, he looked about. “Your office!” He had only been here once before and back then, he hadn’t really had the time to take it all in. The portraits now contained most of the former Heads. Only one or two paintings were still empty. Neville looked about – truly looked – and promptly fell in love with the place. He gasped at seeing the large book collection and then noticed all kinds of strange objects. 

Severus knew he shouldn’t have done that. He was still too weak to apparate and to take Neville along with him. He slowly moved over to the desk and sat down, only then realizing the pensieve floated to his right. He should restore his memory before Albus told other people to watch his memories as well. “You wanted to know about the portraits,” Severus said once he had caught his breath. 

Neville looked up and stared at Dumbledore, who smiled back at him. He also recognized Everard higher up on the wall. And he knew that one as well; it was Phineas Nigellus Black. They all watched him closely.

“Hello, Neville. That’s quite a surprise!” Albus started and smiled at seeing his student’s wonder. “You possess the heart of a true Gryffindor, my boy, otherwise you wouldn’t have been able to draw that sword out of the Sorting Hat. Both items have a will of their own as you may realize.”

“Good evening, professor Dumbledore,” Neville said, still feeling awed that he was allowed in the office. In a way, this was rather absurd, considering Dumbledore was dead!

“Good thing you killed that snake, Longbottom! I do hate snakes!” Ambrose commented. 

Neville blushed slightly at being praised. “I am glad I could be of assistance.”

“Snakes are vile,” Newton agreed, “Though, personally I think spiders are worse.”

Walter Aragon nodded from inside his painting. “I detest spiders as well, but we are talking about Nagini here – a monster of a snake.”

“Please control yourselves… You are giving me a headache.” Severus suddenly longed for the quiet of the Hospital Wing. Neville however chuckled and that sound caught Severus’ attention. “Do you think this is funny? Just wait until they start bickering!”

Neville however heard the chuckle to Snape’s voice. “I understand what you tried to tell me earlier.” And he felt grateful that Snape had had their support.

“Speaking of bickering,” Severus said, addressing Everard as he was one of the most reasonable former Heads. “Maybe you can come up with a new Head for Hogwarts, preferably one the board of governors will approve of.”

At that, Neville stared at him in surprise. “What?”

“I can’t stay on as Headmaster, surely you understand that? My name taints Hogwarts’ history and it should be removed as quickly as possible.” Severus had no intention of staying at Hogwarts. Students and staff alike would always remember his reign of terror. He summoned a pot of tea, as he needed to drink something hot. He was starting to feel cold now that he was out of bed. Maybe he should don warmer robes, but he couldn’t be bothered. He started pouring himself a cup, but found his hands shook too badly. He put down the pot and waited for the tremors to go away again. He knew better than to think the tremors would disappear completely. He had suffered too much damage throughout the years, and Neville cursing him immediately after he had returned from the dead hadn’t helped either. The tremors would always remind him of what he had done – of how much pain he had caused his students.

Neville made his way over to the desk and poured Snape his tea. “Here you are, professor.”

Severus wrapped his fingers around the cup and sipped. He no longer felt deserving of that title. “My name is Severus, Neville.”

Neville bit onto his bottom lip and then nodded. He had asked Snape, no Severus, to stop calling him Mister Longbottom. He could do the same for the older wizard. “I think resigning would be a mistake.”

Severus was about to object when the portraits started talking again.

“I agree with the Gryffindor,” Everard said. “Hogwarts accepted you as its Headmaster for a reason. Do you really think it would have done so had you been unworthy?”

“You did what you had to do in order to bring down Tom Riddle,” Dilys commented. “Acting your part was hard and demanded sacrifices. We know that.”

“You know it,” Severus said, growing fed up with them. “But how do I explain that to the students I cursed? There is no other way. I don’t want to be Headmaster, Dilys. Just sitting here brings back memories.” And it brought back pain – mostly the pain he had sensed when the Carrows had cursed his students. 

Neville wasn’t sure it was his place to offer advice and was hesitant to get involved.

“Speak up, my boy, speak up!” Albus said in an effort to encourage Neville.

“Did you tamper with just my memories? Or did you falsify the memories of other students too in order to make Voldemort believe you were cursing them that badly?” It was something he had wondered about since finding out that his memories had been altered. He could easily name ten more students who hated Severus with a vengeance because he had cursed them.

“I might have been forced to do that to other students too,” Severus admitted quietly. “I still cursed them though. It was expected of me. Had I not done so, the Dark Lord would have removed me from Hogwarts and then the Carrows would have taken charge!”

Neville came to a halt in front of the desk and waited until Severus looked at him. “You need to restore their memories, sir.”

“Do you really think they will allow me into their mind again? If you do, you are a fool!” Severus tensed when Hogwarts told him that Poppy was on her way to see him. She had noticed he was missing then!

“Then ask someone else to do it. Aberforth, Tonks, Remus, Kingsley, Mister Weasley…” A number of people could do it. ”Just give me the names of the students living with false memories.”

He owed it to his students to make sure their memories were restored, Severus knew that. Parchment appeared and a quill wrote down the names as he thought of them. Neville caught the parchment and looked at the names. Most of them belonged to his best friends. 

“I picked the strongest students on purpose. I knew which could deal with being under the Cruciatus curse… I never kept them under it for more than a minute, even though if you ask them, they will say I went at it for at least an hour. Ask Aberforth to restore their memories. Out of the ones you mentioned he is the best choice.”

Poppy stood for the Gargoyle and called out the password, but was dismayed to find it no longer worked. She should have known he would try something like that. “Severus!” 

Her voice travelled down the staircase and made Severus flinch momentarily. 

“Is that Madam Pomfrey?” Neville wasn’t sure he had heard correctly.

“She wants me to return to my bed.” Which was probably the best thing as he was growing increasingly colder and more tired as well. “I changed the password though.”

Neville wasn’t surprised; he was beginning to understand the way Severus’ mind worked. “You should let her in.”

“In a moment,” Severus knew he would lose that fight at any rate. Summoning the pensieve closer to him, he used his wand to transfer his memories back into his mind. The moment they settled back in, feelings of sorrow and remorse swept through him, once more reliving the way he had betrayed Lily and James. 

Neville grew nervous upon seeing tears flow down Severus’ face. He had viewed those memories as well and knew what they were about. This had to be hard on Severus. “Is there anything I can do to help?” he offered. When Severus’ swimming eyes fastened on him, he wished he could comfort the other man. 

“No, Neville, you can’t. It’s something I have to live with.” He wiped at his eyes, rather embarrassed that he was crying in front of his student and tried to compose himself.

“Severus! Severus Snape!”

He had forgotten about Poppy, damn it. He issued the command and the statue moved aside, allowing the healer to enter. He briefly considered disapparating, but quickly dismissed the idea as he was still too weak for that. 

“Severus!” Poppy rushed over to him and cast a quick spell in order to assess the amount of damage which had been done. She was relieved to find it only minor. Severus was tired, but that was to be expected. “I told you not to leave your bed!”

“I am sorry, Poppy,” Severus admitted. “But it was slowly driving me insane.” Although he dreaded going back to his sick room, he knew he needed supervision. Poppy had every right to be angry with him and to demand he returned.

Poppy however realized that being confined to that room might be the thing to setback her patient’s recovery. As she looked about, she noticed the rather comfortable bedroom to her right. This office came with all kind of extras, she guessed and maybe… “I will allow you to stay here, Severus, but there will be conditions!”

Severus looked at her in surprise. Had she really said he didn’t have to return to the Hospital Wing? Could he really be so lucky? “What conditions?”

“I will check on you in the morning and evening. Furthermore I won’t allow you to stay here by yourself. If you can find someone to keep an eye on you, I will allow you to stay here.”

“I will help,” Neville said at once. “And I am sure Harry, Ron, Hermione, and others will want to help as well.” The rest of the Weasleys would want in too.

“I might prefer the solitude of my sick room after all.” That had not been what he’d had in mind. He just wanted to be on his own. 

“You do need to make up your mind, Snape!” Vindictus Veridian sneered.

“See, Poppy? I am not alone. They keep watching me.” Would that work with the healer? 

“Forget about it, Severus. I want a living person in here!”

Severus flinched and he hoped the portraits wouldn’t start harassing her. Some former Heads had never quite accepted being dead. Thankfully they stayed quiet.

“I will set up a schedule. If I find enough people willing to look after you, you can stay here. Neville, will you keep an eye on him in the meantime?”

“Gladly.” Neville was grateful he was getting another chance to talk to Severus.

///

Aberforth looked at the list which Poppy had handed him. Neville had asked her to deliver it to the wizard and after doing so, the healer had left. 

“What’s that?” George tried to sneak a look, but Aberforth was shielding the content, probably just to annoy him. 

Aberforth sighed and then shook his head. There were fourteen names on there; which meant he had several days of work ahead of him. “Apparently Severus felt it necessary to tamper with students’ memories. I have the feeling Voldemort regularly checked on them to see if Severus was really cursing them. Severus changed their memories in such a way that the students think they have been cursed for hours. He asks me to undo those manipulations.”

“He did that?” George whistled. “He must have really been scared that Voldemort found out about him.”

Aberforth however disagreed. “You might not believe this, but he did this in the students’ best interest. As long as they believed Severus was the monster they thought him to be, they were safe. Severus could continue manipulating Voldemort and protect them at the same time. Had Severus been found out, the students on this list would be dead now.”

“It really was a dangerous game he played, wasn’t it?” Fred asked as he joined them. 

“Very dangerous,” Aberforth confirmed. “All our lives were at danger at one time or the other, but Severus constantly ran the risk of being found out.” He got to his feet and drew in a deep breath. He had better get started. Seamus Finnigan was the first name on a long list.

///

Neville had sat down on a comfortable chair and was now busy listening to the portraits who were trying to make Severus see things their way. He wasn’t sure it was working though. Poppy will have a fit, should she ever learn Severus isn’t resting as instructed. 

“Snape, it won’t work,” Phineas said, being in a particularly foul mood since Severus refused to agree with him. “Even if you resign, and the board of governors accepts, you still need to convince Hogwarts to let you go and to accept the new Head.”

Everard also got involved and added, “I seldom agree with Black, you know that, but he is right. Hogwarts is extremely fond of you! It won’t let you resign!”

“Just remember the times you tried to lock Hogwarts out,” Albus stated. “It wouldn’t let you.”

Severus massaged his temples; their constant pestering was giving him a headache.”You can’t tell me that Hogwarts won’t accept Minerva as Headmistress!” he called out, growing desperate.

“Hogwarts would accept her if you were dead! But you are not and Hogwarts made it rather clear that it wants you as Head and not her!” Ambrose shook his head. “Severus, don’t you dare kill yourself just in order to make that happen!” He had gotten to know Severus very well during this last year and knew he had to say the words.

At hearing that, Neville jumped to his feet in alarm. “Is he right? Would you do that? Kill yourself?”

Severus closed his eyes; his headache continued to grow worse. “It won’t work – I tried it… Even my wand wouldn’t obey my commands!”

Neville felt shocked. “You tried to kill yourself?”

Severus groaned. “I need to lie down… My head is killing me.” He should go back to his sick room instead of staying in his office. Things were quiet at the Hospital Wing!

“Let me help – please!” Neville rushed over to Severus’ side when the older man swayed dangerously. 

Although he loathed needing support, Severus knew he had to accept it, or else he wouldn’t make it to the bedroom. So he nodded and grabbed Neville’s shoulder for support.

Neville lowered the other wizard onto the bed and then wondered what to do. In the end, he simply unbuttoned Severus’ coat and slid it down his shoulders. He left the shirt and pants in place, but did remove the shoes. Severus lay down, turned onto his side, and closed his eyes, uncaring if Neville saw his exhaustion. 

Neville then proceeded to cover him with blankets and stood back, making sure Severus was comfortable. 

“It’s Prince…”

Neville moved closer so he could hear what Severus was saying. “What did you say?”

“The new password to the office… It’s Prince.” He reckoned Neville needed to know in order to let Poppy in or whoever turned up to relieve Neville from his duties.

“Why prince?” Neville wondered about the relevance of the word. Severus must have chosen it for a reason.

“My mother’s name… Eileen Prince…” Fatigue got the better of him and he fell asleep.

“Prince?” Neville frowned. He had heard of them – they were a pureblood family held in high esteem. He had just never known Severus was related to them.

///

Severus woke to soft murmurs. He didn’t know how long he had slept, but he felt fairly rested and so he elbowed himself into an upright position. He pushed the blankets out of the way, placed his feet on the floor, and managed to stand. He still felt a tad lightheaded, but that was to be expected. 

Although he was still in some discomfort, the overall pain had gone. In order to make sure he wouldn’t accidentally stumble, he placed his hand against the wall and slowly made his way back into the office. 

“Severus! Are you sure you should be up?” Minerva stopped talking to Albus’ portrait and watched Severus with concern instead.

“I suffered worse,” Severus muttered and sank down onto the chair behind the desk. He looked at the tray holding breakfast and realized he had slept through most of yesterday and last night. He sipped from the tea and managed to eat a few bites of toast. Minerva stood in front of his desk and kept watching him. Why was she looking at him like that?

“I talked to Albus while you were sleeping and to the other Heads as well. They told me how hard the past year was on you.” Minerva tried to find the right words, but wasn’t sure there were any right words for what she wanted to say. “They told me about the way you suffered along with our students. They seemed afraid for your sanity on more than one occasion.”

Severus shrugged carefully. “I was following Albus’ orders. I always tried to keep that mind.”

“I regret burdening you in such a way,” Albus said. “But as I told Minerva just now, there was no other way.”

Minerva transfigured a chair and sat down. She felt nervous and sitting down might help settle her nerves. “I always thought the worst of you,” she admitted eventually. “I believed you had changed sides and served Voldemort. I never considered the possibility that this was part of Albus’ plan.” The truth was that she had never considered Albus capable of actually allowing the students to get hurt while pursuing Voldemort’s demise. And Albus had hurt Severus too. She realized that now, looking at him and seeing the haunted expression in his eyes. Being forced into cursing his students had damaged Severus.

Severus had no desire to carry on discussing the matter and changed their subject. “Minerva, have you ever considered becoming Headmistress?” He still hadn’t given up on his plan to step down. 

“I am content to be Acting Headmistress if necessary,” she stated. “But only when the situation calls for it.”

“You might need to reconsider, Minerva, for I plan to resign.” He forced down one last bite of toast and then pushed the food away from him. He couldn’t manage more than that. He returned to sipping his tea and finally made eye-contact.

“The portraits mentioned that you wanted to resign.”

“I believe it is for the best. I can’t possibly return to… the Great Hall and…” Memories came rushing back to him and showed him fleeing the Great Hall with Minerva calling him a coward. “I can’t look the students in the eye, Minerva. They know what I did.”

“And what did you do?” Albus questioned, moving to the front of the painting.

“Yes,” Minerva said and nodded. “What did you do?” Albus and she had been discussing Severus’ plans to resign, but his arrival had stopped them short.

“I terrorized the students, and you know it, Minerva!” He was growing tired of having to explain himself. The sooner he found a successor, the better.

“And what about the rest?” Minerva finally realized what direction to take their conversation in.

“The rest?” Severus blinked. “I cursed them… I allowed the Carrows to curse them!”

“Why did you allow it?” Minerva was convinced she was going to win this argument as long as she kept her wits about her.

“What do you mean? You know why I did it… I had to fool the Dark Lord into believing I was faithful to him.” Why wouldn’t she let it rest?

“And why did you have to mislead Voldemort, Severus?” Minerva started to feel victorious. There was no way out for him, no matter what way he would twist her words.

“Because I was trying to buy Harry time, of course. He was still searching for the Horcruxes and the Dark Lord had to believe I would apprehend Harry the moment he entered Hogwarts. It was obvious Harry that would come here eventually as he needed to destroy the lost diadem.”

Minerva nodded. Everything made perfect sense now that Severus was explaining it to her – even things she had wondered about. Severus had been waiting for Harry to get here – had been buying him time as much as he could. “And why did you have to buy Harry time, Severus?”

Severus sighed. “Because he needed to be in the right place at the right time!” Albus had always kept repeating that.

“I ask you again, Severus, why do you want to resign? Because you did everything within your power to protect Harry and set up Voldemort for his death?” He had made many sacrifices and somewhere down the line Severus had begun to believe he was evil too- at least, that was what Minerva suspected had happened. “Severus, you did what you had to do. Now that the truth is out everyone will understand why those things happened at Hogwarts.” She had to make him see the truth. “Hadn’t you acted your part, hadn’t you cursed our students, Harry might have run into dozens of Death Eaters and he would never have been able to destroy the Horcruxes and thus Voldemort.” She watched him closely and knew she hadn’t managed to convince him completely, but it was a start. “Severus, I refuse to become Headmistress. Hogwarts has the best Headmaster it can wish for.”

“Hear, hear…” several of the former Heads muttered upon hearing her words.

“Listen to her,” Everard said earnestly. “And stop blaming yourself for having been forced into that situation.”

“That’s easier said than done,” Severus whispered. How was he going to live with what he had done? How was he ever going to face his students? Especially the ones he had been forced to curse? Or the rest of the faculty for that matter? 

Footsteps coming from the staircase caught his attention and he looked up in order to find out who was joining them. He saw Harry first and then cringed at seeing Seamus Finnegan as well. He had hoped to avoid Seamus for a long time. Seeing him enter his office was the last thing he had wanted to see.

“Severus, remember to rest, will you? Poppy will have my hide if I don’t remind you of that.” Minerva rose from her chair, which promptly vanished. “I will be back tomorrow.” She climbed the stair case, smiled at her students and then left.

Severus wished he had donned his coat and his robes. He felt oddly vulnerable sitting there, knowing several bites showed from beneath the shirt. It was too late now – acting now would tell them he felt exposed. So he forced himself to act the part once more. 

“Go on,” Harry said and shoved Seamus closer to the desk. He knew this wasn’t easy on his friend, but he felt grateful nonetheless that Seamus wanted to do this. He suspected it would do Severus and Seamus a world of good.

Severus was about to address Seamus, going back to his old way of addressing him as Mister Finnigan, when Seamus took him by surprise.

“Aberforth fixed my memories,” Seamus started, finally speaking the words out loud which he had been rehearsing for hours now – even since finding out the truth. He found it hard to read Snape’s expression, but it closely resembled the confusion he had felt lately. “I never realized what you did,” Seamus paused and gathered his thoughts. “I always thought you cursed me for hours, but when I realized the truth, I… I am still angry at you, but at the same time, I understand why you did that. Your hand was forced too – by… Voldemort.” Even though the dark wizard was gone, he found it hard to say the name. 

Severus hated the way he had started to tremble. He grabbed the armrests and hoped none of his students noticed his anxiety. The truth was that Seamus’ words shook him to the core.

“Aberforth also restored the memories of the other students involved and we talked. Actually we talked the whole night about what happened,” Seamus explained.

Severus wasn’t sure he wanted to hear more. Why had he let the former Heads persuade him that he had to remain Headmaster for now? He should have resigned yesterday – but the truth was, this was home.

“We want you to know that we understand why you did it. We also know things could have been much worse.” Seamus wasn’t sure how to continue. Maybe he should repeat what Luna had said at the end of their meeting. “We forgive you…”

Severus stared at Seamus in disbelief. This had to be a dream. He was still asleep then.

“And we would like to invite you to dinner in the Great Hall. We are still restoring it, but except for a draft, it is suitable to have meals there. We would appreciate it if you joined us.”

Severus started to shake his head and was about to call Seamus a fool for forgiving him – it was a dream after all – when Albus beat him to it.

“Severus accepts, of course!” Albus said cheerfully. “Thank you for coming down here, Seamus!”

The look Albus then gave him made Severus doubt this was a dream after all. Albus did look and sound a lot like his manipulative self. “Mister Finnigan,” he said eventually and cringed at hearing the way his voice trembled, “I don’t intend to put the students through that experience. They are better off without me.” He would avoid the Great Hall, and the rest of the castle for that matter until he had found a successor which Hogwarts would accept. “Several of your fellow students have been traumatized and I do not wish to worsen their condition by showing myself in the Great Hall.” Seamus then stared at him in such an intense way that Severus wondered if the young man had heard him. 

“That is not acceptable, Headmaster!” 

Severus flinched at hearing Seamus call him that. “Don’t you understand, Seamus? I can’t cause the students more pain. Don’t ask that of me.”

Seamus’ expression, as well as his tone, softened. Doing this wasn’t easy on him either, but he gathered it was up to him to draw Severus from his hiding place. “As I said, staying clear of the Hall is not acceptable. You are Headmaster here, sir, and therefore your presence is required – demanded even.”

For one second Severus shivered, imaging the students trying to get into his office in order to fetch him. He stared at Harry then, suspecting the youngster had sent him that image via the link. That sneaky, little…

“Dinner will be served in twenty minutes, sir. I strongly urge you to join us.” Seamus wasn’t sure what he would do if Severus continued to hide. Maybe they would indeed fetch him.

“I can’t make any promises, Mister Finnigan.” Severus wasn’t sure he could do such a thing. He had hurt them too much in order to be forgiven and to be accepted in their midst. 

“I shall fetch you, sir, should you be late,” Seamus said, making up his mind. “And I shall bring reinforcements if necessary.”

“That one lacks respect!” Phineas commented, but he couldn’t keep a chuckle from his voice. 

“Oh, be quiet, Phineas,” Everard commented. “The boy’s right!”

“It looks like even the former Heads agree with me,” Seamus said, hardly believing his luck – the portraits were actually backing him up! “We won’t eat dinner until you are present as well, sir.” Seamus then inclined his head in goodbye and climbed the stairs to the corridor. Doing that had taken a lot out of him, but he had done the right thing – he knew that now.

///

Severus was finally alone – or as alone as he ever was inside the office. He felt their gazes upon him. They were waiting for him to make up his mind. He wondered how much longer they would be able to stay quiet.

“Damn it, Snape! Say something!”

He had known Black would be the one to snap first. Severus looked up from where he was sitting and realized he had never seen Phineas looking so agitated before.

“Get going! They are waiting for you, staff and students alike!” Black sneered. “It is too bad I am confined to this painting, otherwise I would drag you down to the Great Hall personally!”

Severus actually believed him. “I am not sure I can do this,” he admitted shakily. 

“Then get someone to support you if you are too weak to apparate, you fool!” 

“Watch your mouth,” Severus snarled right back at him. “Don’t call me a fool!”

“I will you call you that as long as you continue to act in that manner!”

Severus pushed himself to his feet and walked over to Black’s painting. He considered turning it around, but knew he would pay for that later. Black didn’t like being ignored. “That’s not what I meant… I am not sure I can face them, Phineas.”

At hearing the softer tone, Phineas calmed down. “You won’t find out until you have tried, Snape. And they want you there. You should know that. Even Hogwarts is telling you to go.”

That was true – Hogwarts had been whispering to him in his mind, pleading with him to finally take his rightful place. “Everything would have been easier if you had let me resign,” he said, addressing Hogwarts and the former Heads simultaneously. “You are making a mistake – all of you.”

“No, we are not,” Albus stated resolved. “Now get ready for dinner.”

Severus sighed and gave in. He was doomed either way.

///

Severus decided against apparating, as he didn’t wish to weaken himself unnecessarily. Dressed in his familiar white shirt, buttoned up cloak and pants, he decided against slipping into his teaching robes. They reminded him too much of the past. Slowly, still trying to stall, he made his way upstairs. When the Gargoyle moved out of the way, he was surprised to see Neville standing there.

Neville nodded at Severus. He was relieved the older wizard had chosen to join them in the Hall. When he had talked to Seamus and Harry earlier, they hadn’t been sure they had managed to convince Severus to do so. “I thought you might like some company.” He had put himself in Severus’ shoes and had quickly realized that walking to the Great Hall all by himself would have been nerve-wrecking. He would have preferred company and that was why he was there – to offer Severus his support, should the other man want that.

“Thank you, Neville.” Severus swayed and grabbed Neville’s shoulder in order to support himself. 

“That’s fine,” Neville said, upon seeing Severus’ uncertainty. “I don’t mind.”

Slowly they made their way down the corridor and toward the Great Hall. Severus had faced situations which scared him before, but he had never been this afraid. He was sure the students would reject him – demonstratively turn their backs on him. Neville surprised him when the young man briefly rested a hand on his, squeezing it for comfort. Emotions made him it hard for him to breathe and tears stung his eyes, but he fought them back. He refused to cry in front of anyone.

They had reached the entrance to the Great Hall and Neville halted. “Do you want me to stay with you? Or would you rather walk on your own?” He would respect whatever decision Severus made.

Severus didn’t want to expose Neville to the hatred which would surely be aimed at him, but he wasn’t sure he could make it on his own either. He removed his hand from Neville’s shoulder and drew in a deep breath. “I rather face Voldemort or die again,” he whispered, “Than having to do this.”

Neville then knew that he couldn’t let Severus do this on his own. He waited for the older wizard to start walking, and when he did, Neville fell into step next to him.

Neville’s action surprised Severus, but he managed to hide his relief. Walking slowly, and carefully putting one foot in front of the other, he entered the Hall. The students closest to him stopped talking and looked at him. Severus almost fled and apparated out of the Hall, but Neville’s hand suddenly came to rest on his shoulder and that made Severus continue walking. The silence was getting to him, and he wished they would start speaking again. But they remained quiet. 

He had finally reached the head table and stared at the only empty chair there. It was Albus’ chair as far as he was concerned and it would always be Albus’, nothing would ever change that.

“You can do this… Go on,” Neville whispered encouragingly and then stepped away from Severus. He prayed the other man wouldn’t falter. He wanted Severus to succeed.

Severus hesitated. That chair wasn’t his. He didn’t have the right to occupy it. After all the things he had done, after all the pain he had inflicted on his students, he simply couldn’t sit down and take charge.

Headmaster… Welcome… We have been waiting for you…

He swallowed nervously at hearing Hogwarts whisper into his mind.

Please take your place, Headmaster. The students are hungry and dinner won’t start until you have taken your place among them.

Hogwarts didn’t really fight fair, did it? 

You are Headmaster here. No one else will hold that office as long as you shall live. You earned that right, Headmaster. You belong here. You are a part of Hogwarts. This is… home.

That was the truth, yes. Hogwarts was home. Severus had always felt at home here, but to be welcomed home after everything he had done…

“Headmaster?”

He blinked as he had expected Hogwarts to continue to whisper to him, but it was Minerva who had addressed him – not Hogwarts. His hands shook when he gripped the armrest and he had to force himself to sit down. Once he was seated, a heavy burden was lifted from his shoulders. If this was the way everyone wanted it to be, he didn’t stand a chance. The murmurs started up again as the students resumed their conversations, for which Severus felt incredibly thankful. He could deal with this as long as he wasn’t the focus of everyone’s attention. 

“Severus? Dinner? If you’d please?” Minerva gave him a warm smile. She knew how hard this was on him and she could only hope that he would accept the situation in the end.

Severus nodded, summoned dinner and watched students attack the food. He looked at the Gryffindor table and watched Harry, who was still holding hands with Ginny. He didn’t seem to mind being limited to the use of one hand while eating though. His gaze drifted to Ron and Hermione, who were actually smiling smugly at him— the brats!

Slowly, Severus started to feel more at ease and when he located Arthur, Molly, Fred and George as well, he relaxed. He had friends here. Allowing his gaze to drift down the long table, he encountered Neville as well. The young man was grinning at Luna and it didn’t take much to realize those two were in love as well. Severus had to admit they completed each other in an odd way. Luna smiled at him and he recalled their conversation up on the Astrology Tower. He reckoned she had been on to him – even back then.

“Don’t forget to eat, Severus. You are still recovering,” Poppy whispered from one end of the table.

He nodded absentmindedly, but made no effort to start eating. He was amazed to realize that the students weren’t glaring at him in hatred. Whenever he caught someone’s gaze – by accident mostly – they smiled at him, still a tad uncertain, but it was more than he had dared to hope for.

“Do you believe me now?” Minerva asked, “Do you finally believe we want you here?”

“I am starting to believe it.” It would take time though to fully accept they wanted him to remain on as Headmaster.

///

Two weeks later

Poppy had finally given him a clean bill of health and Severus vowed to never set foot into the Hospital Wing ever again – not if he could prevent it! These last two weeks had been one big surprise to him. He had never expected the students to reach out to him, but they had started asking him questions regarding their homework, the repairs, and they had wanted to know when he would take up teaching again. He was ashamed to admit he had been speechless on more than one occasion.

Walking those corridors had been torture for him a month ago, but now he was starting to feel safe again. The fact that Harry, Neville, and Luna spent most evenings in his office had helped too. He had begun to let his guard down and little by little he had truly let them in.

He walked by the great staircase and looked up at the memorial he had created in order to remember those who had fallen during the last war. On it were the fifty-one names of the fallen students, but also the names of the members of the Order of the Phoenix who had died fighting Voldemort. 

“Sir, you have visitors!” Seamus had caught up with him. “They are on their way to your office!”

Did he dare ask who was visiting him? “Mister Finnigan, the names please.”

“Remus and Tonks, sir.” Seamus said cheerfully.

Severus frowned in thought. Why would those two come back here now that the war was over? He apparated and looked over his office. Everything was in its place and most of the portraits were asleep. He doubted it would remain that way though.

Sensing his visitors had arrived, he ordered the statue to allow them entry. He walked up to the pensieve and recalled a time when his memories had inhabited it. Lost in thought, he failed to notice his visitors’ arrival.

“Severus!” Remus was happy to see Severus back on his feet. He still looked too pale, but had already gained some weight back. He grinned, curious to see the expression in those black eyes when Severus would realize their reason for visiting.

Severus immediately looked at Remus at hearing the werewolf’s voice. He was about to welcome them to Hogwarts, when he grew lost for words. So that was why they had come here. He had all forgotten about Teddy.

“We thought the time was right for you to finally meet your godson!” Tonks said and winked at Severus. “He’s only thirteen months old, Severus, so be careful when you…” 

When he what? Severus tensed when she placed the baby into his arms. What the hell did she think she was doing? He was going to drop the infant!

“Tonks, I think we managed the impossible –we rendered Severus speechless!” Remus smiled, having a fairly good idea what Severus was feeling. He had reacted the same way when Tonks had introduced him to his son. He too had been worried he might drop the baby on his head!

Severus could only stare at the baby. “Tonks, no… Don’t do this to me.” He had accepted long ago that he would never have a family of his own. It wasn’t his destiny to be a husband or father and now they were changing that by placing a child into his arms.

Tonks shook her head. “You are doing a great job, Severus. You are supporting his head the way you should.” In a way it pained her that he had had to give up so much because of the war. She wanted him to have this – she wanted him to be a part of a family. “Can you look Teddy in the eye and maintain you don’t want to be his godfather? Can you?” She had long read the answer in his eyes though. Severus wouldn’t refuse them.

Damn her for doing this! “Tonks, you don’t understand…” But Teddy opened his eyes and they changed color at once, becoming as dark as his own. The child was truly his mother’s son. 

“I know you want this, Severus. Stop fighting it and say yes!” Like his wife, Remus was fairly sure Severus would accept Teddy as his godson.

Severus sighed deeply; he had lost the argument the moment Teddy had looked at him. Now the little rascal was trying to wrap his fingers around his thumb. He found it hard to tear his gaze away from the baby, but in the end, he did, and looked at Remus and Tonks instead. “Are you certain you want me to do this?” 

“We do,” Tonks said, answering for both of them. “Teddy will be in the best hands should anything happen to us. We know you will do anything within your power to keep him safe.”

Severus nodded rather shakily. “In that case, I accept.” Teddy had finally managed to get a tight hold on his thumb and was smiling at him. “Looks like you are stuck with me as your godfather, Teddy.”

Remus and Tonks exchanged a look at hearing the loving tone to Severus’ voice. Yes, they had made the right decision and they were glad they could do this for Severus. 

Severus had never believed he was capable of such feelings, but when he looked at the boy, he realized he did want this. “I will protect you,” he vowed. And he would keep his word – for as long as he would live.

The end


	2. One More Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Severus Snape faces new challenges now that the war is finally over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still mostly a mentoring fic...

One More Time  
Behind my eyes  
I keep my truth from you.  
No one enters  
this secret place,  
the barrier only I embrace.  
Time is fleeing now  
they say,  
Take time to look inside  
and face... the change.

Dig down deep  
to find the man I thought I was.  
A dog on a treadmill panting,  
the master pulls the leash, laughing.  
Now I can't remember why  
I needed to run, needed to try so hard.

One more time around  
is all I ask for now,  
a star to seek by, wind to  
take me home again.

"Work hard in life boy,  
there's paradise in the end."  
Year after year we struggle to gain  
the happiness our parents never claimed.  
They told us all we had to do  
was do what we're told, buy what was sold,  
"Invest in gold, and never get old."

One more time around  
is all I ask for now,

a star to steer by, wind to  
take me home again.  
(Queensryche)

 

“Do you believe me now?” Minerva asked in a hopeful tone, “do you believe we want you here?”

“I am starting to believe it.” It would take time though to fully accept they wanted him to remain as Headmaster. He still felt like he didn’t deserve a place in their midst. They shouldn’t give him a second chance – not after everything he had done. Poppy gave him an admonishing look and Severus forced himself to eat a little. He wasn’t hungry though; his stomach was still acting up due to his nervousness. 

“Severus, Mister Longbottom and Mister Potter asked if you would mind them paying you a visit after dinner.” Minerva cast him an inquisitive look. She hoped he would accept.

Severus wasn’t sure what to make of their readiness to accept him back in their lives. Where Harry was considered, Severus suspected it was due to the link they shared. Harry wanted to stay in touch, but he had no idea why Neville continued to seek him out. He was grateful though; they were making an effort to help him fit back in. “They are always welcome, Minerva.”

His answer pleased her and Minerva nodded. “I would like to call on you in the morning myself as we have to go over several rosters. I also need to know if you will be going back to teaching. If you are not, we will need a substitute.”

Severus nodded; he felt safer now that their conversation was moving away from emotional issues. He returned to studying the students, and his heart missed a beat each time he encountered an empty seat. He should have kept his students safe, but he had failed and he knew it.

One by one, the students finished dinner and retired for the night. So did most of his teaching staff. Only Minerva and strangely enough Hagrid remained at the head table eventually. Out of the students, Neville, Ron, and Harry remained behind. They watched him closely and he narrowed his eyes – had they planned this? 

Harry got up from his chair and walked over to the main table. He smiled as Severus’ thoughts appeared down the link. “No, we didn’t plan it – not really.” Maybe the rest had realized they might like some privacy before retiring. “You look tired though.” He tended to forget that Severus was still recovering from that dreadful attack. “Would you like me to walk you to your rooms?” 

Severus was about to reply when Neville rushed forward and gave him a pleading look. Again, the young man surprised him. “Thanks, Harry, but I would like another word with Neville, if you don’t mind.” He hoped Harry wouldn’t feel rejected.

Harry didn’t, as the link continued to provide him with information and it told him that Severus wanted to indulge Neville, because he thought his friend needed the attention. Harry understood; he had Hermione and the whole Weasley clan to support him. Neville was still getting to know Luna, and although the two of them got along great, he wasn’t sure Luna returned Neville’s feelings, so that left Neville rather isolated. “I don’t mind.”

Severus nodded and felt grateful that the link proved useful once more. “We will talk tomorrow, yes?”

“If the Weasleys will let me out of sight that long.” Harry grinned. “Good night,” he said and hoped Severus had a peaceful night, free of nightmares. He knew Severus had them because the link had shown him. 

“Thank you, Harry.” Severus got to his feet, but did so slowly. He still felt a bit dizzy and all he wanted was to lie down and rest. 

“Ai can help too!” Hagrid offered eagerly.

“Thanks,” Severus said and smiled at the half-giant. “But Mister Longbottom is quite capable of escorting me to my office.” He was about to walk toward the doorway when his steps faltered. Harry, Hagrid, and Neville moved forward simultaneously, but as Neville was closest, Severus reached toward the young man for support and rested a hand on Neville’s shoulder.

Severus sensed their gazes on him when he made his way into the corridor. He stared at the floor, placed one foot in front of the other, and prayed he would make it back into his office without falling face first onto the floor. He was wobbly – wobblier than expected. Neville startled him when the younger man suddenly wrapped his arm around him in order to get a better grip. He suppressed the urge to hiss and pull away, since that would ensure he stumbled and so he forced himself to accept the support.

Neville felt the older wizard tense and almost pulled away, but realized it would rob Severus of his support if he did that. So he gritted his teeth and tried not to feel rejected. “Prince,” he said once they reached the Gargoyle and it instantly moved out of the way. Instead of the staircase a lift appeared and safely deposited them to the office. “Ingenious…” Neville commented upon realizing the way Hogwarts took care of its Headmaster. “Living room or bed?” he asked, wanting the older man to have a choice.

“Fireplace,” Severus said at once. It was his favourite spot after all. 

Neville walked Severus over to the comfortable chair next to the blazing fireplace and lowered him onto it. He watched the older man closely and noticed the distinct lines of discomfort etched onto Severus’ brow. “I will get Poppy,” he announced, alarmed at seeing the pained expression. Maybe they shouldn’t have forced Severus to join them in the Hall just yet. It was obvious he had over exhausted himself. Severus however raised an arm – and Neville noticed the distinct tremors moving through it.

“That’s not necessary.” Severus didn’t want her to harass him again. “She knows it take time for me to recover.” He was doing better than he had thought he would, all things considered. If only the bloody tremors would stop, but there was little chance of that, and truth be told, they were absent most of the time. It was only at times like these, when he had exhausted himself that they grew more prominent.

Neville pulled another chair close and sat down. During the last few days he had realized that there was something Severus wasn’t telling him and he wanted to know what it was. He was fairly certain it concerned him, but Neville had no idea what it was. Severus Snape was once more keeping secrets. “Why won’t the tremors go away?” 

Severus closed his eyes and pressed against the comfort of the chair. He failed to suppress the shivers that ran through him – he felt cold. Even the fire wasn’t helping. 

Neville noticed it and collected a quilt from a nearby sofa. He covered Severus with it, and didn’t know what to make of the look the older man gave him. 

Severus felt guilty; instead of looking after him, Neville should be spending time with Luna. “You don’t have to stay. You should be with Miss Lovegood instead.”

“I see Luna all day in class tomorrow.” Professor McGonagall had announced their return to a normal schedule and tomorrow they would have Transfiguration and Charms. Neville hadn’t been sure that going back to classes was a good idea considering the things they had been through, but most students had been eager to get started. Neville reckoned it was because it would take their minds off the casualties they had suffered. “Will you answer my question? Please?” he added, hoping it would sway Severus to be honest with him.

Severus had no intention of being honest with Neville. He wasn’t going to tell the young man that Neville had worsened his condition by casting the Cruciatus curse that day in the Great Hall. If he hadn’t been so damn weak, he would have endured the Cruciatus curse with no lasting effects. “That’s nothing to concern you with.” He would check his former quarters later and see what was still left of his private stock. He had one or two potions in mind which might suppress the tremors. 

Neville heard the unspoken warning in there. Severus wasn’t ready to discuss that yet. So Neville decided on a different tactic. “Will you take up teaching again once you feel stronger?”

Severus blinked in surprise. “I haven’t thought about it yet.” He had never expected anyone wanting to be taught by him anymore. His name would always be tainted, even though the truth was slowly spreading throughout the wizarding world.

“I talked to professor Slughorn last night, and he was quite eager to leave Hogwarts. He said he would stay until the end of the year though – if necessary.” 

Severus eyed Neville warily. Why did the young man think it necessary for him to know that fact? “I will talk to him tomorrow – and the other faculty members too.”

“I was thinking, maybe you could teach Potions again? Professor Slughorn is a good teacher, but…”

But what? Severus’ narrowed his eyes and tried to read the expression on Neville’s face. He could have taken the answer from Neville’s mind, but he would never trespass like that again. 

“But I believe you taught Potions better. With Slughorn we always feel…like…” How was he going to explain it? “Like we are not good enough for him.”

Severus shook his head – carefully though, as scars tugged at the skin. “Are you saying I made you feel better then?” He couldn’t believe that – wouldn’t believe it.

“No, not like that. But you never tried to ‘collect’ any of us.”

Ah, now he understood. He had bullied Neville – like he had bullied Harry in order to make sure no one noticed he cared – but Neville minded the bullying less than Horace’s favouritism. Such honesty demanded he answered truthfully in turn. “I am not sure I can go back to teaching Potions.”

“Why is that? You do know that we, the students, understand what happened here and that we know why you did those things?” 

Severus sighed. He had never counted on them to understand and even more surprisingly, forgive him. “Neville…” he said and extended his hand towards the younger man. “How do you think I can teach a subject like Potions when my left hand won’t stop shaking?”

Neville actually felt a tad embarrassed as he hadn’t taken that into account. He stared at the outstretched limb and knew Severus had raised a valid point. “Defence against the Dark Arts then?” he said, not giving up yet.

Severus slowly shook his head. “Neville, you beheaded…Nagini…” he swallowed hard, momentarily flashing back to the attack he had suffered in the Shack. “Harry defeated Voldemort… Most of your classmates dealt with Death Eaters, trolls, and other vermin. What more do you think I can teach you?” He could take on the first years though – if he continued to recover and suffered no setbacks.

Neville took his time to come up with an answer. “We acted on instinct. None of us actually knew what we were doing. We survived, but barely. We would have been able to defend ourselves properly if someone had taught us.”

Severus appreciated Neville’s effort to reassure him, but he knew there wasn’t much left he could teach them.

“You look tired, if you don’t mind me saying so,” Neville whispered. “Maybe we should let this matter rest and have tea instead? Maybe play Wizard chess?” Ron had told him that Severus liked to play.

“I would like some tea, yes, but I doubt I can focus on the game. We can try though.” He wasn’t sure how much longer he could stay awake. He felt so damned tired… so damned cold… If only Nagini’s venom would stop weakening him, but Poppy had told him it would probably take two more weeks for the poison to disappear from his blood.

“Tea then.” Neville summoned a pot of Rooibos tea, along with two cups and sliced lemon. He poured their tea and handed Severus a cup. Neville noticed that Severus used his right hand to take hold of it, while resting his still trembling left hand in his lap. He doubted Madam Pomfrey would tell him why the tremors remained, but he could always try. He refrained from questioning the older man further, realizing how tired Severus was. 

///

Two hours later, his shift ended and Neville waited for Fred to arrive so the redhead could keep an eye on Severus for the next four hours. The roster Madam Pomfrey had made worked perfectly and allowed everyone who wanted to be in, to help out.

Severus had retired for the night after drinking his tea. He hadn’t wanted any help and Neville had cringed upon seeing Severus stumble into the bedroom. He understood that accepting help was hard on the older wizard, but Severus needed the help, damn it!

“Hey, you need to get some sleep, mate. You are sleeping with your eyes wide open!”

Neville looked up from the tea that he had been swirling about in his cup, and found not one, but two Weasleys staring at him. “Mister Weasley,” he said and smiled at the older man. He hadn’t expected Arthur Weasley to accompany Fred, but then again, he knew Arthur felt immensely grateful to Severus for saving Fred. “He’s in the bedroom. He was awfully weary. I reckon the trip to the Great Hall really tired him.”

“We will look after him. Get some sleep, Neville,” Arthur said. “Go on then,” he repeated when Neville stayed put.

Neville forced himself onto his feet and made his way out of the office. Truth be told, he would have preferred to stay with Severus.

///

Severus woke sometime during the night because someone was talking in the room next to him. As he was too tired to leave the bed, he asked Hogwarts to supply him with the information. Being Headmaster did have its advantages.

Fred Weasley and his father Arthur are close, Headmaster. Apparently they are here to make sure you are resting. 

Severus thanked Hogwarts for the update and closed his eyes again, knowing Fred and Arthur were the last people he needed to worry about.

///

“Professor? Sir? Headmaster?”

Severus blinked, still trying to wake up At first, he thought it was Fred hovering above him, but then realized it was a different Weasley. What was Ron doing here?

“I am sorry to wake you, but Madam Pomfrey will hex me if I don’t make sure you eat breakfast. And professor McGonagall asked me to remind you that she will be visiting in thirty minutes.”

Ah, yes, Minerva had mentioned something like that last night. “I am awake,” he said, trying to reassure Ron that he was fine. “Just give me a moment.” His body always felt stiff and unyielding first thing in the morning. He moved his fingers first, then his hands, and in the end, he managed to elbow himself in an upright position.

“Professor, are you all right? Or would you like me to fetch Madam Pomfrey?”

Severus raised his gaze and realized that Hermione stood next to Ron. Both were giving him worried looks. “Old age,” he said, trying to make light of the situation. He hoped he could fool them and that they didn’t realize just how weak he still was. “Go to the Great Hall and have breakfast yourselves,” he ordered, as he wanted them out of his rooms. He could take care of himself, albeit slowly.

“Are you sure?” Ron wasn’t convinced they should leave. He didn’t like the way Snape was moving – too slowly and way too awkwardly. 

“I am fine!” Severus snapped and instantly regretted sneering like that.

Ron didn’t take it personally though. He would also hate being dependent had he been in Snape’s position. 

“Shall we see you in the Great Hall then?” Hermione hoped he would join them, for then they could make sure he ate. Madam Pomfrey had told them the other day that she worried he wasn’t eating enough.

“I will be there.” Severus felt relieved when they finally left the bedroom. He continued to sit there for another minute, giving his muscles a chance to relax. As he did, his muscles loosened up and he was able to move more easily. Had it been up to him, he would have skipped breakfast in the Great Hall, but he had the uncanny feeling Poppy would find out and then lecture him. It was probably best to comply and get it over with.

///

Minerva decided against checking on Severus in the office just yet. Hermione had assured her that Severus would be having breakfast in the Great Hall and she judged it best to wait a little longer. She understood only too well that his injuries continued to hamper him and that he might need extra time to actually make it to the Great Hall.

Most of the students were already gone by the time he entered the Hall. He still moved slowly, and very cautiously, but she knew it was an improvement from the way he had been two weeks ago. He had been barely able to leave the bed back then.

He felt her eyes upon him, but fought the urge to stare her down. He no longer needed to push her away. He could let her in – if he chose to do so. He sat down, careful to avoid putting pressure on any still mending injuries.

“Good morning, Severus. I trust you slept well?” She smiled at the way he looked at her. “Yes, Ron Weasley told me that he had to wake you so you would make it to breakfast in time.” She had felt relieved at hearing that; Severus probably didn’t know it, but his keepers had had to rouse him from nightmares during the last week. Thankfully Severus had never woken fully and had gone straight back to sleep. 

“I did, Minerva.” Severus didn’t trust that smile at all. She knew something he didn’t and she was keeping it from him. Instead of embarrassing himself by trying to pour tea – both his hands trembled this morning – he used a spell to fill up the cup.

Minerva didn’t comment on it, knowing perfectly well why he had resorted to that. “Most classes are starting up again. I will teach two classes today myself.” She startled upon seeing his expression; why did he look so embarrassed?

“I can’t teach…”

Minerva chided herself for the way she had broached that subject. She could have known Severus would take it personally. “No one expects you to teach just yet, Severus.” She hadn’t considered he might feel guilty for being unable to pull his weight. “You are still recovering.” And then she played her trump. “You are Headmaster, Severus. You don’t actually need to teach a class.”

Severus wrapped his fingers around the cup and waited for the warmth to chase away the tremors. Warmth worked best, he had long realized that. “I love teaching,” he admitted. 

Minerva smiled. “I always suspected as much, even though you seemed to like bullying your students even more.” She had meant it as a joke, but cringed at seeing the hurt expression in his eyes. A moment later, it was gone and he was hiding his feelings once more. “I am sorry, Severus. I didn’t mean it like that.” Albus had explained it to her; had told her why Severus had always picked on Harry and Neville. She should have remembered that. 

“Did Horace agree to continue teaching Potions until the end of the school year?” He didn’t doubt Minerva had already made inquiries – especially since Neville had done the same thing.

“Yes, he did.” Minerva looked at his hands and knew Severus would have returned to teaching Potions, had he been able to do so. But Potions was a dangerous subject and Severus would never endanger his students. 

“That means we still have to find a new Defence against the Dark Arts teacher.”

Minerva studied him more extensively. “You don’t wish to teach that class yourself?”

“Look at me, Minerva! Do I strike you as *able* to teach any subject matter?” He hadn’t wanted to sound harsh, but she was getting on his nerves.

“Not right now,” she admitted. “But in time?”

Severus shook his head. “They deserve someone better than me.”

Minerva actually felt shocked to hear him say it. She understood what he was going through, but to actually hear him say it out loud still pained her. Did he really think so little of himself? She hated admitting to herself that he probably did. “You are a fine teacher, Severus, and I am sure students would be honoured to be taught by you.” The look he gave her made her flinch. He really didn’t think he deserved to teach anymore. “Severus…” But she grew quiet when he averted his gaze and pointedly stared at the wall. He needs time, she reminded herself. Severus needed time to work through everything that had happened, and thankfully, he had lots of people eager to support him.

“I know you already considered the matter,” Severus said, trying to pull his old mask into place again. He needed to hide as he didn’t want her to see his pain. “Whom did you think of?”

Minerva wanted to comfort him, but knew he wouldn’t allow it; not in his current state of mind. So she forced herself to reply in the same formal manner. “I did. I thought of Remus Lupin. He taught that class before and makes a good substitute.” She wasn’t giving up yet; she was determined to find a way to convince him to return to teaching.

Severus didn’t like her suggestion, but knew Remus was their best option. “I shall contact him.”

“You don’t seem very supportive of my idea,” she said after considering which word to use. She didn’t want to offend him.

“Remus is a father, Minerva. I don’t want to separate him from his family.”

Minerva reminded herself once more that she had never really known the man sitting next to her. She had never expected him to worry about that. “We have guest quarters at Hogwarts, Severus. Tonks and her son can stay there. That’s for you to decide. You are Headmaster, Severus.”

He hadn’t thought about that. He had thought about providing accommodation for them at Hogsmeade, but Minerva’s suggestion made more sense. The three of them could live at Hogwarts. “Do you think Remus will agree to return to Hogwarts?” He wasn’t sure of that.

“We won’t know until you ask him, Severus.” Minerva waited for him to make up his mind. “Contact him and find out. You are Headmaster of Hogwarts, Severus.”

Severus sighed. Why hadn’t he resigned when he could have gotten away with it? Although, truth be told, he was fairly certain Hogwarts would have rejected a successor. That fact would have forced him to stay at any rate. “I will send him an owl.” 

Minerva arched an eyebrow. She had expected him to contact Remus in a more direct way, and wondered why he felt tentative about talking to Remus. Then again, she didn’t know what exactly had happened between Severus, Remus and Tonks after the battle had ended. She did remember Severus looking rather shocked after Tonks had last talked to him. “You seem hesitant to proceed.” 

Severus had known she would try to find out why he was avoiding Remus. “It’s nothing personal, Minerva. Remus and I reached a truce.”

“What is the problem then?” She really wanted to know and shifted on her chair, moving closer so she could study him extensively. 

Severus wasn’t sure he should confide in her, but he did want to talk about it. “Tonks asked me to become Teddy’s godfather. Which is ludicrous of course!”

Minerva thought it over before answering him. Her first reaction had been to tell him to stop thinking so little of himself, but she knew she couldn’t do that. She had to detour. “And why do you think it is ludicrous?”

“Minerva, they should ask Harry instead. I don’t know anything about babies!” But that was a lie, wasn’t it?

“Severus?” Minerva noticed the sudden distant look in his dark eyes.

“I… picked up Harry after… Lily died… He was crying and… I…” He still remembered the way the baby had clung to him. “He stopped crying and went to sleep in my arms.”

Minerva reached out to him and rested her hand on his arm, which he thankfully allowed. “I never knew that.”

“I handed him to Hagrid later that night.” He hadn’t wanted to give the baby up, but had known he couldn’t possibly be his guardian. “He was so tiny, Minerva, and he had just lost his parents.”

Minerva recognized the pain in his black eyes and wished she could offer him more comfort, so she squeezed his arm again. “I believe you will make a loving godfather, if you give this a chance.” She hoped he would accept. He needed a family more than anything. His parents had never taken care of him – she remembered that. Although she hadn’t been Head of his House, she had noticed the signs of neglect and abuse on him at the beginning of each school year. Horace, who had been Head of Slytherin at that time, had never bothered to look into the matter. She still blamed her fellow professor for that. 

Severus shook his head though. “Teddy will be better of with Harry as his godfather.” He didn’t dare allow himself to grow attached to another child.

“I don’t believe that, Severus, but you need to realize that for yourself.” She squeezed his arm one last time and then pulled away. “Don’t put off contacting Remus. The students need a Defence against the Dark Arts teacher, Headmaster.”

He nodded in an absentminded way. She was right of course; he just prayed Remus wouldn’t bring up Teddy again.

///

Severus came to a halt in front of the great staircase and looked at the memorial he’d had Hogwarts erect for the fallen students and members of the Order of the Phoenix. All names were on it, along with memorabilia parents and other relatives had sent to Hogwarts. It pained him that he could do so little in order to honour their memory.

“Sir?” Neville felt hesitant to address the older wizard informally now that they were in public. “Professor Snape?” he tried again, knowing that Severus still disliked being addressed as Headmaster. The lost expression in those dark eyes worried him. 

“Too little… too late,” Severus whispered. If only he had known a way to prevent such loss of life!

“Voldemort killed them. You didn’t,” Neville stated firmly. “You didn’t kill them.”

It was Neville’s voice and not the words that pulled Severus from his misery. He sighed and bowed his head in order to show his respect for the ones who had died in that terrible battle. “I was Headmaster when it happened, Neville, and I failed them.”

The expression in Neville’s eyes hardened. “You, sir, did your best to save as many as you could. You died in that Shack trying to buy Harry time. Nagini killed you! You paid a terrible price. You never were to blame for those deaths – and you never will be. Voldemort attacked Hogwarts. He sent in Death Eaters and Trolls. They cast the Killing curse on students – not you.”

Severus startled upon hearing the conviction in Neville’s voice. The young man truly believed he wasn’t to blame. Severus turned around and faced Neville. “Do I need to remind you that I cursed you?”

“No, you don’t, though I suspect you just did so in order to torment yourself, Headmaster.” Neville used the title on purpose, hoping to provoke Severus, but all it did was cause the expression in those dark eyes to change into agony. “Severus,” he said, realizing being overheard didn’t bother him as much as he had thought it would. “Voldemort killed them.”

In a way, Neville was right. Voldemort had killed them, but…

“Damn it, look at me and hear me! You didn’t kill them! Let go of that guilt! You are not to blame!”

Severus moved away from Neville. A quick look about told him they were alone – thankfully. He wouldn’t have liked it if his students had overheard them. “I can’t accept that.” He had to be honest. “It can’t be the truth – the whole truth.” He was guilty—he knew it.

Neville drew in a deep breath and forced himself to count to ten in order to calm down. “You don’t *want* to accept that Voldemort killed them, for it would mean you aren’t to blame. And once you let go of your guilt, what else do you have to hold on to?” He had discussed the matter with Luna last night and she had offered him that particular insight. Yes, what did Severus have to hold onto once he let go of his guilt? Neville knew he had pushed the older man too far when Severus walked away from him. Neville let him go though; he had to give Severus the time he needed in order to make peace with his past.

/// 

Just when Severus thought his day couldn’t possibly get worse, he found Poppy in his office. She glared at him, and he realized he was late for his check up. “I am fine,” he said, finding it ridiculous that she continued to monitor him so closely. He headed for his favourite chair near the fireplace and resigned himself to his fate. 

After examining him, Poppy sat down next to her patient. “Nagini’s poison is still inside your bloodstream, but it is fading. I reckon you will feel weak for at least one more week and then you should start to improve.”

Severus nodded, but he knew there was more.

“Neville cursing you will continue to affect you. Had you been in a better condition the Cruciatus curse wouldn’t have done that much damage, but since you were extremely weak to begin with…” She wished she had better news for him. “I doubt the tremors will ever go away – completely, that is.”

Severus knew he had to be honest with her, for if Poppy ever found out he had lied to her, there would be hell to pay. The Sorting Hat had put her into Slytherin for a reason, Severus mused. 

“Talk to me,” Poppy said, urging him on.

“The tremors grow more pronounced when I am tired. Cold also brings them on – and worsens them. Warmth however seems to help.”

Poppy nodded. “That makes sense. So, what does that tell you? Dress warmly. Stay indoors if you can. Avoid the cold… And when winter comes, avoid snow and ice.”

Severus rested his head back against the chair. He would be able to follow her recommendations most of the time. Now that he felt warm and relaxed, the tremors were barely noticeable. “Neville can’t know, do you hear me? I don’t want him to feel guilty because of what he did.”

“Severus, he thought you had tortured him for hours – the way Bellatrix had tortured his parents. That’s why he lashed out!”

“You don’t need to defend him, Poppy. I am not angry with him. I don’t blame Neville for anything.” It was the truth. “I don’t want him to know, Poppy, so be careful what you say when he is around.”

“Snape, you have grown weak!” Black sneered from inside his portrait.

“Yes, that’s true…” Severus looked at the former Headmaster. “And I am glad because of it. I can allow myself to care for once. I don’t need to pretend being someone else.”

“And you earned that!” Everard said firmly. “But you also need to remember what you said just now. You still tend to hide yourself from your friends. Minerva wants to be your friend, but you keep her at a distance. The same goes for Neville.”

“Why do you think you need to protect them from yourself, Severus?” Ambrose wondered. “You care about them… It is safe for them to know that you do.”

Safe for them, yes, but was it safe for him to admit it?

///

Severus picked up his quill and dipped it in the ink. Reluctantly he began to write.

Lupin,

Hogwarts finds itself in need of a Defence against the Dark Arts teacher. As you held that position before, I wondered if you would consider teaching once more. Should you accept, Hogwarts will provide you and your family with appropriate accommodation inside the castle’s walls.

Severus Snape

Writing that note had been hard on him. He didn’t know how to address the werewolf – Remus? Lupin? Professor? – and he decided against adding his title of Headmaster. He wanted to be reminded of that position as little as possible. As heading for the owlery in person wasn’t an option yet, he realized he had to send someone instead. “Mister Weasley?” 

Bill put down the book he had been reading, got up from his chair, and headed over to Snape. It was near to the end of his shift, during which he had mostly kept his distance. Not because he disliked the older wizard, but because Snape had been lost in thought and he hadn’t wanted to intrude.

“This needs to be delivered to Remus Lupin. Since I can’t go the owlery myself I would appreciate it if you made sure it was sent.” He did hate the fact that he had to enlist help. He wanted to be able to do things by himself again. 

“I will make sure it gets sent.” Bill headed toward the staircase. “My replacement should turn up within the next ten minutes. Can I leave you alone for that long?” As expected, Snape scowled at him and Bill quickly left. He couldn’t help grinning though; he had noticed the constant supervision was getting to Snape.

///

Severus realized he had been dozing when he suddenly heard voices close to him. He opened his eyes and found that Ron and Harry had joined him. He smiled at seeing Ron move the chess board into place. Was the youngster prepared to be defeated again? 

“You are awake!” Harry commented upon finding Severus looking at them. “We wondered if you were up to a game of Wizard chess. Ron and I will combine forces, if you don’t mind. Maybe then we stand a chance against you.”

Severus allowed them their illusion and didn’t comment on it. Instead, he pushed himself to his feet and made his way over to the table. He sat down, realized he was in the mood for tea and summoned some along with scones, jam and clotted cream. Severus nodded at them, and watched them dig into the scones. 

“Aren’t you eating some?” Ron frowned upon realizing that the older wizard limited himself to tea. Snape should eat instead, as Ron found him rather fragile-looking.

“Maybe later.” Severus shivered in spite of the hot fire blazing in the fire place. He couldn’t be bothered to summon a blanket though, besides, he had better get used to feeling like that - he doubted it would go away again. 

“You are shivering!” Harry was about to fetch a blanket when Severus dismissed his comment. But Harry wasn’t going to allow it. He fetched a quilt and covered Severus with it. Harry felt nervous at seeing the vulnerable expression on the older wizard’s face. Thank you for allowing me to help, he sent down the link. He knew that Severus still struggled with that.

“You start,” Ron said and gestured for Severus to make the first move. He vividly remembered being utterly crushed years ago. This time, he planned to win the game though!

///

Snape had done it again! Had twisted the game around to his advantage and Ron stared at the chess board in shock. He had never seen that one coming!

Severus chuckled at seeing Ron’s stunned expression. “As I said before, I have more experience than you playing that game.”

“Plus,” Phineas added, “he is a skilled tactician. Even I have to admit that.”

Ron looked at the former Headmaster. “Did you ever play against him?”

Severus grinned at Black; it would be curious to see how the former Headmaster answered that.

“Actually, I did,” Phineas replied in a clipped tone.

“And you lost?” Harry realized the former Headmaster would have bragged instead, had he won.

“No comment,” Phineas said and glared at the three of them.

“Severus?” Harry looked to Severus for an explanation.

“I beat him, yes… He lost every game we played.”

“Did you have to remind me of that, Snape?” Phineas glowered at Severus, but then Albus started to laugh. “Did you ever beat him, Albus? I can’t seem to remember you ever winning a game either!” he spat spiteful.

“Maybe I let Severus win, Black!” Albus chuckled softly.

“No, you didn’t,” Everard commented. “I watched closely.”

“Peace, my friends,” Severus said pleadingly. “Let us not start another argument!” 

Harry grinned though, finally realizing Severus did like to hear them bicker. He looked up in surprise when Neville entered the office. His friend carried a letter with him and Harry couldn’t help growing curious. Bill had told him that he had sent Remus an owl earlier.

“This arrived for you,” Neville said as he pulled a chair to the table and sat down next to Ron. He handed Severus the letter and studied the board. Someone had been utterly crushed in that game and he reckoned it hadn’t been Severus.

Severus had already recognized Remus’ handwriting. He opened the letter and unfolded the parchment.

Severus,  
I should have been surprised to hear from you, but truth be told I wasn’t. Tonks was apparently expecting something like this. I must admit to being tempted, so… I accept, mostly because of your assurance that Tonks and Teddy can live at Hogwarts too. Since you are in an urgent need of a Defence against the Dark Arts teacher, we will move to Hogwarts as quickly as we can. We should arrive sometime next week. Then you will also be able to meet Teddy. And Severus, we still want you as the baby’s godfather! Tonks won’t allow you to refuse! So how are you with babies? Do you have any experience handling them? I guess we will find out soon! Give my regards to Harry and company, and Severus, take care of yourself! We will see you soon!

Remus (and Tonks and Teddy too!)

Severus stared at the letter; it was nothing like he had thought it would be. The fact that Remus seemed to look forward to return to Hogwarts surprised him. 

“Severus?” Harry wasn’t sure what to make of the older wizard’s expression. 

“Remus Lupin will teach Defence against the Dark Arts for the remaining school year.” Severus placed the letter on the table and wondered how he felt about that. He was happy he had found someone to teach that class, but being reminded of them wanting him to become Teddy’s godfather unbalanced him. They really should ask Harry instead!

“That’s great!” Ron was already looking forward to those classes. With Remus returning to Hogwarts to teach them, the extra school year might be fun! He didn’t mind that he had to stay at Hogwarts in order to make up for the classes he had missed. He wanted to graduate and so did the rest. Hermione would have a fit if she couldn’t ace all final exams!

Neville was curious and scanned the letter quickly. He smiled at finding out that Remus and Tonks wanted Severus as Teddy’s godfather, but judging from the way they had phrased it, Severus still had to accept. “Do you already have a godson?” he inquired thoughtfully. Maybe that was the reason why Severus felt hesitant.

“Godson?” Harry quickly read the letter as well, and like Neville, grinned.

“No, I don’t have a godson,” Severus replied softly – thoughtfully.

“Do you have any family at all?” Neville hoped he wasn’t overstepping a line here.

“My mother might still be alive. I am not sure though. My father died ten years ago.” Severus seldom thought of his family. “My grandfather might still be alive too, but I am not sure of that either.” Severus wondered why they were giving him such odd looks.

“You don’t know if your mother’s dead or alive?” Ron couldn’t understand that.

“You are part of a large family,” Severus said, addressing Ron. “A happy family.” He had lived in constant fear of his. “You couldn’t possibly understand.”

Neville recalled something Severus had mentioned when the older wizard had told him the new password to the office. “Your mother’s name is Eileen Prince. The Princes are a pureblood family, aren’t they? Quite famous and rich.”

Severus stared pointedly away from his guests. His family was the last thing he wanted to discuss. “You are right.” 

Neville exchanged a look with his friends; the three of them distinctly noticed the way Severus was trying to lock them out. A change of subject was in order then. “If Teddy is anything like Tonks, it will be fun to have the baby around!” 

Severus barely paid Neville any attention as he was lost in memories. 

“I do wonder about something,” Harry mused. “Do you have any experience handling babies?” he doubted Severus had ever held a baby in his arms.

Harry’s question seeped down the link, and that what was caught Severus’ attention. He wasn’t sure he should confide in them, but then again, the past was just that and maybe he had to talk about it after keeping it inside for so long. “Actually I do. I picked you up from your crib that night. I held you until you stopped crying.” 

Harry’s eyes widened; he had seen some of Severus’ memories, but that one hadn’t been among them. “You did?” 

Severus nodded absentmindedly. “After a few minutes, you went to sleep in my arms…” He was lost in thought and vividly recalled the way Harry had pressed close to him. “Holding you felt precious,” he admitted, barely aware he was saying the words out loud.

Harry stared at Severus; the link and the older man’s expression, told him just how precious that memory was to the older wizard. It was probably also the reason why he had held on to that memory himself. “Thank you for looking after me.” Still feeling a bit awkward about offering comfort in a physical way, he rested his hand lightly on Severus’ right arm. “I don’t remember you holding me, but thank you.” Something told him that hearing that would comfort Severus.

Severus nodded and fought the tears that threatened to form in his eyes. “I had to hand you to Hagrid later that night as Albus wanted him to deliver you to your aunt Petunia.” 

Harry suddenly realized something. “You wanted to keep me with you instead!” 

“I did,” Severus admitted, seeing nothing wrong with finally voicing the truth. “But I couldn’t.” He wavered then, but in the end, plunged on. “I was in no condition to look after you. I think I lost my sanity for some time. It was only with Albus’ help that I managed to find my way back.”

Harry looked at the former Headmaster’s portrait and found Dumbledore listening intently. “What happened?” Severus was obviously struggling and Harry didn’t want to put the older wizard through reliving that evening – not when Dumbledore could tell him instead. “What happened after Severus found me?”

“It’s like he said,” Albus revealed. “Severus picked you up and held you. You calmed down almost instantly and if I remember correctly, even drooled on Severus’ coat.”

Severus chuckled at hearing that, but in a sad way. Yes, he remembered being drooled on. 

“You clung to Severus… I think you sensed his desire to protect you – to keep you safe.” Albus smiled at his audience. It was a bonus that Neville and Ron heard this as well. “Severus didn’t want to give you up, but he quickly realized he couldn’t care for you. Severus was the first person to happen upon your parents, Harry, and finding them dead shocked him. Your mother was precious to him and her loss made Severus go mad with grief. Had Severus been able to take care of you, I would have had a hard time convincing him to let you go. Severus never liked Petunia, you know.”

Harry nodded; he had gathered that much from watching Severus’ memories. His aunt had appeared to dislike Severus right from the start.

Severus suddenly realized what they were actually discussing and wondered how they had made him admit all that. Ah yes, Remus’ letter – that had been the thing to start it. 

Neville caught Severus looking at the letter and had a good idea of what was going on in the older man’s mind. “You are going to accept, aren’t you?” He waited until he had Severus’ full attention and then added, “You will make a great godfather.”

Severus wasn’t sure how much longer he could fight back his tears. They had to stop saying things like that! “Harry was their first pick. They wanted to ask him first. I still think they should return to their original plan.”

Harry’s eyes widened. “But I am much too young to be anyone’s godfather.” If anything, he still needed a father figure himself and couldn’t imagine being a godfather at his tender age. “I agree with Remus and Tonks. You are a much better pick!”

They were teaming up against him, damn it! Severus was about to object when Everard got involved again.

“It’s been a while since we had a baby at Hogwarts and I would enjoy watching him grow up. Severus, you must do this!” 

Not fair! Severus glared at the former Headmaster’s portrait. “I lack the qualities which would make me a good godfather. Think! What can I possibly offer the child? Nothing!”

Harry shook his head. “That’s rubbish! You have a lot to offer.” He wasn’t sure he should say this, not while having an audience, but he still did. “You are afraid to try…”

Severus flinched. Harry had gotten it right in one go. Yes, he was afraid – afraid to fail. “I don’t know how to care for a baby! Hell, I don’t even know how to be part of a family!” The three of them stared at him and he realized he had revealed too much. “Please give me some privacy. I need to think.” He needed to be alone. Thankfully they seemed to understand and they got to their feet without voicing any protests. “We will have tea tomorrow,” he offered in an attempt to make it up to them.

“We understand,” Harry offered on his way out – they really did.

Severus considered having some Firewhiskey, but then decided against it. Sedating himself had never worked; it never chased away the pain.

“Remus and Tonks want you for a reason.” Albus wished he could help Severus accept that his life had changed. “They want you to be a part of their lives.”

“But why?” Severus shook his head. “I treated Lupin abysmally in the past and I offended Tonks whenever I could.”

“But you also saved their lives, Severus. You showed you worried when Tonks refused to join her son in the heat of battle. You provide Remus with his potion, giving him a chance to control the transformation. Don’t you want to be part of a family, Severus? For I think you do, especially since you never experienced it yourself.” 

Severus laughed bitterly. “Are you referring to my loving parents?” he sneered.

“I know that they wronged you. They hurt you, Severus. Your mother’s family disowned her for marrying your father. They never recognized you as a part of the family.”

“I don’t even exist according to my grandfather!” Severus had made his peace with that a long time ago, but the rejection would always sting. His mother had never shown him any love. She had ignored him most of the time, had cursed his existence, but at least she hadn’t hurt him physically. That, she had left to her husband, Tobias. “No more of this,” Severus decided. He had relived his childhood too many times already.

“Then allow yourself a chance to experience the real thing, Severus. Accept what Remus and Tonks are offering.”

“I am not sure I should, Albus. The child deserves better.”

“No, Severus, Teddy deserves you as his godfather because he can’t get anyone better than you.”

Severus shook his head. “You are mistaken.”

“I seldom are, Severus. You know that.”

Severus didn’t like to admit that either, but yes, Albus was right most of the time.

///

“Enter!” Minerva looked up from the essays she was grading and was surprised to find Harry and Neville standing there. “Is there anything I can do for the two of you?” she asked and beckoned them closer. They sat down in front of her desk and she studied them, instantly realizing something troubled them. “What is on your mind, Mister Potter? Mister Longbottom?”

“We wondered if you could help us,” Harry started after exchanging a look with Neville. “We have some questions and hope you will answer them.” Neville and he had discussed the matter earlier and professor McGonagall seemed their best option if they wanted answers.

“Questions about what, Mister Potter?” Why were they stalling?

“About professor Snape.” Harry watched her closely. She didn’t seem overly surprised though.

Minerva arched an eyebrow. “What can I possibly tell you that you don’t know yourself after watching his memories in the pensieve?”

“We wondered what he was like when he was younger – when he attended Hogwarts.” He knew that his father, Sirius, and Remus had bullied Severus, but that was about it. He wanted to know about Severus’ family instead. “Do you have any yearbooks? Or pictures of him?” 

Minerva cocked her head in surprise. She hadn’t expected that one. Secretively she felt pleased though. “I might have some, but you should ask professor Slughorn instead. He was Head of Slytherin when Severus was a student here.”

Harry and Neville exchanged another look. “We didn’t know that,” Neville said eventually. 

Minerva looked about the room and tried to remember if she could help the two of them. In the end, she pointed her wand at one of the many bookcases in her office and silently summoned the yearbooks she wanted. She opened one, searched for the right page, and then nodded. “This one was taken during Severus’ first day at Hogwarts. Back then, we still upheld the tradition of composing yearbooks. As you might have noticed, we let go of that tradition since then.” She turned the book around and watched them closely.

Harry blinked; he recognized the boy in the picture, easily recalling his looks from Severus’ memories. “Are those bruises?” He couldn’t tell for sure since the picture was magical and the light kept darkening in it. 

Neville frowned; those smudges did look an awful lot like bruises! He looked at his head of House and noticed her distressed expression.

“Severus will probably have my hide for telling you this,” she started, but knew confiding in them was worth the risk, “But he always looked like that on his first day of attendance.” Harry stared at her in disbelief and Neville looked shocked as well. She had better get this over with. “Severus’ father was abusive towards him. He would beat Severus during the holidays, which was why he always tried to stay at Hogwarts whenever he could.”

Harry stared at the picture again. Severus had hinted at having had an unpleasant childhood, but Harry hadn’t expected to hear anything that serious. “And his mother? Didn’t she try to protect him?”

“Eileen Prince was a selfish witch who only cared for herself. She married Tobias Snape in order to spite her parents, who promptly disowned her for marrying a Muggle. She hadn’t thought they would actually do that, but when it happened, she found herself penniless and dependent on her husband. She never quite forgave Severus for coming into existence. She had never wanted to bear Tobias’ child, but when she realized she was pregnant, she had nowhere to go. So she had to stay with Tobias, who had started to drink heavily at that point.”

Harry shook his head in disbelief. He hadn’t thought Severus’ childhood had been that bad. And when Severus had started to attend school, his father and his friends had continued to bully him.

“I told Horace about my suspicions. I was fairly certain that Severus’ father beat him – repeatedly and fiercely— and that he locked the boy up during summer. Severus always needed one or two weeks to recover from his holidays with his parents.” 

“And professor Slughorn… What did he do?” Neville was rapidly gaining a better understanding of why Severus was the way he was.

“To my knowledge, Horace never tried to find out what was happening to Severus. Horace is a great teacher, but he’s a complete failure as Head of House.” Minerva opened a second album, flipped through it, and then turned it toward them again. “This was taken on the first day of his second year here at Hogwarts.”

Harry didn’t see any bruises this time, but the expression in those eyes showed the pain the boy was in. Severus was still rather thin – and seemed too intimidated to look straight at the camera. Neville suddenly slammed his fist into the desk. Harry quickly looked at his friend and felt sympathy for the anger he saw in Neville’s eyes.

“I don’t understand it,” Neville exclaimed. “Harry grew up without parents, and so did I. Yes, my grandmother raised me, and she did a great job, but it isn’t the same!” 

“Neville,” Harry said, trying to calm down his friend.

“No! Parents should love their children! It’s their duty in life to protect them! Not to beat them up or look the other way!” 

Minerva nodded. “You are quite right, Neville, but sometimes parents are abusive like that.”

“At least, now I understand why he doesn’t care about his family. Last night he told us that he doesn’t even know if his mother is still alive – or his grandfather for that matter.” Neville couldn’t take his eyes off the picture. Severus looked so damn vulnerable!

“I don’t know if Eileen Prince is still alive. I do know that Tobias Snape died about ten years ago. I never saw Severus more relieved than when he received that news.” After all those years, Minerva still felt guilty for not having intervened. Although she hadn’t been Head of Slytherin, she could have tried harder.

“Do you also have a picture of him when he attended seventh year?” Neville wasn’t sure why he had asked for it, but he was curious.

Minerva searched for the right yearbook, opened it, and showed them. She knew they would be surprised.

Neville had to look twice. The young man staring back at him looked angry – furious even. His eyes burned with hatred and his lips were curled into a cruel grin. “What happened?” 

“Lucius Malfoy happened,” she told them in a saddened tone. “Lucius had already graduated, but he had already tightly ensnared Severus’ soul. That picture was taken shortly before or after Severus took the Dark Mark.” 

“I wished my father hadn’t bullied him like that,” Harry whispered. Maybe if James, Sirius, and Remus had befriended Severus back then, he wouldn’t have started down that dark road. 

Minerva agreed. “The bullying probably attributed to choosing the way Severus did. He wanted to belong – he wanted to be the one in control for once. Lucius offered Severus that. When Voldemort claimed Severus as a Death Eater, Severus no longer had a way out.”

“Did you ever meet his parents?” Neville asked, preferring not to look at that particular picture any longer.

“I met his mother once. Severus became rather ill during his third year and she visited, but she was a cold woman. She didn’t comfort him. She didn’t even touch him. She inquired about his health, visited him in the Hospital Wing, and simply glared at him from some distance. I don’t think Severus ever realized she was there. I am grateful I never met his father.”

“His mother must know by now what Severus did during this last war –if she is still alive,” Neville mused. “Don’t you think they would be proud of him? His mother and grandfather?”

“Honestly?” Minerva said, “I believe they wish he had never been born.”

“I understand why he is hesitant to become Teddy’s godfather,” Harry mused. “He is afraid he will fail him.”

Minerva nodded and then added, “I do hope he will accept.”

“So do we,” Neville said, speaking for Harry as well.

///

Later that evening, they returned to their dormitory. Harry stretched on his bed and Neville stood in front of the window, looking outside. 

“A lot makes sense now,” Neville said, knowing Harry would understand.

“Yes, it does. Why didn’t we think of it earlier? His harsh manner wasn’t just an act. Yes, he put up a show for Voldemort, but I wonder if he merely copied his father’s behaviour when acting like that. Spiteful and bullying him? Did Severus copy him during those years when he pestered us?”

“Maybe.” Neville shivered. “It also explains why he finds it so damn hard to accept we like him.”

“I doubt anyone ever told him they cared about him before.” Harry nibbled on his bottom lip. “I do wonder if his mother is still alive.”

“Forget about that, Harry,” Neville said earnestly. “That’s one ghost you don’t want to raise from the dead. Thankfully his father is dead.” Neville turned around and sat down on the side of the bed. “That’s why he keeps pushing us away. He tries to keep everyone at a distance.”

“He doesn’t know how to let us in.” Harry nodded. “We can’t give up, Neville! We can’t give up now!”

Neville agreed. ”He is worth the effort. We need to keep pushing him – we need to keep showing him we care!” Thankfully Madam Pomfrey still insisted Severus needed supervision; that gave them the perfect excuse to stay close.

///

The next day, Severus forced himself to go to the Great Hall for breakfast. He would have preferred to bury himself in his office, but unfortunately that wasn’t an option. As Headmaster he was required to sit in on most meals. Thankfully the students continued their conversations while he made his way to his chair. He sat down and immediately sensed Minerva’s interest in him. He wasn’t reading her thoughts, but the look she gave him told him everything he needed to know. She wanted something from him. 

“Good morning, Severus!”

“Morning,” he said, carefully trying to judge her mood. 

“Did you already contact Remus?”

He had a feeling inquiring about Remus would prove just a diversion, but he decided to play along. “He contacted me, yes, and agreed to take up teaching again. He will arrive sometime next week.”

“Excellent!” Minerva had hoped Remus would accept. “And I reckon he brings his family with him? He would be a fool to reject your offer to house them within Hogwarts’ walls!”

Severus had the feeling she was honing in on the real subject she wanted to discuss. “Yes, he’s bringing Tonks and their son with him. I already instructed the house elves to ready their rooms.”

Minerva nodded again. “It will be nice to have a toddler about. I can’t remember the last time a member of staff had a family.”

That was true— he had to admit that. Except for Remus, all other staff members were unattached. “I am not sure you will see much of them.”

“I do hope you are wrong.” Minerva eyed him closely. There might be no way around it – she had to ask him directly. 

Using his right hand, he poured himself some tea. His left hand was tucked safely into a pocket so no one would notice the tremors coursing through it. It had started first thing in the morning. 

“Would having a godson be so terrible, Severus?” Minerva knew she had to tread carefully. 

“The child deserves better,” Severus said resolutely. He stared at the food, but the mere thought of eating revolted him. It was odd, he was hungry, but couldn’t make himself eat. Minerva thankfully remained quiet and his nerves settled somewhat. He busied himself watching his students and realized things were slowly returning to normal, although he knew very well that their lives would never be normal again. Voldemort had seen to that.

“Severus, you aren’t eating.”

Severus rolled his eyes back, but when Poppy glared at him, he stared at the table instead. He grabbed a bread roll and started eating just to appease her.

“That’s better!” It was a start, but Poppy felt far from pleased. She was going to keep a close eye on him.

///

“Professor Snape? Sorry, can I… may I?”

Severus looked at the first year student in surprise, and for one moment thought he was dealing with another Weasley as the girl was a redhead. But no, she didn’t resemble any Weasleys he knew. “Yes, Miss…?”

“Cornfoot, Eliza Cornfoot,” the girl said quickly.

“How can I help you, Miss Cornfoot?” Severus quickly scanned the corridor, but realized there was no help in sight. The two of them were alone.

“I was wondering, if…”

Severus realized she felt intimidated and so he lowered himself onto his heels, even though his body strongly protested doing so. “What were you wondering about, Miss Cornfoot?” She was a Hufflepuff, he noticed absentmindedly. 

“Are you going to rebuild the Quidditch pitch too? I love watching the matches and it’s still a mess!” 

Severus smiled at her. The girl’s problem could be easily fixed. “I promise to see to the pitch. Give me a week, will you, Miss Cornfoot? Am I correct to assume you want to try out in time?”

“Yes!” she said enthusiastically. “I want to be a Seeker!” 

“In that case, I will see to it that the pitch is restored to its former glory.” She continued to stare at him though and he realized more was required. “And try outs will be held within a month.” She was so excited she continued to move about. Knowing he had made her happy was a new experience for him. 

“Thank you, Headmaster!” 

Oddly enough, being called that didn’t hurt as much as it usually did. Severus continued to smile at her, even when she was already running down the corridor and yelling at her friends that she had good news. Sometimes, it was easy to make someone happy. Severus slowly got to his feet again and hated the way his bones protested the move. His condition had much deteriorated after Voldemort’s attack on him. 

“You made that little girl very happy.”

Severus froze upon hearing Neville’s voice. He hadn’t realized the young man was close. 

Neville steadied the older wizard when Severus swayed. “It takes time,” he offered, seeing the distraught look on the other man’s face. “Once Nagini’s poison loses its effect, you will recover more quickly.”

It wasn’t the effect of the poison that kept him in a weakened state, but Neville didn’t need to know that. “I will never fully bounce back. Do not kid yourself.”

Neville bit onto his bottom lip at being admonished. “One can hope…”

Severus smiled tiredly. “Hope… It’s just a word, Neville. You will realize that when you reach my age.”

Neville fell into step with Severus when the older man started his way down the corridor. “I doubt it is old age that makes your bones ache.” He wasn’t sure why he had said that, but he felt comfortable enough to address Severus in that way.

“Maybe you are right.” Severus eyed Neville closely. Why had the young man said that? Neville didn’t know about the lasting effects of the Cruciatus curse he had cast, did he?

Neville looked through the window and smiled at seeing the greying sky. “It won’t be long until the first snow of the season.”

It was only November, but Severus knew Neville was right. He felt the ice on the air as well. Hopefully all repairs, including those necessary to restore the pitch, would be finished before winter was truly upon them. Severus hadn’t realized it, but he was heading for his old class room. He considered detouring, but then followed his instinct. Horace wasn’t teaching today, so Severus opened the door and looked inside. He had spent many hours in there – sometimes enjoying himself watching his students brew, and sometimes counting the minutes until he could retire after Voldemort or Bellatrix had cursed him. It was odd to realize that they would never be able to do that to him again – they were dead.

“Do you remember moving your experiment in here?” Neville smiled upon recalling how he had struggled to decipher Severus’ handwriting.

“I do. I tried to keep working on it, but I was unable to focus. The Carrows…” His voice trailed off. He didn’t really want to remember them.

Neville caught on and quickly asked, “Where did you put it?”

“My old rooms. Horace never moved into them; he never liked staying down there. Would you like to check on it?” Now that he had time, he might be able to force a breakthrough.

Neville nodded. “I would love to!” He followed Severus into his former rooms and kept a close eye on the older man in case he stumbled. 

Severus stepped into his former study and started to feel melancholy. It seemed he had lived here during another lifetime. The experiment was still there, waiting for him, but then his gaze moved to the desk and he walked over there instead. He picked up the framed photograph and stared at Lily. He wasn’t sure what he felt. Was it guilt? Or something else? Something new? It was definitely something he failed to identify. 

Neville noticed the trance-like state Severus was slipping into and carefully rested his hand on the other man’s shoulder. “Severus?”

Severus blinked and grew aware of his surroundings once more. “I apologize… I was lost in thought.”

“No need to apologize.” Neville looked at the picture as well and smiled at seeing the happy expression on a younger Severus’ face. “Care to share your thoughts? I am a good listener.” Severus looked like he needed to talk – desperately.

Severus sat down at his former desk and placed the frame back in its place. “I always loved Lily and a part of me still does… But it has been almost twenty years. I mourned losing the loss for a long time.”

Neville understood. “It is time to move on.”

“Yes, it is.” Severus questioningly looked at the picture, which seemed to have been made during another lifetime. “I will always love her. I couldn’t possibly forget her, but it’s been twenty years. It feels like someone else fell in love with her – I am not the same man I was back then.”

“You need to move on, I know that – and I believe you also know that the time is right to do so. Anyone who knows you will never doubt you loved her, but keeping her in your heart doesn’t mean you need to throw away the key. You can still care about other people. You won’t betray her memory just because you allow yourself to care about Harry, professor McGonagall, Madam Pomfrey, or that little girl you just met in the corridor.”

That was it, wasn’t it? The key to his heart. He had to turn that key and allow himself to care again. Neville was right; he wouldn’t betray her memory if he reached for that key. He would be honouring her instead. 

///

He really needed to set a new password, Severus mused. Neville had told it to everyone who was supposed to keep an eye on him. Every four hours someone new showed up to keep him company. He was getting fed up with them babysitting him and decided to have a word with Poppy later that night. He would reset the password if she didn’t agree to stop this madness. He was certain he could come up with a password none of them would think of. 

The heavy footfalls that now echoed down the staircase made him wonder who was to be his next guardian. He prayed for patience upon realizing it was Hagrid – and the half-giant wasn’t alone.

“Fang, now don’ do that!” Hagrid cringed. Fang could be rather enthusiastic and the hound had always liked Snape to begin with.

Severus watched the monster run toward him and prepared to be jumped at. Knowing his luck, he would land straight on his arse. Fang however, slowed down and came to a halt in front of him and drooled onto the floor instead. 

“Sorry ‘bout that,” Hagrid offered. “But he kinda likes yer. He always did!” 

Severus knew that. He reached out and patted the hound’s head. More drool followed, meaning the house elves would have to clean up later. “Fang is a good dog,” he said, knowing hearing it would make Hagrid’s day.

“The best!” Hagrid agreed and looked about. He had been in here before, but never for a very long time and not that often. He liked the fact that Snape was using the fireplace again. Dumbledore never had. “How ‘re yer doin’?”

“Fine… Getting there.” Severus hoped his words would reassure Hagrid. He didn’t want another babysitter watching him. “Did you manage to rebuild your home yet? I am sorry that Bellatrix destroyed it.” He had never realized her intention to blow it up until it had been too late.

“Nothin’s broke which can’t be fixed!” Hagrid stated. “I’ve been rebuildin’ it. Even have some students helpin’ me.”

Severus nodded; pleased to hear that. Fang had been sniffing his boots and now the hound settled down, resting that monstrous head on his feet and thus trapping him effectively. It was a good thing he was in his comfortable chair by the fireplace and had no intention of getting up. 

“I kinda forgot how much Fang liked yer!” Hagrid smiled at seeing the hound stake his claim. He doubted Snape’s feet made a comfortable pillow though. 

Severus had always liked the hound. He had been unable to fool Fang in the past. He had tricked staff and students, but the hound had always greeted him and urged him to pet him. “Are you back to teaching classes yet?” Severus inquired when the silence started to feel uncomfortable.

“Not yet,” Hagrid announced. “Lots of creatures are still runnin’ wild in the forest. I want to look ‘fter them firs’.” 

Which made sense. Severus cringed upon realizing that Fang was drooling onto his boots now.

“I’m happy yer still ‘live,” Hagrid said, needing to get that off his chest. “I never really believed yer supported you-know-who.”

Severus didn’t blame Hagrid for being unable to say Voldemort’s name. He knew the half-giant had been through rough times. “And I am happy Harry survived. Thinking he was dead must have been hard on you.” Tears slid down Hagrid’s face and the half-giant quickly wiped at them. Severus understood the emotions Hagrid was going through. Hagrid had been the one to take the baby to his family that faithful night. “You cared for him from the start.”

“I still remember the way yer held him – when we found yer in that house.” Hagrid vividly recalled the way Snape had held onto Harry and had refused to hand him the baby. It had taken Albus a long time to talk Snape into letting go. 

Severus wondered why these memories continued to pop up. Ever since Remus and Tonks had asked him to be their son’s godfather, people kept reminding him of the fact that he had cherished holding Harry when he had been a baby.

///

“Come on, boy! Let’s go!” Hagrid frowned at Fang. For some reason the hound wasn’t inclined to move. “Fang!” Fang merely lifted his head – partly, that was, and stared at the half-giant. Hagrid shook his head at the hound’s stubbornness. “Yer can’ stay here, boy!” 

Snape had fallen asleep sometime during his visit, and Hagrid hadn’t dared to wake the other man, as Snape looked exhausted. His replacement would arrive shortly and he wanted to leave, but Fang stubbornly remained in place. Well, maybe Snape’s feet made a nice pillow after all! “Do as yer please, yer big oaf!” He knew the hound would find his way home eventually. Fang, however, did look awfully pleased when the half-giant stopped harassing him.

///

The first thing Severus grew aware of upon waking up was the fact that something warm and rather heavy rested on his feet. He opened his eyes, looked down, and found Fang asleep on his feet. How was he supposed to move like that? Why hadn’t Hagrid done something about that?

“I didn’t know you had a pet, Severus.” Poppy grinned smugly. She had noticed Severus’ disbelief at finding Fang close. She had met Hagrid on his way out and he had told her that the hound had refused to move. 

“I would never think of Fang as a pet!” Severus tried to move his feet, but at that, the hound stirred and growled softly. He could pull his feet away, but then the hound’s head would hit the floor rather abruptly. He didn’t want that either. 

“A familiar then!” Poppy thought hard, but couldn’t think of a time when Severus had had a pet. Maybe it was time he got one and Fang seemed to be volunteering for that position! 

Severus eyed Poppy closely. He had been wanting to talk to her all day. “Poppy, this madness must stop. I don’t need a babysitter! Call off the other shifts.”

Poppy considered his request. “Maybe... Tell me, how are you doing, Severus? Have you been eating?”

Oh, he had actually forgotten about that during the day. “I had breakfast,” he said stubbornly.

“It’s eight o’clock in the evening, Severus.” Poppy knew saying that would get her point across.

“I might have missed lunch, forgot about dinner too,” Severus admitted, knowing that opposing her never worked. “I can eat something now, perhaps?”

Poppy knew the way Severus’ mind worked and nodded. “I am waiting.”

Severus sighed, summoned pumpkin soup and bread from the kitchen, and resigned himself to eating. 

“I noticed that the Quidditch pitch is being rebuild. It will help the students settle back into their routine. We can never forget what happened here – and neither should we – but moving on is best for all involved.”

Severus had the uncanny feeling that remark had been meant for him. “I am doing the best I can, Poppy.”

“I know that, Severus. I just don’t want you to give up.” She studied him and noticed the way he kept his left hand tucked into a pocket. “Are the tremors still hampering you?”

“Not at the moment.” Severus uncovered his hand and showed her. “It’s warm in here, that helps.” Suddenly Fang woke from the sleep he had been in and lifted his head. Severus was quick to react and moved his feet accordingly. “Will you take Fang back to Hagrid when you leave? And please, cancel the next shift. I need some privacy.”

Poppy arched an eyebrow. “Neville will be extremely disappointed to hear that you don’t want him about.”

Bah, she knew how to get to him! Neville was quickly becoming his weak spot and she knew it! Severus also knew that she would use it to her advantage! 

“He was looking forward to another round of Wizard chess. Apparently he has been reading up on strategies,” Poppy hinted. 

“Neville will be the last one to sit with me then. The babysitting will stop after that.” 

“Yes, Headmaster.” Poppy watched his reaction to being addressed in that manner. Severus flinched, but didn’t object to being called that. Hopefully that was a step in the right direction!

///

Neville carried the fruit cakes his grandmother had sent him in his arms when he entered the Headmaster’s office. He had missed Poppy on her way out and reckoned all was well. Had something been amiss with Severus she would have waited in order to tell him. He found Severus seated in his favourite chair, watching the fire place. He smiled at seeing the peaceful expression on Severus’ face. The older man was finally letting go. 

“I hope you are hungry,” he announced. Now that he was only a few steps away from the older wizard, he noticed Fang, that giant of a hound lying close to the fire place as well. He hadn’t seen that hound in here before. “You have got company,” he said pleased.

“Hagrid brought Fang along when he visited earlier. I can’t seem to make him leave.” Poppy had tried to entice Fang with some dog treats, but the hound had merely given her an indignant look. 

Neville hoped Fang would stick around. “My grandmother sent these. Would you like one?”

Severus pushed away the quilt which Poppy had used to cover him with and got to his feet. He felt tired, which was odd, considering he hadn’t done much during the day. After making his way over to the table, he sat down, and summoned tea. “I will have one.” He knew Neville would feel disappointed otherwise.

Neville sat down opposite Severus, placed the fruit cakes on a plate, and moved it in-between them. “I must warn you; I believe I found a way to beat you,” he said, gesturing toward the chess board.

“You can try,” Severus said in an amused voice. “Don’t count on me letting you win though.”

“I wouldn’t want you to do that anyway!” He wanted to win fair and square! He nibbled on a cake and watched Severus make his opening move. His thoughts drifted back to when Harry and he had visited professor McGonagall. He wanted to ask Severus about his parents, but knew this wasn’t the right time for it. Severus had to deal with the present before he could start working through the past. “Your hand no longer trembles,” he observed. 

“The warmth helps. Poppy told me to stay indoors, if possible.” Severus sipped his tea and realized he was growing more comfortable with having Neville’s company during the evening. He had actually been looking forward to the evening when Poppy had told him that Neville would join him. 

“Is it permanent?” Neville hoped it wasn’t.

“It is,” Severus said as he judged it best to speak the truth whenever possible. However, he knew he might have to lie in order to keep the whole truth from Neville.

“But Nagini’s poison should fade in time.” It was the venom which caused the tremors, wasn’t it? What else could it be?

“Neville, I died! Who knows what damage that did to my body. Let it go. It’s not worth your time.” Severus studied Neville’s move and then counteracted it. 

Neville was too distracted to focus on the game. Poppy had told him that the poison should be losing its effects by now, and so, he had expected the tremors to go away as well. Dying itself hadn’t done much damage; he had asked Poppy about that too. She he ruled that out as a possible cause for Severus’ tremors. What was left then? Neville startled as he remembered he had cursed Severus in a fit of anger. He had still had his altered memories and he had been convinced Severus had tortured him the same way Bellatrix had tortured his parents.

Severus didn’t like the way Neville suddenly looked at him. He resisted the temptation to read the young man’s thoughts as he had promised himself never to trespass in that manner again. Had Neville figured it out then? In that case, he had to act and smother any suspicions Neville had.

“Is it because I cursed you?” Neville’s heart thundered in his ears and he felt shaky. “I put the Cruciatus curse on you that day. You were still weak at that time.” Had that curse weakened Severus further? Had it damaged Severus’ nerves that profusely? He swallowed convulsively and was almost too scared to finish that thought. 

Neville flashed back to the last time he had visited his parents. Most of the time, they slept quite peacefully, but when a fit took them, it always started off with tremors, which then quickly grew worse. Much like the tremors that tormented Severus – his left arm mostly. Though he reckoned, should he question Severus more closely, he would find the tremors might not limit themselves to the one limb. They were just more pronounced in his left arm. Neville noticed the way Severus shifted on his chair. It was just a small thing, but one that was out of character for the older man. For some reason, it told him he had guessed correctly.

“Don’t be a fool, boy. You cursing me has nothing to do with the condition I am in!” Severus glared at Black’s portrait, as he had noticed that the former Headmaster had intended to speak up. Don’t you dare speak even a single word! he threatened Phineas, who, thankfully, reconsidered. “It’s nonsense!” Severus realized he might have overdone it when he saw Neville’s expression darken. The young man had figured it out, damn it!

Neville tried to deal with what he had just learned. He should know better than to expect Severus to admit the truth. The older man would hide it from him simply because he wouldn’t want him to feel guilty. But he had to try. “Tell me the truth, please.”

Severus shook his head. “As I said earlier, the fact that you cursed me has nothing to do with the state I am in.” He hated lying to Neville, but he hated admitting the truth even more. He refused to hurt the young man’s feelings. Neville had already suffered too much and he refused to add to that pain. He had lied most of his life and now he had the best reason to continue doing so. “Don’t bring it up again!”

Neville however wasn’t fooled. Severus would never tell him the truth, but there was someone else who knew the real reason why those tremors remained; Madam Pomfrey. He would talk to her the first opportunity he got.

Severus wished Neville would stop looking at him like that. “It’s your turn,” he reminded the young man. Fang moved toward them and rested his head on the table, very close to those fruit cakes. Severus moved the plate aside and the look Fang gave him was one of utter disappointment. “You will just upset your stomach by eating that. Go harass Hagrid instead!” Fang however merely returned to the rug in front of the fire place and made himself comfortable there. Realizing he needed to distract Neville, Severus asked, “Have you been attending any classes yet?”

Neville forced himself to react, even though he didn’t feel like it. He just wanted to know the truth; he needed to know if he had caused those tremors! “I had Charms and Transfiguration today. I will have Potions tomorrow, although I am not looking forward to professor Slughorn teaching it.” Ah yes, Slughorn – he had wanted to ask Severus about the former Head of Slytherin, but he couldn’t address the matter now – not after finding out he was to blame for Severus’ continuing tremors. He moved to safer grounds instead. “Having professor Lupin teach Defence against the Dark Arts again will be odd. I wish you would return to teaching that class.”

Severus realized Neville was no longer interested in playing Wizard chess and moved the chess board aside. “Maybe next year,” he said, although he wasn’t sure he would ever return to teaching. “Do you have any plans for the upcoming weekend? It’s a Hogsmeade weekend after all.” 

“Not really,” said Neville. “Maybe read up on Herbology.” 

“That is your favourite subject, isn’t it?” Severus felt that it suited Neville. Growing plants, examining, and nurturing them fit Neville’s character perfectly. 

“It is.” Although he would rather discuss Severus’ physical condition he realized this was a much safer topic. “I want to continue studying it after graduation.” He hadn’t actually thought much about what he would do after he graduated. For a while, he hadn’t been sure he would live to see that day. But now that he was thinking about it, he realized he really liked the idea. Maybe he could one day teach Herbology at Hogwarts. Professor Sprout had hinted at settling down during the next few years. Yes, the more he thought about it, the better he liked that idea!

“I believe you will do well, no matter what you choose to do after graduation.” Neville’s passion and zest for life would pull him through. The young man would probably end up marrying Luna and start his own family. Then, in time, their children would attend Hogwarts and complete the circle. 

Fang’s snoring suddenly drew their attention and did away with the tension that still lingered between them. They chuckled at hearing it.

“You will have to get used to that if Fang decides to stay.” Neville fervently hoped the hound would make the office his new home as Severus needed the distraction – and the company.

Severus continued to chuckle softly. He wasn’t sure he liked the idea of Fang staying, although being honest with himself, he had to admit he wouldn’t mind one bit.

///

“Madam Pomfrey?” Neville had left Severus after the older wizard had retired for the night. Neville had assured Severus that he would head to bed as well, but his feet had carried him to the Hospital Wing instead. Only a handful of students were still being treated for the injuries they had suffered during the last battle. Neville therefore found Madam Pomfrey at her desk, enjoying a late cup of tea. “Can I talk to you? It is rather urgent.”

She had been expecting him sooner or later, but had rather hoped for later. “Sit down, Neville.” She poured him a cup as well and moved it across the table towards him. “What is troubling you?” 

“I know you might not be able to tell me the truth – since you are a healer and professor Snape your patient, but I need to ask you anyway.” He doubted she would tell him, but maybe she would confirm something for him if he phrased it a certain way. “The professor suffers from tremors, which are most prominent in his left arm.”

Poppy sighed and nodded. He had realized the truth then – the poor lad.

“It’s not Nagini’s poison that causes them, is it?” Neville gave her a pleading look. “You don’t have to say anything… But please…”

She nodded, letting him know his observation was correct. She wasn’t sure just how much she could reveal to him though. It wasn’t her place to tell him – Severus should do that.

Neville shivered; he had been right then. “If the poison isn’t causing them, something else is responsible for those tremors.”

“Neville, you shouldn’t do this,” she warned him. “You might not like the answer you are looking for.”

“It is because I cursed him, isn’t it? He was too weak. They had just brought him back from the dead and I put the Cruciatus on him!” Neville nodded repeatedly. “I recognize those tremors. You see, my parents twitch like that before a fit takes them.”

Poppy drew in a deep breath and berated herself as she had forgotten about the boy’s parents. “Neville, Severus will throw a tantrum if he ever finds out I told you… He knows you didn’t do it on purpose and he doesn’t blame you. You acted under false pretences. You thought he had tortured you. Severus understands why you did it.”

Neville hadn’t thought it possible but he felt even more guilty now. “You discussed me?”

Poppy’s face contorted, knowing she should never have told Neville that. But it was too late to take it back. “We did.”

Neville lowered his gaze and stared at his hands. “I wish he was angry with me instead. I could easier deal with him being mad with me than him simply forgiving me. I cursed him! I did to him what Bellatrix did to my parents!”

“You can’t compare those two things,” Poppy said and rested her hand on his. “You lashed out in anger. You had every reason to be angry with Severus. You only kept the curse on him for a short while.”

“Only because Dumbledore and Everard interfered!” he reminded her. “I wanted to make him suffer! I wanted him to writhe in pain. I wanted him to feel the same agony I did, but… I never experienced such agony. Yes, there was pain, but only for a moment…” 

“Neville, don’t do this to yourself. Severus doesn’t blame you and you shouldn’t feel guilty for what you did.”

“I need to talk to him!” Neville wanted to get to his feet again, but she stopped him. 

“Don’t act rashly, Neville. You don’t want to hurt his feelings, do you?”

Neville blinked. “What are you talking about?”

“He cares about you, Neville. He is slowly starting to trust people and you are one of them. He is allowing you in, and if you confront him now, he will close that door on you. Trust me, I have known Severus most of my life.”

Neville bit onto his bottom lip and considered her words. “You have known him for a long time?” He had never thought of asking Madam Pomfrey about Severus. He had just assumed the right person to go to was professor McGonagall. “Will you tell me more?”

“If you sit back and drink your tea,” she said, relieved he was calming down. She didn’t mind telling him; actually she had been hoping one of them would ask her. “I will tell you some things; not everything though as I respect his privacy.” 

Neville had to chuckle. “You were in Slytherin House!” He hadn’t realized that until now.

“Of course I was.” Poppy winked at him. “What? Did you think that just because I am a healer I can’t possibly have been in Slytherin?”

“I always suspected you to be Ravenclaw.” Neville had never considered his prejudiced assumption. She was right; he had thought that no healer could have been in Slytherin House!

“I thought you wanted to hear my tale?” she said, baiting him.

Neville nodded. He knew what she was doing, but didn’t mind. He wanted to find out as much as he could about Severus Snape!

“Professor McGonagall told me that Harry and you visited her the other day and that she showed you the old yearbooks. I must admit I never expected her to keep those –especially the Slytherin ones, but then again, she has always been fairly open-minded.”

“You were going to tell me about professor Snape,” he reminded her rather impatiently, at which she laughed.

“Patience, my dear, patience!” She took pity on him then though. “I was starting my third year when Severus made his first appearance at Hogwarts. Even back then, I wanted to train as a healer and was well known for taking new students under my wing. When I saw Severus, I knew he needed someone to look after him. Unfortunately his friendship with Harry’s mother prevented him from growing close to me. He preferred her company to mine and I couldn’t blame him. She was beautiful.”

Neville grew alarmed. She wasn’t telling him that she had fancied Severus at some point, was she?

Poppy caught on and shook her head. “No, Neville, not like that. You don’t know this, but I have four younger brothers and Severus merely reminded me of them. Had he let me, I would have mothered him to death. These days I sometimes get away with that – or he lets me get away with it.”

Neville felt relieved. He wasn’t sure how he would have felt had Madam Pomfrey admitted to having had a crush on Severus Snape! 

“You saw his yearbook pictures, didn’t you?”

“I did. Professor McGonagall said his mother had neglected him and his father had been abusive. It showed. He sported bruises all over in one picture.”

Poppy nodded. “Unfortunately for Severus, Horace Slughorn was Head of Slytherin back then as well. He has never been a good Head, not back then, and not now. I won’t be surprised if Severus quickly replaces him. Any other teacher would be a better choice. Horace is an excellent Potioneer, but he doesn’t really care about his students.”

Neville knew that from first hand experience. “But you were going to tell me more about professor Snape, not Slughorn.”

She chuckled at his eagerness. “Would it surprise you to hear that Severus was quite good at Quidditch? He tried out for Keeper and played for the Slytherin team.”

“What made him stop?” Madam Pomfrey was right; hearing that had surprised him.

“Severus became rather ill. He had to stay at the Hospital Wing for weeks. I don’t think they ever found out what exactly was ailing him. But when he was released someone else had taken over as Keeper. Severus didn’t try again.”

Neville wondered about something. “Professor McGonagall said that his mother visited when he was ill. She doubted he ever knew she was there though.”

“I saw his mother. She made a chilly impression on me. Her eyes were cold and distant. I felt sorry for Severus. At that time, I didn’t know that it was his father who hurt him the most.”

“Professor McGonagall told us about Tobias Snape too.”

“Then you know more about Severus than he probably wants you to know. Be careful not to let anything slip, Neville. Severus is an extremely private man.”

“I noticed that.” Neville finished his tea and put the cup back onto the table. “Thanks for sharing this with me.”

“You are welcome, young man, but please don’t mention our conversation to Severus. I don’t want to lose the little trust he has in me.”

“Do you really think it is that little and that you can lose it so easily?”

“The way Severus is right now? Yes. Severus is at a crossroads. He will decide whom to trust and whom to turn away from. He is beginning to trust you, Neville. Don’t betray him or you might find it impossible to reach him ever again. Let him decide the pace of your friendship, and even more importantly, let him decide what to tell you and what to keep to himself. If Severus thinks you need to know why he keeps experiencing those tremors, he will tell you. Don’t pressure him.”

“When I told him that I believed it was my curse that put him in that condition he did his best to convince me that I was wrong.”

Poppy nodded. “Allow him to keep thinking that, Neville. Maybe in time, he will be able to tell you the truth. Until that day you would do well to keep that knowledge to yourself.”

Neville still felt that doing so was wrong, but he understood why she was urging him to play along. “I won’t question professor Snape about the tremors again.” She nodded seemingly pleased, and so he quickly added, “But I will continue to monitor him closely. If he gets worse then…”

“Then come to me, Neville. I will know what’s going on – why they are worsening, but truthfully, I don’t expect that to happen. As long as he doesn’t get cursed again…” She gave him an encouraging look when he cringed. “And as long as he makes sure he keeps warm. The cold worsens the tremors. Severus agreed to stay indoors though now that winter is rapidly approaching. He endured his share of pain, Neville. I think he has had enough of it.”

Neville could only hope that Madam Pomfrey was right. “I will keep an eye on him though.”

“You do that, young man, but make sure you don’t get carried away.”

Neville was more than ever determined to look after Severus – especially after all the things Madam Pomfrey had told him.

///

Severus sternly told Fang no when he realized that the hound had actually been about to jump onto his bed and to make himself comfortable there. “That bed is not big enough for the two of us!” Severus had put his foot down and Fang had accepted it. He had stretched out in front of the bed instead, causing Severus to scowl since he now had to make his way around the animal.

“Fawkes never caused problems like that,” Albus hinted from inside his painting in an amused way.

“Fawkes exploded regularly. Of course you would forget the mess he made!” 

“Sneering isn’t that easy these days, is it, Snape?” Vindictus commented in an equally amused voice and he actually grinned at Dumbledore. 

“Keep that up if you want me to turn around your portraits,” he warned them. He enjoyed their bantering, but would be damned if he ever admitted it. He shrugged out of his coat, unbuttoned most buttons on his shirt, and removed his boots. He was about to head to bed when he noticed some commotion outside of the window. Using a spell, he opened it, and was rather stunned to see an owl enter the office. She sat down on his desk and presented him with her leg, which had a message attached to it. He didn’t expect any news and felt curious when he removed the paper. The owl left at once and he sat down behind his desk in order to read the message.

Severus!  
I thought you would want to know that Remus, Teddy, and I will arrive at Hogwarts sometime tomorrow afternoon. We didn’t have that many things to pack and finished faster than we thought! Teddy has been sleeping a lot, so that means everything got done early! You do remember we asked you to be his godfather? Maybe you need me to remind you of that? I do expect you to accept! One look into his eyes and you will be lost, trust me! We will be seeing you tomorrow then!

Tonks ( not Nymphadora! I am warning you!)

A storm of emotions shook up Severus once more. Why kept they insisting on unbalancing him like that? Why was she bothering to keep him updated on their plans? Why mention her son all the time? Because they really wanted him as Teddy’s godfather, he realized. He also knew he could never give in. He simply wasn’t suited to be anyone’s godfather! He folded the letter, placed it into a drawer, and then made his way into his bedroom. 

Fang was already asleep – on the floor thankfully – and Severus slowly sat down. He stared at the hound for some minutes, wondering how he had ended up with a pet – a temporary one hopefully – and decided to worry about it tomorrow. After lying down, he closed his eyes and tried to clear his mind, but some thoughts, and even more worrisome, certain emotions refused to go away. Where was that damn key when he needed it?

A soft growl demanded his attention and he actually smiled at Fang, who had rested his huge head on the mattress and was staring at him. He rested his hand on the head and stroked the silk-like fur. “Go back to sleep, Fang.” But the hound continued to look at him and he was shocked to feel his face was wet with tears. Why was he crying? Fang made a different sound and Severus continued to stroke the huge head. 

Rationally he understood what was happening; he was finally allowing himself to feel again and by doing that, fears, which he had kept locked up, surfaced. He could allow himself to care for Harry, Neville, Poppy, and the others these days, but the idea of becoming part of a family scared him. And that was exactly what Remus and Tonks were offering him. He couldn’t do that – he couldn’t allow himself to grow attached to another child – certainly not a toddler like Teddy. He had to remain firm when they arrived. He had to reject them – he must!

///

“Stop following me about, Fang!” But no matter what he said, the hound had become his shadow. The beast had even tried to follow him into the bathroom that morning! He was going to take Fang back to Hagrid first thing after breakfast! 

Severus noticed the looks Fang drew when they entered the Great Hall. He felt up to being social that morning and willingly had breakfast with students and staff. But as he actually walked into the Hall, he wondered what had possessed him to make that decision. 

Minerva wiggled her eyebrow when she saw them. They presented quite a sight, to be honest. Severus still dressed in all black, except for his high-necked white shirt, and Fang, that huge hound, trailing after him. Severus sat down next to her and she noticed the way he kept staring at Fang. “Is there anything I should know?” she quipped cheerfully.

“He refuses to leave. Poppy even tried to lure him with treats, but so far unsuccessfully. I will take him back to Hagrid after breakfast.” He carefully poured himself a cup of Lady Grey and added honey to it. He took hold of some toast, added butter and marmalade, and started eating. He looked up when he felt someone stare at him. It turned out to be Poppy and Minerva. Both were smiling at him in an oddly contented way. Then he realized no one had had to remind him to eat. Well, he was hungry!

“Minerva,” Severus started in-between bites. “Professor Lupin and his family shall arrive some time today. Their rooms are ready so they should be able to make themselves comfortable.” 

Minerva nodded approvingly. “You do realize that you have another problem on your hands?”

Severus nodded in turn. He did. “Slytherin House needs a new Head.” There was no way in hell he was going to keep Slughorn, even if the wizard intended not to return for the next year. He wanted someone as Head who truly cared about the students, even if they were Slytherin. “I would do it myself, but I must remain impartial as Headmaster.”

“Do you have someone in mind for that position?” Minerva felt curious, suspecting Severus already had a back up in mind.

“I was thinking of Poppy.” 

Minerva blinked; this time he had managed to surprise her. “Poppy?” How had he reached that conclusion?

“She was in Slytherin while attending Hogwarts,” he explained, realizing how few people knew that. “She cares about the students, which is another plus.”

“Did you ask her yet?” Minerva looked over at Poppy, who had been listening in on their conversation. Poppy looked flabbergasted as she hadn’t been expecting it and Minerva smiled reassuringly at the healer. Now that she was giving the matter some thought, she actually approved of the idea.

“Not yet. I still need to convince her.” Severus however was fairly sure he could make her accept. He had dropped his idea intentionally, so she had an opportunity to think about it before he sprung it on her. He would talk to Poppy later; he had other things on his mind right now. He had to figure out how to handle Remus and Tonks.

///

“Hagrid!” Severus pulled his cloak tighter around his frame. The November air was cold with liquid ice and he expected it to snow sometime during the week. Winter would be upon them much too quickly. “Fang!” he called out when the hound wanted to chase after some critter he had sighted. Fang stopped his actions at once and walked up to him – quite obediently. Severus tucked his left hand into a pocket and was grateful he had decided to wear gloves; they kept the cold at bay – somewhat.

“Professo’ Snape!” Hagrid turned around and walked toward his Headmaster.

Severus cringed upon realizing that only half of Hagrid’s home had been rebuilt so far. Maybe he should tell Hogwarts to lend a hand since most repairs to the castle itself had been completed.

“Fine mornin’, ain’t it? What brings yer out here?” Hagrid smiled at seeing Fang’s obstinate expression. Snape might not have realized it yet, but that hound had changed allegiances. Hagrid should have felt sad about losing the hound’s company, but he also realized Snape might need the company more than he did – regardless of the fact if the Headmaster was aware of that or not.

“I am here to return Fang to you. I told him to leave, but he refused.” Severus scanned the hut Hagrid had managed to rebuild so far. There was a fire inside and it looked cosy enough. 

Hagrid followed Snape’s stare and continued to smile. Most wizards always took him for a dimwit – save for Dumbledore – but he wasn’t. He was actually quite good in reading body language. And when he looked at Snape, he realized the wizard was shivering. “Would yer like to go in and have tea?” 

“I don’t want to trouble you…” But Severus would love to sit at the fireplace for a little while so he could warm up before starting his way back. He could apparate of course, but that would tire him. He followed Hagrid inside and smiled. He had always felt comfortable around the half-giant, but hadn’t been able to show it in the past. 

“Sit yerself down,” Hagrid said as he moved the kettle over the fire. “Tea will be ready in a sec.”

Severus picked the chair closest to the fire place, sat down, and removed his gloves. He extended his arms and moved his hands closer to the fire, relishing the warmth as it slowly enfolded his fingers. He noticed too late that his left hand was shaking again. Hagrid had seen it and Severus decided to ignore it. Maybe the half-giant would let it go if he didn’t comment on it.

Hagrid *had* noticed the tremors, but chalked it up to the cold. He made tea, handed Severus a cup, and settled into his favourite chair. Fang stretched onto the floor next to Snape. Yip, that hound had chosen a new owner. “How are yer doin’, sir?”

“At the moment, I am quite cold, but the tea will help.” Severus wrapped his fingers around the cup and sipped. “Would you like more help rebuilding your home? I can call in some favours.”

“Thanks, but I’ll manage. And I don’ mind that much. This is home… It don’ matter how many rooms I’ve got ter live in!” 

“Home is where the heart is,” Severus muttered, lost in thought. His heart had always resided at Hogwarts. As a student, teacher, and now as Headmaster.

Hagrid wondered about the silence that spread through his hut. Normally, silence made him itchy, but this felt different. Snape looked content, sitting there and drinking tea, and so Hagrid leaned back and enjoyed his tea as well.

///

Severus was stunned to realize that he had been sitting in Hagrid’s home for one hour. He had merely intended to drop by and then take his leave. “I apologize,” he said when he also realized he had been rather antisocial during that hour as he hadn’t said much. “I didn’t mean to stay that long.” He put down the cup, stretched his legs, and started to get up.

“Yer always welcome here, sir. I enjoyed meself too.” Once he had grown used to the wizard’s comfortable silence he had relaxed and enjoyed sitting like that. It had felt restful. Odd, restful and Snape weren’t two things he would have combined in the past. But then again, Fang must have a good reason to change sides!

Severus smiled at the half-giant. “Thank you.” He started toward the doorway and realized Fang was moving as well. “No, you need to stay here with Hagrid.”

“Professor, sir… I don’ think that will work.”

Severus was getting the same feeling. “But, Hagrid, why?” The hound looked determined to accompany him. Although it was impossible to actually read animal’s minds, Severus felt the hound’s resolve roll off of him.

“I guess he likes yer…” Hagrid shrugged. If Snape didn’t understand the hound simply liked him, he would be unable to explain it to the wizard.

“Does that mean I am actually stuck with him?” Fang cocked his head at him and Severus was under the impression the hound disliked the way he had phrased that!

“Fang’s a big puppy. Yer know that. He’ll happily trail after yer.”

Severus sighed; that was just what he had been afraid of, he thought sarcastically.

///

Since the cold was getting to him once more, Severus put his gloves back on and tucked his left hand deep into his pocket. He drew his heavy winter cloak closer around him and carefully examined the state the castle was in. Most repairs had been finished, but one or two buildings still showed the destruction Voldemort’s attack had caused. But that would be taken care of too and then Hogwarts would return to its former glory.

Severus headed for the courtyard and in particular for the small, but well-kept graveyard there. Most parents had arranged for their children to be taken home and they had been buried close to home. Instead of fifty-one graves, there were only six here. Students belonging to all four Houses took care of these graves. One day, Hufflepuffs would look after them, the other, Ravenclaws could be seeing removing weeds. Even Slytherin students had laid flowers next to the gravestones.  
Severus sat down on a bench opposite the graves and stared at the proof of his failure. He had never wanted any of the students to die. 

“It’s cold out here, sir.” Neville had been watching Severus from the moment the older wizard had come into view. Once he had realized where Severus was headed, Neville had rushed over. He sat down next to the older man and joined him in looking at the graves. He didn’t have to be an Occlumens to know what was going on in Severus’ mind. “You did everything within your power to keep them safe.”

“Did I? Did I really? Sometimes, I wonder if I couldn’t have done more.” Severus rubbed his temple using his right hand as he was quickly developing a headache. 

“Some things were out of your control,” Neville said and kept a close eye on the older wizard sitting next to him. Severus looked fatigued. “You saved lives during that attack, but you couldn’t be everywhere at the same time.”

Fang chose that moment to remind Severus that he was still around and rested his head on the wizard’s knee. Severus couldn’t help but smile at the faithful expression in those eyes. He patted the hound and realized Fang’s presence helped him calm down. “Good dog,” he whispered as he continued to pet him.

Neville felt relieved now that most of the former tension seemed to leave Severus. “Fang likes you,” he said, trying to steer their conversation away from Voldemort.

“He always did. Don’t tell anyone, but I like him too. We should be getting back,” he announced when the cold threatened to numb the sensation in his left hand. He would do well to keep Poppy’s warning in mind to avoid the outdoors. Fang seemed to catch on and already moved toward the nearest entrance. Severus however needed more time in order to get up.

Neville watched with concern and thought back to the conversation he’d had with Madam Pomfrey. The Cruciatus Curse which he had cast on Severus had done lasting damage and Severus would never fully recover from it. It was his fault that Severus would be forever weakened.

“Are you coming along, Mister Longbottom?” Severus watched Neville closely and realized the young man knew the truth about him. It would be best to avoid discussing the matter as much as possible and, should the opportunity present itself, attempt to convince Neville once more that his curse hadn’t caused the tremors. “Or do you wish to freeze into a popsicle?”

“No!” Neville forced himself to smile and hurried over to the older wizard. They made their way back inside and Neville realized they were heading for the Headmaster’s office.

“Shouldn’t you be attending classes?” Severus asked in a thoughtful voice.

“Well, we should be attending Defence Against the Dark Arts, but as we are without a teacher…” he let his voice trail off. “Maybe you would like to step in?”

Severus shook his head. “I have no desire seeing myself dressed up in woman’s clothing again.” Maybe humour would distract Neville.

Severus’ comment briefly confused Neville, but then he remembered. “Ah, the Boggart!” He hadn’t known Severus knew what had happened back then. “My Boggart’s shape has changed since then.”

“It has?” Severus considered this. “Does that mean I no longer cause you to run in terror?”

It took Neville a moment to realize Severus was joking. “No, you don’t scare me any longer.” If anything he had started to care for the older wizard. “I don’t know what my Boggart looks like these days. I am not scared of much anymore.” Was there anything he was still scared of? And then it hit him – his Boggart still had Severus’ form, as the thing he dreaded the most right now was the older wizard being in pain or dying. He hadn’t realized that until now!

Severus reckoned he had better not ask about the revelation Neville had had moments ago. Neville’s facial expression told him that the young man had realized something that actually scared him.

Neville wasn’t sure Severus would answer him, but he tried nonetheless. “Do you know what your Boggart looks like?”

Severus had been expecting that question so he was prepared to answer it. “You assume it to be Voldemort…” He waited for Neville to nod before he continued. “But it’s not that. My worst fear is being alone again. Now that I am becoming used to being surrounded by…friends… the thought of losing them is the thing that scares me the most.”

Neville swallowed hard; yes, he should have known it would be something like that. “I doubt you will ever be alone again – if you let people in, that is.”

Severus knew Neville’s words to be true. “Letting them in is hard on me. I don’t know how to… belong.” He hoped he had phrased it right.

“You will figure it out.” Neville recalled Poppy’s warning and let Severus set the pace, hoping they could be friends in every sense of the word.

///

Headmaster! Remus Lupin and his family are about to arrive.

Severus thanked Hogwarts for the information and shifted restlessly on his chair. He had asked Hagrid to collect them at the gate and to drive them to school in one of the carriages. Remus and Tonks couldn’t apparate inside Hogwarts and flooing would upset the baby. He still wasn’t sure how he felt about Remus returning to Hogwarts. It was true that they had reached a truce, and maybe even more than that. He was hesitant to think of them as friends though. He wasn’t sure he would ever earn that right. He rose from behind his desk and made his way into the upstairs corridor the old-fashioned way – by walking there. He needed the exercise as he had sat for too long and his bones had started to complain about his inactivity. 

When he reached the Great Hall, he realized he wasn’t the only one eager to greet their new teacher. A large number of students had gathered there, along with Minerva, Filius, Poppy and even Hagrid. He also spotted Harry, Neville, Luna, Ginny, Ron, and Hermione. Severus felt superfluous and decided to return to his office, instead of joining the group. He should let them welcome Remus first. 

///

Remus laughed loudly when the assembled crowd applauded him. It was good to be back, just as he had thought it would. He felt at home here, and had been overjoyed when Tonks had agreed to move to Hogwarts with him. The fact that his family would be close had made accepting the teaching position so much easier. “Harry!” he called out, happy to see the youngster again. They hugged and Remus smiled at finding Harry looking surprising well. “It’s good to see you again!”

“I am happy you are back!” Harry hugged Remus a second time and smiled radiantly when he caught sight of Tonks and Teddy. “It’s great to have you here too!” Harry made his way over to them and tried to sneak a look at the baby. Teddy was wake, chuckling, and even drooling a bit. He seemed to have picked up on the welcoming atmosphere and cooed happily. 

“Teddy’s adorable!” Ginny tried to draw the baby’s attention and was rewarded with another bright smile “I love him!”

Tonks smiled in turn. “Teddy’s going to break a lot of hearts in his lifetime.” And she was incredibly grateful that she was going to see him grow up. She knew she owed Severus for that. He had killed that Death Eater. Hadn’t it been for him, Remus and she would be dead. She looked about and was surprised to find Severus absent. Why wasn’t he here? He was Headmaster and should be there to welcome them, but then she realized the crowd was still growing. More students were heading their way and she had the feeling Severus still wasn’t comfortable joining a large group like that.

“Teddy takes after his mother,” Minerva observed as she carefully hugged Tonks. “I am looking forward to seeing him explore the castle when he gets older.”

“Let’s hope he isn’t as mischievous as his father!” Tonks commented happily. She had expected a warm welcome, but nothing like this. Remus chuckled, took her into his arms, and made faces at Teddy, who chirped in pleasure.

“Where’s Severus?” Remus frowned and looked questioningly at Harry. He was surprised when Neville, and not Harry, answered him. 

“He doesn’t like crowds, remember?” Neville gave Remus an apologetic look. “I saw him moments ago, but when he realized how many students had gathered to greet you, he turned around and left. I am guessing he headed back to his office.”

Neville seemed to have gotten to know Severus quite well, Remus mused, which surprised him. He vividly remembered Neville cursing him in the heat of the battle. “Then we shall go to his office,” Remus decided. “But just us,” he said, indicating Tonks, Harry and Neville. “We don’t want to put him in a foul mood, do we?”

“He is seldom in a bad mood these days,” Neville said, coming to Severus’ defence. 

Remus noticed it and shot Tonks an amused look. She grinned back at him and pulled Teddy tighter into her arms. They said their temporary goodbyes to students and staff and followed Neville down the corridor. Remus beckoned for Harry to fall into step next to him and whispered, “Did I miss something? I don’t remember Neville being that protective of Severus.”

“They became friends.” Harry realized Neville’s reaction might seem odd to Remus, but then again, his former teacher hadn’t been around and hadn’t seen the way Neville and Severus had changed. “They play Wizard chess in the evening and Neville makes sure Severus eats.”

Remus arched an eyebrow in surprise. “Last thing I heard was that Severus was recovering nicely.” He had owled Minerva for information some days ago.

“Oh, Severus is improving! He really is, but there is some lasting damage to his nerves. Madam Pomfrey hinted at it, but she never gave us any details.”

“Lasting damage?” Remus hadn’t counted on that. “Like what?”

“The tremors hamper him the most. Severus’ left arm twitches a lot. He tries to hide it, but I can tell it worries him.” Sometimes, that link still provided him with insight. “Neville has been keeping a close eye on him and Severus is fine with Neville keeping him company instead of me.” Seeing Remus’ surprise at hearing that, he added, “He knows I like to spend time with Ginny.”

Ah, of course! He should have thought of that! Young love! Remus immediately reached for Tonks and wrapped an arm around her. 

“Growing sentimental on me already?” she teased.

Remus however knew how special it was that they were both still alive. He felt privileged for still being able to hold Tonks in his arms and to care for Teddy. “I love you,” he whispered into her ear and kissed her cheek. 

“Love you too,” Tonks replied, sensing the peculiar mood her husband was in. They had reached the Gargoyle, but apparently it refused to move, which seemed to frustrate Neville.

“I don’t understand!” Oh wait, hadn’t Severus said he had wanted to change the password because he was tired of being supervised all the time? Suddenly, the Gargoyle did move. Severus must have noticed their arrival and Neville told himself to inquire about the new password before he left again. 

Remus walked up front and Tonks followed, with Teddy cradled against her chest. Both had been there before and thus noticed the different feel to the office. The fireplace was lit, several lamps glowed softly, and scented candles completed the feel of a warm welcome. Remus had never expected Severus to make the place so damn cosy!

Severus stood from behind the desk and moved in front of it. He steeled himself upon realizing that Tonks was carrying Teddy. He had hoped the two of them had headed for their new home instead. Dealing with just Remus would have been easier than with the three of them!

Remus recognized the play of emotions on Severus’ face. The man *had* changed; Remus now felt certain of that. “Severus! It’s good to see you again!” He moved toward the wizard and extended his hand in greeting. He seriously doubted Severus would have allowed a hug, so he wasn’t even going to try that.

Severus stared at the offered limb for a moment, but then shook it. “Thank you for helping out. I know you will do well teaching Defence against the Dark Arts again.” He tried to stay on the safe side of things and stuck to the facts. 

Remus caught on at once, but decided against playing along. “You look much improved, Severus! You always hated being confined to bed!” 

Severus didn’t comment on that, realizing Remus was trying to draw him out. “You are welcome here too, Tonks. Thank you for accepting my offer.” Too much emotions – too much of an invitation! He realized his mistake at once, but couldn’t take back the words.

“Thank you, Severus! It’s good to be back!” Like her husband, Tonks realized Severus was struggling with the situation. She also knew she was going to make things even more uncomfortable for him. “May I introduce you to Teddy?” She moved toward Severus.

Severus noticed her intentions at once and wished he could flee the room. She was about to place the baby in his arms, damn her! 

“Hold him like that, Severus.” His startled expression would have amused her, hadn’t she known why he felt upset. But as she realized his discomfort, she stopped herself from smiling. Instead, she moved his arms and let Teddy slide into them. While moving her son into his arms, she noticed the way his left arm trembled. Neville had been right then; Severus had suffered lasting damage!

Severus stared at the baby in shock. He should have stopped her from doing that, but he had been too stunned to act. Teddy was smiling at him and his heart missed a beat when the baby’s blue eyes suddenly darkened – resembling his eyes instead. Teddy was truly his son’s mother, having inherited her gifts instead of his father’s. Teddy raised his arm and tried to wrap his chubby fingers around Severus’ thumb. His emotions were quickly getting the better of him and Severus felt shocked to realize his eyes were moist with tears. He had to fight them back as he refused to weep in front of them!

Tonks rested her hand on Severus’ shoulder and felt deeply for the man. She had never worried about Severus before. He had always been the hated Potions’ Master; the teacher with too sharp a tongue and whose words could injure in more ways than one. He had always been the spy they had distrusted – the one to be despised and now all that had changed. They knew the truth about him, and the truth was that he had always been a brave, but also a very lonely man. And he was still brave, holding Teddy in spite of his fears. She just wondered what exactly he was afraid of.

“You did a better job holding Harry back then, Severus!” Albus smiled when Tonks looked at her. “I always knew you would make an excellent mother, my dear!”

Remus however frowned. “What did you say, Albus?”

“Severus didn’t look that intimidated when he held Harry that night. Severus, don’t drop the baby!” Albus noticed Severus’ growing unease. 

Remus shifted his gaze from Albus to Severus. “Holding Harry?” 

Severus glared at Albus. Why couldn’t the wizard just keep quiet?

“Yes, Severus was the first to enter my home that night.” Harry sensed Severus’ confusion across the link and answered instead. “He found my parents that night – and me. Apparently I calmed down when he picked me up and held me.”

“You went straight to sleep, my dear boy,” Albus supplied mirthfully.

Remus had never known that. Looking at Severus now, he wondered what finding the Potters had done to the man. Severus had never liked James, but finding him dead must have affected Severus. And then, finding Lily – oh Lord!

Severus kept his gaze trained on Teddy, since he didn’t trust himself to look at the rest. He knew his emotions were all over his face. “Harry was crying… So I picked him up and tried to soothe him. It took me a while to make him calm down and go to sleep.”

Albus said in a melancholy voice, “Severus didn’t want to hand Harry to Hagrid. Had it been up to him he would never have given up on that baby.”

Severus glowered at Albus once more. “You had better shut up now.” Albus had already done more than enough damage – Albus had made him remember that night again, and even worse, in detail! He had felt so protective of Harry back then; if only things had been different. If only he hadn’t been the reason why Harry’s parents had been killed!

“Severus, we really want you as Teddy’s godfather. Remus and I thoroughly discussed the matter and we would feel way more comfortable if you said yes.”

“Harry’s much too young to take on that responsibility,” Remus whispered the words into Severus’ ear, teaming up with his wife. “We know that you will do everything within your power to protect Teddy. And I am convinced that you will love your godson. Just give us a chance.”

They didn’t fight fair – not at all. The child did deserve better though. “Don’t do this,” he begged them.

“Can you look Teddy in the eye and say you don’t want this, Severus?” Tonks said, challenging him. 

“I know you want this, Severus. Deep down in your heart, you want this.” Remus nodded. “You never had the chance to be there for Harry when he was growing up. You can have that with Teddy – if you allow yourself that.” 

They are right and you know it. Harry sent across the link. Teddy already likes you and you like him in turn. You need to do this. You need to give yourself this chance at happiness!

Severus sought out Harry’s eyes. Teddy deserves better than me. I will fail him. I know nothing about raising children. I don’t know how to be a godfather!

You are doing a great job right now – holding him like that. Harry hoped Severus sensed he was sincere. He trusted Severus to take good care of Teddy and he hoped that Severus believed him when he thought that Severus was the best godfather Teddy could wish for. Allow yourself this. Give yourself a chance at happiness, please. You already died once regretting so many things. Don’t make the same mistake twice.

Severus knew Harry was right, but giving in was hard. “I will do it,” he said eventually, hoping he wasn’t making a huge mistake. “But remember, you are the ones who want this. I still advise against it.”

Remus however ignored that last bit. “Thanks, Severus!” 

Tonks smiled and squeezed Severus’ shoulder. “Welcome to the family, Severus.”

Severus cringed at hearing that – being part of a family was exactly what he was afraid of.

///

Neville stayed behind when Harry, Remus, and Tonks left. Severus moved to his favourite chair and sat down, looking awfully tired. Neville sat down close to him and wondered why he felt this need to remain close. 

“Is there anything else you want to ask me, Mister Longbottom?” Severus closed his eyes. Meeting Teddy had emotionally drained him. The fact that Remus and Tonks had insisted he agreed to becoming Teddy’s godfather had equally stressed him. 

“You changed the password, didn’t you?” Neville felt it was best to start their conversation on the safe side.

“Ah yes… Someone told Poppy what the password was and she relayed it to everyone she had added to that damn roster!” Severus stretched the fingers of his left hand as they had started to cramp. 

“That was me,” Neville admitted. “I didn’t think you would mind. You seemed to prefer to stay here, and hadn’t Madam Pomfrey been able to keep an eye on you, she would have moved you back to the Hospital Wing.” Although he now wondered if Severus hadn’t left the Hospital Wing too quickly, especially since his left hand seemed rather painful at the moment. Merely watching Severus stretch those fingers made Neville flinch. It painfully brought back that he was the reason why Severus was in discomfort. If only he hadn’t cursed the older wizard back then!

Severus tried to stay clear of Neville’s mind, but the younger man was practically screaming his guilt at him. In the end, Severus looked at Neville and said as firmly as he could muster, “This is not your fault, Neville. I told you so before. Do not doubt my words, do you hear me?” He wasn’t sure it would work though. Neville seemed to know with certainty that his curse was the reason why his left arm remained damaged. Had Poppy told Neville? But he had asked her not to!

Neville stared at the flames, not ready yet to look at Severus. “When were you born? I don’t even know how old you are or when you celebrate your birthday.” 

Neville’s question took Severus by surprise as he hadn’t expected the young man to abruptly change their subject. It took him a moment to realize why Neville had asked him that; it was a diversion tactic so they would stop discussing his injury. He allowed it, as he wasn’t eager to discuss it himself. “I was born on the ninth of January.”

“What year?” Neville felt confident enough to look at Severus now that they had stopped discussing the injury. 

“Nineteen sixty.” Severus wondered about the sudden interest.

“That makes you thirty-eight years old,” Neville mused in surprise. 

“I look older?” Severus supplied, helping out.

“Yes, you do.” Neville wondered if the harsh life Severus had led had altered him prematurely. He shifted closer to Severus and asked, “What is your favourite colour?”

“What is this?” Severus chuckled. “Your version of a pop quiz?”

“Humour me?” Neville really wanted to know those things. “Don’t tell me it’s black…” 

Severus cocked his head and continued to chuckle. “Would that displease you?”

“You can’t be that obvious,” Neville offered apologetically.

“Actually, if you must know, my favourite colour is yellow.”

“Yellow?” Now that did surprise him!

Severus decided to indulge him and explained. “Maybe not just yellow though. Do you know what the sun looks like when it rises after a long night of rain? The red, orange and gold that all mix together into one warm bath of light?”

Neville blinked. That had sounded rather poetic and he had never thought Severus capable of saying something like that. “I know what you mean.” 

Severus looked away from Neville and smiled at seeing Fang stretched out in front of the fire place. In a way, Fang’s presence reassured him although he couldn’t quite explain the feeling.

“Any favourite music?”

Ah, Neville still wanted to hear more? “None in particular. Never had time for it.” 

“Favourite food?” Neville wasn’t giving up yet!

“Again, nothing in particular. I eat in order to sustain myself.” Severus turned his head and studied Neville. Why the sudden interest in his personal life?

“But I do know you have a favourite blend of tea. Lady Grey, isn’t it?” Each time Severus summoned tea, it was always Lady Grey.

“I must admit to a certain fondness regarding that one,” Severus said and promptly summoned the hot drink. He was growing thirsty, especially since Neville continued to fire these questions at him.

“What’s the new password?” Neville hoped Severus would tell him so he could still check on the older wizard. 

“I told you just now, Mister Longbottom.” Severus served his guest tea and then sipped himself. He wondered how long it would take Neville to realize what the new password was. 

“Lady Grey?” Neville ventured.

“Ten points to Gryffindor.” Severus smiled indulgently. “Now, may I suggest we play a game of chess and you give me a break regarding any questions you might still have?”

“A game of chess sounds good, but I do have one more question for you.”

“Only one?” Severus asked in order to make sure. Neville nodded and Severus inclined his head. “Ask away then.”

“When was the last time you celebrated your birthday?” 

Severus shrugged. “I can’t remember ever celebrating it.” His birthday had never held any significance to anyone – not to his parents and certainly not to himself as he had repeatedly wished he had never been born. If it hadn’t been for him, Lily and James would still be alive and Harry would have grown up with loving parents.

“You never..?” Neville stared at Severus in shock. “Not once? But surely, your parents—“

Severus cut him short though. “My parents never wanted me. My mother told me so repeatedly.” She had actually cursed the day he had been born, now that he thought about it. Maybe that was why his life had been jinxed from the start. “My father wanted my mother to abort the pregnancy, but she refused because she wanted to spite my grandfather. I was a pawn in her game, which backfired on her as my grandfather disowned her.”

Neville swallowed hard. Professor McGonagall had hinted at that, and Madam Pomfrey had confirmed it, but this was Severus himself telling him. He refused to back down now. “Did you ever meet your grandfather?”

“Reginald Prince? No, and neither do I wish to ever meet him.”

Neville shivered at hearing the steel in Severus’ voice. “He is still alive then?”

“He might be, but neither do I wish to find out, nor do I care. And yes, the same goes for my mother, Mister Longbottom. Now make up your mind; either we start that game or I shall ask you to take your leave, for I am done discussing my precious family.”

Neville flinched, as Severus had spat those last two words in hatred. “We shall play Wizard chess then.” As Severus uncovered the board and the pieces moved into place, Neville couldn’t stop thinking about the things Severus had told him. The older wizard had said that he no longer cared about his family, but Neville had also heard the pain behind those words. Such rejection must have hurt Severus and had left scars – emotional scars. Again a small piece of the puzzle Severus represented moved into place. 

///

Neville felt depressed when he made his way back to the dormitory. Something had changed tonight – the dynamics between Severus and him had changed. Severus had told him something very personal and Neville realized the trust he had been shown. But at the same time, he felt unworthy of that trust as he had pushed Severus into revealing those things.

“Neville?” 

Neville blinked and looked around. He was back in the bedroom which he shared with Ron and Harry and hadn’t even noticed arriving. “Sorry, I was lost in thought.” He sat down on the window sill and looked aside, cringing when he noticed it had started to snow again. For Severus’ sake he wished it were summer instead.

“What’s wrong, mate?” Ron sat down on his bed and exchanged a puzzled look with Harry. 

Harry however knew what was wrong. He had caught an echo of Severus’ thoughts and doubted the older wizard was aware of that fact that his thoughts were still visible down the link. Harry was certain Severus would shield his thoughts otherwise. 

“I talked to Severus earlier.” Neville pulled his knees close to his chest and wrapped his arms around him. “I used to hate him, Ron, and never bothered to find out more about him. Did you, for example, know that he never celebrated his birthday? Not once? His parents never bothered and…” Why did that fact upset him that much?

Harry walked over to Neville and sat down opposite him. “There is a lot about Severus that we don’t know, but he is letting us in little by little. Remember, telling you was hard on him.”

Neville nodded. “I know that, but… Don’t you think we can organize a little birthday party for him? We still have two months to come up with something. Something small though since he will boycott it otherwise.”

Harry actually liked the idea. “I think you are on to something, Neville. We will throw him a little party.” Neville was right though –they had to keep the number of guests limited or Severus might avoid attending. “Let me give it some thought, yes?”

“He also told me about his family.” Neville looked at Harry. “We have both grown up without parents…Can you imagine having a mother or father who doesn’t want you? Who tells you that they wanted you had never been born in the first place?” 

Harry had been thinking about the same thing earlier. “Actually, that seems worse than having no parents at all.”

“I can’t imagine my parents not wanting me,” Ron added. “I can’t imagine them ignoring me or not giving me a birthday present.”

“His mother was like that though.” Neville recalled something else. “Severus never met his grandfather. He doesn’t even know if his mother and grandfather are still alive. He says he doesn’t care, but I don’t believe him.”

“Family is family,” Harry mused. “I never liked my aunt Petunia, but she is my mother’s sister and therefore family. Neville, don’t. Don’t suggest we find out about Severus’ family. I honestly think that would do more damage than good.”

Neville relented. “If you say so.”

“So we are going to throw Snape a birthday party?” Ron mused. “I can provide entertainment. I am sure Fred and George got the right props for a party like that!”

Harry’s first reaction was to tell Ron no, but then again, maybe it would do them some good – to be able to laugh again – to joke. “I want to know their plans first though.” He wouldn’t let them get away with everything! 

“I will send an owl tomorrow.” Ron felt pleased that Harry hadn’t discarded his idea right from the start. “And Fred really wants to do something in turn for Snape saving his life that day. He will be grateful for being allowed to help.”

Harry nodded again. He would keep an eye on the Weasley twins though!

///

It was rare for Severus to turn to Firewhiskey for comfort. In the past he had dealt with disturbing memories by locking them away and denying the emotional pain even existed. But things had changed; his life had changed, and ever since turning that key and opening the room which held most of his suffering, he had been unable to lock it again. Today’s conversation with Neville had brought back certain memories, which he had assumed he had long dealt with. But apparently they still lingered on in the depths of his mind.

He recalled his mother’s face only vaguely, as he had tried to obscure her memory from his mind. She had had black hair, he remembered that much, and her grey eyes had resembled ice. She had been thin and he distinctly remembered her long and sharp fingernails. They had often dug into his flesh whenever she had grabbed him. Being clawed in that way had hurt, but he had learned to ignore that pain. Ignoring the agony his father loved to inflict on him had been harder.

When his father had realized that his son was like Eileen he had lashed out. Severus had never wanted to use magic around his father, but it had happened – accidentally, and he had paid a terrible price for it. His father had beaten him within an inch of his life and had then locked him in the attic. He remembered sitting there for hours – in the dark, in the cold. When his father had finally allowed him to return to his room, he had found the furniture smashed to pieces. 

Severus set aside the Firewhiskey, realizing the drink was only making it worse. He needed to find a way to handle his emotions. He couldn’t afford to lose control. One of his worst fears had always been that he would turn out like his father. But thankfully he had never had any children. He would have rather died than continuing the circle of abuse his father had started.

“Severus, you are in need of company,” Albus pointed out. “Sitting here by yourself won’t make the pain go away.” 

Severus however dismissed the remark. “The last thing I want is to burden someone with my past.”

“And that is the problem, isn’t it? You are too used to reining it all in. Now that you opened the door, you need to talk about it.”

“Talk to who? Harry? Never! Neville? Not in a million years! Minerva? You?”

Recognizing the darkening mood Severus was in, Albus answered him carefully. “I would suggest Remus.”

“Remus?” Severus stared at Dumbledore’s portrait in disbelief. “He has just become a father, Albus! Remus needs to be with his family.”

“Do you remember that one time when Remus pulled you from that dark mood you were in? You mentioned walking up to the Whomping Willow and letting the tree kill you.”

He recalled that incident. “The fact that Remus got through to me back then doesn’t mean he can help me with this as well. And Albus, I don’t want him or anyone else to know what happened back then.”

“But that’s the problem, Severus! Can’t you see that you need to talk about it?”

“I am talking to you, am I not?” Severus glowered at the former Headmaster.

“Pig-headed, stubborn oaf!” Phineas called out. “Listen to us just once!”

Severus cringed; he hoped he hadn’t started another argument. “Don’t get involved, Black!”

“But Black’s right! Even though I dislike admitting it,” Vindictus said, standing his ground when Severus tried to stare him into submission. “Talk to Remus. If that doesn’t work, that’s fine, but at least give it a try!”

Severus looked at several of the portraits and found most of them nodded in agreement. If he wanted any peace tonight he would have to seek out Remus or they would go at him forever.

///

Remus stood in the doorway to their bedroom and watched Tonks and Teddy sleep. The two of them had curled up together and looked so comfortable that he decided to join them. He was about to turn in for the night when the knock on the door came. Surprised, he made his way over to the door and opened it. “Severus.” He hadn’t expected the Headmaster to call on him that late, especially since they had talked earlier that evening. But then he noticed Severus’ distressed expression and the tension that made the other man stand ridiculously straight. “We need to talk,” Remus realized at once, as he had instantly flashed back to that evening near the Whomping Willow. “Just let me get my coat.” He had the strange feeling that they might end up near that damn tree once more.

Severus hadn’t expected Remus to indulge him, especially since he hadn’t even asked the other man to join him. Remus had decided to do so himself. A moment later, the werewolf stepped into the corridor and closed the door behind him. “You don’t need to ward it. They are perfectly safe.”

Remus nodded once and then grabbed Severus’ shoulder. He steered him down the corridor. “What is wrong?”

“Nothing really. Voldemort is still dead. There are no Death Eaters around and no other threats I have noticed.”

Remus knew Severus was trying to avoid discussing the real problem. “Want to go for a walk? Maybe it will help you clear your head.”

Severus looked outside and realized it was still snowing. The temperature was probably still dropping and he would be cold, but then again, a walk sounded good. He opened the door, stepped into the courtyard, and suppressed the shivers that shook his body. He walked toward the graveyard and sat down on the bench there.

Remus wondered about Severus’s odd choice of location, but decided to humour him and sat down next to him. “Care to tell me what this is about?” Why had Severus chosen to go to the graveyard? Severus seemed depressed as it was! “Is this because we asked you to be Teddy’s godfather?” He had seen Severus in this sort of mood before, he realized, and back then he had thought he would prefer rage over such listlessness. He still did.

“That might have set it off,” Severus admitted after drawing in a deep breath. He shuddered due to the cold. “I don’t know how to be part of a family, Remus,” he said, after dismissing addressing the other man as Lupin. He could no longer pull off distancing himself in that way. 

Remus remained quiet, realizing Severus’ needed to talk.

“My mother hated me and my father beat me up. Both told me they wished I had never been born. That’s the person you want as your son’s godfather. I will fail Teddy. I will fail your son like I failed Harry. I know I will. I wish you would reconsider, Remus. Ask Harry instead—or Neville, because I think both will do a much better job than me.”

Remus thought the things over which Severus had just told him and knew much depended on his answer. “I am sorry your parents treated you like that. No child should have to live through neglect and abuse. Severus, I am a father now and I could never act in that way towards Teddy. It wasn’t your fault what happened back then. Your parents are to blame for that, not you. Severus, when I look at Teddy, I only feel love for him. I want to show him that love and keep him safe. Severus, look at me, will you?” 

Remus wasn’t sure Severus would comply, but when the other man did look at him, Remus grew worried at seeing the tears, which dripped down his face. “You wanted that for Harry too, didn’t you? You wanted to love him like your son. You protected him all those years. You are not like your father, don’t ever think that!”

Severus wanted to avert his gaze, but found he couldn’t. He clung to every word Remus said. It felt like being absolved for every wrong he had ever done.

“There will be times when neither I, nor Tonks, can look after Teddy, be it work-related or whatever. When that happens we need someone we can depend on to look after Teddy. We need someone we can trust. Yes, we trust Harry too, but he’s only seventeen year old, in love for the first time, and still stuck at school. Severus, we decided on you because you saved our lives that night of the attack. You took care of that Death Eater, neither Tonks nor I saw him. Had he killed us, we would never have gotten the chance to hold Teddy in our arms again. Thanks to you, we will see Teddy grow up. And no, that’s not the only reason we decided to ask you. When Voldemort attacked Hogwarts, you urged Tonks to get herself into safety. Severus, you care – it is as simple as that. You can deny it all you want, but you care about Tonks, Teddy, and me. You care about Harry, Hermione, Ron, Minerva, Poppy… Do I really need to continue? And you care about Neville, which rather surprises me, considering he cursed you like that.” Remus felt he had finally gotten through to Severus and now wanted answers himself. “Care to explain that one to me?”

Severus wiped at his tears with his right hand, only to find they had frozen to his face due to the cold. He removed the shards of ice from his face and drew in a deep breath in an attempt to steady himself. Remus’ speech had gotten the point across and he knew the werewolf had nailed his fears right down. 

“Severus? Explain it to me. Why do you care about Neville that much?” Remus had seen Severus’ expression grow vacant and had quickly addressed the wizard. 

“It simply happened. Don’t expect a profound explanation.” Severus tucked his left hand deeper into his pocket as he had lost all sensation in it due to the cold. “After he found out that I had altered his memories… And he had seen mine in the pensieve… Things changed.”

Remus smiled at hearing the caring tone. Severus might not realize it, but he obviously cared deeply about the young man. “Go on.”

“He actually threatened to attack Kingsley because he thought they wanted to take me to Azkaban. He is oddly protective of me at times. I haven’t figured out yet why.”

Remus decided to rather listen than offer advice. “What else?”

“We play chess most evenings, but tonight was different. He stayed after you had left and started to ask questions.”

“What kind of questions?” Remus asked when Severus stopped talking.

“He wanted to know my date of birth… My favourite colour… Personal things.”

Remus smiled. Neville surely seemed interested in Severus. The young man was obviously looking for a father figure and it looked like Neville had decided Severus should be the one to take that place. 

“He thought me older than thirty-eight. I decided not to ask him just how old he thought I was. He would probably have said fifty!” Severus chuckled softly, being fond of that memory.

It looked like Severus liked Neville in turn, Remus mused. Severus didn’t have any children and he doubted the other man would ever get married and start a family of his own. Neville and Severus seemed a perfect match in that regard. Remus slowly and carefully rested a hand on Severus’ shoulder, as the last thing he wanted was to take the other man by surprise. Severus shifted slightly upon the contact, but didn’t pull away. 

“You will do well being Teddy’s godfather. You don’t need to doubt yourself, Severus. Keep in mind that Tonks and I want you to be a part of this. We wouldn’t have asked otherwise.” Remus had never realized how alone and isolated Severus had been during all those years. I will do whatever I can in order to help you find your way back, he promised. I won’t let you down – not this time. “We should move back indoors. I don’t know about you, but I am freezing!” Remus got up from the bench and rubbed his arms in order to get warm. Severus however wasn’t moving. “Severus? Come on now.” 

Severus was trying; his body merely refused to cooperate. He should have told Remus no when the other man had suggested going outside for a breath of fresh air, but as he hadn’t wanted Remus to retract his offer, he had followed him outside. Now he was paying the price for that. 

“Severus?” Remus leaned in closer and frowned upon seeing how still Severus actually sat. “Are you fine?” Apprehension swept through him. Something was definitely wrong here.

“I shouldn’t have stayed out here that long. I don’t do cold well these days.” He might need help getting to his feet, but he would rather bite off his tongue than ask for it.

Remus suddenly remembered that Harry had told him about Severus’ weakened condition and that he would never fully recover. Why hadn’t he thought of it earlier? “I will give you a hand.” He wrapped an arm around Severus and pulled him to his feet. Remus steadied the other man when he swayed. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I am not in the habit of flaunting my weaknesses,” Severus sneered. He hated needing the help, hated being that vulnerable. He wanted to pull away when Remus kept an arm wrapped around him, but he realized he would make a fool out of himself if he did. Remus having to pick him up from the ground would be even worse.

“Is it because of Nagini’s poison?” Remus had never considered the possibility of Severus being permanently injured.

“You don’t need to know what’s causing this.” Severus was afraid that if Remus knew the truth he would tell others, and eventually confirm Neville’s suspicions.

Remus decided against feeling offended. Severus was overreacting and would calm down once he was indoors again. “Should I take you to Poppy?”

“No, no need for that. There’s nothing she can do to begin with.” He just had to remember he couldn’t stay outside for that long. He watched Remus open the door with a non-verbal spell and felt relieved when warm air reached him. That was much better. He placed his right hand against the wall in order to support himself.

“Severus, there is no shame in accepting help when you need it,” Remus pointed out to him. He understood that this was hard on Severus though. “I shall walk you to your office.” He wondered if Severus would push him away or accept his support.

In the end, Severus realized he had no choice but to accept the help Remus was offering. Slowly, they made their way back to his office and Severus felt grateful that they encountered no one on their way over there.

Severus’ left arm hung limply down his side and Remus worried about that. It wasn’t normal. “Severus, I think we need to have an in-depth discussion regarding your current condition, but no, not tonight.” He had seen Severus wanting to protest and had acted at once. “But we will have that discussion tomorrow!”

The Gargoyle immediately moved aside. Hogwarts adapted to its Headmaster’s needs and the escalator appeared instead of the staircase. “Interesting,” Remus remarked upon noticing it. “Bedroom?” he inquired when they stepped into the office. Fang immediately got up and headed toward them. Remus had seen the hound during his first visit that day and was grateful Severus wouldn’t be alone that night.

“Turn right,” Severus whispered and hoped the portraits would keep silent. They did, and he allowed Remus to guide him into the bedroom. The fire place in the corner instantly came alive and warmth started to spread through the room. 

“Lets sit you down.” Remus thought it best to announce his actions. He lowered Severus onto the bed and then looked about, wondering what to do. Severus would want him to leave, but Remus didn’t feel comfortable leaving the wizard like that. 

Severus had momentarily forgotten about Remus and tried to shrug out of his coat. The material had frozen and caused him to feel chilly. He barely noticed Remus assisting him with the numerous buttons.

Remus cringed at realizing that Severus’ left arm remained motionless. He took care of the buttons, slid the coat down Severus’ shoulders, and struggled to remove it because the arm refused to cooperate. “Are you sure you don’t want Poppy to check on you?”

Severus blinked; had he really forgotten about Remus? “She can’t help.” 

“Then tell me what will help.” Remus hoped there was something he could do in order to help.

“I just need to get warm again.” Severus had a hard time believing his eyes. Was Remus really removing his boots for him? “You don’t need to do that.”

“It’s no bother,” Remus said and placed the boots aside. As far as he could tell, Severus had regained control over most limbs – except for the left arm that was. “Come on, lie down.” Severus complied and Remus collected as many blankets and quilts as he could possibly find. After covering Severus with them, he sat down on the side of the bed. Fang was giving Severus a concerned look and Remus tended to agree with the dog. Something was wrong with the wizard, and then he noticed the tremors which travelled down Severus’ left arm in waves. It was a sight he was familiar with. He had seen those tremors and twitches whenever someone was kept under the Cruciatus curse. But no one was cursing Severus right now, so how… “Don’t tell me this is because Neville cursed you in the Great Hall!” But it was the only logical conclusion he could reach!

“Don’t tell him! Neville can never know!” Why did Remus have to figure it out? He turned onto his left side, hoping to contain the tremors that way as he was putting his weight on the twitching arm. “If I find out you told him then…” He didn’t know what he would do then.

“Calm yourself!” Remus shook his head in wonder. “But how can that be?”

Severus closed his eyes and prayed for patience. “I had just returned from the dead, Remus. My body couldn’t take it… Oh, I have been under the Cruciatus before, yes,” he had seen the question in Remus’ eyes. “It was Bellatrix’ favourite curse and normally Neville casting it wouldn’t have caused any damage, but I was exhausted that day.”

“Is it contained to your left arm or…?” Remus tucked the blankets around Severus’ form, realizing the importance of keeping him warm.

“So far, yes. I don’t believe it will spread.” He hoped not. 

“Severus?”

He looked up because of the odd tone to Remus’ voice. “What?” The look Remus gave him could only be described as peculiar.

“Promise to tell me off the next time I make a suggestion that will tamper with your health. I won’t walk away because you can’t go outside. I didn’t know how bad you were. Had I known, I would never have suggested moving outdoors.” Severus was about to dismiss his words, and so Remus quickly resumed talking. “I am serious. You need to take care of yourself! And I want to help.”

“Noted,” Severus said as he was too tired to continue their conversation. “Let me sleep then.”

“I will.” Remus stopped talking and watched Severus close his eyes and fall asleep. He waited for the wizard’s breathing to slow down and then deepen before he checked on Severus’ left arm. He was relieved to find that the tremors were lessening. It was a good thing tomorrow was Saturday because he planned to have several conversations that day – and most importantly, he was going to try to talk some sense into Severus so he would start to take his condition seriously!

///

The next morning found Remus still in the Headmaster’s office. He had flooed Tonks an hour ago and had let her know where he was and why he was staying with Severus. Tonks had been understanding, much as he had expected. They had agreed to meet for breakfast in the Great Hall and to talk things over then. Thankfully it was a Saturday and he had no other commitments. 

For most of the night, Remus had sat on the windowsill. Like Fang, who had stretched next to the bed, he had felt the need to stay close. 

Severus stirred after the sun had already risen. The rays of sunlight moved into the bedroom and seemed to reach for the sleeping man, who looked surprisingly peaceful. Remus however though wasn’t fooled; Severus had had several nightmares throughout the night. Most of them had been about Voldemort; Severus had repeatedly called out that name. 

Years ago, when Harry had confided in him, Remus had tried getting to know Severus, but then he had had to leave because Tonks had been pregnant. This time around, he had the time to befriend Severus and while doing that, he planned on gaining Severus’ trust. Severus had to talk about the things he had gone through during all those years, and neither Harry, nor Neville were the right person for Severus to talk too. They were students and Severus would never burden them in that way. Things would hopefully evolve differently, should he offer Severus a listening ear.

The portrait closest to the bedroom, which was that of Newton Scamander, suddenly called out, surprising the hell out of him. “Severus, wake up! It’s time for breakfast and you can’t afford to miss another meal. Professor Lupin, be so kind as to kick his arse should he remain in bed!”

Remus chuckled softly. He knew the portraits could speak and had the habit of getting involved; it seemed Severus had an army of babysitters in here! “Are you sure about that? He was awfully tired earlier.”

“I am sure! Don’t contradict me, young man!” Newton managed to turn his head in such a way that he could glare at Remus. “Wake him!” 

“Newton, shut up!” Severus had woken the first time Newton had addressed Remus. He opened his eyes and wondered why he was buried beneath several blankets and quilts. Ah yes, he had been cold last night. He pushed the constricting fabric aside and sat up. It was a good thing that warmth countered the tremors. This morning found his left arm almost unaffected by tremors. Maybe he should stay indoors during the winter then!

“Good morning, Severus.” Remus also noticed the absence of the tremors. “I would have let you sleep, but that one over there thought differently.” He should try to ally himself with Severus so the portraits would become their mutual enemy. Remus suspected that Severus still thought in those terms. 

Severus nodded and then placed his feet on the floor. He was still wearing his shirt and pants and was in a desperate need of a bath. “You didn’t have to stay.” He didn’t make eye contact yet, as he wondered why Remus had decided to stay.

“I couldn’t leave you alone – I worried, Severus. Actually, I still do.” Remus still planned on having that conversation with Severus, but not right now. He could tell that Severus was too tired for that. “Now that you are awake, I shall join Tonks instead. Will we see you in the Great Hall for breakfast?” He got to his feet and stepped over Fang who took up most of the bedroom floor. 

Severus nodded again. “I might run late though.” He didn’t particularly look forward to meeting them, but as Headmaster he had to put in regular appearances. Severus finally raised his gaze and watched Remus leave. A moment later, he heard the Gargoyle move back into place in order to seal the entrance. It was a good thing Remus didn’t know the password, but then again there was always the chance Neville would tell him!

///

“I am sorry, love,” Remus said upon joining Tonks and Teddy in the Great Hall. “But I couldn’t leave Severus while he was like that.” He kissed her and then sat down next to her. After quickly looking about, he realized that out of the students only Neville was still having breakfast. “Am I really that late?”

Tonks chuckled and shifted Teddy on her lap. “Yes, you are, but don’t worry. The house elves won’t start cleaning up until the last person is gone!”

“Good morning to you too, young man,” Remus said and tickled his son’s stomach. Teddy cooed and tried to grab his hand. “I am really sorry about last night,” Remus repeated. “But I doubt you would have felt comfortable leaving Severus like that either.”

“Was he really that bad?” Tonks knew her husband best. Remus would never ignore someone who needed his help – not nowadays, for Remus did regret not stopping his friends’ bullying in the past.

“He could barely move due to the cold and then his left arm started to twitch. You know, the same way Neville’s parents do before another attack takes them.” Remus’ gaze shifted toward Neville instead. “That Cruciatus curse should be banned for all eternity. It does too much nerve damage, Tonks.” 

“Maybe you should invite Neville to sit with us. He’s the only student still in here. Why do you think that is? All other students left for Hogsmeade first thing in the morning.”

“My guess is he is waiting for Severus – to make sure he is fine. Severus told me they have become friends.”

Tonks frowned. “Now wait a moment, if Severus’ arm is damaged because of someone cursing him…” She looked to her husband for confirmation. 

“Yes, it was Neville. He cursed Severus in that weakened state. Severus doesn’t want Neville to know that though.”

“How…noble of him.” Tonks wasn’t sure it was the right thing to do. “What if Neville finds out by himself?”

“Severus suspects Neville already knows, but he refuses to confirm it. When we decided to come here, I never thought Severus could still be having health issues. I just assumed he would bounce back.”

“That’s understandable, Remus. But we forget that Voldemort had a penchant for torture too. We don’t know if Severus’ nerves weren’t already damaged to begin with.” Tonks raised her arm and waved Neville over to her. “Come sit with us!” 

Neville wasn’t sure he should, but they might know what was taking Severus! So he picked up his plate and tea – he had to pretend being there for a reason – and moved over to the teachers’ table. He sat down next to Tonks and gave her a weak smile. “Morning,” he said, feeling a tad insecure. 

“I am surprised to still find you here,” Tonks said and cradled Teddy against her. “I thought you would have long left for Hogsmeade.”

Neville considered lying, but then again, lying had never gotten him far. “I am waiting for professor Snape to join us. I haven’t seen him about all morning and I am worried.”

Remus appreciated Neville’s frankness. “Severus should join us any moment now. He woke rather late this morning.”

“And you know that because…?” Neville couldn’t help himself; he had to find out how Remus knew that.

“Because I sat with him through the night.” Remus cringed and gave Neville an apologetic look. “I didn’t understand that cold worsens his condition, so we went for a walk and eventually sat down. When we wanted to go back inside, he could barely move.” Neville’s face had gone pale during his explanation and Remus realized that the young man really worried about Severus. “He was fine when I left him this morning. His left arm had stopped trembling.” Neville bit onto his bottom lip and Remus realized he had made a mistake. He had given Neville an opening to discuss the tremors.

“It’s because I cursed him that day,” Neville whispered. “Professor Snape won’t confirm it and Madam Pomfrey won’t admit to it either, but I can read between the lines. He was already weak to begin with and then I put him under the Cruciatus.”

“Neville, you don’t know for sure –“ Remus started, but Neville interrupted him.

“I am not sure because no one will tell me! But I am not stupid, Remus! I watch my parents twitch like that each time I visit!” He was growing angry. He knew he shouldn’t. but the guilt and worry he felt needed out. “I just want to know if it will get worse. I hate the fact that he barely has any control over his left arm, but I could handle that, knowing the curse won’t spread to other parts of his body.”

Remus sighed. “Severus told me that he doesn’t think it will get worse. He believes it will stay like this.”

“Something to be grateful for,” Neville whispered angrily. 

Fang barked loudly upon entering the Great Hall. Excitedly, he ran up to the teachers’ table and tried to get Neville to pet him, having sensed the young man’s anxiety. 

Neville quickly composed himself as he didn’t want Severus to see him upset. The older wizard would start asking questions if he did. 

Severus knew something was wrong when he made his way over to them. As they sat huddled together, he forewent his own chair and sat down next to Neville instead. Instantly, breakfast appeared and a pot of his favourite tea. The silence that now descended onto the Hall worried him. Had they been discussing him and they didn’t want him to know?

Tonks knew she had to do away with the risen tension. “Teddy, say good morning to your godfather.” She lifted the toddler and promptly placed Teddy onto Severus’ lap, blatantly ignoring the man’s shocked expression. 

Fang moved closer and tried to lick the child’s face, but Severus reacted at once and told him no. “Lie down, Fang, or go chase rabbits for all I care.” He moved Teddy closer to him and out of the hound’s reach. Teddy was curious now that someone else was holding him and tried to climb onto Severus so he could get closer to the face. If he remembered correctly, the man holding him had interesting eyes!

Severus’ protectiveness was exactly what Remus had expected to see. Tonks and he had had their reasons to pick Severus over Harry. It seemed they had been right to make that decision. 

Severus suffered through being climbed on with as much dignity as he could muster. In the end, Teddy settled down on his lap and tried to undo the buttons on his cloak. The toddler’s fingers however had a hard time even grabbing them. Realizing that his buttons distracted Teddy helped Severus relax. “Mister Longbottom, why are you still here? Everyone else went to Hogsmeade some time ago.”

Remus and Tonks noticed the way Neville’s expression changed upon being asked that. The young man tried to hide his concern, but failed in doing so. Neville didn’t seem to notice that though. 

“I would rather play Wizard chess with you, if you are game.”

Severus saw right through the pretence and wondered how to deal with it. “You don’t have to stay on my account, Neville.”

“I like spending time with you…” Neville averted his gaze, as he wasn’t sure how to handle the situation. 

“I have company,” Severus pointed out while trying to contain Teddy to his arms. The toddler was now trying to climb onto his shoulder. “Does he always have this much energy?” he asked Tonks.

She took pity on him and collected her son. “In the mornings, yes.” Teddy would tire throughout the day though.

Severus reached for his tea, sipped, and then ate a bread roll. He cast an inquisitive look at Neville and realized he had hurt the young man’s feelings – Neville felt rejected. “But you are always welcome in my rooms. You know that. If you want to call on me today, you may do so.” The smile that surfaced on Neville’s face surprised him. Was it really that easy to cheer Neville up?

“I will! I will even bring scones!” Neville knew he came across as too eager, but he didn’t care. 

Tonks looked at Severus and wasn’t surprised to find an equally pleased expression on his face. Severus might try to push Neville away, but the truth was, Severus wanted the company as much as Neville did.

///

“Lady Grey.” Neville watched the Gargoyle make way and quickly descended the staircase. He had been looking forward to this all day. When he entered the main office, he found Fang in front of the fire place. The hound didn’t even bother looking up though. Severus was at the table, already waiting for him with his chess board out and tea ready. “I brought scones, like I promised!” he put down the plate and sat opposite Severus. Sitting close gave Neville a chance to study Severus. He had expected the older wizard to look tired, but found him alert instead. Actually, if anything, Severus looked rested. “You look well,” he said in surprise.

“My life has changed, Neville. Instead of having to attend Death Eaters’ meetings in order to extract information, I can rest. Not being cursed for a while makes a difference too.” As expected Neville gave him a stunned look. “Do you really think that I suffered the Cruciatus for the first time when you cursed me? Voldemort and Bellatrix were particularly fond of it. There wasn’t a Death Eaters’ meeting when I wasn’t cursed. It was the Dark Lord’s way to make sure we continued to obey.”

Neville knew Severus had told him that for a reason, but he wasn’t sure what that reason was. 

“The thing is, Neville, I am finally getting the opportunity to recover.”

Neville nodded, but still wasn’t sure what point Severus was trying to make.

“I finally get to enjoy moments like these – just sitting here, talking to you and having tea.”

So the speech had been meant to reassure him? Neville wrapped his fingers around the tea cup. “Will your left arm continue to hinder you?” Had Severus overheard their conversation during breakfast?

“I shall be honest with you, Neville. Yes, it will. The tremors won’t go away, but I also believe that they won’t grow worse. It’s something I can live with. It’s a small price to pay for all the things I did in the past.”

“You still haven’t forgiven yourself for what you had to do, have you?” The revelation came suddenly, but Neville knew he was right when Severus averted his gaze.

“How do you expect me to forgive myself?” he muttered privately. “You are still innocent in many ways, Mister Longbottom. You wouldn’t forgive me either if you knew about the things I did.”

Neville knew he was treading on dangerous ground, but he couldn’t ignore it. “You died, sir. Don’t you think that was penance enough?” Severus gave him a strange look, one he failed to label.

Why did they always say that? Harry had used that one on him too. Didn’t they understand that when he had come back to life, he had brought his demons back with him? “Death as a way of doing penance is overrated.”

Neville couldn’t believe Severus had said that. “You wanted to die, I get that, but…”

Severus then surprised himself by placing his left hand on Neville’s arm and squeezing gently. “Don’t try to understand me, Neville. I never managed that in the first place.”

Neville realized something about Severus right then. The older man was lost and clung to his so-called crimes simply because it was something he could hold on to. If he wanted to change that, he had to give Severus something new he could anchor himself to. “Teddy,” he said at once.

Severus frowned. “What do you mean?” How had they ended up discussing the toddler all of a sudden?

“You are his godfather; you accepted, didn’t you?” Yes, this would work – maybe not right away, but in time. Neville was sure of that. 

“Yes, they lured me into giving in.” Severus still wondered why Neville had brought that up just now.

“That’s good. It’s a start!” Neville’s thoughts raced. “And you are still Headmaster. You didn’t like that at first, understandably, but you like it now, don’t you?”

Severus was about to object to liking being Headmaster, when Albus coughed from inside his panting. A moment later, Phineas stirred as well and arched an eyebrow at him. If he told a lie now, the two of them would correct it for him. “Yes, Neville, I am growing more comfortable with the fact that I am still Headmaster.” Much had to do with the way Hogwarts still responded to him, and knowing that the castle and the former Heads wanted him to hold that office.

“And you have friends here now. There’s Remus and Tonks! And professor McGonagall! I think you are quite fond of Harry, Ron, Hermione and even Ginny too. Or am I wrong?”

Severus had no idea what Neville wanted to accomplish by telling him that, but he had one thing to add to that. “And I like you too. Don’t forget that.”

Neville actually grew a tad flustered. “And you like Luna and Madam Pomfrey.” Yes, Severus would find ways to anchor himself to his new life, but it would take time. Luckily, they had plenty of that with Voldemort gone from their lives.

Severus finally caught on. Neville was trying to tell him that he had plenty to live for. Neville shouldn’t concern himself with that as the young man had suffered more than his own share in life. Severus suddenly became aware of the fact that his hand still rested on Neville’s and he was about to pull away when Neville acted first and curled his fingers around his hand instead. 

Severus felt shaken to the core, although he couldn’t explain why the touch unnerved him to such a degree.

“Please don’t,” Neville said, needing the contact in order to assure himself that Severus was still alive and that the older man had forgiven him for cursing him. For Neville knew he had been forgiven – a long time ago. 

Severus nodded, but still wondered why it was that important to Neville. He indulged his student and allowed him to hold on to his hand. He had never felt comfortable with being touched. He could deal with a hand on his shoulder or Remus supporting him on their way to the office, but this was different—this was skin against skin. 

Neville understood why Severus felt threatened and his heart ached because of it. Neville had grown up with his grandmother and without his parents, but his grandmother was a compassionate witch and she hugged him all the time. She always kissed him on his brow whenever they had to part and so touch came easily to Neville. Severus however had never experienced any of those things, Neville mused. Severus’ father had beaten him and his mother had neglected him. The only touch Severus had ever known had been violent – his father hitting him or not being touched at all. Neville therefore tightened his hold on Severus’ hand as he wasn’t ready yet to let go. 

Severus allowed it and endured. In the end, he even grew accepting of the touch, but never comfortable. 

///

Severus roamed the castle later that evening to make sure all students had returned from Hogsmeade without suffering lasting damage due to the Weasleys’ assortment of practical jokes. He then returned to his office and sat down close to the fireplace. The chess board was still out on his table. Neville and he hadn’t played though. 

Their whole conversation drifted into his mind again, finally fully realizing Neville’s intentions that day. He felt flattered that his student worried about him and even cared enough to point out the good things in life to him, but Neville didn’t know how much the darkness still affected him. Some shadows had never left – not even death had succeeded in doing that.

“Severus, you do know what date it is tomorrow?” Albus felt it best to draw Severus from his musings as the expression in those eyes continued to darken. 

Severus rolled back his eyes and waited. “Pray tell me, what date is it tomorrow?”

“Remember, remember, the fifth of November…” Albus felt a pang of loss and wished Fawkes would return to Hogwarts. He had always had a weak spot for that phoenix.

Severus instantly knew what Albus was suggesting. “No, we are not having bonfires or anything like it. The students are still recovering from the attack and we don’t want to set hem off and make them re-live it because of the fires and fireworks. I won’t have it.” 

Albus was a bit surprised to hear such vehemence to Severus’ voice, but understood why he was that protective of his students. “Life goes on, Severus, and the students always look forward to it. They have to be back from Hogsmeade at eight. You can arrange for the bonfires at nine and have them safely tucked into bed by ten, if that worries you.”

“Don’t you understand at all?” Severus got up, walked over to Albus’ portrait, and shook his head. “Only weeks ago fifty-one people died. The shield charm we erected didn’t last for long. The explosions were everywhere; in the sky and on the ground. Hogwarts burned, Albus.”

“I know all that,” Albus replied, growing frustrated with Severus’ attitude. “What do you intend to do then? Cancel Christmas too? And how about Valentine’s Day? Let’s cut all fun from our lives and just be miserable?”

“That isn’t fair and you know it!” Severus glared at the former Head. “It’s just too early!”

“Severus, you already spent eighteen years in mourning… How many more years will you let slip through your fingers?” He wasn’t sure how Severus was going to react to that, but he couldn’t stop now. “Neville, that brave boy, told you to start living again, but you are too damn stubborn to do that. No, you cling to your pain instead. You let it shackle you! Severus, the time has come to move on. If you can’t manage that now, you never will!”

Severus wanted to grab the portrait and tear it apart. If that didn’t work he could still set fire to it or blast it into tiny pieces. Albus didn’t have the right to say those things!

Although seeing Severus’ silent rage, Albus maintained eye contact. “You have so much left to live for. It is what Lily would have wanted.”

Severus closed his eyes in frustration. “You had to bring her up, didn’t you?”

“It’s the truth, Severus. Lily would want you to live.”

The thing was, it was the truth— even Severus couldn’t deny that. “Nothing major though… Small bonfires, and we will keep the firework to a minimum too.” He hoped he wasn’t making a mistake, as he didn’t want his students to flash back to that attack. “We will meet in the Great Hall at eight thirty and they will have a choice whether to attend or not. If they wish to go to their common room instead, they will be able to do so. I will not spring this on them, Albus.”

“Never stop caring about them, Severus,” Albus said, deeply touched that Severus worried about his students to such a degree. “You make a very fine Headmaster. You do know that, don’t you?” But looking into Severus’ eyes, he caught an echo of the man’s thoughts and knew Severus still didn’t believe it.

///

“Mister Weasley, I would like a word with you.” Severus had caught Ron in the corridor and ignored the startled look the young man was giving him.

Ron made his way over to Snape and wondered what he had done to earn the Headmaster’s attention! After all, he had behaved and had returned in time for curfew last night! Snape couldn’t pin him with anything!

“Do try to look less horrified,” Severus quipped; he couldn’t help feeling amused. Even though Ron knew the truth about him, the Gryffindor tended to relapse regarding his behaviour and would turn into a first year upon sight of him.

“Sorry, sir.” Ron looked about and didn’t like the fact that it was just the two of them.

“I trust you will be heading into Hogsmeade today?”

Ron nodded. “I am going to see Fred and George, yes.” And then, he forget about the apprehension that had flooded him a moment ago, remembering that Snape had saved his brother’s life. 

“I was wondering if you would run an errand for me.” Severus handed Ron a piece of parchment. “I am sure your brothers carry the items I wish to purchase.” Severus noticed that the way Ron was looking at him had changed: the apprehension was gone.

Ron studied the list and arched an eyebrow. “Are you sure these are the things you want?” Fred and George sold all kind of fireworks and could easily supply Snape, but why would the older wizard want to buy such things in the first place?

“Deliver those items to professor Flitwick at seven. Yes, I am aware that cuts short the time you can spend in Hogsmeade, but the professor needs to prepare for tonight’s show.”

“Show, sir?” Ron wondered what the hell was going on.

“You do remember what day it is today, don’t you, Mister Weasley?” Severus arched an eyebrow at his student.

Ron knew what day it was, but he had never thought Snape would celebrate it. “It’s the fifth of…” And then he caught on. “We are going to celebrate it? With bonfires and fireworks? We talked about it earlier, during breakfast, but we thought you wouldn’t want to celebrate… We were rather hoping you would, sir – the students, that is.”

“Hurry up then. If you don’t return with the fireworks in time, then…” Severus didn’t have to finish, as Ron was already running down the corridor.

///

Neville Longbottom is in his common room, Headmaster.

Severus still wasn’t sure if he was doing the right thing by allowing the celebrations to continue, but now that Ron knew what would happen, eighty percent of the students and inhabitants of Hogsmeade would find out too. He apparated into the Gryffindor common room and chuckled at seeing Neville’s startled expression. “I reckon you weren’t expecting me?”

“I wasn’t,” Neville replied and put down the book he had been reading. “I am not complaining though.”

Severus inclined his head and sat down on the sofa next to Neville. “I was wondering if you would help me out.” Severus wondered once more about the comfortable feeling between the two of them. He trusted Neville, and it seemed that the feeling was mutual. 

“Help out with what?” Neville felt excited. He had never expected Severus to seek him out and ask for his assistance.

“I plan to celebrate the fifth of November tonight with some small bonfires and harmless fireworks. I put professor Flitwick in charge of the fireworks, but I still need help with the bonfires. I want to ask Hagrid to help too, since he is at home.”

“We could also ask Remus, sorry, professor Lupin!”

“I am not sure we should. He has a family to look after.”

“I am sure Tonks wants to help too.” 

Severus sighed and gave in. “I will ask them. I will meet you at the rim of the Forbidden Forest in thirty minutes. Do not enter it though.”

“I will be good,” Neville chuckled lightly, enjoying the new sense of comradely between them.

///

“We did a fine job, if yer ask me!” Hagrid felt pleased looking at the four bonfires they had managed to erect. They were rather small, compared to last year’s, but the half-Giant understood why the Headmaster had made that particular request. 

Severus shivered. Although most of the snow had melted during the day and the sun was out, he was growing chilly. He should return indoors, but didn’t want to leave his friends behind. 

It was Tonks who finally broached the subject. “Severus, should you be out for this long? It is rather cold.” She had left Teddy in her rooms, after two house elves had assured her that they would look after her son. 

Severus hated admitting it though. “You are probably right. I am getting cold.” Neville walked over to him at once and gave him a worried look. “I am fine!”

Neville however noticed that Severus had tucked his left hand into a pocket. He realized that whenever Severus did that, he suffered from tremors. “Go back, please, and get warm. We will finish up here and then join you.”

Severus arched an eyebrow at Neville trying to order him about. He was about to mention that he was Headmaster here and not Neville, when he sensed some of the young man’s concern. Neville’s worry had made him say that. “Fine,” he hissed and apparated back to his office.

“He is still a bit of a grouch, isn’t he?” Remus said, but then chuckled softly. 

Neville shrugged. “He is not yet comfortable with looking after himself. He tends to neglect himself.”

Tonks nodded. “Thankfully Severus has you to keep an eye on him.” She winked at him. “Severus needs someone like you.”

Her words made him grow flustered, but Tonks was right, Neville mused. As long as Severus refused to take care of himself, someone else had to do it.

///

The one thing Severus hadn’t taken into consideration was that he had to address the gathered students. Standing in the Great Hall like that painfully reminded him of the way he had threatened his students in case they withheld information regarding Harry Potter’s whereabouts. A nauseating feeling twisted his stomach and he called on every ounce of his discipline to pull him through. 

This is different, Harry sent down the link as he had picked up on Severus’ terror. I am standing right in front of you and the Carrows are gone. You have every right to stand where professor Dumbledore stood. You are Headmaster because Hogwarts wants it that way, and truth be told, we want that too.

Severus drew in a deep breath and fought for composure. He looked at Harry and nodded. Thank you for that. Now he might be able to do this. “As you know it is the fifth of November, a day which is traditionally celebrated with bonfires and fireworks. After conferring with your former Headmaster, professor Dumbledore, I decided to keep up that tradition.” As expected, most students started to whisper. He had hoped that mentioning Albus would do the trick. He waited for them to grow quiet again and then continued. “So we will light bonfires this evening and professor Flitwick agreed to orchestrate the fireworks.” 

You don’t need to be nervous… Don’t be scared!

In one way, Harry’s reassurances helped, but at the same time, they also distracted him. Severus forced himself to appear calm, although his emotions raged on the inside. He wasn’t sure he could continue – wasn’t sure he could do this. Holding this speech painfully reminded him of the way he had terrorized his students.

That’s in the past. Don’t do this to yourself. Things are different now. Voldemort’s dead. 

Severus reminded himself that Harry was right, but it still didn’t help much. “I want you to know that you are under no obligation to take part in the celebrations. If you prefer to go to your common room or dormitory please do. I am aware of the fact that we suffered an attack only weeks ago and that we lost loved ones that night…” He had to pause as he didn’t trust himself to continue. Once he had managed to compose himself –somewhat- he added, “Let me assure you that they will never be forgotten. They will live on in our hearts.” Students and staff remained quiet, and for once, Severus wished they would start talking, or yell, for all he cared. The silence was getting to him. “If you wish to celebrate the fifth of November, please follow professor Flitwick outside. And remember, you are under no obligation to do so.”

He was surprised to find that Minerva had moved closer to him. He gave her a quick look and noticed the tears that dripped down her face. “What is wrong?” he asked with concern. Minerva wasn’t one to cry easily and certainly not in public. 

“We needed to hear that, Severus – all of us. I didn’t realize it until now. It’s not just the students that still have nightmares, many of the staff have them as well. Thank you for giving everyone a choice.”

Severus hadn’t thought it would mean that much to her, but apparently he had been right to offer everyone a choice. He almost patted her arm, but wasn’t sure his touch would be welcome. Instead, he looked at the students and found that they were following Filius out of the Hall. None of them had stayed behind or was making their way to their common rooms. He hadn’t expected that. 

“Are you joining us, Severus?” Remus asked, as he had taken it upon himself to keep an eye on Severus now that they were heading outside.

“I will,” Severus replied thoughtfully.

“Make sure you dress warmly,” Remus whispered. 

Severus transfigured a warm cloak, a scarf, and extra thick gloves. “Does this appease you?”

Remus smiled, but it was a sad one. “It will do, but I want you to let me know the minute the cold starts to affect you.”

Severus narrowed his eyes. “Don’t tell me you are volunteering to babysit me. Neville might not like it.” He had long noted the young man waiting near the doorway. 

Remus now noticed it too and chuckled – this time, with mirth. “I wouldn’t dare interfere! Neville’s wrath would be terrible to behold.” They walked toward the doorway. “I am surprised you are letting him get away with it.”

“He feels guilty, Remus. Spending time with him and trying to talk him into letting go of that guilt is all I can do.” 

Tonks appeared at Remus’ side, took his arm, and moved closer. “He knows it was his curse that damaged the nerves in your arm, Severus. Sooner or later, you will have to tell him.”

“Not yet, Tonks… He is still too vulnerable.” Severus moved away from his teaching staff and headed toward Neville instead. The two of them fell into pace and followed the students outside. Hagrid was already lighting the first bonfire and flames rose against the dark skies.

“I am surprised you are allowing this,” Neville admitted softly. “We hoped you would let us celebrate with bonfires and fireworks, but we weren’t sure. Not until Ron told us about the errand you had sent him on. Then we realized what would happen tonight.”

“You approve then?”

Neville knew that Severus was asking if the students in general approved and not just him. “Yes, we do. We were looking forward to tonight, but we weren’t sure you would allow it.”

Severus had misjudged them then. “I was afraid that the bonfires and fireworks would remind everyone of the attack. I don’t want anyone to suffer because of that.”

“That does you credit,” Neville said, more firmly this time. “Does this mean we will also celebrate Christmas?”

“Have you been talking to Albus’ portrait?” Severus quipped.

“No, but that would have been the next logical thing for you to do – to cancel Christmas. We need those festivities though. And it’s like you said – everyone who died that day will always be in our hearts.” Neville cringed, suddenly realizing that there had been another death that day. Severus however hadn’t stayed dead and then the weakened wizard had been cursed – just minutes after returning from the dead. 

Severus came to a halt and watched Filius launch the first round of fireworks. He had to admit the Charms professor was good at that. There was only one thing missing and that was Fawkes, the phoenix. Severus however doubted they would ever see the mystical creature again.

///

Later that evening, Severus wondered why everyone had gathered in his office. Minerva, Poppy, Tonks –who had collected Teddy from the babysitting house elves- Remus, Filius, Harry, Ron, Hermione and Neville, of course, were having tea and chatting away. Fang was moving from person to person in the hope of being fed treats. Severus was lucky; so far no one had claimed his favourite chair near the fireplace and he quickly sat down, wishing he could hide in shadows, but unfortunately that wasn’t an option anymore.

“Severus, can you hold Teddy for a while? He’s asleep and will be good.” 

Severus was about to object, but Tonks moved too fast and a moment later, Teddy was cuddling up to him. 

“Thanks!” Tonks winked at him and then joined her husband.

This had to stop! He was Headmaster here and yet everyone was starting to order him around! His frustration however melted away when Teddy grabbed hold of a finger and used the hold to pull his hand closer. Severus held his breath as he wasn’t sure what to do. Teddy however felt perfectly comfortable and snuggled up to him. Severus took heart and gently stroked the baby’s head. He was once more reminded of holding Harry back then and wondered what it was with him and babies. 

“Teddy likes you,” Harry stated as he sat down on the windowsill next to Severus’ chair. “Just look at him! He’s totally relaxed!”

“And drooling on me,” Severus deadpanned. “You drooled on me too back then.”

Harry laughed, but softly, as he didn’t want to wake up Teddy. “That’s what babies do! At least, Ginny keeps telling me that. I reckon the Weasley family has more than enough experience in that field.”

“How are things between the two of you?” Severus continued to stroke the baby’s head and found it oddly relaxing to do so.

Harry blushed. “Well, there are couples forming all over, don’t you think? Ron is in love with Hermione… Neville likes Luna, and I… I like Ginny that way.”

“Did you tell her yet?” 

“Yes, and she feels the same way.” Harry watched Severus and noticed the way the older wizard kept his arm protectively wrapped around Teddy. He wondered what would have happened had Severus refused to give him up that night and had somehow managed to keep him and raise him. But playing the ‘what if’ game never worked. “I am happy that you are happy,” he said eventually as Severus’ deep sense of contentment made it down the link.

“You can shut it down,” Severus reminded him. “You did so when you walked into the Forbidden Forest that day.”

“Did I manage to shut it down? Tonks mentioned that you woke twice; when I died and when I came back to life.” 

“I think you can seal it off.” Severus had given the matter some thought. “Would you like to try tomorrow?”

“I am not sure I want the link gone. I have grown used to it and I have learned to filter your thoughts so I can respect your privacy. It’s only when you are extremely distressed that I can’t lock them out.”

“Like when I addressed the students in the Hall tonight.”

“Yes, I knew what you were going through and tried to help.”

“Thank you for that.” Severus looked about the office and realized everyone was comfortable and chatting. When Albus had still been Headmaster his office had been off limits mostly. 

“Filius, my good friend, you did a great job with those fireworks!” Albus said, complimenting the Charms professor, who merrily waved at him. “But go for a more spectacular show next year, will you?”

“I will do my best,” Filius promised with a smile. 

“Severus, you are a natural!” Albus grinned and winked at the current Headmaster. It pained him that Severus had been forced into a solitary life and that any hopes of him starting a family of his own were practically non-existent. But he was happy that Severus was able to enjoy being Teddy’s godfather.

“He is drooling on you, Snape!” Phineas shook his head disapprovingly. 

“The Headmaster’s office has become a nursery!” Vindictus added in an amused voice.

Severus however ignored them. He savoured holding Teddy and couldn’t be bothered.

///

Severus felt relieved and bereaved at the same time when his guests took their leave. He had grown used to hearing them chatter and having Tonks collect Teddy made him feel empty-handed, for he had enjoyed holding the baby. Neville however hung back and didn’t leave with the rest – not that Severus had expected the young man to leave just yet. He had the feeling that Neville wanted a word with him in private.

“All four Houses asked me to thank you for the celebration tonight. The Prefects asked me to tell you that.” 

“I am pleased to hear they liked tonight’s celebrations.” Severus hadn’t been sure if giving into Albus had been the right thing to do. Apparently it had worked out though, for which he felt grateful. 

“Can I stay and talk to you or would you like me to leave?” Severus didn’t look tired and as far as Neville could tell his left arm was fine too. He hadn’t seen any tremors yet. 

“You can stay.” Severus got to his feet though and walked about the office as he needed to stretch his legs. He went to his desk, poured tea, and then sat down behind it. Fang had followed him, although he hadn’t even left the room. “I never knew you were a guard dog,” he said jokingly. The hound however didn’t react to the teasing tone. 

Neville’s gaze had followed Severus through the office and because of that, he noticed that something had changed. He walked into the right hand corner and blinked. “Isn’t that the experiment you had in your rooms?” He noticed that the framed picture had also made it into the office, but it was still tucked away beneath a shelf, which made it hard to spot.

Severus got to his feet and joined Neville. “Yes, it is. Now that I have more time, I decided to work on it again. I might find the solution to our problem now that I am finally able to focus.” He had re-read his notes and had started brewing all over again. “I have not given up.”

Neville swallowed hard, growing nervous all of a sudden. “Do you really think there is a chance I might talk to my parents one day?”

“I hope so. I promise you to do anything within my power to create a potion that will work.” He prayed he would succeed for he wanted Neville to finally get to know his parents. “I will do my best.” Hesitantly, and not sure what was making him do it, he rested his right hand on Neville’s shoulder and briefly squeezed it. Then he abruptly turned around and sat down behind his desk again. “Didn’t you say you wanted to ask me something?”

Neville’s head still reeled from Severus’ assurances and the unexpected, but very welcome, attempt to comfort him. “I want to talk to you about what will happen after I graduate.” He walked up to the desk and remained standing in front of it. ”Graduation is only seven months away and I have been thinking about the rest of my education.”

“What would you like to do?” Severus transfigured a comfortable chair for Neville, and the young man promptly sat down. He was surprised that Neville wanted to discuss this with him instead of Minerva who was Head of his House. He should be discussing this with her. 

“I would like to study Herbology.”

Now, that shouldn’t surprise him. Severus knew about the young man’s interest in that field. “And eventually become a healer or…?”

“I think I would like to teach one day.” Neville carefully studied Severus’ expression and wondered when the older wizard would realize his future plans.

“Teach?” Severus frowned. “But then again, I think you will do well whatever career you choose.” Neville would never bully his students; he would care for them instead. Yes, now that he was thinking about it, the choice seemed to suit Neville. 

“At Hogwarts,” Neville added as Severus didn’t seem to catch on. “I would like to teach at Hogwarts one day. Professor Sprout keeps mentioning wanting to retire in a few years, so…”

“You thought you could take her place!” Severus laughed; Neville’s scheming impressed him. He hadn’t thought Neville would plan that far ahead. “And since you are friends with the Headmaster you count on me to secure that position for you? That is rather shameless, Mister Longbottom.”

“Hopefully by then, I will be professor Longbottom.” Neville chuckled along, happy that Severus seemed to approve of his plans.

“I will see what I can do, although your timing must be impeccable for that plan to work. I can’t dismiss Pomona just so you can secure her position.”

“I am sure it will work out, sir.” Severus’ reaction rather encouraged Neville to carry on with his plans. “You do realize you will be stuck with me for the rest of your life?”

“I can always resign as Headmaster,” Severus quipped, but he was only joking and Neville knew that. 

“Hogwarts wouldn’t let you!”

“You are probably right, Neville. I can’t understand its fondness for me though.”

Neville stayed quiet; he understood why Hogwarts wanted Severus Snape as its Headmaster. Because you are probably the bravest man I ever met.

Severus hadn’t intended to read Neville’s thoughts, but the young man was practically screaming them at him, and so he caught their echo. The bravest man he had ever met? Severus Snape? He had never thought of himself as brave before and wondered why Neville thought of him in that way. 

///

Severus made his way into the Great Hall the next morning. He had slept rather peacefully and had woken feeling rested. He sat down, poured tea, and decided to have bacon and eggs, as he was hungry. He sensed Minerva’s surprise at him having an appetite, but he ignored her. He focused on the Gryffindor table instead where he found Harry, Neville, Ron, and Hermione eating breakfast. Neville gave him a quick smile, but then continued his conversation with Harry. Severus still hadn’t figured out why Neville thought of him as brave. He had only done what had needed to be done.

Speaking of something that needed to be done, he caught Poppy’s gaze. She arched an eyebrow in surprise. He raised an arm and beckoned for her to join him. Since the chair to his left was empty she sat down and gave him a puzzled look. 

“Severus, are you not well?” Why else would he call her over during breakfast? “Is your arm troubling you?” But his left arm seemed fine. He didn’t tremble in the least!

“I want to know if you have given the matter some thought – becoming Head of Slytherin House, that is.” Severus looked at Horace, who was sitting next to Poppy. The wizard looked up, but didn’t seem surprised. He actually seemed to applaud the idea, just like Severus had expected. Horace had never wanted to be Head to begin with.

Poppy had thought it over, but as Severus hadn’t mentioned it again, had not considered it in depth. “I am not sure I am the right person for that job, Severus.”

“I think you are the only right person for that job, Poppy. You care for the students, even for the Slytherins.” He knew that he couldn’t talk her into it. She would only accept the position if she really wanted to do it. 

Poppy thought it over. She knew why he had asked her, and she realized the necessity for someone to take on that responsibility, but she wasn’t sure if she was right person to do it. Looking at Severus, she remembered the eleven year old boy that had shown up at the Hospital Wing, sporting bruises and bruised ribs. Horace had sent him there, but that was all the Head had ever done for Severus. Poppy hat been the one to look after Severus and she had tried to help him when Horace pretended being too busy to help the boy. She had even called Horace on it, but he had been in the middle of dining with his ‘club’ and had dismissed her worries.

Severus remained quiet, but watched Poppy closely. He was sure that, had she been Head of Slytherin House back, she would have taken action. She wouldn’t have ignored him, like Horace had.

“I will do it,” Poppy said eventually. “I only hope you won’t regret your decision. I was never Head of a House before.”

“You will do great,” Severus said, feeling terribly relieved. “I will tell Slytherin House the good news after their last class.” The students might find the change of Head odd, but Severus suspected they would also be relieved and welcome Poppy with open arms. Since Horace had overheard their conversation Severus wouldn’t bother with a personal conversation. He had never really forgiven Horace for looking the other way back then.

“And will you now answer my question, Severus? How are you today?” She wasn’t going to allow him to sidetrack her!

“I am fine, Poppy, truthfully. I got a good night’s sleep, and as you can see, I am eating.” 

She had noticed. “And your arm?”

“As long as I stay warm, I am fine. See?” He reached for the tea and poured some into a cup left handed. “Barely anything wrong with it today.”

“Today,” she repeated, knowing the tremors could return at any given moment. “Remember to dress warmly whenever you go outside.”

“I did so last night, didn’t I?” Her mothering should annoy him, but it didn’t. “I promise to tell you when something changes.”

Poppy looked at him – really looked at him – and realized he was serious. Apparently Severus Snape had finally grown tired of hiding!

///

As expected, Slytherin House welcomed the change of Head. The majority of students seemed relieved to hear that Madam Pomfrey was taking over and that professor Slughorn was merely teaching Potions for the remainder of the school year. 

Now that he had dealt with that, Severus started his way back to his office, deciding against apparating. He felt rested and wasn’t going to drain himself unnecessarily. 

“Headmaster?”

Severus halted in his tracks. That voice did sound familiar. He turned around and looked at the Hufflepuff who had asked him to restore the Quidditch pitch. “Miss Cornfoot, isn’t it?”

“Yes, Eliza Cornfoot, sir!” She gave him a blinding smile and walked up to him. “I read that the Quidditch try outs will be held on Friday. Thank you for that.”

“It was my pleasure, Miss Cornfoot,” Severus said, inclining his head toward her. However, she remained in place and he realized she wasn’t done yet. “Is there anything else you want to tell me, Miss Cornfoot?”

“The bonfires and fireworks were amazing. I want to thank you for organizing the celebrations.”

“As I said before, it was my pleasure, Miss Cornfoot.” The girl continued to stare at him though. “Is there more?” He couldn’t help growing amused. Her manner reminded him of Luna. 

“I was wondering about Christmas. We will deck the Great Hall and put up trees, won’t we?” 

Severus chuckled. “Yes, we will celebrate Christmas too, Miss Cornfoot.” Why was everyone obsessing about him cancelling Christmas? He wasn’t fond of the feast himself, but he had no reason to ruin the festivities for the students – at least those who would remain at Hogwarts for the holidays. 

“Headmaster?” 

Severus arched an eyebrow when she gestured for him to bend down to her. Indulging her, he did, and was stunned when she kissed him on his cheek.

“Thank you!” Eliza then turned around and quickly ran down the corridor.

Severus straightened again. Well, he hadn’t seen that one coming! How could he have?

“I think you got yourself an admirer, Severus!” Severus spun around and the sudden action made Remus chuckle. “That was quite a brave act, to actually kiss you!” He had seen most of the exchange, but had chosen not to show himself, as he had been curious to find out what would happen. The girl’s action had surprised him as well, but not nearly as much as it had Severus judging by the looks of it.

“I wonder what made her do that.” Severus shook his head. 

“It appears to me that you made her very happy – first organizing the Quidditch try outs and then allowing for the celebrations last night.” Remus walked up to Severus. He had the feeling Severus was surprising himself with his current actions. Maybe they were finally seeing the real Severus Snape – a man who had been forced to hide his real personality for almost two decades. “I just taught my first Defence class,” he updated Severus. “First years! Those, I can still teach things, but I have no idea what to do when Harry’s class shows up.”

“They will think of something,” Severus said. “Don’t worry about it. But if I can make one suggestion –don’t do the Boggart exercise. I don’t want to know what their Boggarts look like and neither do you.”

“I had already thought of that,” Remus confirmed. “Severus, would you like to come to my quarters for tea, of even some Firewhiskey, tonight?”

Severus frowned. “Any special reason?”

Remus grew exasperated. “Why should we need a special reason to invite our son’s godfather? Severus, we want to get to know you – spend time with you – and Teddy likes you. You must have noticed!” Severus wanted to scowl, but Remus recognized the signs and spoke instead, “Don’t you dare bring up Harry again! No, Harry isn’t the better choice and you know it! I am going to hex you if you mention it ever again!”

“Hex me?” Severus laughed. “Hex Hogwarts’ Headmaster? I would like to see you try that.”

Remus cocked his head. “Well, you are Teddy’s godfather. I should keep you in one piece.” A year ago, Remus wouldn’t have believed himself capable of joking with Severus like that, and now… Now he felt like he was quickly gaining a very good friend.

///

Tonks watched Teddy with growing mirth. Her son had grabbed hold of Severus’ coat and refused to let go. “Teddy, it’s time to get some sleep. Uncle Severus will be back tomorrow, but you have to let go now.”

Severus froze – uncle Severus… That was odd. He had never thought he would one day be called that. “Teddy,” he said, focusing on the imp. “You really need to listen to your mother.” He gently removed the tiny hands from the buttons the baby was still trying to undo and handed him to Tonks. 

“You should change your outfit, Severus. One of these days Teddy will find out that ripping them off is fun,” she warned him. 

A new set of clothes? But he only possessed high-necked white shirts, black buttoned down coats, and his old teaching robes. He was actually fond of his attire, thank you!

“Tonks made a point there, Severus. Don’t you have anything but black in your wardrobe?” Remus couldn’t recall ever seeing Severus wear anything but black.

“Actually, I don’t.”

“Why? Why don’t you own anything but black clothes? And those high-necked shirts?” Remus was curious.

Severus shrugged. “When Voldemort was still alive he would often summon me. Death Eaters’ meetings weren’t pleasant affaires, Remus. I often returned to Hogwarts covered in my own blood. Black hides blood stains the best. And the high-necked shirts hid most of the bruises I often carried away.”

Remus swallowed hard as he hadn’t thought of that. “Is that the only reason though?” He had the feeling there was more to it.

“After Lily’s death…” Severus struggled with the words and had to stop. Tonks returned and sat down next to Remus. He hoped that meant their conversation had come to an end, but he was mistaken.

“You were saying…?” Remus wasn’t going to allow Severus to avoid answering him. 

Damn the werewolf for making him say it! “After Lily’s death I felt like all colour had faded from my life. People wear black when they are in mourning, don’t they, Lupin?”

In the past, Remus would have heard a threat, but these days, he only heard the pain in Severus’ voice. “A mourning period of eighteen years...” he mused. And Severus still wore black. 

“I caused her death – hers and her husband’s. I don’t think…” Severus stopped talking as he had already revealed too much. 

“That you can ever forgive yourself?” Tonks hoped Severus wouldn’t lash out at them, as she could see the pain he was in. But Severus remained calm, something she hadn’t expected.

“I don’t deserve forgiveness for what I did, Tonks.” Severus slowly got to his feet as he didn’t want to continue their conversation. 

“I believe you do,” Tonks said in a calm voice. She remained seated, not wanting Severus to feel cornered. “After all, you died to make up for your mistakes.”

And again… Why kept they bringing that up? “As I told Neville, death was hardly punishment for me. I wanted to die, Tonks.” He turned around, headed for the doorway, and said, “I will see you at breakfast tomorrow.” Then he stepped into the corridor and closed the door behind him. 

Tonks snuggled up to Remus and rested her head against his shoulder. “Survivor’s guilt in its purest form.”

Remus agreed. “How do we deal with that?”

“We give him time, love. I have the feeling a lot of people are trying to get through to him – in the end, someone will succeed and then Severus will finally be able to let go of his past. Until then, we support him to the best of our ability.”

“In the past, I never worried about Snape, but these days, I worry a lot about Severus.”

“So do I, love,” Tonks assured him. “But I am also confident he will come out of it stronger. All he needs is time.”

///

The approaching storm still gains in strength, Headmaster. It carries winter with it. Snow, hail, and terrible gales make up its core. It will reach Hogwarts in the evening. I will take all possible precautions in order to protect the students, but they should remain indoors at all time.

Severus watched the storm, which was building in the distance. It travelled slowly and would cover Hogwarts for hours, maybe even the entire night. I shall address the students after lunch and tell them to stay inside. Lock down the castle so no one ventures outside by mistake. He had just returned from having breakfast and most students were attending classes. The only ones outside were a fifth year Hufflepuff class and Hagrid would keep a sharp eye on them. He would cancel all afternoon outdoor classes though. Keep me posted and alert me should our situation dramatically deteriorate.

Yes, Headmaster, I will let you know at once.

Severus continued to look outside. Like Hogwarts he felt the threat grow stronger.

///

“Therefore, you will stay indoors. All outdoor classes are cancelled. Instead, you will use your time to study in the library. I repeat, you are not allowed to venture outside. Hogwarts will lock itself down in order to make sure the castle suffers as little damage as possible. Stay close and keep an eye on each other. I know that students tend to stay close to members of their own House, but also keep an eye on everyone else. If you notice anything out of the ordinary, report it to one of the teachers. If you find one of your friends missing, tell me at once. I will stay in the Great Hall today, so everyone who wants to talk to me will know where to find me. Do not underestimate this storm. I would hate having to search for you in that blizzard.”

Severus wasn’t sure how his words would be perceived. He had little experience in delivering such speeches. He didn’t feel as apprehensive as he’d had on the fifth of November, but he still felt ashamed whenever he had to address them. 

You are doing this because you care for them. You are acting like a Headmaster should. You did well!

Severus searched for Harry in the crowd and discovered him right in front of him. Harry smiled encouragingly and Severus inclined his head in his direction to show he had heard. “The Prefects will report to their Head of House before nightfall to make sure everyone is accounted for. And Slytherin House, remember to report to Madam Pomfrey, since there has been a change of Head.” He noticed that the other three Houses started to talk at hearing that. Listening close, he heard that Slughorn wasn’t popular at all and that even Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, and Hufflepuff agreed on the change. “You are dismissed. Return to your classes.”

Severus however noticed that two students remained behind. He wasn’t surprised at all. “Is there anything I can do for you, Mister Potter? Mister Longbottom?”

“Not really,” Harry said and continued to smile. “I just want to say that I am glad you are warning us. I know of several students who wanted to do some Quidditch practice today.”

“Trust me, Mister Potter. Once that storm hits no broom will be able to stay in the air.” At hearing that, Harry nodded and gave him another cheeky look. Then the youngster turned around and left for class. Neville however remained in place. “Mister Longbottom?”

“How bad is this going to be? Do you need us to organize something?”

“I don’t believe I will be needing Dumbledore’s Army,” he quipped. “But you can help and make sure no student is left behind outside.”

“I will help,” Neville said quickly. “You will stay here?”

“All day, yes. Hopefully the worst will be over before the night starts. I do value my sleep.” He hadn’t expected to grow used to a set routine that quickly. 

“I hope so too!” Neville smiled and then hurried after Harry as he didn’t want to be late for class either.

“Is it really going to be that bad, Severus?” Poppy appeared next to him. “Do you want me to start any precautions?”

“No, not at the moment. Just make sure you are available to your House.”

Poppy nodded at hearing that. Being Head of Slytherin was something she still had to get used to. 

“Anything special you want me to do?” Remus walked up to them. He would make sure Tonks and Teddy were safely tucked away in their quarters, but after he had seen to that, he wanted to help. 

“Full moon is still a fortnight away, so I won’t have to go looking for you running about naked in the blizzard… That is something to be grateful for.” 

Remus blinked, and only then realized Severus was joking. “One of these days, I will hex you!”

“You had better not do that,” Poppy whispered.

Remus frowned at seeing Poppy’s worried look. “What do you mean?”

“Severus, can I tell him?” She didn’t want to proceed without his permission.

“You can… Someone besides you should know.” Severus wasn’t particularly fond of telling Remus his weak spot, but it would be best if the werewolf knew the truth.

“Poppy?” Remus turned toward her and gave her an impatient look. “What is this about?”

Poppy drew in a deep breath. She was relieved that Severus was finally prepared to share this information with someone. “When Neville cursed Severus it damaged the nerves in his arm. It also weakened him in general. There is no telling what a hex, or another curse, will do to him. It might weaken him further, worsen the tremors or cause them to spread to different parts of his body. Therefore make sure you never hit Severus with any spells.” 

Tonks, who had been standing behind Remus, managed to catch Severus’ gaze. She saw the vulnerability in those eyes and knew allowing Poppy to tell them had been a difficult decision to make. “I had no idea…”

“Maybe now you want to reconsider asking me to be Teddy’s godfather?” A part of Severus however hoped they wouldn’t ask Harry instead as he was growing increasingly fond of Teddy.

“No!” Tonks said indignantly. “Not because of something like that.” She looped her arm with Remus’. “We just have to keep an eye on you. Good thing you got an Auror to protect you!” 

Severus snorted. “I don’t need protection!”

Tonks gently rested her hand on his right arm. “You might not want it, but that doesn’t mean you won’t get it. We care about you, Severus. Allow us to do this.” Some indescribable emotion flickered in those dark eyes, and without wanting to, she touched his mind. Severus gave her a sharp look, but didn’t throw her out. It didn’t surprise her that he allowed her a glimpse of his thoughts; it proved that he no longer saw her as the enemy, but as a friend. You are worthy, Severus Snape. Never doubt that you are worthy of friendship, love, and protection.

Severus retreated behind his Occlumency shields. Hearing her say that had shaken him up. 

Tonks however, merely smiled at him in understanding. Little by little, they were getting through to Severus.

///

Severus remained true to his word. Although he hated sitting where Albus had always sat, he stayed in place. He had promised students they could talk to him if they worried about the upcoming storm and so far three students from Hufflepuff and two from Ravenclaw had come to see him. He had tried his best to reassure them that they were quite safe at Hogwarts, but some of them had suffered severe storms before and it had left them slightly traumatized.

It helped that Fang stayed close. Two students calmed down while petting them, and another girl, one from Ravenclaw, got distracted from the storm because she had tried to teach him tricks. At the moment the Hall was empty though, safe for himself. Severus closed his eyes, stretched his mind, and attuned himself to the castle. All doors were locked, all window hatches closed and the highest towers no longer allowed any students inside. Sybil Trelawny had also joined them and had offered to help Madam Pomfrey in case of an emergency. So far, everything was well.

He sensed Remus’ presence before opening his eyes. It was one of the marvels that Hogwarts offered its Headmaster. And Severus felt honoured, and maybe even happy that Hogwarts thought him worthy of holding that position. “Remus,” he said and carefully stretched his legs. “The storm will be upon us in minutes.” He looked through the windows, which offered him a perfect view. The sky, which had been blue a moment ago, now darkened into an angry charcoal grey. “I expect the Prefects to report to their Heads any moment now, and then, we will have to wait for the storm to pass.”

Remus sat down on the chair next to Severus, which normally Minerva occupied. He cast a look outside as well and shivered. “It is getting worse with every passing second. The lake froze within the last hour. I can’t remember that ever happening before.”

“Hogwarts warned me that the storm was dangerous. I wouldn’t have taken such drastic measures otherwise.”

“Students’ safety comes first, doesn’t it?” Remus smiled at Severus. “When you became Headmaster a year ago, I never thought I would ever say this, but you are the right person to hold that office. You are Headmaster in every sense of the word.” Remus could tell Severus felt uncomfortable now that he was being praised, but that wasn’t going to stop Remus from continuing. “I hope you will remain Headmaster for a very long time, Severus.”

Severus was lost for words. He had never expected Remus to praise him like that.

Remus smiled at realizing he had rendered Severus speechless. That didn’t happen often! “Thank you for trusting me. I feel honoured that you allowed Poppy to tell me about your condition. I will do everything I can to make sure your condition won’t worsen.”

“Thank you.” Severus kept his gaze trained on Fang, who had made himself comfortable next to him. 

Remus felt grateful for the change that had come over Severus. It was happening slowly, but it seemed like Severus was finally allowing himself to trust him. 

“Severus!”

Severus rose from his chair and wondered why Pomona was running toward him. He couldn’t remember having seen her run before. “What’s wrong?”

“One of my students is missing! Apparently she went outside to practice flying! She wants to try for the Quidditch qualifications on Friday!” Pomona blamed herself for not making sure everyone was accounted for at an earlier time. But the girl had went unnoticed by the Prefects and they wouldn’t have noticed that she was missing if she hadn’t actually counted her students!

A nauseating feeling spread through his stomach. “What’s her name?” Severus hoped he had reached the wrong conclusion though.

“Eliza Cornfroot! Her broom is missing as well!” Pomona wrung her hands in despair. “What do we do, Severus?” At exactly that moment lightning lit up the Great Hall and waves of roaring thunder shook Hogwarts’ foundations. “She is out there on her own!”

Severus’ thoughts raced. There was only one thing he could do – find her and take her to the Hospital Wing! “Stay here, all of you! Don’t go outside! I will find her!” 

“Severus, no! Do you have any idea how much the temperature has dropped during the last hour? Let me look for her instead. You can’t go out there!” Remus vividly remembered the way the cold had incapacitated Severus when they had talked in the graveyard.

“Stop it, Lupin! I am the only one who can find her!” Severus marched out of the Hall and ignored Pomona and Remus who came running after him. Remus screamed at him, but he locked it out. Instead, he reached out to Hogwarts itself. Show me where I can find her!

At once, Headmaster. She is at the lake… She crashed onto the ice. She is alive, but getting worse due to the cold.

The girl was exposed to the storm then! He couldn’t waste even a single second!

“Severus! No, take me with you!” Remus wanted to grab Severus, forcing the wizard to drag him along when he disapparated, but when he reached for Severus, he merely encountered cold air. The Headmaster was gone!

“Remus? What happened just now?” Harry, closely followed by Neville, Ron, and Hermione ran into the Great Hall. He noticed Severus’ absence at once. “Where did he go?”

“Outside,” Remus said from between clenched teeth. “Just wait until I get my hands on him!” He wasn’t just scared for the girl’s and Severus’ well-being, but he was angry as well. Just when he had started to think that Severus understood they wanted to help, he did something like that!

“What do you mean, he went outside? Not in this storm surely!” 

Remus cringed at seeing the sudden pallor on Neville’s face. “I am sorry, son, but he apparated just now. One of the Hufflepuff students is missing and --“

“He went after her,” Neville finished in a shocked voice. “He knows he shouldn’t expose himself to the cold like that! What was he thinking?”

“He was thinking about that little girl.” Pomona’s features contorted. “Severus is Eliza’s only hope if she wants to survive this!”

Neville looked at Remus and realized they both felt the same way – scared for Severus’ wellbeing, but at the same time, they were mad as hell.

///

Severus apparated near the lake and quickly realized that his normal senses wouldn’t help him locate the girl. The wind whirled snow about and a fiery rain of hail descended all around him. He cast a shield charm, trying to block most of the hail. Closing his eyes, he allowed Hogwarts to guide him.

Headmaster, to your right…

He didn’t have to open his eyes in order to see her. He sensed her instead. Severus walked toward her and realized the ice was extremely fragile. Even merely apparating to where she lay could cause it to break into tiny pieces, but he had to take that risk. The cold was already numbing the left side of his body and he couldn’t afford to waste more time. Severus apparated next to her and was about to lift her when the ice shattered. A terrible roar filled his ears and then the ice gave way beneath them. 

Severus watched her disappear beneath the surface and then lost his footing as well, sliding into the freezing dark water himself. The shock almost caused him to disapparate without her, but he stopped himself in time. He couldn’t leave without her. That simply wasn’t an option! 

Arctic cold water closed over his head and he frantically grabbed hold of Eliza. He managed to wrap his fingers around her wrist and Severus disapparated that very moment, dragging Eliza with him. As the cold made it impossible for him to think clearly, he let Hogwarts take over. Take us into safety, was the last thought he managed.

Of course, Headmaster!

///

Poppy startled. All of a sudden two forms manifested in the Hospital Wing and she ran toward them, closely followed by Sybil. Poppy called out in distress upon realizing who had apparated into her office. “Severus!” Then she spotted the girl in his arms. “Sybil, I need Minerva and Remus in here, Tonks too, if that is possible.” When her colleague didn’t move, she called out, “Now, Sybil!” Once she was certain that Sybil was on her way, she turned toward Severus again. “Oh my, what did you do this time?”

///

Pomona sat next to Eliza’s bed and stroked the girl’s hand. She had been terrified when Poppy had sent for her, but had relaxed – marginally – upon hearing that Eliza would be fine. Thanks to Severus’ quick actions she had been spared worse. At the moment, the girl was resting comfortably and Pomona sat at her side as a lioness guarding her cub.

One room down the corridor, Severus had been tucked into bed as well. His condition was worse than Eliza’s though and Poppy felt frustrated because she couldn’t use any of the healing spells which she would normally resort to. She was limited to the use of potions to stabilize him as casting spells would only weaken him further.

“Damn Voldemort for killing Severus in the first place!” she exclaimed as she prepared to administer another potion. 

“It’s not really his fault, is it? It’s mine.” Neville felt guilty – no, even more than guilty, for he knew he was the reason that Severus was in this poor state. “If I hadn’t cursed him then…”

“You don’t know that, my dear,” Poppy said and moved closer to the bed. “We don’t have time for this anyway. I need you to help me. Get him in an upright position. Remus, I need your help too!” 

Remus moved forward and together, Neville and he, manoeuvred Severus into a position in which he could swallow the potion that Poppy poured into his mouth. Like Neville, Remus felt frustrated. Why had Severus acted on his own, damn it?

“You can lower him.” Poppy felt useless now that she couldn’t wave her wand and help him that way. She looked at Neville and noticed the young man’s profound sadness. “He will be fine, Neville. Severus is a fighter. He won’t give up.”

Neville nodded, but half-heartedly. Looking at Remus, he saw his guilt reflected in the werewolf’s eyes. “You tried to stop him.” He didn’t want Remus to feel guilty.

“I failed to stop him, Neville, there is a difference.” Remus pulled up a chair and sat down. “I should have known he would do something like that. Over the years he became used to operating on his own.”

Tonks entered the room and came to a halt behind her husband. She rested her hands on his shoulder and bent down to kiss the top of his head. “I understand why he reacted that way. He cares about that girl.”

Remus nodded. “She kissed him the other day,” he said and wasn’t surprised to hear the rest suck in their breath in surprise. “She had asked him to restore the Quidditch pitch and to hold try-outs. She kissed him on the cheek. You should have seen Severus’ face. His expression was beyond words!”

Tonks smiled and she rested her chin on top of her husband’s head. “The many sides of Severus Snape—I reckon we are finally seeing some of them.”

Neville reached for Severus’ icy hand and wrapped his fingers around it.

“How is he doing?” Harry stepped into the room and walked over to the bed. He smiled at seeing Neville holding Severus’ hand. Who would have thought the two of them would grow that attached to each other? It was a good thing though, Harry mused. 

“Sleeping, but no longer unconscious,” Poppy told him. “I don’t know when he will wake up. The only thing we can do right now is to keep him warm.” Hence the large number of blankets covering her patient. 

“That stupid, foolish, idiotic…” Remus swallowed the rest of his rant though; Severus’ actions had saved Eliza’s life.

///

Severus stirred and it caused Harry to lean in closer to the older wizard. He had sensed Severus was waking up and felt the turmoil the other man was in. You are fine. Everything is fine. Everyone is safe and Eliza is already talking about trying out for seeker. The girl had woken up two hours ago and was already back on her feet, driving Pomona mad with her constant chatter. Harry looked over his shoulder and found that Neville was still asleep. He kicked his friend’s legs and Neville’s eyes opened at once. “He’s waking up. I thought you might want to know.”

He did! Neville quickly made his way over to the bed and sat down near the foot end. Severus was still buried beneath a pile of blankets, but the older man continued to shiver uncontrollably at times. His left arm kept twitching and Neville realized it would be a while before the tremors would go away. 

Severus struggled back to awareness by fighting himself a way through one layer of ice after another. He could see light in the distance, but he still felt like drowning in the cold. 

You are almost there. Go slowly.

Harry! Severus forced his eyes open and stared at the young man’s face, hovering so close to his. He had made it out alive then – another time.

“You suffer from hypothermia. You fell into the lake when you rescued Eliza,” Harry told him. “Don’t worry, she’s fine.”

Severus allowed himself to relax. The girl had survived. She was fine, Harry had said so and he could believe him.

“You scared us,” Harry resumed. “You taking off like that. Remus is trying to think of a way to get back at you that doesn’t involve any hexes.”

Severus turned his head toward the youngster. How come he knew about that?

Harry nodded as he had received that thought loud and clear. “Madam Pomfrey told us when we became mad with her for not using any healing spells on you.”

So another one of his secrets was out then. It was odd, but he didn’t mind that much. It was a small price to pay for saving the girl’s life. 

Harry looked at Neville and realized his friend looked rather worried. “Neville here wants a word with you too for disapparating like that. You scared him.” Harry rose from the chair and beckoned Neville to take his place. “Keep an eye on him,” he told Neville and then left the room. He wanted to check on Eliza too.

Neville moved closer and gingerly reached for Severus’ hand as he had to convince himself that the older wizard was still alive – still warm, still breathing.

“I am sorry,” Severus managed upon seeing Neville’s distress. “But I had to be quick.”

“I understand that, but the next time, allow us to help, will you?”

Severus managed a soft chuckle. “Hopefully there won’t be a next time!” He had come close to dying and had no desire for a repeat performance. “Trust me, I don’t want to die – not any longer.”

Neville moved closer and studied the dark eyes. Yes, something in them had changed – there was a different expression to them.

“I realized something…” Severus said, still feeling rather weak. “I don’t want to die… Not now that I have so many reasons to live.” The revelation had come the moment he had thought he would drown. “I never thought anyone could care for me… Not after everything I had done… But they do… Harry, Tonks, Remus… Minerva, Poppy, even Ron cares…” How amazing was that? “And you do.” 

Neville nodded. “I do care about you.” He grew shy then. “I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want you to die.”

Severus’ fatigue was beginning to catch up with him and he closed his eyes. “Don’t worry about that… I no longer have a death wish.” He couldn’t help but feel the relief and joy in Neville’s mind upon hearing that. “I need to rest now.”

“Go to sleep. We will watch over you – all of us.”

Knowing it was the truth made it much easier for Severus to give into sleep.

///

“Stop glowering at me, wolf!” Severus shook his head, rather exasperated. For the life of him, he couldn’t figure out just why Remus was that mad with him. He was back in his office, in his favourite chair near the fireplace, and sipping his favourite tea. Tonks sat opposite him and was rocking Teddy in her arms. The toddler seemed to like the motion and cooed happily. If only Remus would stop scolding him; then he could truly enjoy the ambiance.

“If you ever act like that again, then…” Remus had already threatened Severus in several ways, but nothing had worked so far. “I don’t know what I will do, but I will make you see reason!”

Severus’ eyes suddenly widened. “You worried about me?” They had told him they had, but until now he hadn’t fully realized it.

“Of course, I did! You are not only Teddy’s godfather but, damn it, Severus, you are my friend! I thought you had realized that by now!”

Severus wondered about the situation he found himself in. “You must understand, Remus. I was the only one able to find her and I had to act at once. I couldn’t afford to lose any time.”

“I know that, Severus.” Remus walked up to him and looked him in the eye. “But next time you will take someone along for the ride. You nearly died in that lake!”

“But I didn’t! Remus, you need to calm down!” Severus shook his head, still amazed that Remus had worried about him to such a degree.

“Promise me, Severus. Promise me that you won’t endanger your life like that ever again. My son needs his godfather, Severus.” Remus placed his hands on the armrest and stared at Severus – their faces only an inch apart.

Severus swallowed hard. He still felt Remus was overreacting, but given the situation, he felt it best to comply. “I promise.”

“Well, that’s a start.” Remus retreated and looked up at hearing voices coming from the staircase. “You have visitors, Headmaster.” He eyed Severus closely and realized that being addressed in that way no longer caused Severus to flinch.

Pomona Sprout and Eliza Cornfoot stepped into the office. “Go on then,” the professor said and gave her charge an encouraging smile. Not that her pupil needed one, because Eliza had been talking nonstop about the way Severus Snape had saved her life – even though she couldn’t remember any of it.

Eliza smiled, walked up to Severus, and then came to a halt. “I want to thank you for what you did, Headmaster. You saved my life.”

Severus inclined his head. “You are welcome, Miss Cornfoot.” He would never be able to look at her in the same way as before the storm. In a way, she had become special to him, like Harry, Neville, and Teddy were special to him. 

“Thank you, sir.” Eliza moved forward and appeared to reach for his hand, as if wanting to shake it. But then she noticed the tremors moving through his left arm and decided on a different course. She leaned in closer and gave him another kiss on the cheek. She then stepped away from him, blushing slightly, but also immensely pleased with herself. 

“No, I need to thank you for that, Miss Cornfoot.” 

Remus watched Severus closely and realized someone had finally gotten through to him – had reached out and forced the darkness inside Severus to disappear. Well, thank you too, Miss Cornfoot. I think you managed the impossible.

The end


	3. Stairway to the Skies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neville is determined to make Severus see his way and convince him it is okay to love him. Severus sees things differently and strongly objects to such a relationship. Who will win?

Stairway to the skies

Seven seconds 'til the rise  
Can't believe I'm still alive  
And heaven was waiting for me  
I thought this would be the end  
But I know you'll understand  
All that is keeping me here

My senses tell me I have changed  
But one thing still remains  
I'm torn and the hate's still aching  
I slowly start to realize  
We won't reunite  
I still have to march on through

Is it a curse or a virtue?  
Have I been blinded by regret?  
Perdition awaits  
My soul is at stake  
Will I find a stairway to the skies in the end?

I dream of a stairway to the skies  
My angel is coming down from heaven to take me  
I reach out but then you fade away  
Whenever you call for me  
Know that I'm only one step behind  
Know that I'm only one step behind

Step 1

“So did you already come up with ideas for celebrating Snape’s birthday?” Ron looked up from the essay Hermione was making him write and gave Harry a hopeful look. Discussing those plans were a perfect reason to abandon his homework, especially as Hermione had gone to the library in order to study and couldn’t lecture him.

“Not yet,” Harry admitted as he looked up from his homework. “But I have been thinking about Christmas!”

“Christmas?” Neville put down his quill and pushed his essay away from him. He really wasn’t in the mood to finish it. 

“Yes, Christmas!” Harry chuckled. “Christmas comes first, his birthday party second.” He leaned back against his chair and smiled saddened at his friends. “What do you reckon Severus’ Christmases were like until now?”

“I haven’t been thinking about that, mate! Honestly.” Ron however was growing increasingly intrigued. “What were they like? Do you know?”

Harry nodded once. “Now that Christmas draws near, Severus is thinking about it a lot.” He tapped against his temple. “And I know what he thinks, if I want to know so.”

“Of course, the link,” Ron said. “I had forgotten about it!”

“Most of the time Severus locks me out and I do the same with his thoughts as we don’t want to infringe on each other’s privacy, but during times like these, I sometimes peek at what he’s thinking. Apart from attending the mandatory meals at Hogwarts, he never celebrated the way the feast should be celebrated. When he still lived at home, his parents never bothered about it, and afterwards, I guess, he never had someone to spend Christmas with.”

“That’s awful,” Neville commented. His grandmother always went all the way during Christmas. They would start with dinner, move on to presents, sit at the fire, and sometimes they would attend a Muggle Christmas mass. In the morning, more presents would await him. “It’s a good thing then that you found out. What are your plans?”

Harry exchanged a look with Ron. The Weasleys had invited him to spend Christmas with them, but so far he hadn’t accepted. “Severus believes he will be alone at Christmas as students and staff are heading home to be with their loved ones. We know what Severus’ family is like and that he is stuck at Hogwarts. So Ron, I will spend Christmas here too. I will make it up to you in the days after that, but Christmas Eve, I will spend with Severus.”

Ron understood and nodded. “Would you mind me staying with the two of you?”

“I like that idea, but you should talk it over with Hermione first.” Harry smiled at his friend; he had hoped that Ron would react like that!

“I will stay too. I already sent my grandmother an owl telling her that I will be staying at Hogwarts for the holidays. She wasn’t too happy about it, but she accepted it.” 

“I had expected nothing less from you!” Harry smiled as his plan started to fall into place. “I want to ask Remus and Tonks too. I want Severus to realize that he has a family now. I don’t want him to spend Christmas on his own, hiding in his office.”

“Anyone else you want to ask?” Ron was thinking everything over and liked Harry’s idea. 

“I am not sure. I don’t want him to run away the moment he finds out what we have been up to!”

“Maybe we should ask Madam Pomfrey?” Neville suggested. “Severus is rather fond of her.”

“And it would be good to have a healer at Hogwarts just in case. Severus’ reaction when he finds out will be hard to predict!” Harry agreed. “I will ask her tonight, after dinner.”

“Are we going to do presents?” Ron asked hopeful. “I can get a huge discount on Fred and George’s stuff!”

“No offense, Ron, but I get everything for free,” Harry quipped. Having funded them at the beginning was paying off!

“I like the idea of giving gifts,” Neville said thoughtfully. “But won’t Severus feel awkward if we get him something and he doesn’t know about it? He won’t have anything to give to us. That might make him feel embarrassed.”

Harry drew in a deep breath and then whispered, “In that case, I will remind him of everything he did for us in the past. I will remind him of the fact that he endangered his life in order to save me, in order to give us a chance against Voldemort. Plus, he’s a great Headmaster. He makes sure everyone is treated fairly and he takes time to talk to his students.”

“I doubt he will let you get away with it, but it’s worth a try,” Neville agreed. “How do you plan to do this? Get together for dinner? And where? How late?”

“I have been thinking about that too,” Harry admitted. “And I have come up with something, but I would like your opinions first.” After his friends nodded, he continued, “Severus expects us to leave during the day and plans to stay in his office. What if we turn up one by one, seek him out at the office, give him our presents and then throw a party in the Room of Requirement? That way, should he feel overwhelmed, he can always return to his rooms. If we throw the party at the office, he might feel trapped.”

“That link tells you a lot,” Neville whispered, and surprised himself by feeling jealous of the connection which Harry and Severus shared. 

“It also tells me lots that I don’t want to know, Neville. Most of the time it feels like I am intruding on his privacy, and trust me, after what Voldemort did to Severus, making him feel watched is the last thing I want. Most of the time I keep the link closed. But right now, it tells me he’s struggling. Christmas Eve is in two days and this is the first year during which he finds it hard to know he will be on his own that evening.” Neville still wished he shared such a link with Severus though and Harry could tell by looking at his friend’s face. “Don’t feel jealous, Neville. Even though it might seem great to know his thoughts, it isn’t.”

“You are probably right,” Neville sighed. “Who’s going to ask Remus then?”

“I will do that. Can you ask Madam Pomfrey if she is willing to stay for Christmas Eve?” Harry then looked at Ron. “Maybe Fred and George can help organize the party?”

“If we get them involved, mum and dad will want to be there too. And then you can count on the rest of the family to drop in – Bill, Fleur, and Ginny will want to be there too. Harry, if you don’t mind, I will give him my present then.” Although he knew that Severus had been on their side all along, he still felt apprehensive about being alone with the older man.

“Okay, that might still be doable for Severus. But it must end there.” Harry was sure that Severus would retreat if there were too many guests. 

“So that means I still have to think of another present!” Neville bit onto his bottom lip. Finding something that suited Severus would be difficult.

“Don’t mention it,” Harry sighed troubled. “I still need to find something for him too.”

“Maybe we can floo into Diagon Alley tomorrow and do our shopping there?” Ron suggested. “We can drop in on Fred and George at the same time and tell them about the party.”

Harry nodded, as he liked the idea. “We will do that.” Today was their last day of school and their holidays started tomorrow. “I will ask Remus right now. I will be right back.”

“I shall ask Madam Pomfrey then!” Neville got to his feet as well. He smiled as he walked into the corridor. He hoped this Christmas would be the best they ever had!

/

“Harry, come in! We weren’t expecting you to drop by, but would you like some tea too?” Remus waved Harry inside and closed the door behind him. “Tonks is in there.” He gestured to the right.

Harry smiled at his professor and friend, and walked into the living room where Tonks was holding Teddy, swinging back and forth in an ancient-looking rocking chair.

“Hello, Harry! Sit down, will you?” Tonks continued to rock, liking the rocking motion herself. It also made Teddy sleepy, which was an added plus. Her son had been rather active today and looking after him had exhausted her.

Harry sat down, but decided against having tea. “I want to ask you something.”

“Go ahead!” Remus sat down as well and gave Harry a puzzled look. Harry hadn’t sought them out at their rooms before. Had something bad happened?

“Neville, Ron and I want to organize a little Christmas party. Severus expects to be alone at Hogwarts and he’s struggling with it. In the past, Christmas never was a big deal to him, but now that the war is over, things have changed. He doesn’t want to be alone on Christmas Eve this year.”

“And you know all that, because…?” Remus let his voice trail off questioningly. 

“The link… It always grows stronger when Severus is distressed.” Harry looked at the two of them. “I don’t know if you already made plans, but it would mean a lot to me -- and Severus— if you could stay for Christmas Eve. We plan on surprising him, visiting him at his office and giving him a small present. George and Fred will throw a party in the Room of Requirement after that. Hopefully the Room will hide the party’s preparations from Severus.”

“And how do you plan on making Severus believe that you left?” Tonks asked.

“We will floo into the Room of Requirement and hide there. We will prepare for the party. I really want you there with us. You mean a lot to Severus – and Teddy especially… Severus loves him.”

“The link again?” Tonks inquired knowingly. Harry nodded. She wasn’t surprised to hear that Severus dreaded being alone on Christmas Eve. “Remus and I planned to spend the holidays with my mother, but she will understand should we arrive later.”

“You will stay then?” Harry grew excited; this was going better than he had dared to hope for!

“Of course we will! How could you doubt us?” Remus reached out and squeezed Harry’s shoulder. “Anyone else staying?”

“Ron, Neville and you guys, and we will ask Madam Pomfrey as well. Neville volunteered to see her.”

“Not too big a group, but not too small either. Severus will feel comfortable with that.”

“I hope so,” Harry nodded at Remus. “I want this Christmas to be special!” He wanted to give Severus something to remember – a fond memory that would shine and illuminate the darkness the Headmaster still regularly found himself in.

/

“Madam Pomfrey?” Neville looked around the corner in order to find out if the healer had time for him. Seeing her sip tea, Neville moved forward. “Can I talk to you?”

“Sit down, my dear,” Poppy said and pointed at a chair. She poured tea into a cup and beckoned for him to drink it. “How may I help you today?” she quipped, suspecting this might involve Severus again.

“We want to throw the Headmaster a Christmas party. We would like you to be there too. We will pop into his office on Christmas Eve and present him with a gift. Afterwards, we want to party in the Room of Requirement. The Weasley twins will provide us with entertainment!”

Poppy laughed at him. “Fred and George? Do you know what you are getting yourself into?”

“Well, Harry will make sure they behave. Will you join us, Madam Pomfrey?”

Poppy considered the request and decided her family could do one day without her. She could spend the rest of the holidays with them. “You may count me in, Neville.”

Neville felt pleased that she had accepted. “Let me fill you in on the details then!”

/

Christmas Eve

Severus closed the door behind him and remained motionless. He had just seen Neville off, who would be staying with his grandmother for the holidays. Saying goodbye- even for just two weeks- had been hard on him. But then again, saying goodbye to Harry, Remus, and Tonks had made his heart ache too. Even worse had been hugging Teddy goodbye. Don’t overreact, he told himself, they will be back in two weeks. That meant fourteen days of loneliness for him though. He had never minded spending the holidays on his own before. In the past, he had used the holidays to catch up on his sleep – if Voldemort hadn’t demanded his time – and preparing for the next trimester. This Christmas though, he had nothing but time on his hands, which worried him. Being alone with nothing to do actually scared him. 

Fang was asleep in front of his desk and seemed to dream. His paws moved as if running and he was panting hard. Severus smiled; thankfully he wasn’t completely alone; he still had Fang to keep him company. Looking about, he realized that even most of the former Heads had left their portraits to visit their relatives. He finally had his precious peace and quiet after all. But now that he had it, he found he no longer wanted it.

He made his way over to his favourite chair by the fireplace and sat down. Maybe he should leave as well, but then again, he doubted he could find it in his heart to leave Hogwarts. Home is where the heart is, he thought, instantly realizing the truth, namely that this was the only place he truly wanted to be.

It was Christmas Eve and he would spend it with Fang. He wasn’t sure if he should laugh or cry because of that. He had seen worse Christmases though, he reckoned. His mother had never celebrated the feast, mainly because her family had disowned her just before Christmas. Tobias Snape had always been extremely drunk – and aggressive – during the holidays. Severus had spent most of his holidays at home hiding, hoping his parents wouldn’t bother looking for him. But his father had always found him, and when Tobias had finally gotten his hands on him, he had used his belt to hit him. Severus shivered and pushed that memory away. Maybe he should extract the memories that pained him and put them into a flask so he forgot about them!

Fang stretched, got to his feet, and made his way over to him. Severus stroked the hound’s head and grew calmer – but only somewhat. He still hated Christmas. But then again, this was much better than last Christmas, which he had spent bedridden after Voldemort had let Bellatrix curse him for most of the night. He had coughed up blood the morning after he had finally managed to get back to Hogwarts. Albus had been around during that holiday, but the older wizard had no healing skills, so Severus had simply had to ride it out. Yes, this silence was definitely better than screaming himself hoarse because of the pain he was in. 

Looking outside, Severus regretted that going for a walk wasn’t an option either. Ever since that blizzard had happened, snow covered Hogwarts. It was the middle of winter and he shivered, merely thinking about venturing outside. He had to stay indoors, especially since he was the only one left at Hogwarts. He might not survive if he stayed outside for too long. There would be no one to bring him back again.

“Looks like you are stuck with me, Fang.” The hound however didn’t seem to mind, as he curled up at his feet. He was relieved to have the beast about. Severus looked about the office and realized how silent Hogwarts was without its staff and students present. Severus rested his head against the comfort of the chair and decided he would go to bed early tonight. When he woke again in the morning, he could start to count down to the end of the holidays.

/

The Room of Requirement had outdone itself, Harry reckoned. He was the first one to arrive and smiled at seeing the large, decorated Christmas tree. There was holly everywhere and even bushels of mistletoe, which floated near the ceiling. There was Christmas punch, butterbeer, and various snacks. Christmas music played in the back, enhancing the welcoming atmosphere. He doubted the peace and quiet would last though, knowing Fred and George would provide the entertainment.

“Harry!” Ron and Neville flooed in simultaneously and stumbled out of the fireplace. Ron looked about and grinned. “It’s perfect, mate.”

“Very nice,” Neville commented; he was relieved the Room hadn’t overdone it.

“Don’t tell me the party started without us!” Fred and George flooed in as well and took in their surroundings. “We can work with this,” Fred announced happily. 

“Remember, don’t overdo it!” Harry told them. “We don’t want Severus to take one look and run!” 

“You can trust us!” Fred winked at Harry. “I owe Severus. I will be careful.”

Harry hoped Fred kept his promise. He looked up when Remus and Tonks arrived. Teddy was wide awake and cooing happily. 

”Hello!” Tonks said and smiled at them. She thought that Harry had picked all attendants well indeed. 

“Coming through…” Madam Pomfrey stepped into the room and looked about. It looked like she was the last one to arrive.

“That’s odd,” Ron mused. Feeling Harry’s curious gaze upon him, he explained. “I have never seen Madam Pomfrey out of her uniform.” The healer wore a black dress tonight, which gave her quite a different look.

“Well,” she said, “This is a day off, Mister Weasley!”

Harry realized he had gathered the people Severus cared about the most. Yes, this would work! His plan would work!

/

Severus sipped the twelve year old malt whiskey which he had found hidden away in the bottom drawer of the desk. The bottle had still been closed and he suspected Albus had once received it from Minerva as a Christmas gift – if he could believe the note that went with it. He had opened it and poured himself some. Sitting in front of the fireplace, he stared at the way the flames danced. 

His solitude weighed heavily on him. In the past he had never cared for company, but now he found himself wanting another living, breathing person with him. Being alone was making him feel depressed. 

Headmaster, you have a visitor.

Hogwarts’ announcement startled him. What did that mean? How could he possibly have a visitor when the castle was empty? But he focused and grew aware of the fact that someone was standing in front of the Gargoyle. It was Harry, but what was the young man doing here? Harry was spending his holiday at the Weasleys! He told the Gargoyle to let the youngster enter and tried to make sense of what was happening. “Mister Potter,” he said, rising from his chair.

“Headmaster,” Harry replied equally formally, but grinning broadly at the same time. “You never told me the password, you know.”

Severus enjoyed their little game, welcoming the unexpected distraction. “Are you saying you can’t take it from my mind?”

“I could, but I don’t want to infringe on your privacy.” Harry felt relieved to see Severus smile as he had sensed the older man’s growing depression. 

Severus inclined his head in approval. “What are you doing at Hogwarts though? I thought you were staying with the Weasleys?” And now that he thought about it, why hadn’t he sensed Harry’s return to the castle? This was definitely peculiar. 

“I think it is rather obvious why I am here.” Harry moved his hands into the front as he had been hiding his present behind his back. “I am here to wish you a merry Christmas.”

Severus stared at the young man and felt flabbergasted. “But, why?”

“Why?” Harry cringed upon realizing that Severus had truly expected to spend Christmas on his own. It had never occurred to the older wizard that someone would want his company tonight. “It’s Christmas… We should celebrate it!”

Severus gestured for Harry to sit down opposite him. He had noticed the wrapped parcel, but found it hard to believe that Harry had bought him a gift. He had never received a present on Christmas Eve before!

Harry sat down and smiled at the older man. He couldn’t help feeling a tad sad though. “I want you to have this. It’s nothing special, but I still hope you will like it.” He raised his arm and extended his hand toward Severus. It took a moment though for the older man to take hold of it. “Go ahead, it’s yours.” Harry flinched, realizing Severus felt hesitant to make himself vulnerable. 

Severus wasn’t sure what to make of the situation. Was he hallucinating? Just what exactly was in that twelve year old malt whiskey? Had Albus left it untouched for a reason? In the end, Harry got to his feet, placed the gift on his lap, and sat down again.

“Open it, please,” Harry said, encouraging the older man. He really wanted to know if Severus liked his gift; he strongly suspected Severus would love it. Severus would love whatever he had gotten him, Harry realized with a sinking feeling to his stomach; simply because someone had taken the time to wrap it up and give it to him.

“I didn’t get you anything,” Severus said, feeling uncomfortable at receiving a gift, without being able to offer one in turn.

“You already gave me the best gift of all,” Harry said and waited for Severus to look at him, as he thought the older man would. The question ‘what’ was easily read in those dark eyes. “You came back from the dead. That was my gift as far as I am concerned. I was so damn afraid I would never get a chance to talk to you after seeing your memories in the pensieve. I needed closure and only you could provide me with it.” Harry hadn’t wanted to make Severus feel even more uncomfortable, but it was the truth. “I am glad you are still alive, and even more importantly that you consider me your friend.” It was more, he knew that. Severus considered him family, but he wasn’t going to speak the words yet. He would let Severus chose the time and place to tell him. “Now open it.”

Harry’s words had stunned Severus and he needed a moment to compose himself. His hands trembled when he undid the wrapping, and that wasn’t due to any tremors caused by the Cruciatus curse. They trembled because he felt emotional. Carefully, almost reverently, he removed the wrapping paper and gasped at finding he was holding a framed photograph. “When did you arrange for this?”

“I am not giving up all of my secrets.” Harry watched Severus closely and realized the older man was close to tears. “Do you like it?” He’d had asked Neville to take the picture the other day. Severus had walked up to him in a corridor and they had fallen into step with each other as they had headed for the Great Hall. Severus’ face looked relaxed in that picture and Harry was smiling. It had seemed like the perfect gift, and Harry realized he had been right when he saw the expression in Severus’ eyes. “You can put it next to the one that has my mother and you.” 

A lump of emotions formed in Severus’ throat and made it hard for him to breathe. “Thank you,” he said from the bottom of his heart. “You have no idea how much this means to me.”

“Maybe I do,” Harry admitted and fully opened the link that connected them. “I know you care about me, and I care about you in turn.”

Severus nodded, taken aback by the calming emotions that washed over him via the link. “I am sorry I have no present for you,” he repeated. 

“As I said before, you already gave me mine.” Harry watched as Severus got to his feet and made his way over to a bookcase. He retrieved the picture that showed Lily and placed both frames onto his desk. Harry felt deeply touched at seeing Severus do that, for it showed just how much the older man cared about him. “I should be on my way now, but I will see you later.” He stood quickly, knowing Severus would stop him if he gave the older man that chance.

“Harry!” Severus frowned. Harry was already climbing the staircase. It didn’t look like the young man was fleeing the office though. And what had Harry meant when he had said they would be seeing each other later?

Severus was still looking at the two photographs when he sensed he wasn’t alone anymore. “Poppy?” His eyes widened upon seeing her descend the staircase. The oddest thing about the situation was that she was wearing a plain black dress instead of her normal uniform. “What are you doing here? I thought you had gone home to celebrate Christmas with your family.”

Poppy smiled mysteriously and sat down close to the fireplace. Fang raised his head and sniffed, hoping she carried treats with her. When she didn’t, he quickly lost interest in her. 

“I am with family.” Poppy watched him closely and saw the way his eyes widened. He hadn’t expected her to say that. “Severus, sit with me.”

Severus walked over to her and sat down. He felt at a loss. What was going on here? He cringed at seeing the wrapped present in her hands. Why were they visiting him on Christmas Eve?

“I want to wish you a merry Christmas, Severus. I did so many years before, but this year, everything is different, isn’t it?”

“I don’t understand any of this,” Severus admitted. “Why are you here?”

“As I said earlier, you are family, Severus. That’s why I am here.”

Severus’ breath caught. Would it be just Harry and Poppy dropping in or would there be more visitors? Someone had planned this! He looked at Albus first, but the former Headmaster’s portrait was still empty. If Albus wasn’t behind this, then who was?

“I brought you a present, Severus. I do hope you will like it, even though it is Muggle ware.” Poppy placed the present on his lap, realizing he was too stunned to take hold of it. “Open it! Don’t make me wait!” She was rather curious regarding his reaction. 

“Muggle ware?” Severus blinked. “When did you buy this?”

“Actually I asked Miss Granger to get it for me when she visited her parents some weeks ago. It is good to know that particular family has been reunited too.” Poppy nodded her head, encouraging him. 

Severus gave in, knowing she would pester him until he opened it. He removed the wrapping paper and blinked at the object in his hands. “What is that?”

Poppy chuckled. “The Muggles call it a sodium acetate heating pad. If pressed, it warms up. It will eventually cool down, but you can cast a reheating spell on it. Those are hand warmers.” She felt rather pleased with herself for finding those!

Severus couldn’t help himself; he laughed loudly. “Poppy, this is too much!”

“Well, Muggles are rather inventive, don’t you think?” she asked and winked at him.

“Thank you,” Severus said from the depths of his heart. “I didn’t expect anyone to visit tonight, let alone come bearing gifts!” He was about to offer Poppy some whiskey when she unexpectedly got to her feet. “You don’t have to leave yet.”

“No, Severus, I do need to go, but don’t worry, I will see you later.” She moved quickly, as she didn’t want to give him a chance into talking her to stay.

Severus frowned and grew worried. Poppy quickly hurried out of the office; did that mean more visitors would follow?

Poppy smiled at Remus and Tonks on her way out. “Be gentle with him,” she advised, “he is quite shocked that someone came to see him.”

Remus felt rather sad at hearing that. He wrapped an arm around Tonks’ waist and looked at Teddy, who was asleep settled against his mother’s hip. “Let’s do this,” he said and they made their way into the office.

Severus was still fiddling with the heating pads, but looked up at realizing he had company once more. He felt deeply touched to see Remus and Tonks make his way over to him. They had taken their leave that morning and he hadn’t expected to see them for a fortnight. “What are you doing here? You were going to stay with your mother, Tonks.”

“My mother knows we will run late this year.” Tonks walked over to Severus and placed Teddy against his chest. “He’s asleep, which means, he will probably drool on you.”

“I don’t mind,” Severus whispered as he didn’t want to wake the toddler. He wrapped his arms around him in a protective manner. “But I don’t understand. You left this morning.”

“We came back,” Remus said and realized they had made the right decision; Severus needed them. “We want to wish you a merry Christmas, Severus. We want to thank you for accepting Teddy as your godson, for giving me my old teaching position back and for providing us with a home at Hogwarts. We consider those things very precious gifts.”

Severus had the feeling he knew where this was headed. He was beginning to feel embarrassed to receive gifts when he had none to offer in turn.

“We come bringing gifts, Severus,“ Tonks said and placed the first present on the small table next to Severus. “You should open that one first.”

It was thin, Severus noted, when he picked it up. He cautiously removed the gift wrap and swallowed hard at being presented with another photograph. When had they taken this one? He hadn’t noticed anyone sneaking in camera’s! “Thank you,” he said, barely trusting his voice. In the picture, he sat where he sat now and Teddy was trying to undo his buttons. “I am quickly gaining an impressive collection.” He transfigured a frame and decided to put it onto his desk next to Harry’s, the next time he got up. 

“This one is from me, rather than us,” Remus said and winked at his wife.

This one was heavier. Severus removed the wrap once more and chuckled. “A book on Whomping Willows? I didn’t even know one existed!” He understood the hint though; he would try to get a handle on his tantrums and depressions. “Thank you.”

Remus nodded; the expression in Severus’ eyes told him that the other man knew why Remus had thought the gift appropriate. Tonks got to her feet, collected Teddy, and Remus came to stand next to her.

“Let me guess,” Severus said. “You have to leave now, but we will be seeing each other later!”

“You are rather intelligent.” Tonks chuckled. “Good thing, considering you are Hogwarts’ Headmaster.” The fact that he no longer flinched, reassured Tonks that Severus had finally accepted the office he held. “See you later, Severus!”

Severus watched them go and walked over to his desk, where he placed the newest photograph next to the two he already owned. This was quickly turning into the best Christmas he had ever had – not that he’d ever had celebrated Christmas before!

Neville remained quiet. He merely studied Severus as the older man seemed lost in thought, looking at the pictures on his desk. He had suspected the visits – and gifts - would affect Severus and he wasn’t surprised to see the dark eyes swimming with tears. “Merry Christmas,” he said and walked up to the older man. “Am I right to assume your evening turned out better than you had hoped?”

Severus smiled and then turned to look at Neville. He should have known the young man would show up as well. “Yes, much better. I expected to spend the evening with Fang,” he chuckled.

“I reckon you found yourself in better company? One you can talk to?” Neville hinted and continued to smile at Severus. He liked the fact that the dark eyes had started to clear and had lost the moist expression. Instead, Severus chuckled at him.

“Much better!” Severus beckoned Neville to follow him as he sat down on his favourite chair. “Thank you for thinking of me on this eve.”

Neville sat down. “You surprised me these fast few weeks. I never thought we could be friends – considering the way you bullied me for almost seven years. But I know now why you did it and I understand. I am grateful that I got the chance to find out about the real Severus Snape – the man behind the mask, so to speak.”

“I had to act the part,” Severus added, feeling equally grateful that Neville had given him a chance to befriend him. “Your friendship means much to me.”

Neville knew he would grow flustered if he let Severus continue like that. So he quickly said, “I got you a present too, but I am not sure you will like it.” He handed Severus the cardboard case that held his present. “You might hate it – I have no idea.”

“Why would I hate it?” Severus looked at Neville in surprise. “The mere fact that you got me a gift is precious to me.”

“Just wait until you find out what it is.” It had seemed a good idea at the time, but now, he wasn’t that sure anymore. 

Severus opened the case and a book slid onto his lap. A book, bound in black leather, with silver writing on its cover. There was nothing magical about it, and Severus realized Neville had gotten him a Muggle book. This intrigued him and so he turned the book around in order to read the cover. “Assorted poems by Alfred Lord Tennyson?” He had heard about the poet, but had never read anything by his hand.

“I marked a page.” Neville grew increasingly restless, as he tried to gauge Severus’ reaction to the book. So far, all he saw on the older man’s face was surprise.

Severus opened the book, turned the pages, and started to read aloud, 

“Come not, when I am dead,  
To drop thy foolish tears upon my grave,  
To trample round my fallen head,  
And vex the unhappy dust thou wouldst not save.  
There let the wind sweep and the plover cry;  
But thou, go by.

Child, if it were thine error or thy crime  
I care no longer, being all unblest:  
Wed whom thou wilt, but I am sick of Time,  
And I desire to rest.  
Pass on, weak heart, and leave to where I lie:  
Go by, go by.”

Severus fell quiet after reading it. Neville had picked this one for a reason.

“You don’t know how happy I am that you are alive, Severus. We came close to burying you! I know that you wanted to die and that could have been you, saying those words only months ago. But I hope everything has changed and that you no longer feel like that. I want you to live instead.” Neville had shifted forward on his chair and now carefully wrapped his fingers around Severus’ left hand. He felt relieved to note the lack of tremors, for it told him that Severus wasn’t growing worse. That was his greatest fear.

“Neville…” Severus paused and tried to find the right words in order to express his feelings. He cared deeply about Harry, but Neville – he felt way more profoundly about the young man sitting next to him. Neville had supported him these last few months—had seldom left his side, and when he had, Neville had returned shortly after. “I want to live, yes. Thank you for that.” Neville had given that back to him – his will to live.

Neville gently squeezed Severus’ hand. “I am glad you like it.” He regretted causing the melancholy mood Severus had slipped into and felt it wise to rouse the older man from his thoughts. “This evening is not over yet. Actually it is just getting started.” Neville got to his feet and used his hold on Severus’ hand to pull him along. 

Severus followed willingly; partly because he was curios and partly because he didn’t want to lose Neville’s company.

/

“Are you going to tell me where we are headed?” Severus felt Hogwarts whisper into his mind after he had asked Neville that question. They gathered in the Room of Requirement, Headmaster. The connection was still deepening, and at times, Severus found it hard to say where his mind ended and Hogwarts’ magic began.

“No, I am not!” Neville grinned wickedly. “I am not telling!”

Severus shook his head in wonder. Neville still had a tight hold on his hand and continued to pull him along. In the end, they came to a halt and Severus acted his part, appearing surprised. “The Room of Requirement?”

Neville laughed and nodded. “I hope you don’t mind, but we decided to throw you a Christmas party!” He opened the door and took in the scene in front of him. “I hope you will like it.” He hoped Severus wouldn’t retreat!

Stepping into the room, Severus found all visitors already present. Then he also noticed Molly and Arthur, Fred and George, Ginny, Hermione, Bill and Fleur. Apparently Harry had brought the Weasleys to Hogwarts. Did he mind? No, not at all. These were people he felt comfortable with. Neville tugged at his hand and he took another step into the room. Yes, this was definitely the best Christmas he had ever had!

///

Severus wondered when exactly it had become customary to gather in his office, instead of in the common room or the Great Hall. But his seventh year students had finally graduated and had every reason to make merry – even if that meant invading his rooms. Severus looked about and smiled upon seeing so many happy faces. Hermione had obtained her goal to become valedictorian, but instead of her looking smug about it, she merely appeared content. She had changed during these last two years. Hunting for and destroying Horcruxes had left its marks on her as well. It had also affected Ron, Severus mused, as the Weasley had turned surprisingly serious during the last year. Severus however hoped that Ron would never lose that certain mischievous touch that had helped him pull through in the past.

Arthur and Molly Weasley doted upon their son and Ginny had taken Harry under her wings. Harry had told him that he wanted to be an Auror and Severus understood that need. Taking that step seemed very logical. 

Luna’s father had also joined them and seemed spellbound as he listened to his daughter’s tales. Xenophilius had always struck Severus as an odd man, but since he had posed no threat, Severus had never really bothered to figure him out. 

Augusta Longbottom hovered close to Neville and her face shone with pride whenever she looked at her grandson. Severus felt equally proud of Neville, and believed the young man had made the right decision to study Herbology instead of being trained as an Auror. Severus was quite sure that Neville was too soft-hearted for that. Herbology therefore fit the young man much better.

“How do you do it, Severus?” Tonks sat down on the couch and looked at Severus holding Teddy in his arms. The boy was asleep, much to her surprise. She had tried to make him go to sleep for most of the day, but her son had resisted her charms. 

“I am rather boring,” Severus quipped and gently rocked Teddy in his arms. It still took him aback how quickly he had grown used to holding the toddler. It helped that Teddy liked him right back; the toddler always seemed to be searching for him when he was in the office. At times, Tonks or Remus dropped their son off because Severus was the only one who could get Teddy to go to sleep. 

Severus’ gaze drifted off to Neville again. Last night, the young man had confided in him that Luna and he weren’t working out and that they decided to go back to being friends. He had felt sorry for Neville, but the young man hadn’t seemed heartbroken, which had surprised Severus. 

During the evenings when he found himself alone in his office, Severus still worked on the potion which he hoped would restore Alice and Frank’s condition, but so far, he had to admit defeat. Nothing he tried seemed to work. It frustrated him to no end.

“You couldn’t be boring, even if you tried, Severus.” Tonks smiled at the two of them. Asking Severus to be Teddy’s godfather had been the best decision of her life. She knew – with certainty- that the older wizard would do anything within his power to ensure her son’s happiness. Severus was a natural with children; she hadn’t realized that before, but as she watched him shift Teddy in his arms so the toddler rested more comfortably, she felt sad that he didn’t have any children of his own. Severus would make a great parent, she was certain of it. 

/

Severus watched his guests leave one by one during the evening. He didn’t really mind the invasion of his office, not overly – but he would be glad once the normal order of things was restored. He noticed that most of the former Heads of Hogwarts had fled their portraits, trying to find peace and quiet elsewhere. In the end, only Neville remained behind. That didn’t surprise Severus as he had caught the younger man staring at him frequently.

“Can I have a word with you?” Neville approached Severus, who had made himself comfortable in his favourite chair near the fireplace. 

“Sit down,” Severus said invitingly and gestured to the chair standing opposite his. It was obvious that Neville wanted to talk to him, but he had no idea what about. 

Neville patted Fang before sitting down and making himself comfortable. The hound seemed the own the spot right in front of the fireplace! He smiled at Fang and then at Severus, thinking wizard and animal were well suited for each other. 

“What do you wish to discuss?” Severus poured himself tea – right handed, as his left arm suffered from tremors today. He reckoned it was due to the stress he had found himself in. He still didn’t do well with addressing crowds in the Great Hall and today had been particularly unpleasant as he’d had to address family and friends as well as the graduating students. Holding such speeches was the one thing he still truly dreaded. 

“I talked to professor Boxwood today. He said that if I am as quick a study as I claim to be, that I could master everything within two years.” Professor Boxwood would teach him the fine art of Herbology and Neville hoped to successfully pass his final exams in two years’ time. 

Severus rested his head against the comfort of the chair. “You should take your time to study your subject in detail. You do not need to rush this.” But it certainly looked like Neville wanted to finish his studies as quickly as possible.

“No, I want to return to Hogwarts as quickly as I can. Professor Sprout told me that she wants to retire in two years’ time and she agreed to recommend me for her position here should I finish on time.”

Severus wondered about the young man in front of him. “Why are you so eager to return here, Neville?” 

Neville actually grew a tad flustered. “I don’t want to leave Hogwarts to begin with.” The truth was that he didn’t want to leave *Severus* to begin with. During these last few months they had bonded; they had become close friends and sometimes Neville wondered if it wasn’t more – on his end at least. When he had been in love with Luna, his whole body had tingled and he had felt head over heels, but with Severus… There was love too, but of a different kind. He didn’t feel as feverish as he had while dating Luna – this felt more serious – even profound in a way. 

“Hogwarts will still be here in three years time, should you need longer to complete your studies, Neville. I am sure I can convince Pomona to remain one more year.” He wanted Neville to experience what it was like to be young and carefree for a change. After the horrific events that had occurred during the last two years, Neville should give himself that chance. Something I never experienced myself. And that was exactly why he wanted Neville to be able to do it. 

Letting Neville go and setting him free was hard on Severus. He would have loved to keep Neville with him for he enjoyed spending his evenings in Neville’s company. They would play chess, go for walks – as long as it wasn’t too cold—or they would simply talk. Occasionally they even discussed poetry as Neville had presented him with more assorted poetry for his birthday. He had been stunned to realize that Neville had remembered his birthday and had gotten him a present. He would miss having Neville’s company, but he also knew he had to set Neville free. 

Neville shook his head. “No, I will push myself as I want to return as quickly as possible.” Neville briefly bit onto his bottom lip and then addressed Severus again. “Will you allow me to spend my summer and Christmas holidays at Hogwarts?”

He should have expected Neville’s request, but Severus still felt taken aback upon hearing it. “But what about Augusta? I am sure your grandmother would like for you to stay with her.” Neville’s request puzzled Severus. He would love to have Neville over for the holidays, but he couldn’t imagine Augusta liking the idea.

“I already discussed the matter with her.” Neville revealed. “And she’s fine with it. I am eighteen and it’s time for me to make my own decisions. I prefer to spend my holidays at Hogwarts.” He should have said – I prefer to spend my holidays with *you*, but he wasn’t sure Severus would approve of that.

“You are always welcome at Hogwarts, Neville. You always have a home here.” He had been tempted to say that Neville would always have a home with him, but Severus had decided against it. He didn’t want Neville to misinterpret his words.

“That is settled then!” Neville felt relieved; he hadn’t expected Severus to deny him, but he hadn’t been completely sure his request would be granted either. 

Neville shifted his chair closer to Severus’ and studied the older wizard closely. It still amazed him to see how well Severus was doing these days. The continued rest worked miraculous on his overall health and appearance. Neville couldn’t remember a time when Severus had looked more rested. Some facial lines, which had once been deep and etched onto Severus’ brow, seemed to be fading, giving the other man a younger appearance. Severus is only thirty-nine years old, Neville reminded himself. 

But Severus had easily looked like fifty when the Carrows had still resided at Hogwarts. The one thing however which refused to improve was Severus’ left arm. The tremors frequently made it hard for Severus to fully control his movement and grabbing and holding objects still presented the Headmaster with problems. 

Neville recalled an evening, two weeks ago, when Severus had told him that he would never teach Potions again. He would find a replacement for Slughorn, but had accepted the fact that he would never return to teaching himself. It was just too dangerous. Neville had understood Severus’ decision, and his heart had ached for the regrets he had read in those dark eyes.

Severus had slipped his left hand into his pocket and that had told Neville that the tremors were still present. Severus always hid his hand from view when the tremors appeared. Neville felt the urge to take hold of the trembling hand and to offer him comfort that way, but so far, he had never tried to do so. He was rather certain that Severus wouldn’t allow it. The older wizard still felt uncomfortable being touched or being reminded of the permanent nerve damage. 

Neville understood why that was – to some degree- but there were also times when he wished that Severus would allow him to offer him his support that way. But he wasn’t going to give up; Neville was determined to find a way to get through to Severus in that aspect.

“When will you leave?” Severus tried to sound calm and controlled, but the truth was that he didn’t want Neville to leave. He had come to care for the younger man and would sorely miss him.

“In the morning.” Neville had learned to read Severus’ moods and realized the older wizard felt unhappy about them parting ways. But it was their only option. He couldn’t stay at Hogwarts as he had graduated and the only way for him to become a permanent part of Severus’ life was to obtain a teaching position. That meant studying and passing all necessary exams and he was confident he would succeed in doing that. He just wished he could do so in one year instead of two.

“Would you like me to be there when you leave or…?” Severus didn’t finish his question as he was sure Neville realized the real reason behind him asking it. 

“I leave that up to you.” Neville understood perfectly. Actually having to say goodbye and allowing him to leave was hard on Severus and Neville didn’t want to put the older wizard through that. Severus had already suffered too many losses in his life. “What do you say? Shall we play one last game of Wizard chess?” So far, he had never managed to defeat Severus, although he had always tried his best. He would never just hand over victory to Severus. 

Severus nodded. “We shall play then.” He would imbed tonight in his memories, so he would be able to remember their last shared evening in detail. 

///

The fact that Severus had offered to walk him to the dormitory showed Neville that the older wizard didn’t want to say goodbye either. Goodbye however was inevitable. As they walked down the corridor, Neville stole a look at Severus, who seemed ill at ease. Being honest, he had to admit he felt uneasy too. Needing to reach out and to make contact, he slipped his fingers around Severus’ hand and instantly noticed the tremors coursing through it. 

Severus’ first impulse was to break the hold Neville had on his hand and to pull away, but when Neville gently squeezed his fingers, Severus found himself unable to deny the younger man. After all, this was goodbye. 

Neville came to a halt and Severus stopped walking as well. He made sure that the Fat Lady couldn’t see them, as he didn’t wish for any witnesses. He needed privacy. “Severus,” he started, but then felt lost for words, staring into those dark eyes. When had it happened? When had he fallen for the older man? When had he fallen in love with Severus Snape? But then again, did it matter? He was rather sure that Severus would never allow this and so he swallowed the words he had wanted to say. Instead, he said, “I promise to return to Hogwarts.” To you, he thought.

Severus sighed; he had long realized Neville’s deepening feelings for him, but was determined to ignore them. Even though he returned those feelings, he would never allow himself to express them. He was twenty years older than Neville was and had lived his life. Neville however was merely starting his and Severus would never hold the younger man back. Neville needed to live his life without ties. Neville had earned the right to be free and Severus was determined to make sure Neville lived his life to the fullest. “I wish you the best, Neville. I hope that you will do well with your studies and that love will find you. I want you to be happy, always remember that.” Even if that meant losing Neville. He had no right to hold onto Neville in the first place. 

Neville read between the lines and wondered how to react to those words. “Severus, I know what I want… And I will make sure I will get it.” Let Severus brood over that!

Severus managed a smile. “You will do well, Neville. Go with my blessing.”

Neville’s emotions were getting the better of him and he used his hold on Severus’ hand to bridge the distance between them. Severus froze the moment Neville wrapped his arms around him, but he had expected the older man to react like that. Neville didn’t release Severus though. Instead, he rested his head on the older wizard’s shoulder and savoured the moment. Severus was allowing this – for which he felt grateful. He had probably stunned the other man, but Neville didn’t care why Severus allowed the contact. All Neville could think about was that Severus wasn’t running.

Severus could barely believe what was happening. He wanted to move away from Neville, wanted to break the embrace and retreat so he would feel safe again. Showing emotions was something he was still getting used to, and being hugged like that, was a completely new experience; one he didn’t really know how to deal with. He felt undone when Neville started to whisper into his ear.

“Take good care of yourself, Severus. I will owl Remus regularly to make sure you do. And should I find it necessary, I will come to Hogwarts to check on you. The fact that I am going away to study doesn’t mean you can cut me out of your life, do you understand me?” Neville raised his head and looked Severus in the eye. “Unlike Harry, I can’t read your thoughts, but the look in your eyes tells me everything I need to know. I will be back- you can count on that.”

“You don’t know what you are saying.” Severus wished Neville would break the embrace, but the younger man’s arms stayed in place and refused to let go. “You are young, Neville. You will lose yourself in your studies, and in time, you will also lose your heart to some fair witch. You will marry, settle down, and start your own family. And then, one day, when your youngest child starts attending school, you will accompany your youngest to Hogwarts. And then you will stand in the Great Hall, looking at me, and wonder why you ever thought you wanted to return to me.”

Now Severus had done it! Now that the older man had broached the subject –finally -- Neville quickly reacted to it. “Severus, you know that I care deeply about you. I will not forget you and I doubt anyone can make me change my mind. I will come back to you.” There, he had said it. Instead of ‘return to Hogwarts’ he had finally voiced his real reason for wanting to come back. “I care about you – deeply.” Neville knew better than to speak of love or bring up feelings at that point. They had to go slow – very slow. “I will send an owl once I am settled in. I will keep you updated on my studies and I will let you know when I plan on visiting you. For I will be back,” he repeated, hoping Severus would allow himself to believe that.

Severus managed a sad smile. “We will see, young one.”

“Not that young!” He was eighteen; he had come of age a year ago and he was no longer a child. He was an adult, and although it would take time, he was determined to make Severus see and accept that. Sensing the distress Severus was in, Neville decided to release him from the embrace. He then nodded once and said, “Don’t give up on me, Severus,” and walked down the rest of the corridor.

///

Severus apparated onto the Astronomy Tower and watched Neville make his way to Hogwarts’ gates. He had debated whether or not to accompany the young man, but in the end, he had decided against it. He had to stop Neville’s youthful infatuation regarding him. It was something Severus couldn’t allow. He had to make sure he no longer acted in a way that might led Neville to believe that the feeling was mutual – even if that was the truth. He wouldn’t allow anything to hold Neville back – and certainly not those insane feelings which the young man seemed to have developed for him. He wanted the best for Neville – and being in love with him was the worst thing that could have happened, according to Severus. 

Neville had reached the gates and suddenly turned around. He felt someone’s gaze upon him and he was fairly certain it was Severus who was looking at him. After a moment’s search, he made out the Headmaster’s form on the Astronomy Tower. He didn’t need to see the older man’s expression to guess what Severus was thinking; it had all been in the black eyes last night. He needs time, Neville reminded himself. I understand why he is hesitant to accept this, but I will find a way to make him accept the truth. And the truth was rather simple, as far as Neville was concerned; he was in love with Severus Snape and he had the distinct feeling that this bond wouldn’t simply disappear because he was studying in Essex and Severus remained behind at Hogwarts. No, distance wouldn’t make a difference. 

Neville grinned and promised himself to find a way to get through to the older man. He just had to find a way to make Severus admit the truth!

/

It was already late in the evening, and Severus was on his way to bed, when an owl suddenly appeared at his window. Realizing his evening wasn’t over yet, Severus opened the window and allowed the owl inside. It was a particular energetic bird. “Behave yourself!” he told the owl and managed to retrieve the letter. The owl took off immediately and he wondered whom it belonged to as he didn’t remember ever having seen it before.

He unrolled the parchment and was stunned to see Neville’s handwriting. The young man had said he would write to him, but Severus hadn’t expected the first note arrive so quickly! He instantly grew worried, afraid something had happened to Neville. 

Severus,

I said I would write, didn’t I? I arrived safe and sound and must admit I like it here. Professor Boxwood made a good first impression on me and I hope I made one on him as well! He is old though— nearly ninety. But then again, that hopefully means he knows what he is talking about! We went through the courses today and I have the feeling I can easily accomplish everything within the two years I had hoped. I am considering taking some lessons in healing as well, as professor Boxwood also seems accomplished in that area! Maybe I will even come up with that cure for the Cruciatus curse we are searching for! That is, considering there is one. The fact that you have been researching it for all that time and came up with nothing isn’t exactly encouraging! 

The way it looks now I might be able to squeeze in the occasional trip to Hogwarts during the weekends. If you will still have me, that is?

I will write again in a few days when I truly know what to expect regarding my studies and maybe we can pick a weekend for me to visit?

I hope my letter finds you well and that you are taking care of yourself. Although it is still rather warm for September, take care when you go outside. Use Poppy’s heating pads if you must (I think they are a great invention!) And sleep! I know you tend to roam the castle at night, but be sensible and go to bed instead.

Severus, write back, will you? Don’t ignore me… Don’t cut me out of your life. I know you… Just don’t.

Neville

Severus stared at the letter for some time and then sat down behind his desk. A part of him felt thrilled that Neville had written him, but another thought it best if the young man simply forgot he existed. Should he write Neville back? Or would it be best to ignore him, much like Neville feared?

Severus placed the letter on his desk and got to his feet again. He was tempted to go for a walk in order to clear his mind, but Neville was right; he needed to sleep as well. In the end, Severus headed for bed, and although he expected to toss and turn, he quickly fell asleep.

/

“You should write back, Severus! Seriously!” Tonks shook her head at him and felt rather exasperated. Severus Snape had been cunning enough to mislead Voldemort for years, but the wizard did definitely lack intelligence in other areas. “Neville cares about you! You can’t deny that. You can’t ignore him!”

Severus was rather angry with himself. He had been sloppy and she had found Neville’s letter while he had been feeding Fang. She had picked it up and had read it. When he had returned, he had been too late. She had already started to lecture him. “Tonks, think! You are an Auror, which means you must possess some intelligence!

Tonks smirked; she had long realized that Severus returned to sneers and snarls whenever he felt trapped. She had been surprised to find out that Neville cared to such an extent about Severus, but then again, the young man had grown close to Severus; she had seen it happen during the last few months. What she hadn’t realized, until he had reacted so vehemently upon finding her with the letter in her hand, was that Neville had developed feelings for Severus. She wasn’t sure how she felt about that; Neville was young and had seemed in love with Luna, but those two had quickly broken off their relationship and had gone back to being friends. She couldn’t help but wonder if that had happened because Neville had realized his feelings for Severus –even back then. There was the age difference of course and the fact that both were male, but then again, she wasn’t prejudiced. Love came in all different forms and shapes, also in the form of a werewolf, as far as she was concerned.

“I am intelligent,” she said, trying to keep their conversation going. “For how long have you known Neville has feelings for you?” Being subtle wouldn’t work with Severus, she knew that. She had to confront him head on.

“A few weeks,” Severus admitted as he collapsed onto a chair. He massaged his right temple as he was developing a headache. Neville was to blame for that. Why did the young man insist they continue their friendship? For if he answered that letter, Neville would feel encouraged and think he had a chance to deepen their friendship into a relationship of a different kind. 

Tonks pulled up a chair and sat down next to him. She cast a quick look at Teddy, who had fallen asleep resting against Fang. The hound was asleep too, and the two of them actually looked rather comfortable. “Severus,” she said and tried to read his mood. “What are you afraid of?”

She had to ask him that, didn’t she? She couldn’t detour or even better, forget she had read that letter. A letter, which she shouldn’t have read in the first place!

“Severus, talk to me. I am a friend.” Tonks slowly rested her right hand on his shoulder and squeezed – gently. “Why are you scared to answer Neville’s letter?”

“Don’t you understand?” Severus turned his head toward her. The fact that she was still squeezing his shoulder made it –for some reason – easier to confide in her. “I don’t want to encourage him. He should forget about me instead.”

Tonks carefully considered her reply- knowing much depended on it. “Because you don’t return his feelings? Because Neville’s love is unrequited?”

Severus considered lying to her, but in the end, he knew she wouldn’t let him get away with it. She was an Auror after all, and knew when he was lying. “That’s the real problem, I am afraid.”

Tonks had already thought so. “You return his feelings.” Did that surprise her? In one way it did, because she had never considered the possibility of them being attracted to each other, but now that she knew about the feelings involved, she wondered why she hadn’t caught it earlier. The two of them spent most of their time together. Neville always seemed to be near Severus and had even spent several nights on the couch in the office. Even Tonks had found him asleep there one morning. “Why do you want Neville to think you don’t?”

“That’s another problem,” Severus admitted. “He knows. I can’t lie to him, Tonks, much like I can’t lie to you. It’s different of course. You know when I am lying because you are an Auror. Neville knows because he knows me too well.”

“You want Neville to fall out of love because…?” She was going to let him talk as she needed more information!

“Tonks, there is no way this can work. First there is the age difference. Neville is eighteen and I am twenty years older than him.”

Tonks discarded the argument; age meant little as far as she was concerned. “What else?”

Severus blinked; had she really said that? He had been under the impression it was reason enough to stop this madness! “What else?”

“Age doesn’t matter, Severus… Neither does form. I am in a love with a werewolf, in case you hadn’t noticed.”

Severus stared at the wall instead. “Are you asking me to name the reasons why I am denying Neville?”

“Of course! Or can’t you come up with any?” Tonks smiled sweetly.

Severus was instantly on his guard. That smile often meant trouble. “I don’t have anything to offer.”

“Nonsense,” she said and dismissed the argument with a flick of her hand. “You have a lot to offer.”

“Like what?” Severus was fed up and turned the game around, asking her questions instead.

Tonks grinned; now she had him exactly where she wanted him. “You are a caring person.” He snorted, but she ignored it. “You are intelligent and cunning. You are brave.”

“Brave!” Severus got to his feet and paced the office. “Don’t start with that. I have never been brave to begin with. I merely did what needed to be done!”

Tonks refused to be manipulated and simply continued. “You want what is best for Neville, which is something each lover wants. You have looked after him in the past, and Neville did the same thing for you. You enjoy his company and he feels the same way about you. You allow him to take care of you; that should have clued me in, but I was blind.”

“What do you mean?” Severus came to a halt and eyed her closely.

“Do you remember creating the bonfires on the fifth of November? Neville worried that you were cold and he told you to go back to the castle to get warm. You complied.” Tonks felt smug for remembering that, but then she came up with an even better memory. “I will never forget the look on Neville’s face when Kingsley turned up at the Hospital Wing to tell you that the Wizengamot wouldn’t press charges. Neville raised that sword of his and threatened Kingsley.”

Severus actually remembered that. “I did wonder about it at the time. But I attributed it to the stress Neville was in.”

“Maybe there was more to it?” Tonks hoped she was finally getting through to him. “I can’t think of a single reason why you should deny Neville, and so far, you haven’t provided me with one either!” Tonks noticed the distress to his eyes and whispered, “Or is it because of Lily?” Did he still love her after twenty years? Was he unable to let go of the dead? In that case, Neville would face defeat because there was no way he could compete with Lily.

Severus quickly shook his head and a frown appeared on his brow. “I will always love her, but… something has changed. She is a memory these days – nothing more.”

Tonks felt relieved, for it meant Neville might still have a chance. “Why are you fighting this then? You are worthy of love, Severus.” Was that the problem? Didn’t he think himself worthy of finding love?

Severus couldn’t stop the blush from forming, but he managed to quickly compose himself. “It isn’t that either.”

“Then what is?” And then suddenly, she thought of something, but that couldn’t be! Surely, Severus had… “Are you telling me you never had a lover before?” She knew she had hit bull’s eye when he turned away from her – clearly feeling embarrassed.

“When do you think I had time for that? When I was young, I was in love with Lily, but she chose to be with James. During the first war, I was too busy staying alive! Then, during my teaching years at Hogwarts, I was still carrying on missions for Albus and my workload doubled when Harry started to attend school. And then Voldemort returned, turning my life into hell once more.”

“I never…” Tonks suddenly felt ashamed for making him admit that. “I always assumed there was someone who…” But Severus was right; there had never been time or opportunity for that. “Severus, you must give this a chance!” Tonks nodded fervently. “Give Neville his chance! You deserve a chance at love like everyone else does!”

“Do I? After everything I did? After the deaths and pain which I caused?”

“Severus, everything you did was in order to bring down Voldemort!” She had suspected all along that he still felt guilty. “We were at war and you fought at the front line! Cut yourself some slack. Write back, Severus. Don’t deny yourself this. I want you to be happy and Neville… Neville might not take no for an answer.” At least, she hoped so. 

Severus stared at the letter which still lay upon his desk. Should he take Tonks’ advice and write Neville? Or should he follow his instincts and stop that madness right now?

/

It was close to midnight when Severus sat down behind his desk. He picked up a quill and started writing.

Neville,

This is folly. Do you have any idea how much you are complicating both our lives by pursuing this? I beg you to reconsider and to let this infatuation die.

Severus.

/

Neville was relieved to receive any reply at all. After reading it, he realized that his cause wasn’t lost – not at all. So he sat down and composed an answer.

Severus,

How can you ask me to give up before I even tried to get through to you? I have no intention of denying this infatuation as you call it. I am in love with you, and since you never actually denied it, I am fairly certain you have feelings for me in turn. If you think you can make me stop pursue you, you are mistaken. I know what I want, Severus, and I want a chance to show you that I am sincere.

I talked to Professor Boxwood and he allows me to visit you at the end of November. I will come to Hogwarts then and you had better be there! Severus, I know you are worried, but let me assure you that you have nothing to worry about. Just give me one chance.

Neville.

/

Neville,

You are mad, you do know that? And I am insane for giving in to you. Nothing but sorrow can come from this, but as you are determined to put us through that hell…

Severus

/ 

Severus,

I guess that is a yes?

Neville

/

You, Mister Longbottom, are a brat…  
And yes…

Severus

///

Severus was nervous. Three months had passed since he had last seen Neville, and although they wrote each other almost daily, he couldn’t help feeling apprehensive. He paced and watched the gates closely, waiting for any sign that would tell him that Neville had apparated. Was he doing the right thing in allowing Neville to grow that close to him? He had agreed to give them this chance, but what if it was a mistake? 

Damn, it was cold, but what did he expect? It was the end of November and first snow had fallen two days ago. Although it had melted yesterday, the cold had returned with a vengeance. He continued to pace as he needed to keep warm and wished he were back in his office next to a nice hot fire. He refused to leave without Neville though.

There was a sudden crack to the air and Severus spun about. Neville stood at the opposite side of the gates and was already giving him an impatient look. Severus opened the gates and gestured for Neville to approach. He couldn’t remember a time when he had felt more nervous – not even when Voldemort had summoned him and he hadn’t known what to expect. 

“Headmaster,” Neville said smugly and inclined his head in greeting. “I am honoured that you collect me in person.”

“Cheeky brat,” Severus quipped. “Giving me trouble already, aren’t you?”

“I am merely being respectful,” Neville said and unceremoniously dropped his bag on the frozen ground. “You have no idea how much I have longed for this moment.” He stepped forward and carefully wrapped his arms around Severus. “I missed you.”

Neville’s arms tightened around him in an embrace, causing Severus to stiffen due to the unexpected contact. He forced himself to relax; Neville cared for him and it was only natural that he wanted to embrace him. Still, the physical contact felt foreign and therefore made him uncomfortable. 

Neville felt Severus freeze, but refused to let go because of it. He had longed for this moment and he was going to make it last. “Thank you for giving us this chance.” He knew it was up to him to make this work and for that, he felt grateful, because it meant he still had a chance. 

Severus managed to relax ever so slightly, but that changed the moment Neville began to rub his back. His eyes widened at the touch and he forced himself to accept it. It was just a damn hug! 

“How are things at the school?” Neville said upon releasing Severus from the embrace. He followed Severus to the carriage that already awaited them. 

“Quiet,” Severus replied at long last. They took their seats and he peeked at the younger man. “Most of the students have gone to Hogsmeade and some of the staff too. Only Poppy, Minerva, and Remus stayed behind.” 

Neville moved closer to Severus and tenderly wrapped his fingers around the older man’s right hand, as Severus kept his left tucked into a pocket. The tremors were still present then. 

Severus stared at their joined hands and was beginning to realize Neville’s game plan. The younger man was obviously trying to get him used to being touched. Severus wished him good luck with that.

/

“I feel at home here.” Neville sighed happily. He walked next to Severus and the two of them were on route to the Headmaster’s office. “Professor Sprout had better not retire before I am ready to take over!” He felt certain though that she would make sure he succeeded her.

Severus glanced at Neville again. The fact that the young man felt so at ease walking next to him amazed him. He had to admit that it felt good to have Neville back. During these last three months he had felt incomplete, but now that Neville had returned, he felt whole. Did that mean he was fighting a lost cause and that there was no way to stop this?

Neville still had a hold on his hand and Severus had to admit that he was growing used to the touch. He no longer felt the need to pull away his hand. They descended into the office and Neville chuckled at finding Fang drooling onto the rug in front of the fireplace. “Nothing ever changes, does it?” 

Severus wasn’t sure how to proceed. He had assigned Neville guest quarters, but he suspected the young man would spend as little time as possible there. Neville then spotted the tea and scones waiting for them. “I am hungry,” he said and winked at Severus. He didn’t let go of his hand though and so Severus was dragged along to the fireplace. Both men settled down and Neville was forced to let go of Severus’ hand as he helped himself to scones with clotted cream and marmalade. “It’s good to be back!”

Severus claimed the chair next to Neville and was content to look at the younger man as he devoured the scone. “I can ask for a decent meal,” he offered.

“Later!” Neville said decisively. First, he wanted to look – truly look – at Severus. He had been worried about the state he would find Severus in, but the older wizard looked rested. And still looked like forty instead of fifty, which reminded him that Severus’ birthday was coming up in a couple of weeks. Well, forty was still young in the wizarding world!

Neville grew increasingly aware of the odd tension between them and realized it was Severus’ attempt to make him reconsider his former request. If the older wizard thought he would get away with it, he was in for a surprise. “How is your left arm today?” He pointedly looked at the pocket which Severus used to hide his hand in. “Are the tremors more pronounced today?”

Severus hadn’t expected that question and felt taken aback. Of all the possible things that Neville might have asked, he hadn’t counted on that one. “Yes, they are… and no, it is nothing to worry about.”

“May I?” Neville leaned in closer and extended his arm. “Maybe I can help with that.” He half expected to see suspicion on Severus’ face, so when it appeared, he wasn’t taken aback.

“What do you think you can do?” Severus wasn’t sure what was happening.

“We can’t use any spells to alleviate your discomfort, but maybe we can try some Muggle treatment I came across recently.” Severus looked up curiously at that and Neville smiled knowingly. “I told you I was also looking into healing and professor Boxwood studies Muggle treatments too. He came across a particular massage technique and I would like to try it on you, if you trust me, that is. It’s not invasive, nor should you be in pain because of it.”

Neville wasn’t fighting fair and they both knew it. “I trust you,” Severus said eventually. “And I am not afraid of pain.”

“I know that,” Neville said soothingly. “I don’t want you to be in pain to begin with – I will never willingly cause you pain, I promise.” 

Severus sighed; he didn’t want Neville to think he didn’t trust him. “Do your worst then.” He extended his left arm toward Neville, who gently took it in his hands. 

“I need to get the fabric out of the way. Do you need help with those buttons?” Neville smiled sweetly. 

Severus wondered if Neville didn’t have a hidden agenda. “Trying to get me out of my clothes already?” he half quipped, half sneered.

Neville merely wiggled an eyebrow. “Maybe?” He didn’t want the atmosphere to become too seriously. He needed to handle this lightly so Severus didn’t feel pressured. 

“It depends on how much time you will give me to undo those buttons. If you want it done swiftly, you will have to do it. It will take me a while.” Severus wasn’t sure what was happening and felt at a loss.

“I will help,” Neville offered quickly. He shifted on the chair and reached for the countless buttons that adorned Severus’ coat. “Tell me, are your clothes still all black?” he said in order to distract the older man.

“If you don’t count the white shirts, yes, they are. What colour do you expect me to wear? Bloody red?” Severus swallowed nervously the moment Neville managed to undo the last button. He slipped out of the coat and Neville draped it across the armrest. Now what? 

“No, red doesn’t suit you. But what about midnight blue? Or dark greys to start with?” Neville also undid the buttons to Severus’ sleeve and then slid the material up past the elbow. He sucked in his breath, finally realizing it was the arm that bore the Dark Mark. Was that the reason the curse had caused permanent damage? Because the Mark possessed its own magic?

Severus allowed Neville to distract him. “Maybe I will give blue a chance.” He felt nervous, seeing Neville’s fingers ghost over the Mark. He had hoped it would vanish after Voldemort’s demise, but although it had faded with time, it was still visible. “What are you going to do?” He had to know – had to have some semblance of control.

“Not much – just this.” Neville kept a close eye on Severus as he started to massage the rigid fingers one by one. “How does that feel?” he asked, as he wanted to make sure he wasn’t causing Severus more pain. 

Severus wasn’t sure he should admit it, but it actually felt good. The massage made his fingers a bit more flexible, plus warmth started to spread throughout his hand. “It feels…good,” he whispered, unable to manipulate or lie. 

Neville smiled relieved. “I had hoped it would feel good.” He continued the massage and slowly worked his way up to the wrist and then up the arm itself. He kept monitoring Severus’ responses and was amused to find the older wizard had closed his eyes and was actually drifting off into sleep. The fact that Severus allowed himself to relax to such an extent spoke of the trust that Severus had in him and Neville felt honoured because of it. 

Ten minutes later, Severus was truly and deeply asleep. Neville kept the massage up though for another twenty minutes, until his own fingers started to cramp up. He then collected a quilt and wrapped Severus up in it, needing to keep the older man warm. 

“Good evening to you, Neville.”

Neville had almost forgotten about the portraits, but when he heard Dumbledore’s voice, he turned toward the former Headmaster’s painting. “Good evening to you too, sir.” After making sure Severus was comfortable, and still asleep, he made his way over to the portrait. “It is good to be back.”

Albus nodded. “It will do Severus lots of good to have you with him.”

Neville smiled; there was no need to play games with Dumbledore. “I plan on permanently moving in. In eighteen months, after I pass my exams, I will take up teaching Herbology at Hogwarts.”

“You planned it all, didn’t you, my boy?” Albus approved of Neville’s plans. “I am sure Pomona will be relieved to know that you will take over. She is awfully protective of her green house!”

“I know how to take care of those plants, that helps.” Neville cast a quick look at Severus. After making sure he was still asleep, Neville asked, ”How is he doing? Honestly?” If anyone knew, then Dumbledore would!

“Honestly?” Albus echoed, and a naughty twinkle appeared in his eyes. “He is doing well, Neville. He still has a tiny bit of trouble accepting that you love him, but I am sure you can work around that.”

Dumbledore winked and Neville chuckled at seeing it. “Was it a shock to him? I can’t really imagine that. Surely he must have realized what was happening?”

“I think he did,” Albus said, opting for the truth. He might not get another chance to talk to Neville and he was going to use his time well. “Of course he realized that your friendship was deepening, but the one thing he didn’t count on was falling in love himself.”

Neville nodded and felt relieved to hear that. “I wasn’t sure he loved me back, but I felt confident that he might.”

“Severus doesn’t really know what to do. The first time he fell in love, Lily chose James over him. Severus has kept his heart locked away ever since. And now that you proclaim you love him he feels at a loss. Severus knows about rejection, but nothing about acceptance.”

“That’s what I thought,” Neville whispered. “Do you have any advice for me, sir?”

“Continue with what you are doing, Neville. I think you will manage perfectly on your own. Oh, the matters of the heart…” Albus wiggled his eyebrows. “Make the best of the time you have together, Neville. Don’t let it slip away.”

“I won’t,” Neville promised and then walked back to Severus. It was time to move the older man to the bed and he hoped he would accomplish that without waking Severus in the process.

/

The first thing Severus became aware of upon waking in the morning was the fact that he felt relaxed. Rested and relaxed. The ache coursing through his left arm was usually the thing to wake him up, but not this time. He had been in discomfort for almost a year, but right now, the pain was absent – how odd. Severus opened his eyes and wanted to check on his arm when he realized that he wasn’t alone in bed. He wanted to reach for his wand, which he always kept tucked inside his sleeve, but then realized he wasn’t wearing his coat, or his shirt for that matter. He turned his head slightly and promptly looked at Neville, who was asleep next to him. 

They lay facing each other and somehow, Neville had managed to wrap his arms around him, holding him close. Last night’s events suddenly returned to him. So that was why he was without his wand; Neville had massaged his arm and had then disposed of the shirt when he had taken him to bed. But how had Neville ended up in bed with him, and even more startling, holding him? Normally Severus would have lashed out; he had cursed people for less. How could he have continued to sleep with someone that close next to him? Because I trust him, he admitted to himself. He trusted Neville unconditionally. 

Tentatively, unsure of his motives, he raised his left hand and stroked stray strands of hair away from Neville’s face. Who would have thought the chubby child would turn into a handsome man one day? Puberty had been kind to Neville Longbottom and had turned him from an ugly duckling into a rather striking swan. Why did Neville want him? Why indeed? Severus still couldn’t figure it out. He suddenly realized that his fingers had strayed and were caressing Neville’s face. He instantly pulled away, as if burned. 

“Don’t stop – that feels nice…”

Severus realized to his dismay that Neville was awake and had noticed the caress – his trespassing. Severus wanted to increase the distance between them, but the fact that Neville’s arms were still wrapped around him, prevented that. “I am sorry,” he whispered instead. He had no idea how to deal with the intimate setting he suddenly found himself in. He had never been this close to someone – had never slept in the same bed with someone he had feelings for. 

Severus’ apology, and even more so the trepidation that coloured Severus’ voice, made Neville open his eyes. Looking at Severus, he realized what upset the older man. “There’s no need to apologize, Severus. I enjoy your touch and rather hope you will continue it.” The apprehension in Severus’ eyes didn’t go away though. “I am serious, Severus. I like being close to you. I like it when you caress my face.”

Severus knew he had to be honest with Neville if he really wanted them to have a chance. He didn’t want to say the words though; didn’t want to see the expression in Neville’s eyes upon realizing the truth. Maybe he would get away with ignoring his unease.

“Say it… You can tell me.” Neville slowly, and carefully, drew circles onto Severus’ back, hoping it would calm him. “You can tell me everything,” he repeated. It was strange to see Severus so skittish. 

Severus felt more than just shy all of a sudden; he felt embarrassed. “Neville, I have never had… There was never time, or opportunity for me… Bloody hell, can’t you figure it out yourself?” And why did Neville have to continue to caress his skin? It made him even more nervous!

Neville privately cursed himself for not seeing the obvious sooner. “I am your first lover?” Severus didn’t speak then, and merely nodded. It confirmed how uncomfortable he must feel. Neville however hoped his next admission would take away most of that unease. “You are my first lover too.”

Severus blinked as he had never expected to hear. “But what about Luna?” He had been under the impression that… Neville chuckled and the sound of it pulled him from his thoughts.

“We kissed – and quickly realized how odd it felt. It didn’t work. We didn’t feel comfortable kissing each other, so we went back to being friends. I should probably also admit that I already felt attracted to you at that point.”

Severus was still trying to sort through the things Neville had just told him. “You never had a lover before then?”

“That’s what I told you just now, isn’t it?” But apparently Severus needed to hear him say the words. “I never had a lover before – well, if you don’t count those two kisses.”

Severus felt immensely relieved. Maybe that would make things easier on him. At least he wasn’t the only one new at this. Neville suddenly cupped his cheek in the palm of his hand and turned his head toward him. Severus allowed it and looked at the younger man, who appeared comfortable and at ease. 

“I am not going to jump you,” Neville said softly. “But I do enjoy having you close and holding you. Is that agreeable to you?”

Severus smiled – and it was a genuinely caring smile. “Most agreeable.” Learning that Neville had no experience in that area either reassured him. “How long can you stay?” 

“I have to go back tomorrow evening, which means we have today and most of tomorrow. Did you plan anything?”

“Not really. Most students will go to Hogsmeade and tomorrow, classes start again.” He didn’t have many appointments though and would be able to spend most of the day with Neville. “Neville, how sure are you about this? About us?” He had to know before giving away his heart. He had done so once before and had hurt for two decades because of it.

“I am certain.” Neville caressed Severus’ face and tried to reassure him the best he could. “I love you,” he said, and quickly shook his head when Severus wanted to speak up. “I know what I feel so don’t tell me otherwise. I know that I love you.”

“I hope you are sure, Neville… I sincerely hope so.” Because losing his heart to Neville scared him to no end.

Neville nodded in order to show that he understood. “I won’t hurt you,” he whispered and then pressed closer to Severus. “It’s Sunday, isn’t it?” 

“Yes,” Severus replied, unsure why Neville wanted to know that.

“You have no appointments today? Or urgent matters you need to attend do?”

“Nothing.” Severus still wasn’t sure why Neville wanted to know those things.

“Good, for that means we can stay in bed and go back to sleep. I don’t know about you, but I am still tired.” Neville closed his eyes and rested his head against Severus’ chest. The constant rise and fall made him fall asleep again and he did so with a huge grin on his face.

Severus however couldn’t go back to sleep. He marvelled about the young man in his bed, who had also found a way into his heart. He didn’t fully understand what was happening, or why, he merely knew he had surrendered to the feeling and that his heart answered to a new master now.

/

Severus managed to untangle himself and sneaked into the office, where he summoned tea and breakfast. He didn’t want to wake Neville yet, and let the younger man sleep. Apparently Neville was tired and needed the rest.

“You look flabbergasted,” Albus remarked smugly.

“Or should I say gobsmacked?” Phineas added, enjoying teasing Severus as much as Albus did.

“Give the poor man a break!” Everard said, but grinned in the same fashion his colleagues did. “After all, it’s been a while since this office saw some action!”

Severus groaned and rested his head against the comfort of the chair, closing his eyes in the process and doing his best to ignore them. That would prove difficult though.

“Did you see this one coming?” Newton said and grinned his dirtiest smile.

Vindictus laughed loudly. “Not yet, but maybe soon.”

“Silence, please…” Severus begged. “It is too early for that!”

“But I always heard that sex was best in the morning,” Phineas continued, truly enjoying pestering Severus. It was payback for all the times Severus had beaten him at Wizard chess!

“Don’t be rude,” Neville quipped as he walked toward the desk behind which Severus sat. “You are merely jealous, the whole lot of you!” He noticed the dark look Black gave him and barely suppressed the urge to stick out his tongue. “Ah, breakfast,” he said and grabbed a bread roll from Severus’ plate. “Lady Grey?” he enquired.

Caching on, Severus summoned breakfast for Neville too. He glared at the portraits, daring them to comment again. If they did, he would deal with them and they wouldn’t like it. They remained quiet though, probably realizing he was serious. 

Neville transfigured himself a chair and sat down opposite Severus, who still looked stunned. “How is your arm this morning?” He had given it a quick look and had found the tremors gone – for now.

“Better. It’s the first time in nearly a year that it doesn’t hurt.” Severus wished he could take the words back the moment he spoke them. The look Neville gave him reminded him that he had never admitted to being in actual pain because of the tremors.

“What? Say that again?” Neville gave him a challenging look. “Did you say you have been in constant pain for a year?” Why hadn’t Severus told him that? 

“It is of no consequence. I can assure you that the pain is minor and that I can deal with it. I have suffered worse.”

“Maybe, but is it really constant?” Neville didn’t like the sound of that.

Severus shrugged. “As I said before, it’s minor.”

Neville counted to ten as he didn’t want to lose his temper. “I will show Poppy how to give you that massage so you are in less constant discomfort.” He felt exasperated. Why couldn’t Severus simply admit to being in pain? Why did he have to downplay it? Because he always did that in the past, Neville realized suddenly. “And I will show Remus too,” he ignored Severus when the older man tried to voice his objections. “Forget about it. If I can take away your pain, I will, even if I have to work through others.”

Severus felt speechless. Had anyone ever cared about him to such an extent before? Maybe Poppy, but then again, she was a healer. She had no personal reason to relieve his pain. Neville however was a different matter. All of sudden, he wondered what the hell he was doing. Why was he encouraging the young man to actually care about him? Why…?

“Stop,” Neville said and took Severus’ hand in his. There had been a time when he had envied Harry for being able to read Severus’ mind, but Neville suddenly realized he didn’t need such a link— it was all in the eyes – right there and easy to read. “Just stop it, Severus. You agreed to this. There is no way out for you.”

His heart wouldn’t let him anyway— but that didn’t mean he couldn’t panic – which he was doing right now. The thought that it was now the two of them frightened him. During the war he had never allowed himself to care – afraid of what he might lose if Voldemort found out. Voldemort was gone, but that didn’t change the fact that he could still lose the person he now cared about. What if he lost Neville? What if…?

“I said, stop it, Severus.” Neville disliked seeing the panic in those black eyes. He understood – to a certain degree – that Severus was still battling old fears, but he also knew he couldn’t allow it. It might drive them apart otherwise. “Now why don’t we finish breakfast and then go for a walk? The sun is out and you can do with a bit of fresh air.” Severus still looked pale and Neville doubted that would ever change. It was cold outside, he knew that, and he promised himself to keep a close eye on Severus.

/

“Neville, is that you?” Remus was on his way out, as he planned to keep an eye on the students roaming Hogsmeade, when he caught sight of Severus and the young man at his side.

“Remus!” Neville walked up to his friend and former professor and hugged him.

Severus watched on, marvelling about the fact that some people had no apprehension about being touched – about being hugged. It looked so easy when he saw Neville and Remus sharing an embrace. Why then was it so bloody hard on him?

“I didn’t know you would visit!” Remus shot Severus a glare, but then noticed the odd expression in his friend’s eyes. Severus appeared unbalanced, not quite upset, but almost. “Is anything wrong?”

“No!” Neville knew exactly what conclusion Remus must have reached. “Though I would like to make a request.”

“What kind of request?” Remus frowned. What had happened between Severus and Neville? Something had definitely changed between them; he noticed it more clearly now that Neville had returned to Severus’ side. Neville was standing rather close to Severus and the other wizard actually seemed fine with that. 

“I want to show you something. Do you have a moment?” Neville wasn’t going to pass up his chance to explain the massage technique to Remus!

/

“You can’t expect me to be comfortable with Remus doing that.” Severus shook his head at Neville. He was definitely *not* going to allow the werewolf to massage his arm like that! Ever!

Remus still felt a bit stunned, but mostly, he was amused to see the two of them interact in such a way. The fact that Severus was actually allowing Neville to have his way, was eye-opening. Tonks had mentioned the letter she had read some months ago, but Remus hadn’t expected either men to act on their feelings. Apparently he had been wrong and Neville had taken the lead. 

“You will, Severus, I don’t want you to be in pain when Remus can take it away.”

That had been another revelation. Remus didn’t even know if Poppy fully realized Severus was in constant pain. “I assure you that I will keep my touches professional,” he said, playing along and teasing Severus just a little. He was surprised though when Neville addressed him and not Severus.

“You had better keep them professional.” Neville knew why Remus had said that, but he couldn’t help feeling protective of Severus. 

It was hard to say who was the most surprised; Remus, who had expected Severus to lash out at him instead of Neville, or Severus, who blinked at hearing the defensive tone to Neville’s voice. Just how much did Neville care about him? But then again, what did he know about love? 

Remus realized his chance and asked. “Did I miss anything, Neville? The way you spoke just now is the same way I would address anyone posing at threat to Tonks.” Now, let’s see how Neville dealt with that!

Neville thought it best to look to Severus before answering that question. It would be hard to hide their relationship from their friends. They might succeed in doing so for now, but what about later? Severus sighed and then gave him a tiny nod. It was all Neville needed though. “Severus and I talked and admitted our feelings to each other. You can say we are getting to know each other better.”

Severus felt relieved. For one moment he had feared Neville was going to say intimately instead of better. Thank God for small favours. 

“Tonks told me about that letter,” Remus admitted to Severus. “I am glad you wrote back.”

Now it was Neville’s turn to be surprised. “Did I miss something too?”

“Not really, Neville. Severus merely needed some encouragement, which Tonks happily supplied him with.” Remus chuckled. When Tonks had told him about the attraction between Neville and Severus he had disapproved, but now that the actually saw them interact, he changed his mind. Neville would be good for Severus. The world seemed upside down, Remus mused. But it was Neville, the youngest of the two, who was definitely calling the shots and he had the feeling that Severus would benefit from that. Yes, he agreed with Tonks; Severus and Neville were good for each other!

/

Later that evening, Severus found himself in a predicament. Neville had gone to bed –his bed- and expected him to join him. Severus however wasn’t sure he should. Last night, he had already been asleep when Neville had snuggled up to him, but this time, things were different. Now Neville was – probably- already asleep and he awake. Maybe he could spend the night on the sofa? But then again, he did miss Neville’s company – his body heat – which had kept him comfortably warm last night.

“Stop stalling, Snape, and go to bed, will you?” Vindictus hoped that all Severus needed was a little encouragement. 

“It’s not that easy,” Severus whispered, feeling quite lost.

“Of course it is, my boy. You walk into the bedroom, get rid of those clothes and you lie down. What’s the difficulty in that?” Albus however understood why Severus was hesitant; he knew the way his mind worked.

“And then what do I do?” Should he stay perched to one side of the bed? And what if Neville moved toward him?

“Severus, this isn’t complicated! You take him into your arms and you hold him!”

Severus looked up in surprise. He had become used to the sharp tone Phineas mostly used with him, but this time, the former Head actually sounded liked he cared. 

“I know what it’s like,” Phineas admitted grudgingly. “I found myself in a similar situation once. Now stop staring at me and get moving!”

Severus automatically got to his feet at hearing that tone. Then he shook his head, realizing the way he had reacted, but then headed for the bedroom nonetheless. Neville was asleep, or merely pretended to be asleep; Severus wasn’t sure about that. After inwardly debating the matter for another minute, Severus sat down on the side of the bed and started undoing the buttons to his coat; that would take several minutes, even with his left hand behaving itself. The fingers always felt rigid.

“Can I help?” 

Severus looked at Neville from over his shoulder. The younger man had merely pretended being asleep then. “If you don’t mind,” he replied after a pause. 

Neville moved onto his knees and reached for the buttons. “Maybe you should consider getting a new coat with less buttons – maybe in blue this time?” He peeked at Severus and felt relieved at seeing the older man smile. It was rather obvious that Severus was nervous, but at least the older wizard was facing his discomfort instead of running away from it. “And when you are at it, get some shirts with less buttons too.” He knew why Severus had worn them in the past, and since the need to hide any marks or scars had gone, Severus should consider getting himself new clothes. 

Severus slid the coat, and then his shirt, down his frame and dropped the clothes onto the floor. He wasn’t sure he was comfortable losing his trousers as well, and so he quickly lay down, making sure Neville wouldn’t bring up the matter.

Neville allowed it; realizing he had to let Severus set the pace. “Will you hold me?” 

Severus nodded and after Neville moved closer to him, he wrapped an arm around the younger man. Holding Neville that way felt odd. The fact that Neville continued to smile at him, reassured him though. “I don’t understand why you want me,” he mumbled in a moment of total honesty. “You can do so much better. Why not pick someone your own age? Someone who isn’t as scarred as me? I have no idea what to do, Neville.”

Neville raised his hand and caressed Severus’ face. “Do you really think we have a say in whom we fall in love with? I understand though why I fell in love with you – in spite of your age, or the scars you bear – you are a brave man, Severus Snape. You have your quirks, but don’t we all?”

Severus sighed and took heart at hearing Neville’s words. “You will have to be patient with me.”

“I can do that— I will do that, knowing you love me back. I can be patient.”

Severus chuckled softly. “Of all the possible situations I ever thought myself to be in, this one I never considered.”

Neville traced Severus’ features with his thumb. “I would have never thought it possible either, had you told me so years ago. I always thought of you as the teacher who made my life hell in Potions. It wasn’t until I understood why you acted like that, that everything changed.”

Severus finally began to relax. The fact that Neville seemed to enjoy being held and was even caressing his face assured him that the young man was exactly where he wanted to be. 

“You do realize that it won’t be long until everyone knows? Now that Remus and Tonks know, the news will spread.”

Severus nodded; he had thought of the same thing. “Do you wish to tell your friends yourself? Or do you prefer to wait?”

“I will tell Hermione and Ron myself. I was thinking we could invite them –and Harry - for Boxing Day this year. If possible, I would like to spend Christmas Eve with you – just you – the two of us.” 

“Do you think we can keep the secret that long?” Severus seriously doubted that.

“You can tell the staff – or better, you will merely have to confirm it for them. I don’t expect Hermione and Ron to be in touch with either of us before Christmas so that will work out.”

“How do you think they will react?” Severus wasn’t sure they would react well to the news.

“Ron and Hermione? I have no idea – they will probably be flabbergasted,” Neville said and chuckled, recalling Dumbledore using the word. “Harry is a different matter though. I am sure he already knows – has known for some time.”

Severus frowned at hearing that, but then caught on. “The link… but I keep my thoughts shielded most of the time.” But yes, some of his emotions may have seeped through the link and that would have told Harry all the young man needed to know. “You suppose Harry is fine with this development?”

“I expect him to be happy for both of us.” Neville didn’t worry about that. “I also dropped some hints with my grandmother and she figured it out as well. She is fine with it.”

“Your parents would never allow it,” Severus said thoughtfully. “They never found out the truth about me. I am still Voldemort’s spy as far as they are concerned.”

“We will tell them, should we ever find the cure.” Neville didn’t worry about his parents. He didn’t worry about anything. “I don’t scare easily these days. The fact that Godric’s sword picked me to slay Nagini showed me that I am not the coward I always thought I was. I have changed, Severus.”

“Nagini… I always hated the snake,” Severus said and shivered at the memory. “I am grateful you killed her.”

Neville cocked his head and then realized something he had always suspected in the past. “I will do anything to keep you safe, Severus.”

“Even threaten the Minister of Magic,” Severus quipped; he was particularly fond of that memory.

Neville had the grace to blush. “Yes, even that.” The mere notion of Kingsley wanting to take Severus to Azkaban had made him snap – even back then. He pressed closer to Severus, closed his eyes, and continued to smile, even after sleep had eventually claimed him.

/

Monday passed by too quickly as far as Neville was concerned. Severus had moved some of his appointments to later that week and they had played Wizard chess. Neville had mostly ignored the sneering comments coming from Phineas and Vindictus whenever he lost a game. Neville knew they had never defeated Severus either.

When evening finally came and they had to make their way to the gates, Neville’s heart felt heavy. Had it been up to him, he would have preferred to stay. It’s only for four weeks though, he reminded himself. He would be back for Christmas.

Severus felt equally melancholy as he didn’t want Neville to leave either, but he too, knew it was necessary for Neville to finish his studies. “I will write,” he promised once the time had come to say goodbye.

“And you will allow either Poppy or Remus to give you that massage when your arm starts to hurt again?” Neville needed to hear the words.

“I will,” Severus said, although reluctantly. He would probably seek out Poppy first, if given a choice. 

“I will write too,” Neville whispered, dreading actually saying goodbye – even temporary. “Take care of yourself, Severus.” He then leaned in closer and claimed Severus’ lips. 

Neville’s action surprised Severus and he had no time to shy away from it. Neville’s lips pressed against his in a surprisingly gentle kiss and he found himself leaning in closer and wanting more.

Severus’ reaction thrilled Neville who promptly wrapped his arms around the older wizard. He kept the kiss light, and rather chaste, as everything more intense would have caused Severus to pull away – he was sure of that. 

When Neville did release him, Severus remained in place. He felt lost looking into Neville’s eyes; the expression in them was bright and inviting. Severus then lowered his gaze, feeling rather shy all of a sudden. 

Neville however merely smiled and deposited a peck onto Severus’ cheek, causing the other wizard to look at him again. “I am already looking forward to Christmas. I already thought of a present for you,” he said and winked, leaving little to the imagination. Neville raised his hand in goodbye and disappareted.

Severus shook his head. “Cheeky brat…” But he couldn’t deny falling even deeper in love with Neville.

///

Poppy finished carrying out the massage Remus had shown her and kept a close eye on her patient. Well, patient – Severus would never admit to that, but the truth was that their Headmaster still suffered the consequences of being cursed the day he had returned from the dead. She was happy that he had never blamed Neville for that. “Finished,” she announced and watched him quickly slide down the sleeve and redo the buttons. “Remind me, when is Neville arriving?”

“Tomorrow.” Severus was counting the hours to Neville’s return, but would never admit to that. “He wants to spend Christmas Eve with me.” 

Poppy was happy to hear that. She hadn’t been completely surprised to hear that the two men were attracted to each other – the signs had been there all along, but she had never fully picked up on them. At first, she had felt odd about them being together, but had then reminded herself that Neville had turned nineteen and that the young man was truly that – a man, an adult. And therefore, he was free to pick the lover he wanted.

“Most students and staff will be gone by that time.” She had wanted to leave early in the morning as well, but now considered waiting for Neville to arrive as she did want to see the young man. 

“That is the idea.” Severus slipped back into his coat, which was midnight blue. He hoped Neville would like the fact that he was trying to stay clear of all black clothes. He rose from the chair and nodded at Poppy. “I will see you off in the morning.” He made it a point to say goodbye to students and staff when they left for their holidays.

Poppy watched him as he made his way out of the room. Severus Snape had changed during the last two years. He seemed less depressed, socialized a whole lot more, and had truly accepted Teddy into his heart. The toddler managed to follow Severus through the office these days and Severus always caught him when he threatened to stumble. The inner change also showed outwardly, she mused. She had seldom seen Severus look happier and more at peace. His apparent happiness added a soft glow to his eyes, and as Severus smiled quite often, his face had taken on a soft expression as well. Overall, it made him look his age and approachable. 

Poppy remained seated for another moment and then shook herself from her musings. Yes, she was happy for Severus and hoped the two of them would work out.

/

Severus entered his office and went over to his desk. He kept Neville’s letters there and occasionally, he picked them up to read them all over again. He was about to do so once more, when an owl arrived and tapped against the window – rather impatiently, he noticed. He used a spell to open the window and watched as the owl, which was unknown to him, flew toward the desk. It landed and glared at him. “Who sent you?” he wondered. He removed the letter it carried and realized that the sender required a reply as the owl remained in place and looked at him arrogantly. He really didn’t like the bird, he decided. After unfolding the letter, he realized that the handwriting was unknown to him and he started to read with some trepidation. 

Mister Snape,

I write this letter in order to inform you that your mother, Eileen Prince, has passed away on the twenty second of December at eight o’clock in the evening. Your grandfather, Reginald Prince, therefore commands your presence at noon of the twenty-fifth in order to attend her funeral. Directions to Prince Manor are enclosed in this letter. Do be punctual.

William Charles Grenville –solicitor

Severus sat down heavily and stared at the letter in bewilderment. He had never – not in a million years— expected to hear from his family ever again. It puzzled him that his grandfather wanted him present at her funeral. He wondered why Reginald Prince was taking care of her funeral at all, considering he had cut her out of his life *and* his will. 

He disliked the general tone of the letter. He was being summoned –commanded – to appear at Prince Manor, although his grandfather had never shown even the tiniest bit of interest in him. It was expected of him to appear though. Severus didn’t like that at all.

The owl tried to bite him in order to gain his attention, but he merely hissed at her. “Get out. I will send a reply when I am ready.” The bird gave him a disdainful look and then spread her wings. He actually felt relieved when she was gone.

Now… What was he going to do about the letter? 

/

“Severus? You have been preoccupied all day. Tonks and I thought you would be excited instead, considering that Neville will join us tomorrow.” Remus felt worried although he couldn’t exactly pinpoint why. That was also the reason why he had fallen into step with Severus when the Headmaster had made his way to his office. Remus wanted a word with his friend.

Severus looked at Remus, realizing the other man had managed to pull him from his thoughts which had become increasingly gloomy. “Something happened. Something unexpected.” The Gargoyle made way for them and they descended the staircase. 

Remus followed Severus over to the desk. “Are you telling me that Neville cancelled his trip?”

“No, Neville will arrive in the afternoon. If you must know, I received this.” Severus thought it over for a second and then handed Remus the letter. 

Remus arched an eyebrow. Severus normally guarded his correspondence closely. For him to hand him a letter and allow him to read it was out of character. Remus however stopped musing about that and scanned the content instead. He instantly understood why Severus was off balance. “I am sorry to hear that your mother has passed away.” 

“No need for that,” Severus said and dismissed Remus’ condolences with a flick of his hand. “My mother hated me and I haven’t seen her for the last twenty five years. I hardly knew her.” Severus walked over to a window and looked out over the lake, which had frozen some nights ago. He shivered, recalling falling into the icy cold water when he had rescued Eliza Cornfoot. He pulled his black teaching robes closer around his frame; wearing them felt odd, but he had been forced to don them as he had substituted earlier that day. He had been stunned to notice that teaching had gone well. The students had actually paid attention!

“What are you going to do? Did you already reach a decision?” Remus disliked the tone of the letter too. Had it been directed at him, he would have felt equally confused. 

“Not yet.” Severus moved over to the fireplace and sat down on his favourite chair as he was beginning to grow cold. “I should probably attend my mother’s funeral, as she is family after all, but then again, she hated me and we never had that connection which Tonks has with Teddy.” 

Remus sat down next to Severus. “Plus it sounds like you are being ordered to attend.”

“My grandfather isn’t known for subtlety.” Severus rested his head against the comfort of the chair and sought out Remus’ eyes. “Reginald Prince is an arrogant bastard. We both know that.” 

Remus nodded. The Princes were a pureblood family, and with that, often came arrogance. Reginald Prince was the prime example of that. The man had disowned his daughter because she had married a Muggle. “Have you ever met him?”

Severus shook his head. “He never showed an interest in me. If you look up our family tree you won’t find my name on it.” 

Remus recalled going to the library and checking on that family tree with Hermione years ago. They had wondered about that too. “He never recognized you as family?”

“No, and I don’t feel eager to be a part of that family to begin with… But it is my mother’s funeral, and I should be there.” It was his sense of duty talking, not his heart. “The one thing I don’t understand is why he wants me to attend in the first place. He hates me.”

Remus shrugged. “Does he have more children? Or grand children?”

“Not to my knowledge. The Princes are almost extinct; my grandfather has no other living relatives except me – how he must loathe that.” Severus briefly closed his eyes.

“Very unpleasant fellow indeed. You are right about that.” Ambrose could stay silent no longer. “I always detested him.”

Severus opened his eyes and looked at the former Headmaster’s portrait. “Did you ever deal with him?”

“A couple of times actually. He never wanted Eileen to attend Hogwarts. He wanted to enrol her at Durmstrang instead.” Ambrose nodded in remembrance. “Reginald Prince was furious when Durmstrang told him no.”

Severus smiled lightly. “That must have vexed him.”

“Indeed, it did.” Ambrose looked at the current Headmaster. “Let me give you a word of warning should you decide to attend your mother’s funeral. Do not trust Reginald Prince. That man is twisted in many ways. He is foul and his heart blackened. Your grandfather never took the Dark Mark, but he supported Voldemort all the way.”

Severus shuddered. “Don’t you think I know that? Voldemort was thrilled when I became a Death Eater. He probably thought that my grandfather would publicly support him because of it. But Reginald Prince was too smart for that and made sure nothing truly linked him to Voldemort.”

“Whatever you decide, Severus.” Remus said, thinking Severus might need to hear him say it, “Tonks and I will support you.”

Severus nodded. “I will talk things over with Neville when he arrives. I don’t want to make a decision without having heard his opinion on the matter.”

Remus smiled upon hearing that. “I am sure Neville will help you figure it out.” Should Severus decide to attend his mother’s funeral, having Neville at his side would make a world of difference.

/

Neville apparated close to Hogwarts’ gates and instantly searched for Severus, whom he knew would meet him there. Seeing the older wizard at the other side of the gate, he smiled happily. “Are you going to allow me in?” The gates opened and Neville quickly bridged the distance between them. “Damn, I missed you!” He folded his arms around the older man and rested his head against Severus’ shoulder. “But at least we will be together for the next two weeks!” 

Severus tentatively rested a hand against Neville’s back and rubbed the skin through the young man’s coat. Most tension slipped from his shoulders and he mirrored Neville’s gesture; he rested his head against the younger man’s shoulder too. “It is good to have you back with me.” Until that very moment he hadn’t realized just how much he had missed having Neville close. 

Neville noticed the remaining tension and lifted his head in order to make eye contact. “Something is wrong.” 

“Nothing that can’t be dealt with,” Severus said in an attempt to take Neville’s growing concern away. “I will tell you later.” 

Neville however wasn’t going to allow it. “Tell me now, Severus. Take us home and tell me.”

Severus inclined his head, took Neville’s hand in his, and apparated into the office. Neville, he noticed, quickly scanned his surroundings, as if expecting an attack. He shouldn’t have worried Neville. 

“Severus?” Neville moved closer again, re-established his hold on the older wizard’s shoulder, and gave him a pleading look. “I won’t be able to enjoy Christmas Eve until I know what troubles you.” That wasn’t the homecoming he had hoped for, but Severus’ needs came first, and it was rather obvious that Severus was not his normal self.

“I received a letter yesterday,” Severus updated him and handed him the letter. “It is from Reginald Prince, who is – unfortunately- my grandfather.”

Neville read the letter, and when Severus started to turn away from him, he quickly grabbed hold of the other man’s right hand. “Stay,” he whispered, unwilling to allow Severus to retreat. After reading the letter, he felt angry. “That’s rude. I am sorry to hear about your mother’s death, but that letter is simply too rude for words!” There had been no words of sympathy, no condolences, whatsoever. 

“In case you don’t know it yet, Reginald Prince is an arrogant bastard.” Severus remained in place, as he couldn’t move much to begin with. Neville was still holding his hand and now started to rub his fingers. Severus marvelled about Neville once more and wondered why the young man loved him. 

“Don’t try to stop me, Severus. If you decide to attend that funeral, I will accompany you.”

Severus had expected Neville to say that, and at the same time, it was the one thing he couldn’t allow. “I don’t want you to.”

“Why?” Neville stared at Severus in shock. He knew Severus needed the support!

“Because my grandfather will not like it. He is very set in his ways. He disowned my mother for marrying a Muggle. How do you think he will react upon learning that we…” Damn, his courage eluded him! “That we are together,” he finished eventually. “He would never approve of it and he would chew you up and spit you out – both of us. I don’t want to expose you to his malice.”

“Too bad,” Neville whispered as he placed the letter back onto the desk. “For I intend to stand my ground. Let him threaten me. Let him insult me. Do you really think I care about that? All that matters to me is that you love me.”

Neville’s words touched him deeply and Severus averted his gaze. “Neville, Reginald Prince is evil.”

“Hush,” Neville said and placed a finger across Severus’ lips in order to silence him. “This is my decision to make. I will stand at your side, whether you like it or not.”

Severus knew it was folly to allow Neville to accompany him, but he couldn’t deny the fact that he needed the younger man’s support. Facing his grandfather would be hard on him and Neville’s presence would be the one thing to pull him through. But he didn’t want Neville to get hurt in the process.

“Send your owl and tell him that we will attend the funeral. We will leave after the formalities are done with.” Neville knew Severus wouldn’t want to stick around. “Then we will go home and spend the evening with our friends as planned.”

Severus hoped it would be as simple as Neville made it out to be. “Are you sure about this?”

“I am…” Neville drew in a deep breath, lifted his arm, and traced the lines of worry that had appeared on Severus’ brow. “I will stand at your side. You are no longer alone.”

Neville had called him brave once, but Severus still didn’t think he had been particularly brave in the past. What Neville however was doing was brave, as far as Severus was concerned. “Thank you,” he whispered and felt lost staring into Neville’s eyes.

Neville made good use of Severus’ momentarily reverie and leaned in to kiss him again. This time, Severus didn’t freeze against him. This time, Severus cautiously answered the kiss. Thrilled to receive that particular response, Neville deepened the kiss. He ran one hand up Severus’ spine to cup the back of his head in its palm. Bringing him in closer, Neville closed his eyes and sighed into his lover’s mouth- this was heaven.

Severus simply surrendered to the sensual sensation. He had missed Neville and wanted this as much as the younger man did. He couldn’t remember ever feeling that way before and realized he was hungry for more.

Neville broke off the kiss because he needed to breathe, otherwise he would have eagerly indulged Severus, who obviously wanted to continue the kiss. It was good to know things had changed since the last time he had visited. Severus grew flustered, which Neville found rather endearing. “No longer adverse to kissing me?” he teased.

“I might have overcome that adversity.” Severus chuckled softly. During these last few weeks he had given their changed relationship much thought and he had realized he had overreacted. Neville wanted him – for some elusive reason – and Severus had accepted that. He knew there would be more awkward moments down the road, but he could deal with that. 

Neville’s stomach growled, reminding him that he was hungry. “Christmas supper?” 

Severus nodded. At his request, the house elves had prepared a festive meal for both of them. “Of course.”

/

Neville felt lazy after stuffing himself with the food the house elves had prepared for them, but still managed to do away with the Christmas pudding that appeared in front of him. “That was good!”

Severus watched Neville and wondered if the young man would still be able to get to his feet after everything he had eaten. “Doesn’t your professor Boxwood feed you properly?” he remarked bemused.

“Oh, he does, but mostly, I lack time to eat full meals. You probably remember what studying is like!” Neville felt perfectly at ease – perfectly at home. 

“I do… I must admit I was much like you in that aspect.” Severus wondered when the time was right to present Neville with his Christmas gift. He had to time that one.

“Why didn’t you put up a Christmas tree?” Neville had wondered about that.

“We decked the Halls, Neville. There are trees everywhere. The first years went mad decorating them. This year, we even have one tree that just features pink!”

“Pink!” Neville grinned and then noticed something was different about Severus. Why hadn’t he noticed it before? Probably because his eyes seldom left his lover’s face. “Are you really wearing blue instead of black?”

Severus nodded smugly. “I wondered when you would notice. I took your advice. Actually, I don’t mind the blue as much as I thought I would.”

Happy, Neville leaned in closer and claimed Severus’ left hand. He wrapped his fingers around it and noticed the slight tremors moving through the limb.

“I sought out Poppy only yesterday,” Severus told Neville upon noticing the young man’s questioning look. 

“Are you in pain?” 

Neville’s tone made it very clear that he wouldn’t appreciate being lied to and so Severus opted for the trouble. “Slightly.” As expected, Neville prompted took to massaging his fingers. Severus smiled at Neville and nodded his thanks. “When would you like to receive your gift?” he said, trying to distract Neville in the hope that the younger man wouldn’t question him on his discomfort in detail.

“My gift?” Neville instantly grew curious. He had been looking about the office, trying to find any clues, but so far, he had been unsuccessful. “After I give you mine.” 

Severus decided to play along. “Where is it? I don’t see any gifs awaiting me.”

“My, you can be impatient, can’t you?” Neville lifted Severus’ hand to his lips and pressed a kiss onto the back. “We will continue that later,” he said, after realizing just how taut the muscles were. Neville uncovered his wand and removed a small package from his pocket. He removed the shrinking charm he had put on it earlier that day and watched Severus closely.

Severus cocked his head questioningly. “For me?”

“Of course it is for you! I hope it will fit though.” Neville took hold of the cloak which he’d had made for Severus. He had been rather certain that Severus would stick to his black clothes and had therefore taken matters into his own hands. “It might not be the best quality,” he said apologetically, “but it is comfortable. I put some spells on it, meaning it will keep you warm at all times.” 

Severus took hold of the thick cloak and felt the magic on it. What in Merlin’s name had possessed Neville to do something like that for him?

“It’s called Catalina blue and I thought the colour would suit you.”

Severus nodded, as he liked that particular shade of blue. “What’s this?” Symbols in silver had been woven into the fabric and the way it looked, by magic and not by some tailor’s hand. 

“I might have added several protective spells as well,” Neville admitted, growing slightly flustered. “I just want you to be safe,” he added in explanation. 

“Neville, I lack the words to…” How was he going to express his gratitude for this token of Neville’s love for him? Because that was what the cloak was. As he moved his fingertips over the fabric he encountered more spells and realized that it taken Neville lots of time, and effort, to weave his magic into the fabric. “Thank you,” he said eventually, as he couldn’t think of anything else to say. “I will always treasure it.”

“And you shall wear it,” Neville said cheekily. 

“I shall,” Severus admitted readily. No one had ever done anything like that for him. The spells that Neville had woven into that cloak spoke of love – of love which the young man bore him. His own present seemed insignificant compared to this. But not even in his wildest dreams had he thought Neville would come up with something precious like that!

“So, what do I get in turn?” Severus’ eyes shimmered with tears and Neville didn’t want his lover to weep – not because of a gift. He should have known Severus would overreact.

“It doesn’t compare to this,” Severus said, ill at ease.

“Let me be the judge of that, will you?” Neville watched as Severus reverently placed the cloak to the side and then got to his feet. He disapparated – which took Neville by surprise. Where had Severus gone to? And then appeared again. But this time, Severus wasn’t alone – he came bearing gifts. Neville jumped to his feet and smiled broadly. “What…?”

“Fang became a father,” Severus explained as he placed the puppy into Neville’s arms. “I still don’t know how he manages to leave my office without me, but he sneaks out all the time. He must have visited Hagrid, who took in several new pets. One of them is a female, not as big as Fang, and rather fair-coloured, but apparently she… Well, she gave birth to a litter of four puppies three weeks ago. I thought you might like having a familiar.” Had he chosen the wrong gift? Maybe he should have opted for something more personal, like Neville had.

“That’s great! Did you already name him?” Neville raised the puppy slightly so the animal could lick his face.

“We didn’t name *her* yet,” Severus explained, providing Neville with more information. “You should do that.”

Neville smiled happily at the puppy and then at his lover. This was the best gift he had ever received for Christmas. “How about we call her Lady Grey?”

“I must admit to liking that name.” Severus felt relieved; Neville seemed to like the pup. Maybe he had worried unnecessarily. 

“Thanks, this is really great, Severus.” Neville chuckled as the puppy started to lick his nose. “That’s gross though.” 

Severus allowed himself to relax. Yes, Neville liked his present after all.

/

“So tell me, how much longer must the pup stay with her mother?” 

“Another three weeks, but by then she should be able to do without her. I will bring her to you, if you’d like that.” Severus did his utmost to stay relaxed, although he found that increasingly difficult. They had gone to bed an hour ago, and Neville had moved into his arms almost instantly. Both of them stared at the ceiling and Neville’s head rested against his shoulder. He would be able to savour this - in time. If only his nerves would stop making him feel on edge. 

“You could meet professor Boxwood,” Neville mused. “He also dabbles a bit in potion-making. You might like him, you know.” Neville turned onto his side and studied Severus’ face. “Several nights ago, I had a nightmare,” he said, bringing it up on purpose. Severus shifted slightly so they could make eye contact. “It was about you.” Neville noticed the way Severus’ breathing sped up and realized his lover had drawn the wrong conclusion. “No, let me explain.”

Severus nodded, although he didn’t like the turn their conversation had taken.

“I dreamt that you had died in that Shack. That Dumbledore had never given Harry the breath of Life. Nagini killed you that night and…” Neville grasped Severus’ hand and intertwined their fingers. “We still found out that you continued to be loyal to Dumbledore, but then we had to retrieve your body from that Shack and we buried you.” Neville shivered. “You had died and I never had the chance to find out that I love you. That realization upset me; the fact that we couldn’t be together.”

Severus wanted to comfort Neville and took to stroking the younger man’s skin. He was so set on consoling Neville that he didn’t have the time to worry about touching the other man in that way. “I fully expected to die that day,” he admitted. “Albus and I discussed many possible outcomes of the war and it seemed that my death was inevitable. I accepted that.” It had been more than that— he had craved it. Death would have released him from his personal hell on earth.

“I am so happy you didn’t die, Severus. I can’t imagine a life without you. You are a part of me and I don’t even want to imagine what it would be like to live without you.”

“We are mortal, Neville. Even though our magic enables us to live much longer than Muggles do, we shall die in the end. That is the way of things.”

That wasn’t something Neville wanted to hear though. “Don’t speak of death to me, Severus. I won’t allow it.”

Severus smiled warmly. “What? Are you saying you will stop death himself should he want to claim me?” To be honest, he wouldn’t put it past Neville to try.

“I will,” Neville said determinedly. “But even I must admit that you are right and that we will die one day. Severus, promise me something, will you?”

“What kind of promise do you require from me?” Severus had never made promises lightly. He would only do so if he felt capable of keeping his word.

“If you die before me, will you wait for me? Harry told me about meeting Dumbledore the day he died and if you get to choose, will you wait for me?”

“I will,” Severus promised, as he felt fairly certain he would be able to keep his word. “But we shouldn’t talk about death.”

Neville cringed, suddenly realizing what lay ahead of them tomorrow – Eileen Prince’s funeral. “I shouldn’t have brought it up. Bad timing,” he apologized. “Sorry.”

“There’s no need to apologize for bringing up a nightmare that worries you.” Severus didn’t want Neville to feel guilty about confiding in him. “And we will manage tomorrow.” 

“No matter what happens tomorrow, I want you to know that you have my unconditional support. I won’t let you down.”

Severus nodded and sighed deeply. “Tomorrow won’t be easy, Neville.”

“We will get through it together, though.” He claimed Severus’ hand once more and reassuringly rubbed his lovers’ fingers. “Now tell me, are you going to give me a goodnight kiss? Or do you want me to beg for it?” he added cheekily.

“No, no begging, not from you…” Severus however did feel shy when he claimed Neville’s lips. Neville responded eagerly and it assured him that it was what the younger man wanted. Severus relaxed into the kiss and realized it was what he wanted as well.

/

Neville took Severus’ hand in his and nodded once. “Let’s do this.” He wasn’t looking forward to attending Eileen Prince’s funeral either; he wanted it over with, much like Severus.

Severus’ magic, combined with and guided by Hogwarts’, took them through place and time and they apparated in front of Prince Manor. Severus noticed that the wards had been reset and he felt them accepting his presence. He kept his fingers intertwined with Neville’s and guided his lover through the wards.

Neville stared at the manor in front of him and shivered. He instantly disliked it. The manor consisted of black stone and the windows were rather small. Black curtains kept out all inquisitive looks. Even the garden appeared dark and gloomy. It seemed like all colour had been drained from the flora. “Dreadful place,” escaped him. Realizing what he had just said, he wanted to apologize, but Severus had a similar expression on his face.

“Dreadful is the understatement of the year,” Severus whispered icily. He couldn’t wait to leave the place. He couldn’t help but wonder if coming here was a mistake.

A house elf suddenly appeared in front of them. He looked old and frail, but Severus would never make the mistake to underestimate him. “We are here to see Reginald Prince.”

“Of course you are… Follow me.” 

Severus maintained his hold on Neville’s hand. He had the frightening feeling that Neville might vanish on him the moment he let go. The whole place was giving him the shivers. He would rather attend another one of Voldemort’s Death Eaters’ meetings!

Neville felt similar. Goosebumps had formed all over his skin and he desperately wanted to leave. Even when Voldemort had stood only a few feet away from him he hadn’t felt so intimidated! Severus must have noticed, as the older wizard squeezed his fingers encouragingly. They would get through this –together, Neville reminded himself.

The house elf opened a door and gestured for them to step inside. “Master Prince will join you shortly.”

Severus stepped into the room, which appeared to be a library and carefully scanned his surroundings. Only once he felt it was safe for Neville to enter, did he pull the younger man into the room with him. He felt watched and knew they were being secretly observed. With every passing second he felt more certain that coming here had been a mistake. It was too late to back out though –they had to ride it out.

A moment later, a door to their right opened and an elderly wizard stepped inside. Neville immediately disliked him, as icy water-blue eyes glared at him. The man sported short grey hair and was dressed in rich black fabrics, but it was the eyes that worried Neville – they were bereft of emotion. 

“I am Reginald Prince,” the wizard said in a cold voice that matched the icy glare to his eyes. 

Severus manoeuvred himself in front of Neville. His instinct, which had been dormant for the last years, sprung back to life and warned him that he was in danger. With every fibre of his being, he wandlessly and non-verbally began to weave spells that would keep them safe in case of an unexpected attack. Everything inside him rebelled against the other wizard’s presence – especially from that close. “I am Severus Snape,” he said, carefully matching the clinical tone which had marked Reginald’s voice.

“Mister Snape,” Reginald started in obvious disdain.

“That is Headmaster Snape,” Severus corrected him curtly. Two could play that game and he had once excelled at it. He could only hope he hadn’t grown rusty during the last years. 

“Headmaster!” Reginald sneered, apparently disrespecting the title. “Had you been Highmaster of Durmstrang I might have been able to respect you, but Hogwarts means nothing to me.” Each word was delivered in a cold and spiteful way.

Neville shuddered as he recognized the malevolence that ruled Reginald Prince’s soul. Ambrose had been right to warn them; Reginald Prince was evil and couldn’t be trusted. He reached for his wand and felt more confident once his fingers wrapped themselves around it. Reginald must have noticed, because the expression in those eyes suddenly darkened.

“You are nothing to me, Snape, remember that. The only reason why I summoned you here is that you are my sole heir now that Eileen has died without providing me without another child.”

“Heir? Do you really think I want anything to do with you? The only reason why I am here is to pay my last respects to my mother.” Severus hissed the words in anger. “You never cared about your daughter, let alone me.”

“Her actions dishonoured the family and demanded I took action.” Reginald moved about the room, but his eyes never left his guests’ forms. “I buried Eileen an hour ago. The only reason you are here is so I can determine whether to change my last will or not. You are my sole heir, Snape.”

Severus tensed and Neville tried to squeeze his lover’s fingers supportively, wanting the older wizard to know that he wasn’t alone.

Severus noticed the gesture on Neville’s part, but refused to let it distract him. He couldn’t afford to take his eyes off of Reginald Prince. The wizard might be his grandfather, but Severus recognized a predator when he saw one. “I suggest you find yourself another heir then, as I don’t want anything to do with you. Coming here was a mistake and I shall take my leave now.”

“Yes, I made a mistake when I summoned you.” Reginald glared at Neville, who was increasingly hiding behind Severus’ back. “You were a disappointment to my daughter and you shame my family further by bringing your lover here. You go against the natural order of things by allowing another male to touch you in that manner. I suggest you leave right now.”

Neville had to keep Severus back when his lover moved forward in order to attack. There was no wand in Severus’ hand, but something told Neville that his lover was ready to curse his grandfather into oblivion – wandlessly, if necessary. “Don’t! He’s not worth it!” he said, trying to reach Severus. Neville felt the way Severus’ magic gathered in and around his lover and knew it was only a matter of seconds before Severus would lash out at his grandfather.

“You will pay for insulting my lover!” Severus wanted to stalk closer, but realized someone was pulling him back. He spun around, ready to hex whoever dared getting involved, but then realized it was Neville. 

“Don’t, Severus. Don’t give him that satisfaction.” Neville just wanted out of here. The whole place breathed evil.

“He insulted you!” Severus was bend on extracting some measure of revenge.

“Let him. It doesn’t matter to me. What does matter to me, is leaving this place. Take me back to Hogwarts, Severus. Take me home.” Neville was about to add ‘please’ when Severus finally seemed to register his request. The mad rage that had consumed his lover a moment ago, seemed to fade – for which he felt immensely grateful. “Let’s go home, Severus,” he repeated in an urgent tone.

Severus never took his eyes off Reginald Prince though. He knew Neville was right and that they should leave, but it irked him that Reginald would get away with insulting Neville in such a way. 

“Severus, we need to go – now!” 

Hearing the urgency to Neville’s voice, Severus reacted at once and disapparated, taking them back to Hogwarts. During the moment of apparation, he heard Reginald curse them. Luckily they were out of the curses’ reach.

/

“You know I hated Voldemort, but I would rather deal with the Dark Lord than with your grandfather.” Neville collapsed onto a chair and shook his head in disbelief. “Come to think of it, I would rather wrestle Nagini than ever meet Reginald Prince again!”

“Trust me, I feel the same way.” Severus was fighting for calm, but found it hard to let go of his anger. He wished he could have stayed and cursed Reginald Prince into unconsciousness, but there was always the risk of his grandfather managing to curse him as well. And Severus didn’t want to know how much that would weaken him and maybe even cause the tremors to extend to other parts of his body. At least, he had gotten some closure—he could finally close that chapter. There was no way he ever wanted anything to do with his grandfather again!

Neville cocked his head and shivered at seeing the way Severus’ magic swirled around his lover. He could actually see tiny tendrils of silver energy that spun around his form. 

“He buried her before we even got there. All he wanted was to find out if I was a worthy heir, the bastard,” Severus cussed. “I should never have allowed you to accompany me!”

“That was my decision, Severus, and you wouldn’t have been able to change my mind – you know it.” Neville hoped Severus would calm down eventually. He had always suspected that Severus was a powerful wizard, but he might have underestimated him. He had never seen such a concentration of magic inside one person – and that was without Severus’ wand channelling that power. He reached for Severus’ hand and sought out his lover’s gaze. “Calm down – please.”

Severus heard the plea and responded to it. He focused on Neville’s eyes and managed to calm down to some extent. “I am sorry for dragging you along.”

“Nonsense, I wanted to go, remember?” Neville didn’t wait for Severus to nod though. He looked up at Ambrose’ portrait and addressed the former Headmaster. “Thanks for warning us. You were right; Reginald Prince is evil.”

Ambrose nodded in relief. “I am glad you escaped unharmed. Did you tear down the manor, Severus?”

“No, but I might go back and do so after all.”

“No,” Neville said firmly. “Don’t put yourself in danger like that.”

Severus understood and nodded. “I won’t.” He didn’t want Neville to worry about him, or even worse, have to nurse him back to health because he had underestimated Reginald Prince when challenging the wizard. 

“This is your home, Severus. Our home, to be exact. Let it go, will you?”

“I can try.” Severus drew in a series of deep breaths. “What a way to get through Christmas!” 

“We should go back to celebrating it instead,” Neville commented. “Do you feel up to joining the others in the Great Hall? I reckon most of them have arrived by now.”

“Give me another moment, will you?” He still felt angry— no, he felt more than angry – he was livid. How dare Reginald Prince say those things? How dare he lash out at Neville?

Neville waited until Severus seemed calmer and then managed a smile. “You don’t have to defend my honour, you know. I am no damsel in distress.”

Severus couldn’t help it; he burst out laughing at the image Neville had just painted. “No, you are not, You are certainly no damsel.”

Neville felt relieved that he distraction had worked. “We will never go back there, promise? Let me state that more clearly - *you* won’t go back there to extract revenge. I know you, Severus. Let it go.”

Severus had finally composed himself and nodded once. “I promise. As you said, he isn’t worth it.” How he hated Reginald Prince though. He would keep his promise and not seek out the man himself, but he couldn’t vow for what would happen should their paths cross accidentally ever again!

/

Severus felt a bit more like himself when he entered the Great Hall and found most of their guests drinking spiked punch and exchanging bad jokes. He was grateful that Neville had pulled him from his gloomy temper, but still felt entitled to extract some manner of revenge, should the opportunity present itself in future.

“Severus!” Remus walked up to his friend and squeezed his shoulder. He instantly noticed the tension and wondered what had caused it. A quick look at Neville told him that the younger man was fine though. He was joking with Ron and Hermione. “Do you want to talk?” he offered, recalling he had offered a listening ear before.

Severus realized he had to tell Remus something if he wanted the other man to back down. “I had a run in with Reginald Prince, which wasn’t pleasant. He insulted Neville and I am still sorely tempted to go back there and curse him.”

“Your mother’s funeral,” Remus remembered suddenly. He winced at realizing that everyone around was making merry.

“She had already been buried,” Severus told Remus. “Apparently Reginald didn’t want me present at the funeral at all. He merely wanted to see what kind of person I am. I am happy to report that he detests the very sight of me.”

Remus sighed deeply. He had been worried that something like that would happen once Severus talked to his grandfather. 

“Reginald Prince had better make certain our paths never cross again for I can’t vouch for the curses I will throw at him should I ever lay eyes on him.”

In that moment, Remus was immensely grateful to have Severus as a friend instead of an enemy. “And how is Neville coping with that?”

“Better than I am,” Severus revealed. “If it hadn’t been for him keeping me back, I might be last Prince walking this earth.” Severus’ gaze followed Neville through the Hall as the young man moved from Ron and Hermione over to Arthur and Molly. Watching Neville closely, he realized what the young man was doing. “Fabulous,” he commented in a deadpan voice. “He’s telling them.”

“Telling them what?” Remus noticed the way Ron and Hermione were staring at Severus.

“About us being together. I had hoped for a bit more subtlety.” 

Remus chuckled. “I doubt many of them will be surprised to hear that you are a couple. It is rather obvious that something has changed between the two of you.”

Severus however was staring Harry. “Remus, I will be right back, but I need to talk to Harry.”

“Sure, go ahead!” Remus squeezed Severus’ shoulder a last time and then joined Tonks and Teddy.

“Mister Potter,” Severus said, enjoying teasing the younger man a bit. “How are your studies progressing? Do they still think you are Auror material or have they reconsidered?”

Years ago, Severus’ tone would have made him tremble with fear, anger, or both. These days, Harry merely chuckled at Severus’ humour. “They haven’t thrown me out yet, professor. I am sorry to disappoint you.”

Severus smiled at hearing that. “It’s good to have you with us this Christmas.”

“You didn’t think I was going to pass up this opportunity to meet up with my friends and catch up on rumours, did you?” Harry watched Severus closely. “I am sorry for what happened at the manor. You didn’t deserve being treated like that – neither did Neville.”

“Did you snoop around?” Severus pointed at his temple. “Reading thoughts again, Mister Potter?”

“At times it’s hard not to. You keep your thoughts shielded most of the time, but Reginald Prince really pissed you off and you stopped paying attention to your shields. I witnessed what happened. You came damn close to cursing him. And no,” he added quickly upon seeing Severus growing angry again. “I don’t blame you. I would have reacted in the same way had someone said that about Ginny.”

“Do try to keep the snooping to a minimum, Mister Potter.”

“I will, if you stop throwing tantrums, professor.” Harry smiled, realizing Severus felt safest when verbally bantering with him. 

“I will do my best,” Severus whispered with a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. “I shall greet the rest now. I will talk to you later, Harry.”

Harry nodded at him and watched Severus walk over to Poppy. He had felt taken aback when he had noticed the momentum building in Severus earlier that day. He wondered if any of them knew just how deep Severus’ magic ran. Albus Dumbledore had once been called the most powerful wizard alive; Harry had the feeling that title now belonged to Severus.

/

“Notice anything odd?” Neville wrapped an arm around Severus’ waist and moved closer to him. “Anything at all?”

“Care to give me a hint, mister Longbottom?” Severus’ anger had left him during the evening upon realizing friends and family surrounded them.

“Look up.” Neville grinned wickedly.

Severus complied and wondered where the hell that mistletoe came from. He didn’t remember adding any to the decoration! “Albus,” he whispered in realization. 

“I don’t care who put it up there! I am going to take full advantage of the fact that it’s there and don’t you dare unmake it!” During the last two hours, he had told family and friends – those who hadn’t known for sure – that yes, Severus and he were together. Ron and Hermione had given him stunned looks, but in the end, they had been happy for him. So far only Reginald Prince seemed to have an issue with them being together, and the older Prince could gladly join Voldemort in hell as far as Neville was concerned. “I am going to kiss you,” he announced. Just as he had thought, Severus cringed.

“Must you? In front of everyone? They will stare at us.” Severus would have preferred to keep such expressions of their love private – behind locked doors if possible. Neville seemed to differ though.

“I have nothing to feel ashamed of, do you?” He already knew Severus’ answer though. 

“Of course not!”

And so Neville leaned in closer to kiss his lover beneath the mistletoe and savoured every second of doing so.

///

The next morning, Neville woke up in bed on his own. He first reached for Severus, but upon finding the bed empty, he opened his eyes and looked about. Where had Severus gone? Hopefully not back to Prince Manor in order to avenge him? He did have to talk to Severus about this crazed idea that his lover had about defending him. He had slain Nagini! He could take care of himself!

“Are you sure about this, Vindictus? Wouldn’t adding this particular component reverse the effect we just achieved?”

Neville got to his feet and made his way over the doorway. He was surprised to find Severus bent over their experiment – actually brewing. Severus seemed lost in concentration and that fact kept Neville from addressing him.

“Snape, we won’t know what the effect is until we try. We have been trying to find a solution to this particular problem for one year now. We need to make some progress!”

Neville looked at Vindictus’ portrait; the former Headmaster also focused on Severus’ brewing. That was when Neville recalled that Vindictus had been a potioneer. Were the two of them actually collaborating? He had been under the impression that Vindictus disliked Severus. 

Severus added a few drops from a vial to his cauldron and sucked in his breath in anticipation. “It might work, Vindictus.”

“Let’s hope it does!” Vindictus joined Severus in staring at the cauldron. “Looks like we finally passed the volatile stage and we can move on to the next. Don’t forget to write that down, Snape.”

Neville expected Severus to sneer at the former Head, but instead, the older wizard merely wrote down notes in a journal which looked awfully familiar to Neville. Apparently they were working on the potion that should restore his parents in body and mind! Severus had never given up then!

Severus took a step away from the cauldron. He hadn’t thought it would work, but Vindictus had been right after all. Growing aware of being watched, Severus turned around and found Neville staring at him. “I didn’t want to wake you when I left the bed.” Neville had looked peaceful asleep. 

“I don’t mind. You are still working on that potion, aren’t you?” Neville walked over to Severus and wrapped his arms around his lover from behind. The skin-on-skin contact felt good, but it also told him Severus felt cold to the touch. Severus must have been in a hurry that morning as he hadn’t even dressed properly. All he had on were his trousers. “You are cold.”

Severus hadn’t realized that until now. He had been focused on brewing the potion. “I am fine.”

“Still, you need to be careful.” Neville briefly released his lover and picked up the cloak he had given him for Christmas. “You haven’t tried it on yet.”

Severus slipped into it and realized Neville had been right; the material did feel comfortable and wrapped him up in warmth. “I like it very much, thank you, Neville.” He pressed a quick kiss onto Neville’s lips and smiled, rather pleased with himself for doing that. 

/

“I will visit with you in four weeks’ time,” Severus promised Neville. “And I will bring Lady Grey along. Ask your professor if he is fine with having her stay with you. If not, I will look after her instead.” These last two weeks had passed by too quickly and he didn’t want to say goodbye to Neville, but it was time that the younger man returned to his studies. “I will write as often as I can.”

“I know you will.” Neville tried to memorize Severus’ face. His lover looked relaxed and at peace and he wanted to take that particular expression with him – in his heart. He hadn’t thought it possible, but Severus had truly opened his heart to him. So far, they had limited themselves to kisses and touches, but Neville didn’t mind. He knew they would progress to more intimate ways of expressing their love in time. All he needed was patience. “Remember what you promised me, Severus. Keep away from Prince Manor, no matter what happens.” That was the only thing he still worried about. During these last two weeks Severus had continued to hint at ways he could make Reginald suffer for the way he had insulted him.

“I gave you my word and I shall keep it,” Severus said, repeating the promise he had made earlier. “But it is hard.”

“Your safety comes first.” Neville had even asked Remus and Poppy to keep an eye on Severus, just to make sure that the older wizard wouldn’t go looking for revenge. “I love you,” he whispered into Severus’ ear. “And I will see you in four weeks.”

Severus nodded and then released Neville’s hand so the younger man could disapparate. I love you too, he thought the moment Neville vanished from view. More than you will ever know.

/

“What are you brewing, Severus?” Minerva cast a look at the cauldron’s content, but quickly stepped away from it. She had never excelled at potions and it had been decades since she had last brewed a potion herself.

Not for the first time did Severus wonder why everyone kept visiting him in his office. Back in the days when Albus had resided here there had hardly been any visitors! “I have been working on a potion to restore Frank and Alice Longbottom – in mind and body. I have made some progress during this last week.”

“A large number of people will benefit from such a potion should you succeed in brewing it. There are still about twenty victims of the Cruciatus curse alive and struggling, much like Neville’s parents.” Minerva sat down and studied Severus. At times, it was hard to reconcile some of her memories with the man sitting in front of her. At one time, she had hated him for hurting their students. Little had she known about the truth back then. “Why did you never confide in me?” she wondered all of a sudden.

“I beg your pardon?” Severus looked up in surprise. He had been going through some rosters and had no idea what Minerva meant by that.

“Back then, when Voldemort sent the Carrows to Hogwarts. Why did you never confide in me?”

“The Carrows were accomplished in Occlumency. They scanned the minds of students and staff alike. Had they caught you unaware you would have given my secret away.”

“Why did you never dispose of them, Severus? Why did you let them carry on?” She had never felt comfortable asking those questions –until now. He seemed so at ease that she had decided to broach the matter.

Severus rested his head against the chair and gazed at her. “Suppose I had disposed of them, what would have happened?”

Minerva considered his question. “I don’t know.”

“Voldemort would have questioned my loyalty. Either he would have removed me from Hogwarts or he would have send more Death Eaters. Allowing the Carrows to stay was the lesser of two evils.”

She had never considered that. “I am glad that Voldemort is gone. And that we can live in peace.”

Severus snorted. “There will be someone new in time… Power hungry and driven, wanting immortality. Tyrants fall, but new are born every day. There will be another Tom Riddle, but hopefully we will sort him out before he will gain a following.”

Minerva startled at his tone. “Do you really think we might face another threat like that?”

“Of course… Albus could have known that Riddle was trouble, had he paid more attention.”

Albus remained quiet, knowing Severus had made a valid point.

“That is why I monitor our students as closely as I can,” Severus admitted. “To make sure nothing like that happens on my watch.”

Minerva had never thought of it that way; but yes, being Headmaster came with many responsibilities. “Any news from Neville?” she inquired, eager to change their subject.

“Professor Boxwood allowed him to keep the pup. Neville seems to be growing increasingly fond of her. Each letter is full of new tricks she pulled on him.”

Minerva noticed the way his voice changed now that he spoke of the young man. She had been rather stunned to find out about them, but after having seen them interact, she had made her peace with it. They seemed well suited to each other. “Any chance of Neville coming to visit shortly?”

“His birthday marks the start of the summer holidays. He will join us for a week and then return to his studies. He is determined to finish them as quickly as possible. He seems set to take over teaching before Christmas and Pomona is agreeable to that.” Severus was looking forward to the time when Neville would move to Hogwarts. The younger wizard would take up teaching and move into his rooms. He had offered Neville private quarters, but the younger man had refused, making it very clear that he would move into his rooms instead. Severus hadn’t put up much of a fight as he had hoped Neville wanted to share quarters with him in the first place.

/

It was the twenty-eight of July and Severus was preparing for Neville’s birthday. The younger man would arrive in the evening, and Severus wanted to be done organising the surprise birthday party by then. He had invited Neville’s friends to attend and all had accepted the initiation. 

“You look rather smug,” Remus remarked as he sunk into the chair next to Severus. In the past, he had never realized how much he liked spending time in the Headmaster’s office. When Albus had occupied it, it had possessed a different feel to it. Somehow, Severus had made the office more inviting, although Remus hadn’t thought that possible. Albus had always been good-humoured, but for some reason Remus had often felt on his guard when dealing with the former Headmaster.

“Neville will join us in a few hours,” Severus replied happily. “I hope he will like his surprise.”

“I am sure he will,” Remus said reassuringly and fondly remembered the surprise party Neville and Harry had thrown Severus that first year. Remus knew Severus had never expected something like that, especially after they had also thrown him a Christmas party. But Severus deserved being pampered like that after all the wizard had gone through. As Remus was looking at his friend, he noticed the twinkle to the dark eyes. Albus’ eyes had once twinkled like that, but Severus’ black ones seldom did. “What puts you in such a good mood?”

“I finished the potion,” Severus announced. “With Vindictus’ help I managed to create a potion that takes away the long lasting effects of the Cruciatus curse. I feel confident that Alice and Frank Longbottom, along with other victims, will fully recover during the next few weeks.”

Remus’ eyes widened. “That would be…” It was beyond words. The healers at St. Mungo tried their best, but even they had had to admit defeat! “How sure are you that potion of yours works?”

“Very sure.” Severus lifted his left arm. “I took the potion three days ago and the tremors left yesterday morning. The pain’s gone too.”

“You tested it on yourself?” Remus cringed. “What if things had gone wrong?”

“Then I would have searched for an antidote, but I was fairly sure it would work.” Severus lifted his gaze to Vindictus’ portrait. “Thank you for that.”

Vindictus inclined his head. During the last few months, Severus and he had worked closely while creating the potion and the current Headmaster had gained his respect. “Those victims deserve to be helped,” he commented. “Had we failed to develop that potion, Voldemort would still have won in a way.”

“Still,” Remus commented. “It was rather foolish to try the potion on yourself.” He wasn’t sure what he would have done had he known of Severus’ intentions. Maybe he had tried to stop the other wizard.

“Testing is the only way to find out if something is effective or not.” Severus shrugged. “At least you can now hex me if you still want that.”

“No thanks! I shudder to think of the repercussions you would take!” Remus chuckled. “Does that mean you are healed?” 

“Yes.” Severus nodded calmly. “So watch your step; I might be up to my old tricks.”

Remus however very much doubted that, and he was about to say so when an owl appeared at the top window. Remus pointed out the visitor to Severus, who non-verbally opened the window with a spell. 

Severus recognized the owl at once. “Watch your fingers and eyes, Remus. That bird can’t be trusted.”

“Whose is it?” Severus seemed to know whom it belonged to.

“Reginald Prince,” Severus replied, spitting the words in disgust. “It tried to bite me the first time it delivered a letter.” Why would his dear grandfather contact him again? He had hoped he would never hear from the wizard again! Cautiously, he removed the letter and avoided getting bitten. “Be on your way,” he said in a venomous tone at which the bird scowled at him and then flew away. Severus unfolded the letter and started to read;

Mister Snape,

I hereby inform you that Reginald Tiberius Prince passed away on the twenty-seventh of July. As you are sole heir to the family’s estate and Prince fortune, I strongly advise you to contact me as quickly as possible.

Sincerely,

William Charles Grenville

Severus flung the letter onto his desk. The patriarch had probably known he would die shortly when he had summoned him to Prince Manor. That was why he had wanted to find out what kind of man his grandson was. Severus however wanted nothing to do with it. 

“Severus? What happened?” Remus wondered about the play of emotions on his friend’s face, which ranged from surprise, anger, to pure hatred. He got to his feet and made his way over to Severus. The other man didn’t speak, so Remus prodded. “What happened?”

Severus picked up the letter and quickly pushed it into Remus’ hands, wanting to let go of it as if the parchment had burned him. “Read it for yourself.”

Remus did and then stared at Severus in surprise. “He’s dead?”

“Apparently… Fortunately,” he added after a moment’s thought. “Reading that should reassure Neville, as he still worries that I plan on extracting some measure of revenge on my charming grandfather!”

“What are you going to do? What I am saying is, your grandfather’s vault at Gringotts must be bursting, considering you belong to one of the wealthiest families out there!”

“I don’t want his money… Neither do I want his estate. Prince Manor makes my skin crawl and I have no intention of ever setting foot in it again.” He would donate the money to some worthy cause – Neville could help him decide on one. “As far as I am concerned it is blood money. He disowned my mother – he never recognized me to begin with!”

It made sense, Remus supposed. He wasn’t sure he should offer his condolences, considering Severus didn’t grieve at all. Maybe it was best to keep quiet.

/

Severus impatiently paced along Hogwarts’ gates. He wasn’t sure if he was early or Neville late as he had forgotten what time the young man would arrive at. The delay did give him a moment to think everything over though. He still didn’t want anything to do with the inheritance and was determined to put the money to good use. He had been relieved that no invitation to attend the funeral had arrived, so that meant he would be spared declining attending it. A crack in the air alerted him that someone had apparated. That someone could be only one person – Neville. 

“Severus!” Neville placed Lady Grey onto the ground and started toward the gates, which instantly opened. 

Severus smiled as the pup, who no longer looked that tiny, reached him. She jumped, barked, and then started to run in circles. The next moment, Neville jumped him, and Severus managed to catch the young man only just in time. Soft lips descended onto his, claimed them possessively, and robbed him of his breath – the thief. “You are happy to see me!”

“Well, it has been months since I last kissed you,” Neville sighed and smiled at his lover. How he had missed Severus! “But I am yours for the next week!” He could have stayed three, but wanted to return to his studies so he could take his exams before Christmas, as he really wanted to permanently move to Hogwarts before the next winter. ”Did you miss me too?”

“That is definitely a stupid question!” Severus lost himself as he stared into Neville’s glittering eyes and leaned in closer for another kiss. He still felt shy around Neville at times, but not where kissing was concerned. During the kiss, he disapparated and took them to his office. 

Neville looked about and realized he had come home. This was his home; this was where his heart longed to be. He kept his arms wrapped around his lover and studied Severus. “You look well,” he said pleased. “You look rested.”

Severus chuckled. “I look healthy,” he teased, looking forward to telling Neville the good news.

Neville narrowed his eyes; knowing there was a reason why Severus had phrased it in that way. “Explain yourself.”

Severus didn’t use words. Instead, he twined their fingers and lifted his left arm. “Do you notice anything?”

Yes, he did – the tremors were gone. “The massage really works then.”

“Not just the massage.” Severus wrapped his other arm around Neville’s waist and slowly turned his lover around. “What do you see?”

Neville frowned upon finding the cauldron empty and thoroughly cleaned. During the last year, Severus had used it to brew the potion that would restore his parents and now… It took him a moment to make the connection, but when he did, he turned around and gave Severus an inquisitive look. His lover flexed his fingers against his, and Neville’s frown deepened. “Are you seriously telling me that…?” He was scared to finish his question. For what if Severus had given up instead of finding the solution?

“I succeeded in creating the potion,” Severus whispered and brushed his lips against Neville’s brow. “Consider it my birthday present to you.”

Overcome, and overwhelmed, Neville thrust himself at Severus and pressed close against his lover. He had hoped – had prayed – had allowed himself to dream that this day would come, but in his heart he had been too afraid to actually believe in it. “And it works?” He needed to hear Severus confirm it.

“It works… I drank it three days ago and the tremors vanished within twenty-four hours. I actually feel the change.” He smiled, placed a finger beneath Neville’s chin, and raised it. Looking into his lover’s eyes, he whispered, “I already flooed two vials to St. Mungo’s. Your parents drank them yesterday and I expect them to wake up from their vegetative state tonight. The healers at St. Mungo’s are expecting us to join them. I take it you want to be there when they wake up?”

Neville nodded repeatedly; yes, he did – desperately. “Thank you for never giving up, Severus.”

“I am sorry it took me so long to create that potion.” Hadn’t it been for Voldemort, the war, the Carrows, and the aftermath, he might have succeeded in brewing it sooner.

“When will we leave?” All Neville could think about was finally being able to talk to his parents. To have them look at him and *know* they were coherent. He would finally learn what their voices sounded like! He wanted to tell him them how much he loved them and how badly he had missed them!

“In a minute.” Severus brushed some stray hair back behind Neville’s ear. “Though I expect it will be much to ask for to make you calm down first.”

Neville cringed; there was no way he would be able to calm down. “Please, Severus.”

Severus nodded at once as he didn’t want Neville having to beg for anything. “As you wish.”

/

Neville trembled as he approached his parents. Contrary to former visits, they weren’t confined to bed and sat on comfortable armchairs near the fireplace in their sick room. Both looked too small, too weak, too thin, but when Neville took another step toward them, he thought he saw a hint of awareness in his father’s eyes. “Severus…” He looked at Severus and wondered why his lover kept his distance.

“I don’t know how much they remember concerning my involvement in the first war. It is better to startle them.” So Severus kept back and made sure he wasn’t in their view. He thought it best if the first thing that Alice and Frank saw was their son. He didn’t want to take that moment away from them. 

Neville understood, but would prefer Severus to be at side. Still, he moved closer and sat on his heels in front of his father, who actually seemed to be staring at him. Neville desperately hoped he wasn’t deluding himself. He wasn’t sure he would be able to deal with the disappointment if the potion wouldn’t work after all. “Dad?” he said and swallowed hard, placing his hand on his father’s left arm. The limb twitched, but it wasn’t the twitching Neville had become used to. It wasn’t the first sign of another assault. The twitch had happened because Frank actually registered his presence.

“Mum?” Neville felt torn; whom should he look to first? Whom to talk to? Neville reached out for his mother’s hand and wrapped his fingers around hers, connecting the three of them in that way.

Severus watched from the back, hoping and praying that Frank and Alice were still of sound mind. They had been gone from the world for a long time.

Neville held his breath upon seeing his father turn his head toward him. His father had never noticed him before and now Frank Longbottom was looking at him! Neville was certain his father knew he was here! “It’s me,” Neville said. “It’s Neville – your son. Dad, can you hear me?” Neville was surprised when his mother suddenly shifted on her chair and cocked her head at him. “Mum? I am here… Can you hear me?” Neville couldn’t stop the tears from falling. He saw awareness in their eyes. They were actually aware of his presence! “Mum? Dad?” 

“Ne…ville?” 

Neville found it hard to breathe upon hearing his mother’s voice. She seemed to have recognized him – knew he was here with her! “Yes, it’s me… Mum, can you see me? Do you know…” His voice failed him in the end. All he could do was stare was at her when she started to smile. “Mum?”

“Son…” 

Neville jerked to the right and stared at his father who had unexpectedly uttered that word. “Dad!” Unable to keep back any longer, he moved forward and pulled him into an awkward embrace. “I was afraid I would never get a chance to talk to you!” 

Frank Longbottom blinked and felt like he had just woken from a very long and disturbing dream. The young man kneeling in front of him looked awfully familiar – those facial features – he saw Alice’s eyes in that face. “Neville?” 

“Dad!” Neville’s tears dripped from his face. He had never been happier before. 

Frank looked to the side and saw his wife, Alice, blinking her eyes, much like he was. She looked as drowsy as he felt, but when they made eye contact, Frank felt relieved. Alice was fine – as fine as she could be after being asleep for so long. 

Neville moved closer still until he had a tight hold on both of them. He couldn’t believe they were awake – that the curse had been lifted. He looked at Severus from over his shoulder and mouthed ‘thank you’.

Severus nodded and patiently observed the family reunion. It would take Frank and Alice time to fully recover from the ordeal they had been through, but with some tender loving care, they should bounce back. He had already despatched several more potions to other healing facilities and knew more victims of the Cruciatus curse were waking up. He felt grateful that he had been able to undo some of the terrible damage Bellatrix and Voldemort had done. In the end, he realized, Voldemort’s evil had been eradicated and the light had won one more time.

The end!!


End file.
